In My Shoes (33 page)

They went back and forth for longer than
necessary. I would have preferred to have paid. Maybe it’s a guy
thing. But, when Jessica insisted on paying, I probably would have
let her pay just so I didn’t offend her. I don’t know if Nicole was
trying to do what she thought I would do, or if she was just raised
that the guy always pays. Either way, Nicole reluctantly agreed to
let Jessica pay for dinner, as long as Jessica let Nicole pay for
the movie. Jessica agreed, but neither of them seemed that pleased
with the outcome in the end. If I had to guess at this point, I
would have to say that Jessica and Nicole are not going to become
an item.

We headed out to the movie with about fifteen
minutes to spare. Nicole bought their tickets and snacks. The rest
of us paid our own way, and we went to find our seats. There was
about five minutes left when we got inside, and it was pretty
packed, so we ended up sitting in the front part of the theater.
The seats were still pretty good, even being that close.

Jessica sat next to Nicole, of course. I sat
on the other side of Jessica, then Mike, Caryn and Meredith.

After about twenty minutes into the movie,
and Nicole seemingly sitting in her seat stiff as a board, Jessica
put her head on Nicole’s…well, my shoulder. She not so subtly
scooted her hand Nicole’s way. Nicole, taking the cue, put her hand
in Jessica’s.

They stayed like that for most of the rest of
the movie. Jessica would play with Nicole’s hand from time to time.
Nicole seemed to be trying to return the gesture, but not as
much.

I couldn’t help but feel bad for them both.
It was obvious to me that Nicole was uncomfortable, and for
understandable reason. The real question was what was Jessica
feeling about all of this? Was she picking up on Nicole’s
discomfort and, if so, how was she interpreting the signals?

As the movie ended, Jessica removed her head
from Nicole’s shoulder and looked at her.

“Did you like the movie?” Jessica asked.

“Yeah…it was funny. Did you like it?” Nicole
asked.

“I did. It was really good.”

We all got up and started walking out of the
theater. Jessica grabbed Nicole’s hand and led her out after
me.

“Well,” Nicole said after a minute, “I had a
good time tonight.”

“Me too!” Jessica said enthusiastically. “So,
what do you want to do next?”

“Uhh…I thought you and the girls were getting
together tonight.”

“Well, we are, but it doesn’t have to be
right now.”

“Oh. I just assumed it was going to be right
after the movie. Mike and I made plans.”

“What kind of plans? We could all go do
something.”

“We…told my mom we’d be home to help
her…clean tonight,” Mike jumped in.

“Clean? Tonight? It’s Friday night?”

“Yeah, well, it wasn’t supposed to be a big
deal because it was just going to be after the movie,” Mike
said.

“And we were already going to be there
anyway,” Nicole chimed in.

“I’ve got family coming into town,” Mike
added.

“Oh, well…okay. So, can I drive you to Mike’s
house then?” she asked, sounding a little defeated.

“You can,” Nicole conceded, “but Mike already
is going there, so…” She was living on the edge with that response.
I hoped she knew Jessica better than I did, because I could
definitely have seen Jessica taking Nicole to Mike’s anyway.

“Yeah, I…guess that doesn’t really make much
sense. Will you walk me to my car, then?”

A slight hesitation, then she finally
responded. “Sure.”

I looked at Mike. Neither of us really knew
what to do. Caryn and Meredith seemed a little confused by the
abrupt ending of the night. Looking back at the train wreck we just
walked away from, I was sure we could have come up with a better
scenario than we did.

I felt a little helpless watching Nicole take
Jessica to her car. As we headed to our cars, we could see them
arriving at Jessica’s car. They were too far away for us to hear
what they were saying, but there was no missing the visual when
Jessica wrapped her arms around Nicole’s…well, my waist and leaned
in for a kiss. I couldn’t see Jessica’s face, but I could only hope
she had her eyes closed, because Nicole looked like she was trying
desperately to find her happy place.

In the end, there wasn’t much to the kiss. It
was short and not
much
more spectacular than a parent would
give their child. I looked around to see everyone quickly look
away. Well…this night wasn’t going to win me any awards for best
kisser.

Once the kiss ended, they said their
goodbyes, Jessica got in her car and drove away as Nicole walked
back toward us. As she passed me, she whispered, “Don’t say it…I
know.”

I wasn’t going to say anything. As hard as
that was to watch, it had to have been harder for Nicole to
actually go through.

“Well,” Mike said suddenly, “it was fun. See
you Monday?”

“Yeah,” said Caryn, “see you then.” Meredith
and I nodded.

Mike and Nicole drove off as Caryn, Meredith
and I headed to Jessica’s house. I had my directions in case I
needed them, but for now I was just following Caryn.

Tonight was going to be interesting. Let’s
face it, seeing the inside of a girls’ sleepover would probably be
interesting on any given day, but this wasn’t any given day. It
would be interesting to see what their take was of the night, and I
was likely going to be the topic of discussion. This may end up
being the most uncomfortable night of my life. So far, anyway.

I arrived at Jessica’s house and found a
place to park. Jessica had arrived before us and was already
inside. I grabbed my things and quickly joined Caryn and Meredith
as they walked up to the door. The rain had stopped for a few
hours, but it was starting to sprinkle again. Caryn knocked, and we
waited for someone to answer.

Just as the door opened, it occurred to me
that I didn’t know any of Jessica’s family or how close Nicole was
to any of them. I would have to wing it. A lady, who I guessed was
Jessica’s mother, answered the door.

“Hi girls. How are you doing?” she asked.

“Good Mrs. Carlson. How are you doing?” Caryn
asked.

“I’m fine, thank you. Jessica is up in her
room. You know the way.” Not really, but I’m sure the other two
know.

We walked up a stairway and down a hallway.
Jessica’s room was at the end. There were quite a few doors on the
way down the hall. Three of the doors had names on them. It looked
like she had at least two sisters, named Jennifer and Erica, and
one brother named John.

Jessica didn’t have her name on her door.
Maybe she outgrew that. Meredith was the first to arrive at
Jessica’s door. She knocked and walked in.

Jessica’s room was not as big as Nicole’s,
but it was definitely bigger than mine. It was a pretty decent size
for a bedroom. We all could fit comfortably in here without feeling
crammed.

When we opened the door, Jessica gave us all
a half-hearted smile. She was a little down. I was pretty sure I
could guess why.

I was the last one in, so I closed the door
behind me, and we all sat down on her bed.

“Well, the movie was pretty good,” Meredith
started. “Don’t you guys think?”

We all agreed.

“Did you have a good time with Jake?” Caryn
asked.

“Yeah, I guess,” Jessica said, seemingly
trying to convince herself.

“Did something go wrong?” Caryn asked.

“I don’t know. I thought it went well. I
mean, no, maybe not. Oh, I don’t know. Didn’t he seem more quiet
than usual?”

“Yeah,” Meredith responded. “Maybe he was
nervous.”

“Maybe. I don’t know. And, is it just me or
did it seem like he wanted to leave real fast after the movie was
done. I mean, do you think he was really going to help clean Mike’s
house? That just seems strange.”

Oh boy. I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t
decide whether to say nothing or to try and fix this. Trying to fix
this could backfire.

“That did seem a little strange, but it’s
possible,” Caryn said. “They are best friends. You never know.”

“I suppose. I don’t know. It just felt funny.
And when I kissed him…nothing. It was like kissing my dad. I kind
of wonder if,” she said, glancing my way, “he still has a thing for
you Nicole.”

Great. Now what do I say? “You think so? I
haven’t really gotten that feeling at all.”

“That would be kind of jerky, to go out with
you if he still has a thing for Nicole,” Meredith said.

“Not necessarily,” Caryn countered. “Jessica,
you did ask him out, right?”

“Right.”

“Well, maybe he didn’t want to say no. Maybe
he was being nice. Maybe he doesn’t realize he still likes
Nicole.”

“And maybe he doesn’t like me,” I
offered.

“Maybe, maybe, maybe and…maybe,” Jessica
said, kind of smiling. “I don’t know. I’m not counting on a second
date, though.”

“It could be that there is some other
reason,” I said.

“Like what?” Jessica asked.

Okay. This could go really wrong, but it
could help. Do I go for it? Why not? “Okay, I’m not sure about this
so…”

“What?” Jessica said, sitting up
attentively.

“I think Mike might…kind of like you.”

“Really?” she asked. I think she was
surprised, but she didn’t seem upset or unreceptive to the idea, so
I continued.

“I think…maybe.”

“Why do you think Mike likes her?” Caryn
asked.

“Well, I overheard Mike and Jake talking
earlier today, and I thought I heard Jake say something about him
not realizing Mike liked Jessica. I could have heard it wrong,” I
quickly added.

“Why would Mike tell Jake he liked Jessica
knowing Jake was going on a date with her tonight?” Meredith
asked.

“I don’t know. Like I said, I could have
heard it wrong. Do you want me to try and find out?”

They looked at each other hesitantly, and
then Jessica responded, “How would you find out?”

“Jake and I have become pretty good friends.
I’ll just ask him.”

“You don’t think that will be awkward?”
Jessica asked.

“I don’t think so. I won’t just blurt it out,
but if I feel I can work it in to the conversation, I will.
But…what if Mike does like you? Do you like him?”

Jessica looked a little nervous or confused,
like she didn’t know what to say. “I…don’t know. I mean, I was just
on a date with Jake. Like, an hour ago. Doesn’t it seem a little…I
don’t know…fast to be thinking about whether I like his best
friend?”

“Maybe,” I said. “But, you didn’t really hit
it off with Jake. Maybe he was uncomfortable because Mike likes
you. Look, I may have my information wrong, but if I’m going to
call and try to find out, it’s kind of important to know if you
could be interested in him. If Mike asked you out, would you say
yes?”

“I…I guess so. He’s funny. I wouldn’t want to
hurt Jake’s feelings though.”

“Of course not,” I said. “I’ll be
careful.”

I turned to leave her room and they all,
pretty much at the same time, said, “Where are you going?”

I turned back. “I was going to go out to my
car to call Jake.”

“Now?” Jessica asked, surprised. “Well, why
don’t you call him here?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Why not?” asked Meredith.

“Because, if he hears you in the background,
it might make him hesitant to talk. I don’t want him to think we
are messing with him.”

They all kind of looked disappointed, but
they didn’t argue anymore. “Well, okay, but hurry back,” Jessica
conceded.

“And take good notes!” Caryn added
enthusiastically.

I left the room, and went out the way I came
in. Fortunately, I didn’t run into anyone. Once I was in the car, I
called Nicole.

“Hello?” she said. I could tell from her tone
that she was down.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

“Yeah. No. I don’t know.” Well, that just
about covered the spectrum of answers.

“What’s wrong?” As if I didn’t know, but I
figured I should just ask.

“I’ve just been thinking about the disaster
that was tonight.”

“It wasn’t that bad, and I think we can fix
it.”

I was expecting her to ask how, but she
didn’t pick up the cue. “Doubtful. Jake, that was a mess. I just
keep running everything over in my head. I should have never agreed
to go on the date. Then, I think about this whole situation. What
if we never change back?”

I didn’t know what to say to that. I hoped
that wasn’t true. I could hear Nicole’s…well, my voice quivering. I
think she was starting to cry.

“Nicole…we’ll change back.”

“How can you say that, Jake? How do you
know?”

“I don’t know, it just doesn’t seem possible
to have us stay this way forever. Why would we have ever been born
who we were, if we were just going to switch and never change
back?”

“I don’t know. When I think about the
possibility of us never changing back…I mean, at what point do we
stop holding on to who we were? I don’t think I can get used to
dating girls.”

“I know. I’ve had the same thoughts, but like
I said, we have to change back at some point.”

She didn’t say anything, so I thought I would
try to get the conversation back on track. “Did you want to hear
how I think we can fix this?”

I heard a sniffle, but when she spoke, her
voice was steady again. “Sure, how?”

“I was just talking to the girls.”

“Where are you now? They aren’t listening to
this conversation, are they?”

“No, I went back out to your car. So, as I
was saying, we were talking about tonight. Jessica was a little
down about how things went, and they started trying to come up with
reasons why you were so…distant.”

“I know. Could I have been more obvious?”

“You could have worn a sign,” I said
lightly.