In a Dark Wood (7 page)

“You’re sure you’re okay?” he said, and his hands felt kind and familiar, once again running over my arms and back, checking for injuries because what other explanation could there be for the way I was clinging to him.

I didn’t misread him. He felt guilty as hell that he’d nearly got me killed, and grateful that I’d saved his life, and worried about what this was going to do to me seeing that I wasn’t exactly the Rock of Gibraltar. I wondered if killing monsters was a strong enough foundation for building a friendship. We could be friends, right? Because friends were good, too.

“Timmy?” The gentleness in his voice got me. I had to blink back the sting in my eyes.

“Yeah. I’m fine,” I said, muffled. “I just… picked a really bad day to stop drinking.”

* * * * *

I was dreaming that Luke was kissing me. His lips, a little chapped, pressed warmly, sweetly against my own. My mouth quivered. I wanted to kiss him back, but already he was withdrawing.

“Tim?”

I opened my eyes. Luke leaned over me.

“Hey,” I mumbled, sitting up. Apparently I had been sleeping against his shoulder, which was more than a little embarrassing. It was late afternoon, and we were sitting in Luke’s car on the street outside my brownstone. The sun shone brightly. The street was full of traffic, the sidewalk crowded with pedestrians. For a moment, I wondered if I’d dreamed the entire thing.

I glanced at Luke, who looked as battered as I felt. He had a funny look on his face. “How are you feeling?”

“Oh, you know. High on life.” My neck felt broken and every muscle in my body felt bruised. I had a sprained wrist and a wrenched knee. I felt groggy, disoriented — and as always — thirsty. But…actually… it did feel very good to be alive. “Sorry for flaking out on you.”

Luke said seriously, “Hey, you were there when I needed you.”

I gave him a tired smile.

I realized he was waiting for me to say good-bye and get out of his car. I said, “Thanks for convincing the troopers not to arrest me”

“Nobody wanted to arrest you. It’s a clear case of self-defense. I don’t think it’s even going to come to trial. Although there will probably be a hell of a lot of press.”

“Yeah. Well.” I reached in the backseat for my blood-stiff clothes. I wasn’t sure why I’d brought them home; I was never going to wear them again. I stared at the gore-streaked bundle and hazily remembered stopping at a campsite with Luke, and showering, and changing into our spare clothes. After that…a comfortable gray blank. I didn’t even remember climbing back into the car.

“Um…”

I glanced back at him.

“I can’t promise that every time we go out we’ll have this much fun, but…I’d really like to see you again.”

I blinked.

“I mean,” he said awkwardly, “If you’re not too fed up about…everything.”

“Are you serious?”

“Hell, yeah.” He gave me that heart-stopping grin, but there was just a trace of uncertainty in his eyes. “Maybe next time we could just…I don’t know…go to dinner.”

I stared at him. He
was
serious.

I still had a chance with him. He knew…and he still wanted to see me. He had seen me at my absolute worst and he was still interested. Still attracted. He knew what to expect, and he was still willing to give it a try.

I so did not want to blow this second chance.

But I didn’t want to be the guy responsible for taking the twinkle out of those eyes. I didn’t want to see the affection and attraction die out — to be replaced with weariness and disgust when I slipped up and fell off the wagon — and there were going to be a lot of slips and falls ahead of me. As much as I wanted to believe I’d never let him down, I knew I was going to let us both down before I got better. If I got better. If I was strong enough.

It wasn’t easy, but I said, “I’d like that too. But I… probably shouldn’t answer till I’m…sober.”

His gaze held mine and there was no disappointment, no impatience. In fact, his smile grew a little warmer, a little more confident. “Okay. I can respect that.”

I realized I wanted his respect — among other things — almost as desperately as I wanted my own. All at once it was hard to control my face. I turned towards the door, and he put a hand on my arm.

“Listen, Tim. Sometimes it helps if a friend goes with you the first couple of times.”

Oh. He meant to AA or wherever. I already knew I was going to need more help than that. “I don’t need someone to go with me, but it would help to know I had a friend…waiting.”

“You have a friend waiting.” He leaned forward and kissed me, his mouth warm and insistent. His eyes met mine. “And just so you know, that’s hello.”

IN A DARK WOOD

Copyright © 2011 by Josh Lanyon

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Joshlanyon.com Electronic edition / January 2011

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