In Deep (25 page)

“What's the problem? Exams?”

I nod.

“Well”—he frowns a little, considering—“it'd be a setback for early college consideration. That's one thing we couldn't get around. And if you wanted to go for Olympic trials, we'd have to find a few out-of-town meets, maybe something seminational, but it could still be done. It's not ideal, but there are other meets where you could make National. Like I told you, you still have good chances for scholarships. Those won't be an issue, so long as you keep up your grade averages. You've always maintained the minimum to stay in the club, but if you need to buckle down for exams right now, absolutely that's what you should do.”

I was hoping he'd help me figure out another way, but Van's always stressed that school is important. Even if it means forfeiting State.

“When you come back, though, we'll need to change your practice routine, work on some harder drills. More strength training too, just to give you an extra boost. I'd want to keep an eye on you, maybe regulate your diet, involve your parents so that we are sure you are getting the proper sleep. There's no question in my mind you can do it, if that's what you're asking. It'd take some hard work, but I already know that isn't your problem.”

“Yeah,” I say, pondering. More drills. Work with weights. A Van-approved eating regimen. A sleep diary signed by my parents. More sacrifice, more discipline.

And, after everything over the last few days, I'm not sure what for.

Van stands up and searches through the papers he moved from the chair a minute ago. “You set your mind to something, Brynn, and I know you can get it done.”

“Yes, sir,” I say, though I'm not really registering. “Thanks.”

He smiles in a final way and gestures to the door. We walk together down the length of the pool, the smooth turquoise water mirroring our outlines on its surface. Before he turns and heads to the team, he shakes my hand, tells me to keep resting. Already he's distracted, ready to get another afternoon practice going, and a strange feeling ripples over me as I head out the doors. For the last six years, I've been pushing so hard to prove how much better I am, how I don't need anyone else. I've been mercilessly hard on myself, because I've thought I'm the only person I could count on to be strong. And the whole time, that's exactly what it's left me—alone.

As I step into the sunshine, into the clean outside air, I gulp in a big breath. For a moment I'm dizzied by this vicious cycle swirling around my head. I know that in order to break it, whatever I decide about the rest of this summer should be about life not just in the water, but out of it too. I know I want to see what that looks like, and not just because of what Mom told me about Dad. But because I do want friends like Kate who matter, and time to have fun, and maybe to not have to work so hard every day.

The idea of freedom like that, that ability to choose how I spend my time, is scary as all hell. I'm not sure I'll know how to do it. But as I blink away the whorls before my eyes, waving to Louis waiting in the car, I understand with a clarity that makes me smile—I really can do anything I want.

Upon completion of another novel, the cup of gratitude in my heart overflows and soaks the floor. So many people to thank! So much to thank them for!

To Meredith Kaffel of DeFiore and Company: Thank you for the relentless hours of coaching, pushing, hand-holding, negotiating, encouraging, editing, and cheerleading you have done ever since we sealed our relationship. I honestly don't know how I did any of this without you in my life.

To Patrick Price, Editorial Director at Simon Pulse: Thank you for diving straight into this new relationship with me. Your personal pluck and keen-eyed precision made this novel as tight as Brynn's quads and as sleek as a wet seal. (And it was also fun!)

To everyone at Simon Pulse who worked on and cheered for this book: Thank you for all the efforts (both large and small) you make to get my writing out into the world. You all are a gold-medal team, and I am wicked grateful to have you.

To Lain Shakespeare, and Maggie and Leila Chirayath: Thank you enormously for spending so much time helping me with all the swimming research and making sure I understood all the fine details of life in the swim lane.

To my beloved benefactor, Scott Burland: Thank you for throwing both of us into all this head first and for keeping me and our home afloat while I figured out how to paddle. Thank you for comforting, cajoling, listening, encouraging, cheering, and understanding, and especially for sharing all that whiskey.

To Amy McClellan: Thank you for putting me through the drills necessary to come up with a plot here. You are the best specialty coach in this department, and I always look forward to you putting me through the wringer!

To my brilliant sister, Erika McCarthy: Thank you for your amazing insight into my writing, first of all, but also into Brynn and what her personal struggles and demons might be. Thank you for helping me understand the life of a high school swimmer, and for all the lessons you teach me about apologies and everything else.

To Anica Rissi: We did it in different ways this time, but I still thank you for helping me make this book. Thank you for looking at early pages, for listening and suggesting as a friend, and for all the training you've given me so far when it comes to writing novels.

To my cousin, Meg Howrey: Thank you for your inspiration, not just in terms of this book, but in writing, and life, as well.

To Monika Hermann Smith, Jenni King Barnes, Rachel Trousdale, Lisa Whittle, Stewart Haddock, Franklin Abbott,
Alice Murray, Eilis Gehele, Susie Evans, Amy Jurskis, Maria Barbo, Lauren McDevitt Sokal, Lei Lani Rogers, Jennifer Jabaley, and Jane Snyder: Thank you for helping me find the perfect name for Gavin!

Last and best, to my readers: Life without you is like a swimming pool with no water. Thank you for reading my books, for sharing them with your friends, and for making me feel like a winner every day.

Also by Terra Elan McVoy

Pure

After the Kiss

The Summer of Firsts and Lasts

Being Friends with Boys

Criminal

This book is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events, real people, or real places are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places, and events are products of the author's imagination, and any resemblance to actual events or places or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

SIMON PULSE

An imprint of Simon & Schuster Children's Publishing Division

1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10020

www.SimonandSchuster.com

First Simon Pulse hardcover edition July 2014

Copyright © 2014 by Terra Elan McVoy

All rights reserved, including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form.

SIMON PULSE and colophon are registered trademarks of Simon & Schuster, Inc.

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Cover design by Regina Flath

Interior design by Hilary Zarycky

The text of this book was set in Electra.

Jacket photograph by Thinkstock

Author photograph by Jamie Allen

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

McVoy, Terra Elan.

In deep / Terra Elan McVoy. — First Simon Pulse hardcover edition. pages cm

Companion book to: The summer of firsts and lasts. Summary: “A competitive swimmer gets in over her head as she plays a wicked cat-and-mouse game with her wild best friend and a hot new college swimmer”— Provided by publisher.

[1. Best friends--Fiction. 2. Friendship—Fiction. 3. Competition (Psychology)--Fiction. 4. Swimming--Fiction.] I. Title. PZ7.M478843In 2014 [Fic]—dc23

2013045350

ISBN 978-1-4814-0136-4

ISBN 978-1-4814-0138-8 (eBook)