I'm Your Bully (Bully Book Series 1) (5 page)

It was cooling down and a breeze made her blond hair blow gently against her face.  He wanted to touch her so bad. Lately it’s all he thought about.  He wanted to let that little curl at the end of her hair wrap itself around his finger instead of across her mouth.  Jax grabbed Emma’s hand and started walking quickly, practically dragging her behind him; she skipped a few steps to catch up. 

He took a big breath, "You weren't a person to me before.  You were some nobody that didn't even register to me.”  He sighed and squeezed her hand.  "I wasn't a nice kid
, I had to keep everyone entertained all the time, I had all this pressure from my family to get into college, to be the popular kid, I did it at your expense.  Emma, I didn’t care.  I didn't care about you or how you felt.  I was a selfish evil prick and I’m still one because I want you to forgive me.  I want you to forget the past.  I want that and that makes me selfish because you want me to leave you alone." He stopped walking and dropped her hand, "I even force you to hold my hand."  The look on his face was contrite and a bit sick. 

Emma walked a small distance while he stood still behind her letting her walk away again.  She seemed to think about it for a second and then said, "Well, come on, you’re walking me home right?”  Emma held her hand out and Jax grasped it like a life line.  She seemed nervous about it like she’d never held hands with a guy before.  Jax squeezed her small hand in his a little trying to convey some sort of comfort.  In that moment Jax knew Emma was a better person than he was.  Emma had a big heart if she could trust him just this little bit. Right then and there Jax promised silently he wouldn’t make her regret it.

"If you had been talking to one of those young hot tattooed studs I would have punched his lights out."  He tried to make it a joke and she rolled her eyes at him obviously not taking him seriously. 

Laughing she said, "How do you know I don't like older men?"  Now she was the one dragging him behind her. 

He quickly caught up to her and whispered smugly in her ear, "I'm older than you by six months."

+

"
Someone said they saw you shadowing Uggie Emma last night." Paul was sitting in Jax's backyard drinking a beer.  Jax’s parents were pretty relaxed when it came to letting him drink at their house, but they would have given him a serious talking to if they knew of the parties he held when they were out of town.  The apartment complex he lived in wouldn’t put up with a bunch of rowdy kids partying. Jax and Paul had spent the afternoon talking about who they would invite to the next party in a few weeks.   

"If you haven't noticed Emma isn't so ugly anymore."  Now that Jax thought about it maybe Emma hadn't been the ugly one at all. He frowned into his beer, and thought
Man, what the hell was up with him? What was with all this self introspection?
  He was popular, he was cool, he was hot, and he was perfect.  Why in the fuck did Emma, who was so far from perfect it was
funny,
make him feel like he needed to talk to a shrink. Or maybe Doctor Phil or some shit, and cry on the TV how he’d had a wet dream about Uggie Emma.  Then the next day defend her honor like some sort of knight in shining armor.  God she would eat this up if she knew. 

Paul snorted, "Fuck, man, you’re not that hard up." 

"Just drop it, Paul."  Jax's voice was deadly serious, he was getting pissed off. 

"Fine.  Geez, think you were all in love or some shit." 

"Just leave it alone, she has it hard as it is."

"You mean hard up," Paul laughed and Jax lost it.

He jumped up quickly, towering over Paul, took his beer from his hand and almost punched him in the mouth.  Instead, he sat back down slumping low in his lawn chair and snarled, "Shut your fucking face or I will tell everyone how you fucked Pimple Butt Pam and how she said you were a lousy lay." 

"Holy shit, Bro, fine.  I'll lay off but don't expect the rest of your friends to understand.  I don't even know who you are since we discovered Emma's tits." 

Jax pulled Paul up from his chair and escorted him to his car, shoving him inside. After a moment of hanging in the door he said, "Don't you ever get tired of having to be on all the time?  Don't you just want to relax and be yourself?" 

"I thought I was when I was hanging out with you?” Paul said sourly. Jax slammed the car door, and walked back to the house. 

+

Emma got used to Jax walking her home. They didn’t speak of his reasons why, but each night she would start her walk home and suddenly he would be at her side. Sometimes they talked, but usually it was just a companionable silence that was woven between them. 

Still not used to Jax acting like a normal caring human being, Emma was suspicious.  She never actively sought Jax out, but she was starting to relax around him.  Every time Emma thought the joke would be on her, it never was.  It was getting easier and easier to be around him and harder and harder not to look for him each time she left for work, or to feel a little spurt of excitement when it was time to go home.  Emma had never enjoyed going home before, because of Jax that was changing.

Even though Jax never hung around after walking her home, she was starting to feel like they were friends.  At first Emma thought he was maybe interested in her but since the day at the tattoo shop he’d been nothing but friendly.

Walking next to Jax as they slowly strolled down the street a few weeks later, Emma kept looking at Jax out of the corner of her eye.  He was so good looking it made her stomach hurt.  Hurt because Emma had learned a long time ago not to trust people who were good looking.  Jax had taught her that lesson, the one where she’d never measure up.  She was trying to be his friend even though Emma just couldn’t figure out Jax’s game. 

Still watching Jax and not paying attention to the sidewalk, Emma’s shoe caught on a piece of uneven pavement that sent her careening forward, a strong hand caught her arm and pulled her up toward Jax’s side. 

Emma inwardly groaned at her clumsy attempt to covertly watch him.  Jax kept walking but he had removed his hand from her arm to around her shoulders and kept her close to his side.  Emma could smell the light cologne he wore.  He smelled so good she just wanted to bury her nose in Jax’s shirt.  Instead Emma tried to get her composure back by distancing herself from his body.  Jax allowed it only so far before tugging her right back to his side again. 

“Jax,” Emma said as she tried to pull away again.  As if he hadn’t heard her Jax kept walking not giving an inch between them.  When Emma made a sound like a long suffering sigh he just smiled wide.  Seeing that smile Emma said, “You are so annoying sometimes.  You never let me win.  If you would just give me my glasses back maybe I wouldn’t have tripped.”

Jax slowly pulled her to a stop a couple blocks from Emma’s house.  Grabbing her hand, Jax tugged Emma into a dark yard away from street lights.  Backing her into the darkness, she could feel the heat of his touch and hear the night crickets singing.  When he stopped Jax wasn’t touching her anymore.  Surrounded by tall hedges on two sides Emma had nowhere to go. 

She jumped when Jax whispered in her ear, “What’s wrong with me catching you when you fall?”  A single finger stroked the side of her face and Emma could swear she felt his breath on her cheek.  Worry began to beat at Emma.  What if he tried to kiss her?  She’d never kissed a boy before.  Jax had kissed half the population at her school, how could she compare.  Instead of feeling excitement, anxiety surged. 

             
Jax must have been able to see her face because he instantly asked, “Why do you look like you’re going to bolt?”   Great, now he sounded irritated, Emma thought. 

              “I’m just…” Emma broke off because the loud thump of a car stereo system boomed as it drove by.  A sound she was familiar with when Paul visited Jax.  Shoving Jax in the chest, Emma swiftly walked out of the hedges to see Paul driving his car by.  Anger started burning in Emma.  So that was it.  Jax didn’t want to be seen with her in front of his friends. 

              Whirling on Jax, Emma went on the attack.  “Did you see Paul’s car coming?  Is that why you dragged me into the hedges?  So he didn’t see you hanging on me?”  Emma was so mad she almost couldn’t hear Jax respond.  All she wanted to do was scream in his face that she didn’t want to play this game anymore. 

              “Hey, wait one damn minute.  I am not trying to hide you from my stupid friends.”  Emma didn’t have to guess if Jax was pissed off, his jaw was rigid and he was talking through gritted teeth.

             
“So what… It’s just coincidence that you pulled me off the street just as your best friend who tortured me in high school just like you used to drives by?” 

             
“It’s not like that, Emma.”  Emma watched as Jax’s fists tightened.  “I wish I could say that I don’t deserve your doubt but Emma I swear to you that I had no idea he was coming down the road.  I only pulled you off the street because we are so close to your house.  I wanted to spend more time with you before you ran away from me to the sanctuary of your home.”  The way Jax was speaking to her didn’t match his words. He was pissed off and couldn’t hide it.  He was practically sneering.

              “Sanctuary… You think my home is a sanctuary?  You don’t know anything about me or my home.”  Emma was shaking, worse, she knew that she was unreasonably mad and embarrassed because of her outburst but the pain she was feeling was lancing through her.  She didn’t believe him. “My home has never been a sanctuary.” Anger moved Emma’s feet past Jax.  When she tried to keep walking away from him Emma heard Jax mutter, “Fuck this,” before he grabbed her by the arm, spinning her around toward him. 

+

Jax wasn’t expecting the reaction he got when he spun Emma toward him.  He dropped his hand immediately.  Emma went from being red faced mad at him to practically cradling her head with both arms.  Emma wasn’t listening to him anymore.  She was making these little sounds that struck Jax straight in the heart.  Emma was terrified...  Of him.

“Oh god, Em, I’m so sorry.  I didn’t mean to scare you.”  Jax kept talking to Emma in a low even voice.  He wasn’t sure Emma could hear him anymore but that didn’t matter.  He had to do something.  For the first time in his life Jax felt a kind of terror at losing something he’d come to care about.  He cared about Emma. Their friendship. He never wanted her to fear him.  Ever. 

             
“Em, please it’s ok baby.  You know I’m a prick and I’m pushy but I’d never hit you.”  Emma was locked inside herself, far away from him.  She wouldn’t drop her arms.   

Huddling close to Emma’s fragile frame, Jax bent at the knees and placed a gentle kiss on each of Emma’s folded arms.  He kept talking quietly to her, telling her it was ok.  That he would never hurt her. 

Lowering himself to the sidewalk, Jax got on his knees.  Anyone driving by would have thought he looked like a man professing his love.  Jax didn’t care what anyone thought.  All his attention was on the girl in front of him.

Feeling the sidewalk under his knees grinding into him, Jax gently grasped Emma’s hips in his hands, and slowly tugged her closer to him.  At first she wouldn’t budge but slowly she moved closer to him step by step. 

“Em, look at me.”  The gentleness in his voice must have gotten through to Emma because she dropped her hands and stared into his face. 

“I’m so sorry.”  Emma said quietly.  Those big blue eyes were so sad and tragic.  Emma quickly dropped her gaze away from his face as though she was ashamed of her actions. 

“Em, you have nothing to be sorry for.  It was my mistake.  I know you don’t trust me yet.  You don’t have any reason to, but I need you to look at me.”  Jax waited until he felt the weight of that gaze on him before he continued.  “I’m on my knees in the middle of the street in front of you.  I wasn’t hiding from Paul.”  He squeezed his fingers on her hips a little trying to get through to her.  “I will never ever hurt you like that Emma.  I will never treat you unkind like I did in the past.  If it takes me years for you to believe me then that’s just what I’ll do.”