In Dreams (20 page)

Suddenly the ice let out a thunderous howl and started to crack under the weight of the machine. Cooper recognized that sound instantly and turned to yell something at Katherine. Before she had time to figure out what was going on, her body crashed violently into the ice cold water.

A horrifying sound unlike anything she’d ever spoken tore from her lips. The water was so cold, it felt like a thousand needles stabbed her all at once. Everything seemed to happen in slow motion. She watched as Cooper’s terrified face rushed toward her. She could make her name as it screamed from his lips. Taylor and Danny were even further in the background shouting something she couldn’t hear.

Katherine instinctively wanted to kick, but the water was so cold, her legs wouldn’t move. She tried to grab the edge of the ice, but she could barely lift her arms. The winter clothing meant to keep her warm suddenly felt like a weighted anchor. Nothing would do what she needed it to. Her body refused to cooperate. She was surprised at how quickly it gave up. Everything betrayed her, even her thoughts. Her brain stopped fighting to keep her alive. It simply wanted to make the cold go away as quickly as possible. Unable to move at all, she went under.

She was surprised at how peaceful she felt. She turned her head slowly to the left and saw Austen’s image there. He gestured wildly, frantically waving his arms and legs. He screamed at her, or maybe he pleaded; she couldn’t hear a thing he said. She just stared at him with love in her eyes and a small smile on her lips.

Austen begged her to fight. His mouth screamed at her to swim. But still she did nothing. He fought with his spirit to lift her, carry her, push her, move her, something! But he was powerless to do anything but watch. Terror was written all over his face. He loved Katherine and wanted to be with her, but not like this. He would never put her life in danger. Desperate, he tried one last time to get her to kick.

Yet she did nothing but watch him. All she could think about was how freezing cold the water was, and how beautiful he looked.

A large splash rippled through her vision and Cooper’s face suddenly appeared in front of hers. She looked into his eyes, which were wide with fear, as he grabbed her jacket and yanked her head above the water. His body splayed out over the ice evenly as Danny did the same in the distance. He gripped onto Cooper’s feet as tightly as he could.

Cooper had to go halfway into the freezing water to reach her and Danny was scared he might fall in, too. They both knew the water this time of year could and would kill you. Cooper screamed at Katherine to kick her legs as he tried to pull her out. She could barely think, let alone move.

“Danny, pull!!” Cooper yelled at him in a tone he’d never heard before, not even on the rink.

Taylor was completely freaked out. “Is she okay? Oh my God. Please be okay, please be okay.” Tears streamed down her cheeks. Taylor barely survived the death of her brother. She wasn’t sure she could live through this, too.

They slowly inched from the break in the ice until Cooper was sure they were safe. He noticed Katherine wasn’t breathing. Cooper was losing his mind, but he went into action. He performed CPR on her while Taylor screamed things in the background. Cooper couldn’t hear anything other than the sound of his heart raging in his ears.

Katherine still didn’t breathe, but Cooper refused to give up. He pushed on her chest in desperation. “Please,” he begged her, “don’t leave me. Not now. Please, Katherine. I just got you back.”

Suddenly her eyes shot open and she coughed out the water lodged in her lungs. Cooper tilted her head and held her in his arms. She didn’t say a word. He ripped off her soaking wet jacket and carried her to his snowmobile. He had to get the rest of her wet clothing off as well, but he didn’t want to waste any more time. He watched as her lips turned blue and her breathing fell shallow.

“She’s breathing, right?” Taylor didn’t wait for a response. “Cooper, is she breathing?” Taylor hysterically asked. Danny ran to her, held her in his arms, and reassured her that it would all be okay.

“She’s breathing. She’s just really cold, Taylor. You guys get home and start a fire and gather all the blankets you can find. I’ll meet you there.”

Danny and Taylor sped off as Cooper leaned Katherine’s frozen body into his. He shivered as he forced his jacket to zip up around them both. Then he drove as fast as he could while he held her tight. He rode the snowmobile as far up to the house as it would go and then he unzipped the jacket, allowing Katherine’s shivering body to slide out. He scooped her into his arms and sprinted up the stairs.

Cooper looked around at the blazing fire and the pile of comforters. “This is good. Taylor, you have to get all her clothes off. She can’t have on anything wet. It will only make it worse.”

“Then what?” Taylor asked.

“Then we start wrapping her in blankets.”

Taylor did as he instructed and then promptly covered Katherine’s bare skin. “Okay. You can turn around.”

Cooper walked quickly toward the only girl he loved. He positioned himself on the floor in front of the fire and scooted Katherine’s body into his. He wrapped himself around her and then piled the blankets onto her. Cooper gently rocked her back and forth and listened to her breathing.

“Is she going to be okay? Do we need to take her to a hospital?” Taylor asked with worry.

“Her pulse is almost back to normal. Her breathing sounds fine and her color is coming back. When she comes to, we can ask her how she feels. We need to keep an eye on her all night.”

“How do you know all of this stuff, Cooper?”

“I grew up on this lake. There are rules that come with that. At least, in my house there were.”

“How are you feeling, Coop?” Danny asked.

“I feel fine. I’ll be fine.” He didn’t feel fine, but figured he simply needed to get warmed up too.

He watched as Katherine’s eyes darted back and forth beneath her eyelids and knew she was dreaming. He assumed she was with Austen. It hurt him more than he had imagined it would to think about. Here he had tried to save her life, and she was most likely out frolicking with her other boyfriend. He gave her a tight squeeze and hoped that if she was in a dream, she’d feel it.

****

Katherine sat in the sand while Austen paced back and forth in front of her. His eyes were riddled with worry, fear, devastation, and heartbreak. “Did you see me in the water?”

“Of course I saw you. All I could see was you,” she answered calmly.

“Do you know how hard that was for me? I had to sit there and watch you almost die, Katherine.” Austen was anything but calm.

“It’s not your fault. Why are you so angry?”

“Because I can’t keep you safe!” Austen threw his head into his hands and pulled at his hair.

“Well, I don’t need you to keep me safe!” Katherine fired back. “I never asked you to protect me.”

“You could have died today.” He grabbed his chest after saying those words out loud.

“But I didn’t,” she snapped.

“Katherine! I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to you. Watching you in that water—knowing that I could do NOTHING to help you—it almost broke me today. Do you understand that?”

“If I’d died, we’d be together right now. Don’t you want to be with me?”

“Of course I want to be with you.” He kneeled down in front of her and took her face in his hands. “But not like that, Katherine. That cost is too great and it’s not your time. I don’t want to be with you if it means you’re dead too.”

“Who made you God?”

“Listen to me.” He sat in the sand and faced her. “Watching you today was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I couldn’t save you. I couldn’t do anything to help you. Cooper could. And he did. You have a whole life in front of you. And Cooper, he’s a really good guy and he loves you.”

“Why do you always make this about Cooper?” she screamed through her tears.

“Because it is about him, Katherine. He risked his life to save you.” he paused to look at her face. “And you love him too. And that’s okay. I don’t want you to feel bad about loving someone who isn’t me.”

She looked into his blue eyes and caressed his soft skin, “It’s not the same kind of love.”

“I know that,” he told her, “But I need you to know that it’s okay. Loving someone else doesn’t take away from what we have. No one can take this from us. It will always be ours.”

Relief coursed through her veins. She hadn’t realized it before, but maybe she somehow needed his permission to love Cooper. His blessing. His approval. She needed to know that it wouldn’t make him feel any less loved if she loved someone else.

“Will we ever be together, you and I?” She was desperate for answers that would make the idea of letting him go easier. If she had the promise of futures with Austen, then maybe, just maybe, she could walk away from him in this life.

“Oh, Katherine Johns, we have many lifetimes to share together. After this one, of course.” He knew what she needed to hear.

“You promise?” His words gave her hope.

“I’ve seen them,” he lied, and she smiled.

****

Her eyes opened to find those familiar green eyes staring back at her.

Chapter Sixteen

“Hi, favorite eye,” Katherine said to the eye with the speck in it.

“How are you feeling?”

“I think I’m okay.” She noticed the amount of blankets piled on top of her body and quickly tossed a few off.

“Were you dreaming?” Cooper asked her innocently, with a hint of sadness.

“I was.”

“Were you with him? I mean, how does it work? Are you with him every time you go to sleep?”

“Not every time, but pretty often. Does it bother you? I mean, now that you know?” She was tired of making everyone around her feel bad, especially Cooper. He had been perfect since the moment she’d met him and he didn’t deserve to be in constant pain because of her.

“It’s just hard, I guess. I know that if he was alive right now, you’d be in his lap and not mine. I know that if he was physically here…I wouldn’t be. And that thought alone makes my stomach knot up.”

She took a deep breath and acknowledged he was right. If Austen were alive, she would be with him. Of course she would. Her heart wouldn’t allow her to be with anyone else. Her soul would align itself next to his like a magnet. “But he’s not here, Cooper. You are.”

“What if it’s not enough? What if you never get over him?”

“Cooper. I told you last night that I loved you and I meant it. I know you’re not Austen. And on the flip side of that, Austen’s not you. I don’t want you to be anyone or anything you’re not. I promise you that who you are is more than enough for me.”

Cooper leaned down and brought her mouth to his. For the first time in months, she was happy it was Cooper’s arms that held her.

“You could have died today,” she said with a question in her voice.

“Yes,” Cooper answered, very matter of fact.

“Why’d you do it? I mean, what if you would have fallen in too?”

“I couldn’t just sit there and watch you drown. I didn’t have a choice.”

“What do you mean?”

“My body kicked into gear. It was like my instincts were in overdrive and I knew I had to do whatever it took to save you. My brain didn’t stand a chance against my heart.”

“So if you could have stopped yourself, would you have?”

“Are you insane? All I meant was that before I even had a chance to think, I was in the water. Had I let my brain catch up to my body, I still would have done the exact same thing.” He looked at her thoughtfully. “Nothing about the person I am would ever let anything happen to you. Not as long as I can help it.”

At that moment she’d never felt more secure. The fact that he had literally risked his life for hers was something she couldn’t fully process. It was something you had to experience to grasp. “I don’t know how I’ll ever thank you for saving my life.”

“You’re probably indebted to me forever now. So basically, I think I own you.”

Katherine laughed. “Own me?”

“Oh yeah. Come on, it’s a fair trade.”

“You’re crazy.”

“Crazy about you,” he reminded her, but she didn’t need the reminder.

They were kissing when Taylor walked in. “Oh gross, you two. Get a room.” Taylor bent down next to Katherine. “I was so worried.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“How are you feeling?”

“I think I’m all right. I mean, I feel good right now. But I am kinda hungry.” She glanced at Cooper.

“It would be a good idea to get you to stand up.”

“Okay,” Katherine agreed. At this point, she’d do anything Cooper suggested.

“You okay?” he asked her, concerned.

“Just a little light headed and dizzy.”

“That’s normal.”

Cooper helped Katherine into a chair and then worked on fixing up soup, bread, and pasta.

Katherine’s mind reeled. She flashed back to her fall through the ice, seeing Austen and then suddenly seeing Cooper. She couldn’t get past what Cooper had done for her today. The accident suddenly forced everything into perspective. Katherine knew she could no longer continue living—if that’s what you called it—in her sleep.

She had been living to dream. Everything that happened during the day was just one step closer to where she really wanted to be…asleep and with Austen. And while she didn’t fault herself for her actions, she knew it was time to move on. Her chest ached with the realization. But amidst all the pain, she felt a small sliver of relief. And that sliver informed her that she was making the right decision.

Taylor’s laughter stopped Kat’s daydream. She laughed when she noticed the boys dancing around the kitchen wearing aprons.
Sometimes the best dreams happen while you’re wide awake
, Katherine thought to herself.

“How are you feeling, California?” Cooper asked.

“Much better, thanks.”

“Good!”

“Do you see how much food you just ate?” Danny pointed at Katherine’s empty plate.

“Almost dying takes a lot of energy,” she quipped back.

“Oh yeah, you’re fine. Thank goodness,” Taylor smiled.

The girls cleaned up the dinner mess while the guys headed downstairs to play a quick game of pool. Danny creamed him. “What’s wrong with you, man? I never beat you in pool.”