I’m Over All That
Authors: Shirley MacLaine
I’m Over All That
A
LSO BY
S
HIRLEY
M
ACLAINE
You Can Get There from Here
Don’t Fall Off the Mountain
Dancing in the Light
Out on a Limb
It’s All in the Playing
Going Within
Dance While You Can
My Lucky Stars
The Camino
Out on a Leash
Sage-ing While Age-ing
ATRIA
BOOKS
A Division of Simon & Schuster, Inc.
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Copyright © 2011 by Shirley MacLaine
All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever. For information address Atria Books Subsidiary Rights Department, 1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, New York 10020
First Atria Books hardcover edition April 2011
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Designed by Joseph Rutt/Level C
Manufactured in the United States of America
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
MacLaine, Shirley, 1934–
I’m over all that: and other confessions / Shirley MacLaine.
p. cm.
1. MacLaine, Shirley, 1934– 2. Entertainers—United States—Biography. 3. Spiritualists—United States—Biography. I. Title.
PN
2287.M
18A
3 2011
791.
43'
028'
092—dc
22
[B] 2011000705
ISBN 978-
1-
4516-
0729-
1
ISBN 978-
1-
4516-
0731-
4
(ebook)
For Peter
Chapter 2: I’m Not Over My Need to Know
Chapter 3: I’m Over Being Concerned About What I Shouldn’t Do
Chapter 4: I’ll Never Get Over Trying to Understand Men and Women (Especially on a Movie Set)
Chapter 5: I’m Not Over My Wall of Life. I’m Under It.
Chapter 6: I Am Over Fear Taught in the Name of Religion
Chapter 8: I’ll Never Get Over Trying to Understand the Russian Soul
Chapter 9: I Am (Almost) Over Watching the News
Chapter 10: I Am Over Politics. It’s Jazz. And I’m Over All That Jazz.
Chapter 11: I Am Over Young People Who Are Rude
Chapter 12: I Will Never Get Over Africa
Chapter 13: I’m Over Feeling I Need My Family Around Me at Thanksgiving and Christmas
Chapter 14: I’m Not Over Making Money
Chapter 15: I’m Over People Who Don’t Know That We Are All Performing All the Time
Chapter 16: I’m Not Over Vanity, But I’m Trying
Chapter 17: I Will Never Get Over Good Lighting
Chapter 18: I’m Over Antibiotics Unless I’m Dying
Chapter 19: As a Sometime Asthmatic, I Am Over Deep Breathing
Chapter 20: I Am Over Being Polite to Boring People
Chapter 21: I’m Over Trusting the FDA
Chapter 22: Ageing in Hollywood?! Get Over It
Chapter 23: I’m Over Being Under a Big Corporate Conglomerate’s Control
Chapter 24: I Am Over Driving at Night Unless It’s a Really Short Trip
Chapter 25: Get Over Thinking You’re Just One Person
Chapter 26: I Am Over the Gallows of Fame
Chapter 27: I Am Not Over Good Journalists
Chapter 28: I’m Not Over Exercise
Chapter 29: Never Get Over Trust
Chapter 30: I’m Trying to Get Over Anger
Chapter 31: I Will Never Get Over the Thrill of Live Performing
Chapter 32: I Am Trying to Get Over the Feeling That the World Is Falling Apart
Chapter 33: I’m Not Over Having My Hair Colored
Chapter 34: Sex and I Got Over Each Other
Chapter 35: I’m Over Being Polite to People with Closed Minds
Chapter 36: I’m Over Conservatives and Liberals
Chapter 37: I Am Over Getting Over Family
Chapter 38: I Am Over Going to Funerals
Chapter 39: I Can’t Remember if I’m Over Memory Loss
Chapter 40: Never Get Over a Dog— Get Another One
Chapter 41: I Wonder If I Will Be Over the Drama of 2012
Chapter 42: I Am Not Over Good Vibrations
Chapter 43: I Am Not Over Caring About Time
Chapter 44: Will We Ever Get Over the Akashic Records?
Chapter 45: I Can’t Get Over My Frustration at Not Being Able to Open Anything I Buy
Chapter 46: I Don’t Want to Get Over the World Leaders I Have Met
Chapter 47: Leaders I Will Never Get Over (Personally)
Chapter 48: Does Anyone Get Over Sex and Power?
Chapter 49: I Am Not Over the Founding Fathers
Chapter 50: It’s Not Over Yet . . .
A
ll life, even the cruelest drama and most absurd comedy, is a form of show business, a kind of performance, and I have been lucky enough to have created the moving picture show of my own life. I have starred in it, produced it, written it, directed it—even financed and distributed it. What’s even better is that I get to rerun it now and then, to see things I might have missed back then. In this third act of my life, much has become clearer. So much is over, and I am over so much.
I have learned to ease up on worry, scheming for films or roles, planning for better surroundings, and feeling anger at all our leaders who operate politically rather than humanely. Yes, I am over all that. I’m over listening to advertisements, the latest fashions (I never was much for that), events I should attend in order to be seen, red carpet madness. I’m getting more and more free from the expectations of the external world. In fact, the one worry I can’t seem to give up and get over is a lingering fear that being a reclusive, happy, older woman may not be entirely healthy. But who says so? I’m not interested in parties, new outfits (only comfortable ones),
being socially acceptable, and whether I’ll be on anyone’s so-called A-list. My goodness, what a way to live!
I’m
not
over going to the movies, seeing live theater, hearing symphonies, eating a good dinner (I’m learning to dine out alone), attending a worthy charity event (for half an hour), visiting a sick friend, or taking treats and toys to the animal shelter.
I am over what other people think (I got over that a long time ago), and trying to persuade them to come around to my point of view about anything.
One thing will always be a constant with me. I have a guiding sense of curiosity. I will never get over asking
Why
.
This questioning has been with me all my life. It is my sustenance, my inspiration, my joy, and my intellectual food and color. I will never be over my search for the Big Truths. And I’m not the only one. Most people I’ve met around the world believe we are not alone in the universe but will not talk about this openly because they’re terrified of being humiliated publicly for their beliefs. Some scientists, academics, and movers and shakers I’ve met were even reluctant to discuss it privately because of how they might be perceived. (Just another reason I revere the brilliant and fearless Stephen Hawking!)
Everywhere I’ve traveled in the world I’ve found that people are looking for something to fill the loneliness inside them; they are after what I think of as “The Big Truth.” It doesn’t matter how wealthy or well situated they are; after surface talking, joking, eating, Hollywood gossip, and cultural politeness, the conversation always turns to why are we here, what
is the point of life, is God real, are we alone in the universe? That’s because, like me, most people have realized that money isn’t the answer to their emptiness. In fact, it sometimes contributes to it because the management of money (or the fear of not having enough) distracts them from any real examination of what is really bothering them.
So I’ve concluded that for us to get to the Bigger Truths, there is much for us to get over. I’ve had a good time exploring what I’ve finally gotten over and what I will never get over . . . from the ridiculous to the Big Sublime.
I’m glad I am in the third act of my life. I have loved my ride and am now appreciating relinquishing the reins and looking back. Sometimes I feel an unbearable ecstasy of loneliness for some of my past, wishing now that I had been so much more present then. Sometimes I feel it all happened to someone else, and I long to get the “me” of it all back. How could I have done so much, been so many places, known so many people—and now it is all past, gone, memories of colorful stories like little movies attached to the celluloid of my brain tissue. Every now and then the little movies turn themselves on, wanting to be rerun. What didn’t I see then? What deeper meaning did I miss? Where are those actors and actresses and politicians from my past now? They are still with me, in all the things they taught me, the memories of the times we shared. Fascinating and talented people, mind-expanding conversations, and curiosity about the future—those are things I will
never
get over.