In a Moon Smile (45 page)

“Then she used a rolling pin to flatten the potato, smeared peanut butter on top and rolled it up like a jelly roll,” Chesney said.

“Last year I tried to recreate Grace’s famous potato candy,” Charlotte smiled. “I still have no idea what I did wrong, but it was awful. It was gooey and tasteless.”

“Yeah, we should have asked her to write down all those incredible recipes,” Chesney said. “But I’m not sure how well that would have worked anyway. She never measured anything, remember that?”

“Oh, my gosh, I still miss her,” Charlotte sighed. “I always loved her, but you were her favorite.”

“I’m not sure about that,” Chesney said. “Maybe you felt that way since I spent more time with Grace than you did.”

“I was afraid about being so far away from Mom,” Charlotte said.

“And I never felt like I could get far enough away from Mom,” Chesney laughed.

After midnight, Chesney proudly led her sister upstairs to the guest room. “Chez, thank you,” Charlotte smiled as she turned down the bed and carefully placed Piper on the pillow next to hers. “I’ve had such a great evening with you.”

“Me, too,” Chesney said softly. “Sleep well. Good night.”

Before Charlotte left the next morning to return to her hectic life in Chicago, they made a tentative plan that Charlotte and their mother would return the following weekend so the three of them could discuss holiday party dates.

Chesney stepped outside the front door to allow Blossom a potty break. She frowned at the huge oak tree. Again, a blanket of leaves had fallen on the ground around the stretch of branches. She felt defeated. She had raked leaves for two weeks and had the blisters on her hands to prove it. But still, more leaves were falling.

I’ll just go right back inside the house and pretend I didn’t see a whole new min-mountain of fallen leaves to rake. I will focus on the fact that my sister, my niece and my mother will be arriving within the hour. I have a delicious peach cobbler
baking in
the oven. I have a lot of unspoken things to prove to Madelyn Blake about why I am happy here and why it is perfectly okay for her not to agree with my decision.

Chesney called for Blossom and went back inside, shivering slightly at the chill in the air. It was November and winter was definitely hinting its arrival. During these months away from her family, she had grown into her own skin. She was much stronger and self-assured. She could hold up under any verbal stabs Madelyn sliced in her direction, at least she hoped for that ability.

When she heard the slam of a car door, Chesney gave Blossom a squeeze and pretended to be excited as she opened the front door to greet the two women who had, for many years, made her feel like a complete failure and a worthless daughter. Since she and Charlotte seemed to be on much better terms, Chesney hoped for the same kind of miracle moment with her mother. But when the door opened, there stood Charlotte, alone, on the front porch.

“Where’s Mom?” Chesney asked nervously. “And where is Piper? In the car seat?” Panicked, Chesney looked past her sister to see if Piper’s blonde little head was bobbing in the backseat of Charlotte’s vehicle.

“Mom kept Piper so I could visit…alone,” Charlotte said.

Something was tight and fragile in Charlotte’s voice. Chesney was surprised by the intense big-sister feeling of protectiveness that washed over her heart. “Oh,” Chesney struggled, suddenly feeling clumsy as she reached for Charlotte’s bag. “Well, every new mother needs an occasional break. I’m glad you’re here alone. You can sleep late, drink too much…”

Shut up. Shut your big, fat, nervous mouth. Something extremely serious is going on. Get her inside the house so you can find out what’s wrong.

Charlotte entered the foyer and immediately began to cry.

“What?” Alarmed, Chesney took her sister’s shoulders and turned her around. “What in the world is going on? Tell me, Char.”

“I think I’m just, maybe I’m just overtired,” Charlotte said in a weak voice.

“Well let’s take it easy for a while,” Chesney smiled. “We can take your overnight bag upstairs later on. I have a fire going. How about a glass of wine?” She led Charlotte to the parlor and waited until she stretched out on the sofa. “I’ll be right back with that wine. Okay? Are you hungry? I’ll make you something.”

Charlotte shook her head and seemed to lose herself by staring at the fireplace.

Something serious is going on… Oh, damn it, I didn’t want any drama.

She returned from the kitchen with two glasses of wine. “Here we go,” Chesney said lightly. “Maybe you can enjoy a couple of glasses of wine and go to bed early. Tomorrow, you’ll wake up rested.”

“Chez, I wish I was more like you,” Charlotte said.

“You don’t need to be more like me or anyone else for that matter,” Chesney said. “You are you and that’s awesome.”

“When we were growing up, I wish I had been less worried about upsetting or disappointing Mom.”

“Really?” Chesney was now rather intrigued with her sister’s comment. “And how different would you be, Char? What would you do differently?”

“Before I tied the knot with Cooper, I would have had a lot more love affairs,” Charlotte said with a giggle. “I would have had just as many lovers as you’ve had, maybe more.”

“Hmm,” Chesney sat back in her chair, grinning. “Am I hearing a hankering to be ‘Charlotte the harlot?’”

Charlotte laughed good-naturedly, but then her face went serious. “I know you’ve been hurt a lot of times,” she said.

“That’s true,” Chesney nodded. “But every time I’ve been hurt, I’ve learned a lot more about myself. And to be honest with you, Charlotte, my energy has been much more focused on my career than my love life. I only recently decided to be honest with myself about that.”

“So, are you saying that you couldn’t find the right man because you were more involved with your career?” Charlotte asked.

“Who knows?” Chesney said honestly. “If I knew the answer to that question, Charlotte, I promise I would not only tell you, I would take care of all my troubles.”

“I can’t even recall all the guys who chased you,” Charlotte said in a soft voice.

“Me neither,” Chesney said. “I just, um, I guess I change my mind a lot. Sometimes I wanted to be in love. Sometimes the thought of it gagged me.”

“Did you want a family?” Charlotte asked timidly.

“Sure,” Chesney nodded, suddenly feeling tears behind her eyes. “I did want a family. Of course I did, Char. I still want a family. But at this stage in the game, I’m just not sure it’s in the cards for me to ever become a wife or a mother.”

“What really happened between you and Jack?” Charlotte asked. “Do you mind telling me?”

“He cheated on me.”

“What? And you just let us assume that you were the one who goofed up the engagement?”

“It doesn’t matter now,” Chesney said.

“But it does matter,” Charlotte insisted. “Mom and Dad, and I, well, we don’t have a clear vision of you when you hide the truth. We blamed the cancelled wedding plans on you, Chez. Why didn’t you tell us the truth?”

“The truth is that I was actually very relieved when Jack cheated. I truly was thankful. Even though it hurt me and it was humiliating, it was also a huge relief. I wasn’t excited about marrying Jack. I was trying to be..,”

“Like Mom and me?” Charlotte asked meekly.

“Yes,” Chesney nodded. “I guess I was trying to be someone who fit better with our family. You aren’t the only one of Madelyn Blake’s daughters who desperately wanted her approval. But after all these months away and all the work I’ve done on this house, all the time I’ve spent alone, it’s been very good salve for my soul, Charlotte. I’m okay now with being exactly who I am. And if that means I am alone forever, then I will accept that, too.”

Suddenly tired of the heavy emotions hanging around the room, Chesney jumped out of her chair and grabbed Charlotte’s hand.

“Come on,” she smiled. “Let’s carve ourselves some pumpkins.”

Charlotte followed Chesney out the door and they sat across from each other on the front porch, each with a fat pumpkin to claim as their own.

“I’m in love with that warm breeze,” Chesney said as she cut a slit all the way around her pumpkin. “I love to sit on this porch. In fact, I sit out here a lot after the sun goes down. It’s just so peaceful.”

Charlotte placed both hands inside her pumpkin and made a face. “You know that Halloween has already come and gone, right? Plus I forgot how gross this is, it’s just so slimy and yuck.”

“Isn’t it great? Fresh pumpkin smells so delicious, too, huh?”

“Why are we carving these?” Charlotte asked.

“For the experience, goof,” Chesney said. “Can’t you just enjoy an old experience? Why won’t you just let your hair down and rest? You’re out here in the middle of nowhere. You don’t have to care for Piper. You don’t have to fuss about your looks. All you have to do is get all the goop out of your pumpkin.”

“You’re weird, Chez,” Charlotte said with an eye roll.

“I might be weird, but I don’t have tension headaches anymore and my stomach isn’t upset all the time. Antacids aren’t part of my diet anymore, either.”

They sat in silence except for the occasional giggle about the faces they so carefully carved on the pumpkins.

“Here’s your candle,” Chesney wiped her hands on the tail of her shirt. “Remember how to melt some wax in the bottom, so the candle has a place to burn? And then when it’s dark, we’ll light them and leave them right here beside the front step.”

“Chez?” Charlotte looked up at her sister with tears in her eyes.

“What’s wrong?” Chesney felt her throat tighten as tears spilled over her sister’s face.

“I’m having some problems – some serious problems. And I don’t have anyone to talk to.”

“What kinds of problems?” Chesney asked softly. Honestly, what kind of problem could Charlotte possibly have? Chesney was surprised that Charlotte was not turning to their mother for advice since they were practically joined at the hip. “What is it, Char?” she asked gently, suddenly so worried that she felt sick.

“I don’t think I want to be married anymore,” Charlotte said. “And I don’t want to be a mother, either.” Charlotte’s face crumbled. It was the first time she dared to speak her feelings aloud. She bent over, as if wracked with intense pain. Chesney scrambled across the porch to comfort her.

“It’s  all right,” she soothed as Charlotte buried her face against her sister’s hair. “I’m so sorry you’re hurting, Char. But whatever it is, we’ll figure it out.” Instinctively, Chesney knew that whatever was wrong in Charlotte’s life would very profoundly affect her own.

Shortly before noon on Thanksgiving Day, Chesney’s parents, sister and niece arrived. They complimented all the work Chesney had done. They wordlessly roamed from one end of the house to the other, taking in the hours of hard labor. There was tension. Lots of it. Enough, in fact, to make Chesney return to her addiction to antacids. When Deke and Becca finally joined them, Chesney was relieved. She hoped that Becca’s gift for gab and Deke’s sincere love for questions would help to diffuse the situation. Thank goodness for Neetie Milburn, she had been here last evening, to teach Chesney the secret to creating moist dressing for the turkey.

Two days earlier, Chesney quietly told Becca what was happening in her family.

“Wow,” Becca sighed. “I can’t believe it.”

“Me, neither,” Chesney shrugged. “But that’s the plan. So…”

“Deke and I will leave soon after the meal,” Becca said.

Chesney nodded. “Thank you for understanding. I need an opportunity to somehow prevent a ground war between my family members.”

In the kitchen, Becca filled serving platters with deviled eggs. Charlotte filled drinking glasses with ice water. Chesney hid the fact that she was absolutely exhausted. For two days, she had cooked her brains out. But her accomplishment was amazing. The turkey was a lovely golden brown. The vegetables, homemade yeast rolls and all the other fixings were delicious. She was incredibly proud of herself and accepted lots of compliments with a huge smile. She knew it was silly, but Chesney secretly wished that Dalton was also seated at this massive table with all the other guests. She hadn’t seen or heard from him for a couple of weeks. Every day she hoped he would call or stop by to say hello. But he hadn’t.

When Chesney invited everyone to take a seat, Charlotte placed Piper’s high chair between herself and her sister, avoiding eye contact and conversation as much as possible. Becca sat on the other side of Charlotte. Cooper was not attending the dinner. Lyle and Madelyn Blake sat across the table from their daughters looking uncomfortable and sad. No one seemed to notice that Chesney had dressed the table with Grace’s lovely antique tablecloth. Piper, who carefully squished mashed potatoes on the tray of her high chair, seemed to be the only person in the room who was not feeling that stifling negativity. Chesney could barely breathe. Her stomach was in knots. She was worried about Charlotte, worried about the dinner. Worried that, after all these years, her family was on the verge of shattering into tiny little slivers of pain.