In Love by Design (The Adventures of Anabel Axelrod) (51 page)

I stun
ned Luke speechless for the second time when I pulled Rita up and pointed the gun at him dead center. “Yes, I’m well aware I’d better be ready to use this gun. Well I am, Luke, because you need to hear me loud and clear, and show me some respect. You hurt Pam, and you don’t get to mess with my friends or family. You need to fix this, Luke. Don’t come back taunting me with promises of love and sex with you until you do, it only hurts me, too.”

I’ve rarely seen Luke openly angry, and even more rarely out of control. Now I’ve seen him in a black rage twice in one evening and it
was frightening from a few feet away, but I held my ground.

“Fix it? How can I fix it, Anabel?
It’s done!” He held his hands up to the sides of his head; his face twisted in angry frustration, as if he’s in pain or wanted to break something. “I’m sorry Pam was collateral damage for being married to the man that killed my friend! I’m sorry I hurt her poor little feelings when she didn’t honor her marriage vows and fucked John Smith!” He dropped his hands and yelled back, “I didn’t force her; I only tempted her and gave her a choice!”

I
reined in my temper and said quietly, “I don’t know how you can fix it, Luke. But deliberately setting out to ruin somebody innocent of any wrongdoing, all in the name of righting a wrong done to somebody else that you happened to care about, is bad. I care about Pam the way you cared about Tommy. You love me. Find a way to fix this for my friend, or don’t come back.”

Luke look
ed down at his hands for a long moment, his chest heaving in deep breaths. He spoke softly without looking up. “I need you tonight, Anabel.”

“I begged you publically, Luke. I needed you tonight, too.”

It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done to stay put. Every particle of me wanted to run to Luke and hold him close. I wanted to cover him in kisses and comfort him with my body to help heal the years of damage that being consumed with revenge has cost his soul.

But
I didn’t take the gun off him and I nodded towards the window. “I love you but after tonight, I can’t be with you the way things stand. Please fix this. Now go.”

“You are going to regret doing this, Anabel.” Granite-faced,
Luke gazed at me a final time before disappearing.

Waiting a few second
s to be sure he was gone, I went to the window and closed it. Leaning my forehead against the cold windowpane, I murmured shakily, “Only if doesn’t work, Luke, only if it doesn’t work.”

“Respect” by Aretha Franklin”

“When A Man Loves A Woman” By Percy Sledge

Sunday 12/09/12

4:14 PM

Most personal-themed bridal showers with women attending of all ages last for the respectable two hours allotted. Usually, everyone was slightly relieved to leave when the time was at an end. There’s a little social kibitzing around the punchbowl, you play a game or two for a chance at winning a prize, the blushing bride-to-be opens presents to the gentle titters of some rated PG teasing about marriage, and you nibble, but don’t really get to enjoy, a piece of pretty cake held on a plate precariously balanced on your lap, along with a cup of punch in your hand, while you’re stuck sitting uncomfortably on a folding chair.

Not Anna Lynn Johnson’s bridal shower
. We may have thrown it, but she’s been planning this party down to the last tiny detail since her first two permanent, and adorably cute, chipmunk front teeth grew in.

Looking around
Mac’s lower level party room packed wall-to-wall with dancing, shouting, and laughing women, I was grinning like an idiot.

That’s okay because right now I have so much to grin about
that I could burst with happiness and splatter several, semi-digested desserts all over Mac’s bouncy laminate floors that were perfect for dancing.

My grin turn
ed into a laugh of delight when everyone parted to circle around Anna, Pam, Jazy, Kenna, my fake godmother, Jamie Wade, and my new fake mother, Damaris Drake. They’d started a disgustingly filthy, bump and grind conga line. My sister Kenna loves dancing even more than me. She’s been on her best behavior today. At this point, I could relax my vigilance that she would get drunk and do something awful to ruin Anna’s shower, especially now with Jamie Wade holding her hip in a death grip.

Seeing
them all shaking one of their fists to the ceiling while hanging onto the woman ahead and gyrating their pelvises faster than jack hammers, I screamed encouragement like the rest of the women clapping and shouting.

When
Jamie Wade called out to Mac, “I apologize if I’ve accidentally pissed on the floor because my bladder can’t take moving this fast anymore!” I had to struggle to stop the sudden tears amidst my laughter.

These
are the special, unexpected moments in my life that make me want to cry like a baby--surrounded by the people I adore, as they have a ball doing what they love to do.

When
Anna’s surprise guest, who’d actually surprised us all, danced her way a few steps to the front of the line and rightfully claimed her place as the head nasty girl, I started sniffling.

When
Anna showered my grandmother, NanaBel, with hugs and kisses, as all the women shrieked their approval and the conga girls kept shaking it up, I lost the struggle and burst into tears.

Slipping away unnoticed amid th
is wild pack of howling women was easy and I went down a short hallway to the bathroom. Crying like a baby-crawl-along will never come easy for me or be something I would ever do comfortably in public, and I thank the Heavens for that small break. Everyone who knows me knows that I love being an ultra-feminine girly-girl but crying, even tears of overwhelming joy, made me feel like total crap.

Carefully wiping
the traces of my tears away, Sparky blazed in comforting empathy.

I
looked at the ring frosted in sparkling, icy-cold diamonds with flaring bursts of blue fire and I whispered, “Thanks, Sparky. I knew we were meant to be together the nanosecond Luke didn’t offer you to me, too. Everyone thinks diamonds are sharp and cold, and they are on the outside. But man, you are so hot on the inside; I think you might burn my finger off sometimes when you do your sparkle thing.” I patted the ring with a finger. “I love you.”

I
gave a little smoochie to the Italian poison ring on my left hand and ate the hidden breath mint. “Ti Amo! I appreciate you’re old enough to be mature and not be jealously acting up like Lady Liberty has been because I love our truck now, too. Hey, when you’re right, you’re right. I guess I should let Lady Lib know that I’m not trading her in. It’s not like I don’t have a double garage! Geez, I can be such a dumbass sometimes.”

‘
You’re acting like a nut! How much of that spiked punch did you have, anyway?’
demanded the mean mommy voice suspiciously.

Laughing at the image of my pink cheeks
, red nose, and shining reddened eyes in the bathroom mirror, I grinned because I was punch drunk with happiness.

I h
eld up a hand and ticked off my reasons for being the happiest woman on Earth. Not in any particular order of importance, but only as the thoughts raced across my brain.

First, and most obvious, I
was still alive.

Second, NanaBel
was here! I’ve missed that white-haired woman more than I ever thought possible over the last few weeks.

Third, Anna’s shower
was a rousing success. The women in my family will all be able to bask in the glory of this afternoon for many years to come. I will unhesitatingly use this as leverage whenever Anna brings up that damn missed sleepover party from grade school again.

Fourth, Pam’s and
my dance that we titled “SUFFRAGE” on the music video we recorded live about thirty minutes ago went over well. We introduced the gift to Anna by telling her that it was our artistic interpretation of the preparation a woman needs to make when beginning the longest, hardest battle she will ever fight to the death in her life.

Yes, that’s right. Her
marriage.

We then danced
part of our routine to “Respect” by Aretha Franklin. After all, when you get right down to it, a little ongoing respect is what it takes to have a blissful commitment—whatever that means to each of us. I said we danced part of our routine because it wasn’t one minute before the other women jumped in and started dancing to the song, too. Anna should have a lovely music video to commemorate her bridal shower.

Fifth through
infinity, I love my man and have not misplaced my faith in his abilities to achieve miracles.

Last night,
I’d gathered up my camping gear and went right to my bedroom after Luke left. I locked the dead bolt behind me, stripped to my pretties, and climbed into the welcoming, cool comfort of my own bouncy bed.

A few minutes later, I i
gnored the sounds of Pam moving around and using the bathroom. I sighed with impatience when she knocked on my door and called my name.

“What do you want? I’m sleeping!” I called out, knowing I
was being rude, but not caring.

Pam called back through the door, “Uh, Bel. Open the door a second; I need to tell you something.”

“Just tell me from there!” I didn’t want to leave my cocoon of comfort to hear about more suffering Pam has in store for John-Joe.

Pam’s voice r
ose to a shout and she was excited. “I can’t! I promised to tell you to your face. Come on, open up!”

Cursing, I swung off the covers and stalked to the door, unlocked the dead bolt, and threw open the door. “This better be…”

Pam was standing next to Luke and she was grinning, but he had his arms crossed and his fingers were drumming furiously.

His eyes
raked up and down my body taking in my pretties, but his voice was cold. “That was not practicing situational awareness.”

“Holy Moly!” I move
d behind the door a little to protect my modesty while uttering, “What the…Pam?”

This
was about all I could get out before Pam jumped up and down in place, waving a plain white business envelope in the air back and forth. PAM is scrawled in bold letters across the front.

“He fixed it, Bel!
He fixed it, fixed it, fixed it, oh my God, did he fix it!” She glanced up at Luke and her thin face was aglow with happiness.

He ke
pt his eyes on me, but Luke’s cruel lips relaxed at Pam’s bubbly effervescence invading his air space up on the Mongolian steppes.

“No way. Not that fast. How is he making you do this?” I dispute
d, squinting at her.

“
He said you’d say that! Luke’s not making me do anything, I promise.” Pam laughed giddily and wiggled a warning finger at me. “Oh, Bel, remember how you kept telling me to decide things for my own life?” I nodded warily and she continued with that blend of flighty, but practical commonsense she possessed, “Well, you can’t have it both ways. I’ve decided Luke’s fixed things and he’s suffered enough. I am one fixed Pammie!”

I don’t
dare look Luke’s way when Pam said the word “suffered”, but answered with a growing smile, “Okay, Pam, if you’re sure Luke has made up for the hurt he caused, then who am I to argue. I am so happy this is resolved. What’s in the envelope?”

Smiling expectantly, I look
ed back and forth between Luke and Pam as they shared a glance, Pam’s inquiring and Luke’s shrugging slightly.

I roll
ed my eyes. Already Pam was deferring to Luke’s commanding presence. It will be no time at all before she’ll gang up with Anna and be plotting with him against me.

Pam smile
d tremulously. “Luke came to apologize for using me as a pawn and said it was wrong of him. As we talked, I sort of told him about my life recently.”

Pam’s
a little dazed by this admission. She’d been grilled by an expert and this was the after effect. With a small smile, I nodded encouragingly for her to go on.

Pam smile
d back and blushed. “I told him about Joe and me, and how I’m waiting to get that condo in Burnsville. Umm, I hope you don’t mind, but Luke has offered his Chicago condo.”

My eyes flash
ed to Luke, but his face was unreadable. He was leaning a shoulder against the wall and staring down at the floor, as he patiently waited for Pam to finish. Looking closely, I shivered since he wasn’t staring at the floor, but at my pretties. He’d maneuvered his position to better see my body in the rosy pink, stretch lace bustier and matching skimpy boy pants.

I turn
ed my body slightly in his direction to give him a better view, since Pam has proclaimed he’d fixed things and I no longer needed to suffer. I love when Luke looked at my body this way. “Offered for you to stay there?”

Pam
’s laugh was loud. “No!” She patted Luke’s arm and exclaimed, “This guy has signed it over to me, lock, stock, and barrel! Luke said this way I can be near John while we get to know each other better. I won’t ever have to worry about having a place to live or how to afford a mortgage payment after leaving Carter, and it’s convenient for flying!”