“Am not.” I look away because he’s giving me those eyes. Eyes that say ‘I see you’ and eyes that say ‘I want you’ and eyes that say things without words so I imagine what they mean and I don’t dream about men wanting me. I dream about fucking them, the rest is nonsense.
“I see you Kitty Kat,” he says as he reaches up and strokes a strand of my hair. “I watched you come so fucking hard, so perfect. No bullshit, no attitude, no reservations, nothing but our bodies. I wanna be buried inside you next time you do. This thing with my daughter and your -”
“Seriously Ricco? I like her, she’s cool. I’m not a kid hater. I just don’t want them or the responsibility. So drop it.”
“Kat, it’s not all about you. She likes you and Darby, talked about you all damn morning. She just lost her grandmother-”
“And you are losing you,” I say with attitude to match his.
“What’s that supposed to mean? I’m no fucking different.”
“No you’re right, never mind. Not my business.”
“No, I wanna know.”
“I seriously don’t want to talk about it,” I tell him truthfully.
“Woman, I said-”
“No, just no. If we’re gonna be fuck buddies, I don’t want-”
“We were friends first. You see me slipping up, you tell me, just like I tell you.”
I don’t say a thing and he lifts my chin to meet his eyes. “Say it.”
“Fine.” I pull away. “You do Wine Wednesday, find my… toys. Then you lose someone, and you want a fuck buddy. But do you really want a fuck buddy or do you want to escape from that loss by beating up my pooter and-”
“You sore?” he says.
“Not the point jackass. I know I am perfectly capable of fucking and forgetting, but you are going through some shit right now, and this could be a very bad thing, for you.” I point my finger in his chest.
“You’re going through shit too Kat. Your family is back in your life and you’re dating and shit. You aren’t thinking clearly. So fuck me and not some sociopath on social media, it works for both of us. No wait,” he says. “You’ve gotten off on three separate occasions and I haven’t come once.”
He looks less stressed. Sex does that to you. I love sex. Well I love sex without allowing emotion.
“Can you fuck someone and not get attached? Because I sure can and-”
“Woman, I have a cock. What most women don’t get is that someone fucks you and you’re no longer a challenge. He fucks right, he knows he’s got you. I can have that ass anyway I want it, part time or full time. Anytime fucking time I want.”
“Not true,” I say and he smiles.
“No, not all women end up that way. That’s why I know damn well this is gonna work. I also know the more we overthink this, the more we over talk it, the more likely we are to fuck it up and believe it or not, I don’t wanna fuck this up.”
“I’m not prone to overthinking things,” I say.
“The minute you appear to be I’ll let you know. Can’t fuck this up. But we sure as hell can fuck.”
“I’ll do the same,” I nod.
“I know you will Kat.” He winks. Then he reaches over and squeezes my hand.
He puts one hand on the wheel, one hand in mine. I squeeze his back and pull my hand away to turn on the radio.
‘Stressed Out’ by Twenty One Pilots is playing and I lean back and look out the window at the water as he drives down the strip.
A song I hadn’t heard before starts, ‘Why don’t you be you and I be me. Everything that’s broke leave it to the breeze.’
He turns left. “Wrong way pal.”
He doesn’t say shit as he drives up two blocks and pulls over to the side of the road.
“Right there.” He points across the road to a two story house that is a little bigger than mine. It has tan siding and white trim, a nice front porch and the landscaping is simple but well maintained. There is a garage attached by a breezeway to the house. “That’s mine.”
I wasn’t expecting that. “Damn, nice pad Ricco.” I sit forward and look around. “Sweet neighborhood too.”
“School’s two blocks over, best one in the area. That’s why I bought this place. For her. Lots of time and money went into fixing it up.”
“And a garage.”
“That would have been helpful tonight. She’d have only gotten to the bike,” he says quieter still looking at the house. He clears his throat. “You do what you have to do. My girl will be back here in time to start school. It’s all good.”
“If I were you I’d sue those trifling bitches,” I tell him.
“Learned a long time ago to stop living in the past,” he says and pulls away from the curb. “The present and future is where it’s at.”
I wonder how he can say that, be positive when today the past was thrust in his face, then it bit him where it counts, right in the man metal, his vehicles.
He stops at the stop sign and looks over.
“If they’re asleep, I’m gonna need a little something from you.” My knees clench together automatically and he laughs. “How fucking-”
“Nope. Stop, it’s in the past.” I hold up my hand to shut him up.
“Your pussy is still sore, it’s the present. It was worth it huh?”
“Seriously do you pat yourself on the back every time you batter a bush?”
“No babe,” he stops and looks over at me.
“I hate that ‘babe’ shit.”
“I know, tell me why.”
I shake my head no. “It’s in the past. Leave it there, I did.”
“Gotcha,” he nods. “Moving forward, communication is key to making this work. Something pisses me off, I’ll let you know. You do the same.”
“As if I wouldn’t.”
“Right,” he nods.
RICCO
We pull up to her place and I’m not feeling real good about this. She thinks she can handle it. She can, but not yet. I put the car in park and turn it off. She starts to get out and I grab her wrist.
“I wanna thank you for this. I have no problem taking my kid back there. Someone thinks they wanna start shit I can end it real quick.”
“It’s seriously no problem and your little girl, she doesn’t need two parents behind bars.”
“She has one parent.”
“Exactly tough guy, now let’s go.”
I don’t let go. “They’re asleep. You need to eat mattress.”
“Excuse?”
“You come hard and loud Kat.”
“For fuck’s sake.” She pulls her hand away and opens the door. As she gets out she gives me the finger. “Eat this.”
Gladly
, I think to myself.
I get out of the car watching her walk toward the house.
First time I saw her it was from behind. Wanted to tap it then, then I learned she was not just some hot piece of ass stopping by to get some art done. She was a grade A fucking bitch who I’d be working with.
I didn’t pussyfoot around her like the new guys did, neither did the Steel brothers, we gave her shit and she gave it back. I admittedly was a little softer on her, and yes it had everything to do with wanting to bang her. Then it was the frown. I hated seeing people wallow in their own misery. Move on, or drown in shit.
She has a tiny version of a bubble butt. It’s a little peach on sticks.
“You gonna stand there all day or come inside?”
And yes, her attitude got my blood flowing too.
I walk in and Kat is looking at the couch, two little ladies are asleep in front of the TV. The movie, Minions, always Minions.
I walk up behind her and whisper, “Where do you want us?”
She looks over her shoulder and up at me. She looks at my lips and it makes me smile. She rolls her eyes and points to her bedroom then walks toward it.
I follow her in and she grabs a bag off the bed, opens it and pulls out a plastic mattress cover.
“You bought a piss sheet?” I whisper and laugh.
“Just in case,” she mumbles opening the plastic bag.
“In case what? My kid takes over your house?”
She rolls her eyes. “No, in case you needed Darby to watch her once in a while. In case she fell asleep, and in case she pisses the bed again.”
“I have no idea why the hell that happened. She doesn’t normally do that.”
“She’s just suffered a loss. It happens.”
She and I put the piss sheet on the bed. Next she grabs a sheet with unicorns. Fucking blows my mind. Kat and unicorns. Who’d have thought.
Finally she moves around the bed tucking the flat sheet under the mattress making her way around to where I’m doing the same.
When she’s next to me, I reach out and push her hair behind her ear and she looks up at me. “Touch me again and I will kick your ass.”
It’s lighthearted, it’s Kat at home.
I sit on the edge of the bed. “Did you have nightmares?”
“What?”
“When you were little, did you have nightmares?”
She shrugs. “Don’t remember.”
I stand up as she starts to walk toward the door and follow her out.
I walk over to the couch and very carefully pick Natalia up, Darby stirs and her eyes open slowly.
She starts to say something and I place my finger over my mouth. “Shh.”
Natalia wraps her arms around my neck and sighs in her sleep. I quietly walk in the bedroom and lay her on the bed, Kat follows me in with a comforter.
I sit on the edge of the bed knowing damn well as soon as I put her down her eyes will pop open and it’ll be twenty questions and go time.
“Need anything else?” Kat whispers.
“Got everything right here,” I nod. “Thanks Kat.”
She seems a little uncomfortable but nods then walks out of her room and very quietly closes the door behind her.
It’s one hundred percent. This little one is my life.
KAT
@rider1: Hey sexy, what are you doing?
Kat: Trying to sleep, you should do the same.
@rider1: Wanted to check in, you’ve been offline. Tell me you aren’t seeing someone.
Kat: I’m not seeing someone.
@rider1: No action, no fuck buddy, nothing. Just you, me, and your fingers.
Kat: You have issues.
@rider1: Don’t we all?
@rider1: Kat?
@rider1: Tell me you’re already wet for me.
Kat: I’ll tell you again, I’m trying to go to sleep and you keep blowing up my phone. No, I’m not wet fuckstick. I’m tired.
@rider1: And bitchy.
Kat: I have an idea, why not roll over and poke your cellmate in the ass instead of using our conversations as a means to get off.
@rider1: My fucking hand is flexing, but not because I am beating off, but because I want to smack your ass for being such a little bitch.
Kat: Dude, seriously what do you want from me?
@rider1: The list is long and filthy. But to start with, I want your damn attention. Then I want your honesty. And it’ll end with you and I meeting up and seeing where we go from there.
Kat: Look I’m not into playing games.
@rider1: Perfect, I’m not into fucking around with someone who is nowhere ready to commit and I want you begging.
Kat: This bitch doesn’t beg.
@rider1: Oh sweetheart you will.
Kat: Hey rider1?
@rider1: Yeah sweetheart.
Kat: Go fuck yourself.
He doesn’t reply. Which is good. I don’t require his services tonight anyway.
God I’m tired.
My phone lights up again and I growl as I hit the app.
@baller1: I wanna take you out.
Kat: Take a number.
@baller1: How far back am I? I’m sure you’re worth it.
Kat: Are you that desperate?
@baller1: Not at all. Just think you’d be worth it.
Kat: Not interested.
@baller1: I’ll check back.
“Don’t bother,” I yawn as I roll over and plug my phone into the charger.
I lay back on the single bed mattress in a room I use for an office or studio, whatever the hell it is.
The bed is hard as hell and I am an idiot for not sleeping on the couch, but if Ricco and his mountain cock came out, there is no way in hell I would be walking in the morning, and there is no way in hell I was going to fuck him and allow him to tear me apart.
Not yet anyway.
This will work. This arrangement is just fine. There will be no ‘feelings’ aside from physical ones fucking me up.
I got this, I think.
I got this.
RICCO
I wake to a finger poking my chest. “Daddy.”
I keep my eyes closed and roll to my side. “Sleep Nat.”
“But Daddy,” she whispers slowly, “we had a sleepover.”
I reach back and grab her up and swing her up and over me.
“Morning sugar,” I say rubbing my two-day scruff against her little cheek. Then I tickle her and she laughs. She laughs like a three-year-old laughs straight from her belly, not a care in the world, holding nothing back.
“I’m gonna shower,” she squeals and I immediately stop not wanting to chance it.
She looks up at me, her eyes are mine, but less jaded. I want her to be this happy all the time. I know it’s not going to always be possible, but I’d give it to her as often as I could.
“Daddy,” she smiles, “I like Darby and the cat.”
“Yeah, I know you do,” I say sitting up and climbing off the bed. “How about you go in there and use the bathroom.”
“And you make pancakes, cause it’s our day off,” she says scooting off the bed.
I nod. “Sure is, but how about we…” I pause because what am I gonna say to her? Can’t tell her the truth about what’s up, it’s my job to keep her sheltered… safe. “You use the bathroom and I will see what I can find around here.”
She’s in the bathroom and I am digging through cupboards that aren’t ours, trying to find food that’s not ours, and feeling like the weight of the world is on my damn shoulders.
I find flour, which is a start, but it’s not a mix.
I look up and Kat is bouncing down the stairs. She’s in some short pajama shorts and a tank, braless, which makes damn sense because she is at her home and it’s her day off. But damn.
She’s got no makeup on and looks like she did Wine Wednesday when I convinced the guys to come with me. I knew what was going down at the shop, I knew she was about to be handed something she was completely capable of handling but would somehow try to convince everyone, including herself, she couldn’t handle.