Immortal Confessions (4 page)

“You had sex with them, Devlin. You were not
chastely sleeping next to them for money, as you let me believe. I
asked around. You’re infamous for the lovers you’ve had. The man I
asked went so far as to say you’d have anyone that would have
you.”

Now I was offended. “That’s not true.”

“Stay away from me,” she said in a warning
tone. “I’m to be married the day after tomorrow. I’m not going to
give myself to a rake who doesn’t care for me—”

“I do care for you,” I blurted out. “It was
nice to spend those nights with you reading, to hear your passion
in your voice.”

“Take your coin,” she said, throwing it at me
and stalking off. “And leave.”

I stood there for some time, considering my
options. I picked the purse up, finally, trying to make sense of
all I was feeling. Then I went to Anna’s father’s study, sat in his
overstuffed chair, and settled in for the night. Going to Fiona, if
that was indeed her name, would just result in an argument, no
matter that I didn’t smell of anything but myself now. I had no
desire to bed her, even to give myself a place to sleep.

That lasted only a half hour; the chair was
uncomfortable, being much too small. Instead, I stretched out on
the nearby sofa, and slept there. As much as I knew it was risky,
this being Anna’s father’s study, I wanted to be alone tonight. I
felt chastened by what Anna had said, though I didn’t understand
why.

So what if she’d pointed out things about me
that weren’t noble? They were true, and that was how things were. I
was stuck in this low social class now, and there was no way I’d
ever ascend again into the upper class with no money and no name.
Hell, back then, money couldn’t buy a title, unless it was a real
fortune. So why not have the small pleasures that were allowed me?
What was wrong in that? Didn’t my immortality give me a warrant to
do what I pleased, within certain guidelines? I considered that for
a while, and wasn’t sure.

I decided one thing that night, though. I was
going to bed Anna before I left, whatever else happened.

I renewed my efforts to seduce Anna the next
day. I turned up the charm, catching her alone when I could and
quoting all the romantic poetry I could remember. To my dismay, she
saw right through me. In the midst of one of my long-winded odes to
her, she told me plainly that she cared for me, but unless I was
honest with her about what I really wanted from her, she wanted
nothing to do with me.

In retrospect, it was good I was not
discovered trying to make time with her by either her father or her
husband-to-be. Luckily, the lords were off hunting bear in the
forest. Fiona did catch us, though. She only shot a dirty look at
Anna, but I got another slap for my trouble. I was glad I’d had the
foresight to grab my belongings from her room earlier in the day,
so I still had my little coin, the purse from Anna, and my few
belongings. Still, my guitar had a snapped string when I reclaimed
it from its bag that was not an accident. It was only with luck I
was able to make do with a hastily found replacement when I
performed that night.

That night, I sang for Anna and her alone.
She refused even to look at me. Her pointed efforts to ignore me
made me angry and reckless. After my performance was over, I left
the hall first and lay in wait for her outside her room. I caught
her alone a few minutes later, as she was going to bed.

“Come with me,” I said, taking her in my
arms, even as she fought me. “We’ll leave here, and go somewhere
else—”

“I am betrothed! Let me go!”

“You don’t love him,” I said seductively.
“How could you, when he doesn’t appreciate you? I do, Anna. Please
believe me!”

“I don’t love you,” she said weakly. “You’re
just out to get me pregnant, so you can have a bed to sleep in when
I’m forced to marry you. You’ll be like my father, with his many
paramours—”

“Never,” I vowed passionately. “I love you,
Anna!”

Though I’d said those words infinite times in
songs and poems over the many, many years of my life, I was shocked
that this time I meant the words I was saying.

But Anna did not hear that. “You don’t,” she
said tearfully. “You’re just using me.”

I looked at her, incredulous. Then to my
humiliation, tears slid from my eyes. I left her in shame, because
never in my life had I cried in front of someone before, especially
not a woman.

I went to the forest and killed a deer,
gorging myself. As I was dressing it out, I heard Anna calling for
me.

“Devlin? Devlin!”

I went toward her voice. “Anna? What are you
doing outside the walls?”

There was a scream of terror. “Devlin!”

I ran as fast as I could, and entered a
meadow, to see Anna cornered against a stand of fallen trees, her
eyes wide. In front of her was the largest bear I’d ever seen. It
was enraged, most likely because of the five arrows sticking out
from it at various spots, seeping blood steadily.

Those idiots had gone hunting today. They’d
left the hunt when they got bored, left the bear to die from its
wounds. The animal was mad from pain, but its death was likely days
of suffering away. It would kill her in a few moments; it was
already readying itself to strike.

I raced to her side, and got in front of her,
just in time for its claws to lay open my chest when I took the
blow meant for her. I let out a scream, baring my fangs, and
launched myself at it.

My chances weren’t good. I had only my fangs
and a knife. And the bear was much bigger than I was.

It struck me again, its razor sharp claws
digging deep. The pain was excruciating, and I screamed as it rent
me, my fury mounting.

I tried in vain to break its neck, but its
bones were too strong for that. I stabbed it repeatedly, but the
thing wouldn’t stop. Blood loss from my shredded chest, my clawed
arms, and my chewed-on right shoulder was rapidly weakening me.

With the last of my ebbing strength, I
grasped one of the embedded arrows, and shoved with everything I
had left. The arrow pushed deep, and the bear let out a keening
sound. It clawed frantically, deepening my chest wounds, but I
clenched my teeth and kept pushing. Soon, it gave its last gasp,
and collapsed on me.

Anna was hysterical, crying and screaming,
and to risk drinking blood in front of her wasn’t optimal. But
there was nothing for it; it was feed or die. So I reared back,
bearing my fangs, and sank them into the bear. I drank for a long
time, until my grievous wounds closed. Then I pushed the carcass
off me, and sat up.

Anna had calmed down, and stopped screaming.
She was just out of reach, watching me intently. I imagined she was
figuring she should have taken her chances with the bear.

I looked over at her. “Now you know,” I said
sadly.

I expected her to shrink away. To my utter
shock, she got up, and came over to me. “You’re a nightwalker?” she
said quietly. “You drink blood?”

She must mean vampire. “Yes.”

“This is why you’re what you are, a nobleman
without a name.”

“I was attacked long ago,” I said quietly.
“And I became this.”

“The deer you told me you hunted. You came
out here at night to get blood.”

I nodded.

“But you have no gun, no weapons save your
knife. How—”

“I lay in wait for them, grabbed them, and
broke their necks.”

“You were hurt. Yet you act as if you aren’t
now. Are you in pain?”

“No. It’s been a while since I was bloodied.
I admit, I never hunt predators,” I said awkwardly. “Deer are
easier. Blood is blood.”

“Were you with me because you wanted my
blood?” she whispered.

“No,” I said, blushing again. “I wanted your,
um...affection.”

“Come,” she said, taking my hand. “The Seine
is not far. There is a stream that feeds into it through those
trees.”

We walked in silence, hand in hand. When we
got to the stream, Anna sat on the bank and I washed myself as best
I could. There was a good deal of blood on me, most of it mine. In
spite of that, I felt strong, proud of myself for how well I’d
done. I’d not really been hurt since turning vampire, discounting
some minor sunburns, or really fought hard in years. It had made me
feel good, to again match myself against an enemy and win. The sad
thing was my new clothes were in bloody tatters. A good part of
what was left of my small savings would now be needed to buy new
ones. At least my boots were still whole, if a little bloody in
spots.

I felt Anna’s eyes drinking me in as I bathed
naked in the stream, though she made no noise. When I emerged, I
sat beside her on the grass, still naked, though I used my cloak to
cover my lower body.

“Thank you,” she said softly. “He would’ve
killed me.”

I felt her began to shake, and put my arms
around her, telling her soothingly that I had her, that she was
safe. When she looked up at me, her eyes scared and uncertain, I
kissed her without a thought. A moment later, I was laying her back
gently, even as I also maneuvered the cloak underneath her.

The first time I touched her breasts, she
cringed back, letting out a gasp.

Damn vampire flesh. “I’m sorry,” I whispered.
“I didn’t mean to give you a chill.”

“It’s not that,” she whispered, flushing
madly from her forehead to her chest. “No one has ever touched me
like this.”

A hot rush of happiness filled me, tempered
with a drop of unease that I quickly pushed away. Possessively, I
bent my head to her breast and suckled gently. Anna trembled, then
moaned softly. I released her nipple, then looked up at her flushed
face from under lowered brows. “And no one else ever shall,
Love.”

I carefully removed her clothes, kissing
every inch of her soft loveliness, using her long cloak as a
blanket to cover us. I wasn’t cold, though I thought she had to be.
But I didn’t do what I did slowly because it was our first time, or
because I knew she was probably scared. I did it because I loved
her. I wanted not to rush or hurry. I wanted to experience this as
long as it would last, for her to desire what was coming as much as
I did.

The more I caressed and kissed her, the more
she writhed, her body responding involuntarily to my ministrations.
“Please,” she whispered at length, “I feel as if I can’t bear
anymore, Devlin. I can’t stop trembling.”

Ahh, at last it was time. I got myself into
position, and bore down, penetrating her just slightly. She shifted
beneath me nervously.

“Shh, Love,” I whispered. “I’ll not hurt you.
Just lie still for me, please.”

Anna nodded, clasping me to her. I bore down
slightly, easing inside only a short distance before I reached her
hymen.

Again, I felt tears in my eyes and blinked
them back, trying to remember what my father had told me about
taking virgins. I’d been with a few in my mortal years, but not
since then. I wanted badly to do this with the least discomfort for
her. Much as I tried, I could not remember. It had been too long,
and there had been too many other women since that long ago time.
My own inclination was to do it fast, and I finally decided that
would be best.

Meanwhile, minutes had passed. Anna was
shifting nervously beneath me, scared from my inaction.

“Shh,” I said kissing her, “Be still. I need
to take your virginity, Anna. It will cause you some discomfort.
But I must, or we can’t make love.”

“By God, get to it then,” she whispered
frantically. “I’m more terrified the longer I lie here beneath
you.”

I held her body firmly, and pushed inside in
one forceful thrust. She let out a sharp cry of pain, and I stopped
moving. I began kissing her gently, being careful not to crush her
with my weight. She responded in time, until she was crying out a
little in desire, as I stroked her body with my hands.

I very gently withdrew, and just as gently
pushed in again. She let out a little gasp, one I wasn’t sure was
pleasure.

“Are you okay?” I whispered, looking down at
her. “I’ll stop, if you want me to.”

“Are you supposed to?”

“Stop? No,” I said, giving her a gentle
smile. “But I want my body to feel good to you, inside yours. If it
doesn’t, you may need time to heal, before we actually make
love.”

“Why would you offer to wait then?” she
whispered. “Don’t you want to?”

“Did I want to?” God, it was unbearable pain
to hold still! “Because I love you,” I said tenderly. “It’s better
to not be with you, than to be with you and cause you pain.”

“I don’t feel pain,” she said finally. “I’m
just a little sore. Please, make love to me Devlin. Please.”

She didn’t have to ask twice. I stroked her
over and over, kissing her, whispering poetry to her. As her cries
intensified, I slowed slightly, bearing down purposely with my
hips, that she might get the most stimulation. She shuddered
instantly, then clutched me, her breathing ragged. I rubbed my
cheek on hers, relishing the moment for a split second, then
brought her.

Anna tensed in my arms as she climaxed for
the first time, letting out a loud scream that echoed through the
forest. She lay panting in my arms as I kissed her, shaking
slightly. I wanted badly to come myself, but I wanted more to wait,
to see her like this, her eyes looking into mine with realized
sated wonder and just a touch of fear. God, how had I not seen
before how beautiful she was?

She regained her breath in a few moments.
“Aren’t you supposed to...have what I did?”

I laughed richly again. “I will, Love. But it
will always be after yours, as once I’ve come, I may have to stop
for a while to rest. It is not, will not, be completely satisfying
to me if you do not feel what I feel when we make love.”

“Then please continue,” she said, kissing me
with ardor. “I want to hear you make the sounds I did, Devlin. I
want you to feel that good.”