Imagine That (28 page)

There comes a time when a person has to realize banging one's head against the wall only results in a giant headache. Emily had the throbbing head and queasy stomach to prove it.

So, she'd decided to take Nate's advice and stop. Stop begging forgiveness. Stop hoping. Stop humiliating herself. She needed to get out while she still had a tiny piece of her heart left, not to mention her self-respect. Emily had allowed one man to steal part of her soul. Never again.

Besides, she'd been bursting into tears over the most inconsequential things, like babies in strollers and squirrels digging for food. Before she knew it, she'd be locking herself in a dark room watching old Hallmark commercials and sobbing into her pillow so no one would hear and have her carted away.

Never had she imagined leaving would be so hard, though. Julia was right. Covington Falls had a kind of magical quality that seeped into your blood and wouldn't let go. Who would have ever thought the impulsive move to take a bakery job would wind up changing her life?

Emily started the process by telling Grace her garage apartment would soon be vacant to shelter her next sad sack guest.

Grace stared at the key. “You're leaving?”

Emily battled down a heavy dose of guilt at the disappointment in Grace's eyes. “It's time for me to move on,” she said, fixing her gaze on the older woman's shoulder in order to avoid direct eye contact. “I already gave my notice to the library, which was good timing, as the regular driver is ready to resume her duties.”

“Are you leaving because of what happened with Nate?” Grace asked.

“It's because of a lot of things. There's no real reason to stay, is there? I've always known I don't belong here. I hoped… well… it doesn't matter what I hoped. As numerous people have told me, I've been living in a fantasy world, and it's time to get back to reality. My imagination is starting to resurface. I have a life to recapture and stories to write.”

Emily made the mistake of looking. Compassion. Gentleness. Understanding. And yes a little touch of disappointment.

“But you love Nate,” Grace said. “I can hear it in your voice when you talk about him.”

“My voice will have to get over it. So will the rest of me.”

“I know he hurt you. You've both been through a terrible tragedy. Maybe if you give it time—”

“I don't think time will fix our problems,” Emily said, shaking her head. “He's stuck in the web of betrayal spun by his father, and he can't get out of it.
I
can't get him out.”

“Have you prayed about it?”

“What good will praying do?” Emily said, exasperation giving an extra bite to her words. “I'm sorry. I know you believe in God and His power, but I'm still not sure. I don't know how to trust
anything
right now.”

Grace reached out. “Then let me pray with you. I know He'll give you the answers you seek, if you're willing to listen.”

“A sign would be good.”

“Then I'll pray for a sign. God has wonderful plans in store for you, Emily, and I don't think you've even begun to see them come to fruition.”

****

Emily found the decision to leave was easier than telling everyone her plans. Each rendition tore a hole in her gut. She dropped by the bakery to say goodbye to Jessie, only to receive a lecture about how Jessie had thought better of her.

Then Aurora.

“You cannot go,” the elderly woman said as soon as the words left Emily's lips. “I forbid it.”

“I just quit. You can't forbid me to do anything.”

Aurora's cane
thwa
p
ped
on the floor, louder than ever. “You're running away. Didn't we have this discussion already?”

Emily flinched. She sure wouldn't miss the cane. “I tried Aurora, and I ended up making things worse. Nate won't talk to me. Won't see me. Won't forgive me. I'm worn out, and I don't have any fight left.”

“So, you're going to let Nate chase you off? Let some man dictate your life?” Aurora asked with a derisive sniff. “I thought you modern girls were stronger than that.”

Emily had to laugh. “Manipulating me to the end, I see. My situation isn't about women's lib, Aurora. It's about my happiness.”

“Ah!” Aurora pointed the cane like a sword, and Emily resisted the urge to cover her face. “But you've been happy here. Happier than you've ever been anywhere else, I dare say.”

Emily eyed the cane, wondering if Aurora was going to take the self-made weapon to her head. “I'm capable of being happy any place I happen to be.”

“You were nothing but a ghost when you arrived at my door. Pale and sickly.”

“Sickly,” Emily said in shock. “I've never been sickly a day in my life. I admit I was sad over certain circumstances, but I hope you'll acquit me of falling into decline over them. In any case, I'm better now. I'm getting ideas for a new book.”

“What ideas?”

Emily opened her mouth, ready to burst out with a killer premise. She snapped it shut again, rather than tell a boldface lie. “Okay, I'm only getting snippets, but it's more than I had before. I had one right outside your house the other day. Don't be surprised if you see a bit of yourself in my next villain.”

Aurora's lips twitched with a hint of a smile as she lowered her cane to the floor. “As the woman who boils little children in a black cauldron for lunch, no doubt.”

“Think scales and fire breathing.”

“A dragon?” Aurora
hmphd
,
but there was no heat in the sound. “You picture me pillaging small villages if they don't hand over their firstborn?”

“I don't think you're a dragon at all,” Emily said, taking Aurora's hand. “Just a woman who has endured a horrible tragedy that would make anyone cranky.”

Aurora flipped her palm over so she could hold on. “You don't have to go. Stay. Please.”

The unexpected plea emerged like a dart in the quiet of the room. Emily had never pictured the word spilling from Aurora's mouth.

“You can't leave me now,” Aurora said, voice quivering.

To keep from dropping to her knees and sobbing into Aurora's lap, Emily chuckled. “Why, Ms. Johnston, if I didn't know better, I'd think you were going to miss me.”

“Miss you? Don't be silly.”

Since there were tears in the old woman's eyes, Emily ignored the words.

“Who else would put up with me?” Aurora asked.

“I think you could win a whole town full of friends if you wanted to. You locked yourself up in here of your own accord. You've got the key to let yourself out again. I hope you do. There's a big world out there, and you should see some of it before you're incapable of getting around.”

“Polly will get impossibly fat again.”

“So hire one of the neighbor kids to walk her.”

Aurora chuckled. “An answer for everything.”

“If I had all the answers, I probably wouldn't be leaving.”

“Your Nate is a fool.”

“He's not my Nate, but yes, he is. He's got reasons for his foolishness, though. I'm just not going to be that woman who thinks she can fix a man or make him into someone he's not. That's a lesson we modern girls have to learn the hard way.”

Emily tried to pull away, but Aurora tightened her grip. “Thank you,” she whispered.

Emily had to lean forward. “For what?”

“For showing me how to live again,” Aurora said. “For coming back, even after I sent you away.”

“Like you said, I'm obstinate.”

“No, I think you were brought here for a purpose. You saved what's left of my life.”

“Maybe you saved mine, too.” Emily lowered her head next to Aurora's ear. “And don't worry. I won't ever tell anyone you're a sweet old lady.”

She gazed at Emily, all remote haughtiness vanished. “I like to think my Madalynn would have been just like you.”

“Aurora, I made a vow to stop crying.” Emily half laughed, half sobbed. “You're ruining everything.”

“I'm not sorry,” Aurora said, not bothering hide her tears anymore.

Emily smiled. “Neither am I.”

“I wish you'd change your mind.”

“I think it would take something of a divine nature to do that.”

“You never know.”

“Don't.” Emily stood up. “I have to go finish packing.”

She made it to the doorway before Aurora called out. “What kind of divine action do you need?”

Emily glanced over her shoulder. “Aurora—” she said in exasperation. The woman wouldn't give up.

“Just so I know what to pray for.”

“Goodbye, Aurora.”

Speaking of confrontations, Emily should have expected Julia to show up at the apartment.

“So, you are packing,” she said from the doorway.

“As you can see.” Emily dropped the last of her clothes in her suitcase. “I suppose you've come to talk me out of it.”

“If I thought it would help, I'd give a brilliant speech. Unfortunately, I think Nate is the only one who can change your mind, and I don't see
him
here.”

Emily placed the last T-shirt into her suitcase. Finished. “He probably doesn't even know.”

“You haven't told him?”

“What's the point?” Emily asked, closing the top and snapping the locks in place.

Julia rolled her eyes. “Oh, I don't know. What could be the point of telling the man who loves you that you're leaving?”

“If Nate ever loved me, he doesn't now,” she said, heading for the bathroom.

Julia followed. “If he didn't love you, he wouldn't be so hurt, and he wouldn't be acting like such a stubborn mule.”

“Pretty twisted logic.” She spilled the contents of the makeup drawer into her open toiletry bag. “Anyway, the flip side of love is hate, and right now, Nate hates me.”

“He couldn't possibly hate you.”

Emily opened the medicine cabinet. “Of course he could.”

Julia slammed the mirrored door shut. “Will you please stop packing for a minute?”

“I can't stop,” Emily said, hating the trembling in her voice. Blubbering and crying seemed to be her only two emotional gauges right now. “If I do, I'll fall apart. Or I'll keep running over to Nate's house. I'm not about to stand there for him to slam the door shut in my face again and again.”

“Maybe you should go over there,” Julia said. “Maybe he deserves one more chance. I know
you
do.”

“What's the point?” Emily asked, pain slicing into her like a thousand needles.

“The point is nothing worth having is ever easy. You think it was easy for me to let Seth into my heart? My parents have eight marriages between the two of them. I was pretty much abandoned by both of them when I was a teenager. My father cheated on Grace, and the woman got pregnant. He left because she threatened to expose the affair.”

Emily blinked in astonishment. “Wow. Seriously?”

“Deadly. I only found out when I came back. I never knew the real reason why my dad left Grace. When I found out, I decided to run away, too.”

“I'm not running—”

“Don't try to con a con,” Julia said. “I ran because I was sure no one could ever get past what my father did. Not Grace, not Seth, and not the people in his church. I would have left too, if not for Grace.”

“What did she do?”

“She called Seth and told him to find me before it was too late. And he did.”

“Nice story, but you hadn't done anything to hurt Seth personally. Not like I did.”

Julia tossed her hair. “Hurt is hurt. Doesn't matter who's responsible for dishing it out.”

“I snuck Nate's father in to see Rachel. I invited him to the funeral. I even took Zach to see Dale.”

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why did you do all those things?”

“Because people kept asking me to,” Emily cried. “I didn't set out to become a peace negotiator in the ongoing war between the Coopers.”

“No, you helped because you knew it was the right thing to do. You weren't trying to hurt Nate. You were helping Rachel die in peace. You were trying to help Nate find his own peace, just as you were for Zach. Nate needs to know that. You've got to tell him.”

“He won't talk to me,” Emily said through gritted teeth. How many times did she have to explain? Did they want her blood?

“Then make him,” Julia demanded. “Give Nate one more chance, and if he doesn't respond, then you know. You can leave, and I won't blame you one bit.”

“I don't think I can,” Emily said, closing her eyes in an attempt to shut out any more friendly advice.

“Of course you can.”

Emily leaned against the sink and dropped her face in her hands. “Fine, fine. I'll go get stomped on one more time.”

****

A car door slammed and Nate stopped to peek outside. Emily was wearing the rainbow shorts again. No doubt the choice was deliberate. He let her ring the bell four times. Not to be mean, but because it took that long before he could be sure he wouldn't kiss her the minute he opened the door.

Nate had been in counseling with Seth to get a handle on his anger issues, but the sight of Emily could still make his blood boil. In more ways than one. His continued attraction only made his temper flare brighter.

“What do you want?” Nate asked, when he finally worked up the courage to answer.

Emily stuck her foot in the door, as if to keep him from slamming it shut. “Before you grab a pitchfork and chase me off, I have a few things to say. Then you'll get your wish, and I'll be out of your hair for good.”

One of Seth's tenets was to take deep breaths and think before speaking. Nate did both.

“Fine,” he said. “Let's hear it.”

“Oh…” Her eyes widened in surprise and she stumbled for words, as if she'd been prepared for more arguments. “Right. Okay, here goes. I saw Dale outside your house and then at the restaurant. I knew who he was the second I got a good look at his face. So, I went looking for him. To confront him. I went in with guns blazing, but when I heard the truth, I changed my mind.”

“I know. His charm—”

“Be quiet and let me finish,” Emily snarled. “I've listened to your bellyaching enough times to make me sick. It's my turn now.”

He cleared his throat and nodded. “Sorry.”

Emily's cheeks puffed out as she gathered herself to continue. “First off, your father didn't charm me. It wasn't like that. I won't pretend to understand why a man would leave his wife and children, but after hearing his story, I began to see why Dale felt it was necessary. Even more importantly, I knew your mother needed to know the truth.”

“What truth?”

“That Dale always loved her. His personal demons drove him away. It was nothing she, or you, did. He wanted to tell her before it was too late.”

“You thought it would matter to her?”

“Of course it mattered,” Emily said, her eyes softening. “She still loved him.”

“That's impossible.” Nate's gut clenched, and heat prickled his neck. “How could she have loved him after what he did?”

“I've come to realize it's possible to still love someone even when they've broken your heart.”

Despair seemed to roll off her, and Nate knew she wasn't only talking about his mother.

“Rachel was days away from dying, and if she'd left this earth thinking Dale had abandoned her because of another woman or so he could have a more exciting life, I never would have been able to forgive myself,” Emily said, twisting her hands in her shirt. “I wish you could have seen them together. I think… I know… Rachel felt blessed. She told me so afterward.”

“She died a few days later.”

“I know. I think maybe subconsciously she was holding on, hoping Dale might return. It was the only unresolved issue in her life. Once the burden had been lifted, she could go in peace. But Nate, she asked me to do something else. For you.”

“What?”

“She wanted me to try and get you and your father to reconcile.”

Shock nearly knocked him over. “My mother wanted him at the funeral?”

“No, I invited him, and I apologize for the timing,” Emily said. “But it was her final wish to see her family reunited. She felt like you would never find true happiness unless you learned to forgive your father. After seeing your reaction, I have to agree with her. You're more like him than you realize.”

“I'm nothing like him,” Nate shot back.

“I've seen a lot of Dale in you the last couple weeks,” Emily said, hurt clouding her features. “At least the man he used to be. You've got a poison in you, Nate, and it's threatening to ruin everything good in your life.”

“You think this so-called poison justifies what you did?”

She lifted her chin and stared him down. “Yes. I'm sorry I hurt you, but I'm not sorry I brought Dale back into your mother's life or yours.”

“And Zach?” he challenged. “You thought it was all right to take my little brother into the lion's den?”

“Maybe you should try talking to Zach, and you'd find out why,” Emily said. “He's not half as naïve as you think. Sometimes I think he's the most mature of all of us.”

“Is that all you came to say?”

Emily's lips thinned to a tight, white line. “No, as it happens. I also came to tell you I'm leaving.”

“Leaving?”

“Yes, as in getting in my car and driving off into the sunset. Or sunrise, to be more accurate.”

Emily waited. Searched his face. “Now would be a good time for a hallelujah moment. You know, you come sweeping across the field and declare your feelings. Beg me not to go. Say you can't live without me.”

Nate's heart clenched at her words, but his lips couldn't part enough to say anything.

She chuckled to herself. “Give him one more time, she said.” Emily gazed at him, shadows haunting her blue eyes. “I'll be heading out tomorrow morning, so if you find it within yourself to forgive me for such a grievous injury, you know where to find me. I won't come begging anymore. As you requested, I'm going to stop.”

His chest ached as he watched her go. “Emily.”

She paused. Turned. Waited.

“I'm sorry,” Nate said.

“So am I.”

Then she was gone.

The door slammed. A moment later, Zach appeared. “You are the biggest idiot on earth.”

“Shouldn't you be in bed?”

“It's only eight-thirty.”

“Homework to do then?”

“Already did it… Are you really gonna let her go?”

“It's none of your business.”

“As long as I have to live with you, it is my business,” Zach retorted. “I feel like I'm living with an angry bear.”

Nate's frustration grew to a boil, and he snapped. “What do you want me to do? I told you I'm talking to Seth, trying to work out my anger.”

“It's not Seth you need to confront.”

“Who then?” Nate asked. As if he didn't know.

“Go talk to Dad,” Zach said. “He's staying at a cheap motel on the highway. Duke it out if you have to, but
talk
to him.”

“Nothing he could say will change what he did.”

“No, but you might at least understand why he left. Plus, you might not screw up the best thing to ever happen to you. I swear, if you let Emily leave, I'll track her down the day I turn eighteen and marry her myself.”

“Over my dead body.” Nate growled before he could stop himself.

“I could probably get her to accept, too.”

“Shut up.”

“She obviously likes your looks. Plus, I'm younger and faster. I hear older women go for that.”

Nate threw a cross-stitched pillow at him. “I said shut up.”

“Nice to have you back, bro,” Zach said with a grin.

Nate grabbed his keys. “Just pray we don't end up killing each other.”