In a Broken Dream (The Broken Series Book 4) (2 page)

Rafael
chuckled softly. “That’s why you’ve been avoiding me? Baby, I know you’re scared.
I’m scared too. I’ve nearly lost you... how many times? You’re husband nearly
killed you before we even met. Justin Morris strangled and tried to shoot you. Emerico
Alentisca tried to drown you. I had to breathe life into your body knowing that
if you lived you still wouldn’t be mine. Then the SVR tortured you until you
wanted to die. I watched my brother die. I watched a piece of you die right
alongside him, and a piece of me died watching the two of you die in each
other’s arms. We’ve been through hell, Kristine. If there’s anyone who deserves
a happy ending it’s us. If we walk away from this, then what good has come from
all of this sadness and loss?”

I
raked my hands through my hair and looked around wildly. “I don’t know!” I yelled
in frustration.

He
took a step toward me, cautiously. “We can build new dreams, Kristine; but you
have to be willing to fight for us. Fight for me. Fight for our happy ending.”

My
hands clenched in my hair. I wanted to rip out every last strand. I shook my
head as I began sobbing. “I can’t,” I rasped. “I can’t fight this fight,
Rafael. I’m tired of fighting. I have nothing left to give. You deserve more.
You deserve better than this... than me... than God-forsaken dreams.”

He
took another step forward. “You don’t think I know you want to die? You don’t
think I know how much you long to give up, to slip silently away in sleep? You
don’t think I’ve seen how many sleeping pills you’re taking these days? You’re
so deeply buried beneath them you don’t even wake from your nightmares anymore.
You just lie there locked in sleep as you scream. I know why you’re doing this,
Kristine.”

My
eyes widened. Fear inexplicably licked at me.

“You
want to die so you can be with Michael,” he stated flatly.

The
air rushed from my lungs so forcefully I felt as if I’d been punched in the
chest. “That’s... that’s...”

“True,”
he finished softly. “It’s the truth,” he repeated a bit more loudly, “but it
doesn’t work like that.”

“What?
Why?”

“You
won’t end up in the same place as Michael if you commit suicide, Kristine; and
you know it. Besides, Michael wouldn’t want this. He didn’t risk his life so
you could die. He risked his life so you could live.”

I
flinched, recalling the way Michael’s chest bowed when the bullet struck him… Rafael
dragging him up those cold metal stairs… his blood filling my mouth when I
kissed him… his eyes gazing apologetically into mine as I begged him to live. A
deep, keening sound reverberated through my chest.

Rafael
caught me as my knees buckled. He pulled me into his arms as he knelt beside me
on the floor. “You don’t belong with Michael, Kristine. You may have, at one
point in time, but not anymore. You belong with me.”

Fear
and regret battled for my heart. “Why?” I groaned. “Nothing good can come of
this, Rafael. Why do you still want me?”

He
smoothed the hair out of my face and tucked his finger under my chin until my
eyes met his. “Because you hold my heart, Kristine. It is physically impossible
for me to live without you when you have my heart.”

“I’m
so sorry,” I whispered. “I’m so sorry you fell in love with me.” And I was,
although I felt more sorry for him than me because I was certain our
relationship would cause him a lifetime of misery. For one fleeting second, I
had dared to hope and dream of a future with Rafael when we took that picture
on the beach, a future that included a little boy just like Gabriel. But I
knew. In my heart of hearts I knew I’d never be able to give him that. My
chances of getting pregnant again were slim to none, leaning heavily toward
none since I was too scared to have sex after being tortured by the SVR.

“I’m
not,” Rafael rebutted firmly. “I’ll never regret falling in love with you.”

I
shook my head, then burst into tears. How could this man love me? How could he
even look at me when my actions had cost his brother’s life?

Rafael
tightened his hold on me. “We’ll build new dreams,” he whispered soothingly.

I
shuddered violently. I knew I wouldn’t survive another broken dream.

*
* * * *

“Hey,
Kri. Fancy meeting you here,” Kadyn called, his voice echoing through the
parking garage. The overhead light reflected off his cleanly shaven head as he strapped
his helmet near the rear tire of his motorcycle and climbed off the bike. He
was wearing faded blue jeans and a navy Decatur Staleys short-sleeve t-shirt.
The shirt fit snugly across his biceps and chest, but hid the eight-pack abs he
sported so effortlessly.

I
cut a sidelong glance toward Jase. “You remember Kadyn from Berlin?” I prompted.
Jase, Chance, Brogan, and Aidan worked for Rafael. They met us in Berlin when
we escaped from Ukraine. Since Ethan and Brady were temporarily out of
commission, Jase had stepped up to serve as my bodyguard. I suspected he was
receiving hazard pay.

Jase
smiled as he joined me on the passenger side of Rafael’s Lincoln Navigator.
“Sure. I remember Kadyn.” He strode toward Kadyn and shook his hand.

Kadyn
patted Jase on the shoulder before pulling me in for a hug. “You okay?” he
whispered. “I’ve been worried about you.”

I
offered up a tremulous smile. “I’m doing okay... hanging in there,” I replied.
I diverted my eyes so they wouldn’t betray me. Strappy white sandals served as
the perfect frame for the French pedicure Rafael had insisted on. I smoothed my
hands down my soft pink slip dress while briefly admiring my toes.

“I
see Rafael’s keeping you on a tight leash,” he noted softly. We began walking
toward the entrance of the parking garage.

I
glanced at Jase apologetically. I relented to having Jase serve as my bodyguard
when Rafael threatened to accompany me to school and every other personal
engagement if I didn’t concede. “He’s still worried the SVR will try to come
after me.”

Kadyn
nodded. “I’m sure they’ve got agents working in the United States, so it’s not
out of the realm of possibilities. How are Ethan and Brady doing?”

I
smiled. “Brady gets his casts off next week. Ethan got annoyed with all the
itching and sawed his casts off himself. His orthopedic surgeon cleared him for
physical therapy, but he still has to use a wheel chair so he doesn’t put too
much pressure on his legs.” I still felt guilty about their predicament. The
two men had paid a hefty price for serving as my bodyguards in Ukraine. As much
as I hated the SVR for the pain and humiliation they’d caused me, I hated them
more for what they’d done to the people I cared about. Michael especially.

We
paused just outside the garage. “What brings you to Shirlington?” Kadyn inquired
as his warm brown eyes sought mine.

“Cenia
asked me to meet her here for lunch. She said she had something important she
needed to talk to me about.”

Kadyn’s
eyebrows rose a fraction of an inch before a smile tugged at his lips. “Roger
asked me to meet him at the Carlyle Grand for lunch. He said he needed to talk
to me, but he wouldn’t reveal the reason over the phone.”

I
chuckled softly as we began walking toward the Carlyle Grand. “That’s where I’m
supposed to meet Cenia. Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

Kadyn
laughed. “They’ve finally gotten engaged.” His hand brushed the small of my
back as we crossed the street.

“I
wonder if they’ve invited the rest of the gang,” I mused aloud. I surveyed the
wicker tables and chairs sitting outside the restaurant. “It doesn’t look like
they’re sitting outside.”

“No
one in their right mind would be sitting outside on a day like today,” Kadyn
noted sourly. “It’s ninety-eight degrees with nearly a hundred percent
humidity.” He swiped the sweat from his brow with the back of his arm.

I
laughed at Kadyn’s pained expression, although the humidity was no joke.
Walking through the heavy haze was like trudging through quicksand.

Jase
paused outside the Carlyle Grand’s revolving door. “After you,” he offered
politely.

“Thanks,
Jase.” The cool, air-conditioned restaurant beckoned goose bumps as I pushed
through the door.

“Over
here!” Cenia exclaimed from somewhere nearby. She waved her hand in the air in
an effort to capture my eyes.

“What’d
I tell you?” Kadyn whispered as he leaned his head toward mine. Cenia’s left
hand was glittering, the engagement ring clearly visible in the sun drenched
room.

“You’re
engaged!” I burst out when we neared the table. I threw my arms around her when
she stood.

Kadyn
shook Roger’s hand before pulling Cenia in for a hug. “Congratulations. I’m
very happy for you.”

I
hugged Roger before flagging down a waitress. “Can we pull up a fifth chair?”

“Sure,”
she responded cheerily. She grabbed a vacant chair from a nearby table and
plopped it in front of us.

“Cenia,
Roger, this is Jase. He’s my new bodyguard. He works for Rafael,” I explained.

Roger
shook Jase’s hand. “Nice to meet you, Jase.”

“Nice
to meet you, Roger. Congratulations on your engagement,” Jase replied amicably.
He reached for Cenia’s hand. His eyes lit with surprise when she gave him a hug
instead.

“Thanks
for watching over my friend,” Cenia said. “Did Rafael assign Jase to protect you
because of what happened in Ukraine?” Cenia asked me as we settled in at the
table.

I
frowned. “Yes, but I don’t want to talk about Ukraine. I want to hear how Roger
proposed. I want to know if you’ve set a date and how I can help you prepare
for this wedding.”

Cenia
and Roger exchanged glances as the waitress stopped by for our drink orders.
She handed Jase, Kadyn, and me menus. Cenia and Roger already had menus and drinks.

Roger
waited until after the waitress left to reveal how he’d proposed. “We were
having sex in the church parking lot,” he began.

Cenia
popped him alongside the head. “We were not!”

Kadyn,
Jase, and I burst out laughing.

Roger’s
eyes sparked mischievously. “Were too,” he whispered, winking at me.

“Roger
proposed to me after church,” Cenia explained. “We were
not
having sex.”

“You’re
no fun,” Roger grumbled irritably.

Cenia
pretended not to hear him. “We were sitting in my SUV, getting ready to leave,
when he declared his undying love and pulled out the ring.”

“You
did good with the ring,” I assured Roger, reaching for Cenia’s hand. The center
stone glittered more than any other diamond I’d seen. It was flanked on either
side by two smaller but equally brilliant diamonds, which were tucked inside the
platinum band.

Cenia
smiled. “Roger wouldn’t allow me to answer him when he proposed. He said he
wanted me to meet his family first, so I’d know what I was getting myself into.
He held onto the ring the whole time we were in Tennessee. I didn’t give him my
answer until last Sunday. Since he proposed in the church parking lot, I
thought it best to give him my answer there. Instead of voicing my response, I
gave him this little fill-in-the-blank book I purchased that was entitled
I
love you because...
I filled in the blanks, popped in a few photographs of
the two of us, and wrote: ‘Yes, I will marry you,’ on the very last page.”

“That
is so sweet,” I gushed.

“That’s
when we had sex in the parking lot,” Roger clarified.

“Roger!”
Cenia exclaimed. “We did not have sex in the church parking lot!”

Roger
glanced at the couple sitting at the table across from us. “She can’t keep her
hands off me,” he explained.

The
waitress set a mango martini in front of me before handing Jase and Kadyn their
sodas. “Have you decided what you’d like to eat?” she asked, completely oblivious
to the trouble Roger was stirring up.

“I’d
like the mango chicken salad,” I replied, stifling my laugh.

“Make
that two mango chicken salads,” Cenia corrected.

“Bacon
cheeseburger, medium well,” Kadyn said.

“I’ll
have the bacon cheeseburger, well done,” Roger replied.

“Same
for me,” Jase announced.

“Wow.
You guys certainly made that easy on me,” the waitress noted with a warm laugh.
She gathered our menus before walking away.

“To
Cenia and Roger, lifelong friendship, and love,” I announced, raising my martini
glass.

“To
Cenia and Roger,” Kadyn and Jase chimed in. We clinked our glasses together
before raising them to our lips.

Cenia’s
eyes met mine as we set the drinks aside. “I know you’re dealing with a lot
right now, with everything that happened in Ukraine, so I completely understand
if you aren’t up for this, Kri, but I was really hoping you’d be my maid of
honor.”

Kadyn
gave my hand a gentle squeeze underneath the table.

My
heart clenched. I was already reminiscing about Michael’s proposal and the
wedding we’d been planning, but I really wanted to be there to support Cenia. I
had to believe that the joy I’d feel in seeing her marry Roger would outweigh
the pain caused by my loss. Tears pooled in my eyes. “Of course, Cenia. I would
be honored to be in your wedding.”