Imagined Love (8 page)

Jade nodded as she wiped tears from her face. She was thrilled to have Willa confiding in her again and for the remaining hour of their trip home she listened intently to her mother’s every word. Jade was brokenhearted to learn that Willa’s life was not at all what it appeared to be. It was a complete and utter mess! She was living in her place illegally, for starters. And the 1983 burgundy, two-door Ford Thunderbird they were riding the highway in was a month from being repossessed! Willa’s business was virtually non-existent, yet that didn’t stop her from reporting otherwise to the IRS. She had filed a fraudulent tax return and the money she’d received was gone. Mitchell was supposed to take care of her until she got the business back up and running but since that was no longer an option, Willa didn’t know what she was going to do. She left the apartment without telling the landlord or paying the three months rent she owed. And even if she were able to get another place, there was no way to have the phone, water, or gas and electric turned on because she left without paying those bills as well. Her life truly was a mess!

That day the two of them made a pact. Jade would put up with Miles and Anna just a little bit longer and Willa would do everything humanly possible to bring her home. Jade just wanted to be with her mom and was willing to forgive and trust her again. A few weeks later, however, she was convinced it had been a mistake to do so. Willa went back to being a no-show, no-call.

Jade was so sick of hearing Miles’s voice that she jumped out the passenger seat before he’d finished pulling into the driveway. All she wanted to do was go to her room and sleep. He had other plans and told her to sit down on the porch. Miles called to their neighbor Ms. Lynch, who was working in her garden, and asked if she needed a hand. When the middle aged woman accepted, Miles told Jade to go change her clothes.

“What’s wrong with your face?” he snapped.

“Nothing,” Jade muttered.

“Look, I know your little feelings got hurt today and I’m sorry about that. But you better straighten up your attitude before you get your butt whooped. You hear me?”

“Yeah.”

“What?”

“Yes.”

“Now gone and change into your play clothes,” Miles ordered.

The only thing Jade could do to release her frustration and anger was to cry. If Willa had been home like she was supposed to be then Jade would’ve been hanging out with Katrina instead of being forced to work in the neighbor’s yard. And she wouldn’t have had to sit through another one of Miles’s “your mother doesn’t want you” speeches either. In the twenty minutes it took them to get home, he rehashed every incident in which Jade’s mother had hurt her. Yet what she found most annoying was Miles’s delusional ranting about his role as a father. To let him tell it, he and Anna deserved some sort of medal for all they had done for her. What he failed to realize was that Jade hated them even more than she hated Willa!

“Miles!” Anna snapped, as she barreled out of the front door nearly knocking Jade over. “Why was Willa . . .?”

“We’ll talk about it later,” he interrupted.

“No, but she . . .”

“I said we’ll talk about it later,” Miles yelled.

Jade was silently pleading with Anna to finish whatever she was trying to say. Maybe there was a reasonable explanation for Willa not being home when they got there.

“Didn’t I tell you to go change your clothes?” Miles barked. “I warned you about staring up in grown folks mouth when ain’t nobody talking to you! Now get your butt upstairs!”

After Jade went inside, Anna walked over to Miles and tried talking to him again. “Now will you explain why you told Willa to . . .?”

“What part of we’ll talk later don’t you understand?” he snapped. “As a matter of fact, I ain’t gotta explain nothing to you. You lost that privilege when you became a liar and a whore!”

“I keep telling you I’m not a liar or a whore! Ricky is like my . . .”

“Go in the house,” Miles mumbled through gritted teeth. The last thing he wanted was for the neighbors to know anything about the mess his marriage and family had become. “Don’t you dare embarrass me,” he sneered.

“Don’t embarrass you! Well you should’ve thought of that before you were out here whooping and hollering trying to embarrass me!” Anna shouted. “I told you before I’m not one of your kids. You don’t control me! I’m an adult and if you disrespectful to me, I’m gonna be disrespectful to you!” she glared. “Now, like I tried to tell you before, Ricky is just an old friend and there’s absolutely nothing going on between us,” Anna lied. “If you don’t wanna be with me anymore then

just say so and I’ll go. I’m not gonna keep walking around this house on eggshells or keep trying to please you if you don’t wanna be bothered.”

Miles ignored her and started walking up the stairs towards the front door.

“Looks like I should’ve listened to Willa,” Anna remarked, knowing Miles would do anything to keep his ex-wife from being right. “When you decide something is the truth that’s just it, huh? You never saw anything inappropriate with me and Ricky or the guy at the store or any of the millions of men you accused me of being with!” she said, forcing tears out of her eyes. “Look, Miles, I married you because I love you and I wanna be with you forever. But you make it impossible to continue to feel that way with your insane jealousy and suspicions. So like I said, if you don’t wanna be with me just say it and I’ll leave you alone,” Anna cried, as she walked up the stairs and stared at him with a pouty face. Sucker, she thought when Miles’s facial expression softened and he reached for her hand. She wrapped her arms around him and planted kisses on his neck as he backed her into the house. “I love you so much, baby. Let me show you,” she whispered, leading him to their bedroom.

To Anna’s surprise, Miles flung her around and squeezed her cheeks together so hard that she began to cry for real. “I don’t know what kinda fool you think I am, but let me assure you that I’m not one,” he whispered, inches away from her face. “You better watch yourself, little girl. You ain’t been living long enough to play this game with me. So I suggest you start acting like you got some sense and keep your ass in the house or I’ma show you something. You hear me?”

Anna nodded yes and was relieved when he released her and walked back outside. She had definitely underestimated Miles and knew she’d have to be much more careful in the future. He was her cash cow and she wasn’t quite ready to let that go. So if playing the happy housewife was what Anna had to do to appease Miles then she was prepared to be the best little actress in the world!

Jade had changed her clothes and went next door to work in the garden.

“Hey, Miles,” Ms. Lynch called. “Do you mind if Jade comes inside to share some cookies with me? I baked a batch and thought we could have a few after all our hard work.”

“No, I don’t mind,” he smiled. “Behave yourself, Jade.”

“Okay,” she replied, knowing that meant to keep her mouth shut about their personal lives. Miles was all about keeping up appearances and would go to any length to keep his public persona in tact.

About twenty minutes later, after Miles had gone inside, Ms. Lynch invited Jade into her home. “Listen, baby, I don’t have any cookies. I just wanted to talk to you about your mama. I know your daddy would have a fit if he knew I was telling you this, but I can’t stand what’s happening. Your mom hasn’t been abandoning you, baby. She’s been here a number of times, including today, trying to see you

but your dad keeps her from you. He told me he was protecting you from her, and I believed him for a while, but when I saw how miserable you were without her I knew something was wrong. So I started watching him and I see what he’s doing. He tells your mama that you hate her and don’t want to see her then he tells you she didn’t show up and doesn’t want you. I don’t understand why a man would do such a thing to a mother and child but I can’t just sit back and let it happen. I talked with your granny a few times when she visited and I know she wouldn’t like what’s going on. She wanted you to come here to be taken care of, but I doubt this is what she had in mind.”

“Ms. Lynch, may I use your phone, please?” she asked then called Willa.

As expected, Miles put up a fight and refused to let Jade move back with her mother. It wasn’t until he actually looked into her eyes and saw how truly miserable and unhappy she was that he knew it was time to let her go. Besides, Miles needed the chance to figure out what to do about his marriage. Being divorced for a second time wasn’t what he wanted, but his relationship with Anna was all but over. He was losing everything and didn’t know what to do to stop it. More than anything Miles wondered if he’d ever be able to love anyone as much as he still loved Willa.

“You might as well answer it,” Willa said, smiling at her daughter.

The phone rang constantly once Jade moved back home and it was never anyone but Katrina. They’d missed each other terribly because Miles wouldn’t let them visit or talk to each other. In his opinion, Katrina was a manipulator who didn’t love anyone but herself—just like her mother. And Miles refused to have them anywhere around his daughter. Willa, on the other hand, loved Katrina and encouraged the friendship. Jade was much more lighthearted and playful when she and Katrina were together. She laughed and just enjoyed being a kid. And it wasn’t that Willa and Jade were unaware of the girl’s faults. They just cared enough about her to overlook them.

As it turned out, Dorothea was the one calling and after she finished talking with Jade, asked to speak to Willa. That surprised Willa since she and her mother never really had much to say to one another. After Jamal died she thought they would be closer but things quickly cooled between them once Dorothea returned to Alabama. She and Jade were still very close and they wrote to each other every week.

“Hey, Mama, how you doing?” Willa asked.

“I’m doing alright. I was just in here sewing on something special. I’ve been working on it for about a week but it’s almost done now,” Dorothea said. “Listen, I know you and Jade on y’all way out so I won’t hold you long. I just need to talk to you for a minute.” She hesitated for a moment, nervously fidgeting with the phone.

“I love you, Willa Ann. And no matter what it may have seemed like, I always have.”

Willa dropped to the kitchen floor and watched the contents of her purse go flying in every direction! Tears poured down her face as she tried to convince herself that she’d actually heard her mother say she loved her. Dorothea continued by apologizing to Willa for not being the mother she should have been. She explained how she and her fourteen sisters had been brought up to believe all they were good for was being someone’s wife and the mother of his children. Dorothea learned early on that her dreams didn’t matter and that there were consequences for trying to live a life other than the one spelled out for her.

Jade didn’t know what was going on but she sensed it was important. So she gave her mother a box of tissues before picking up the things off the floor and putting them back in Willa’s purse. Figuring they wouldn’t be leaving any time soon, she went to watch TV in the living room. Willa remained on the kitchen floor listening intently to her mother’s every word.

“Your aunt Rose . . .”Dorothea’s breath caught in her throat and she began to cry. For a few minutes there was only the sound of sobs coming from both ends of the phone. Dorothea was finally able to compose herself enough to continue. “Your aunt Rose was just like you. She was one of them women that wanted more out of life then being a wife and mother and she went after her dreams with determination. She was so outgoing and full of life and believed she could do anything. And she believed I could too, even being a dancer like I used to daydream about all the time. Every night before we went to bed, Rose would ask me to perform just for her. And when I finished she would clap and cheer and sometimes even cry and tell me I was her superstar. I honestly felt like that was the best part of my day. It was the only time I ever truly felt happy.

“But that all ended the night Big Mama caught my little performance and beat us both like we stole something! She told us to get them foolish thoughts of being famous out our head and worry about finding a husband to take care of us,” Dorothea said. Willa could hear the pain in her mother’s voice. “That beating pushed Rose towards her dreams even more because she was like you and she never let nobody tell her what she couldn’t do. But I never danced again after that night. I did what Big Mama told me and I learned how to cook, sew, and satisfy a man. I also learned how to keep my mouth shut and pretend like I didn’t see what was happening around me.

“I was miserable and unhappy for most of my life. And I swear I never wanted that for either one of my babies. I swear I didn’t, Willa Ann,” Dorothea sobbed. “But I thought if I could just get you to stop rebelling and do what I said I could save you in the way I didn’t save Rose. It never had anything to do with me

not believing in you. I’m your mama and I always knew you could do anything you set your mind to. You ain’t never been afraid to try and that terrified me.”

“But why, Mama?” Willa sniffled.

“Because your aunt Rose was just like you and it got her killed! And if I hadn’t been the one encouraging her to go after her dreams then she would still be here!” Dorothea cried.

Willa was confused. She didn’t understand how her mother could think she was responsible for the car accident that killed Rose. She wasn’t even in town when it happened. And what did encouraging her to go after her dreams have to do with anything?

“See, baby, my sister didn’t die in no car accident. John killed her ‘cause he couldn’t control her!” A loud gasp escaped Willa’s throat as she finally understood why Dorothea had been the way she was towards her. “He and everybody else felt like Rose’s place was in the kitchen, bare foot and pregnant. But that ain’t the life she wanted. Ever since we was little all she ever talked about was owning her own business. She loved planning weddings and family reunions or anything where people came together to celebrate and be happy. That was definitely her talent and she worked hard to see that dream come true. No matter how many times John threatened her or tried to sabotage her plans, Rose kept on fighting until she got what she wanted. And I encouraged her every step of the way and ‘til this day I feel like I got her killed. I was the oldest sister and I should have warned her and protected her. I should’ve talked some sense into her. I should’ve known John would . . .”