In the Dark (28 page)

His look of earnest concern was almost her undoing. God, it would be easy to take what he offered. But then he would be the one to suffer, and she couldn't stand the thought of that. "I heard what you said to me as I was landing the plane," she admitted quietly.

The look in his eyes was almost fearful. "And?" he prompted, searching her face.

"And I love you, too." She stroked his strong jaw, heart aching like a giant tumor in her chest.

For a second, his face took on an incandescent glow, but then the glow faded and his eyes became watchful. "Why do I sense a 'but' coming?" he inquired.

Hannah sighed. "Isn't it obvious, Luther? I can't ask you to sacrifice your dreams for me. You want a wife who'll 'hold the fort down' while you're off chasing terrorists," she quoted. "I'm not that kind of person. I'm barely even house trained!"

Her attempt at humor drew a wan smile from him, but his dark blue gaze remained serious. "I realize that," he argued. "I told you, I'm willing to make some concessions."

"That's not a concession, Luther. That's a sacrifice. You want kids, too, remember? I'm not the maternal type—not yet any way. I haven't even thought about having kids. All my thoughts for the last three years have been about the work I want to do. I want to travel; meet people I've never known before; master their language; make contacts; do something that'll save hundreds if not thousands of American lives. I want my life to mean something!"

"Do you think I can't appreciate that?" he countered with quiet force. "I had those same thoughts myself, sitting in a car wreck waiting for emergency workers to get me out."

She winced at the anger underlying his reply. "Okay, so you understand where I'm coming from," she allowed. "But that doesn't mean you'll be happy with me. You said yourself that our careers would make it impossible. I don't want to settle
down right now and have a family. Can you honestly tell me that you're willing to postpone your plans for me?"

He looked at her then as if she were a stranger. Hannah suffered the certainty that her argument had finally struck home. And just like that, she'd locked herself out of his heart forever.

"I wouldn't mind postponing them awhile," he insisted, but his words now lacked conviction.

She shook her head. "I wouldn't want you to do that, Luther. Not for me. Not for anyone."

A long, painful silence descended between them. Hannah could feel her heart thumping heavily in her chest as if weighted by iron chains.

This is where you insist that I'm worth it,
she thought, trying to send that message kinetically.
If you really loved me, Luther, you'd wait for me until my restless feet bring me home.

But Luther didn't say anything. He turned his gaze toward the crackling fire, and though his arms remained every bit as tender, she felt him withdrawing from her emotionally, mentally.

Sorrow broke over Hannah, sorrow too high, too wide and deep to breach. She put her head onto Luther's chest and let the tears come. What did she expect? That if she pointed out their differences he'd commit himself anyway?

The need to cry put such pressure on her chest that Hannah gave into it. Luther laid his cheek on the top of her head and held her tighter. "Let it out, Hannah," he encouraged on a raw note, his fingers tangling gently in her hair. "I've got you for now, baby."

For now.
Those words brought on a fresh wave of grief.

Hannah wept until she fell asleep, exhausted, cradled in the temporary refuge of Luther's arms.

Luther didn't sleep. The fire had dwindled to a gasping ember when he carried Hannah to his bed. He settled her under the sheets, then climbed in next to her. His room felt cold in contrast to the fire-warmed living room. But Hannah's limp body was warm. Her nightdress had ridden up to her waist, and her thighs were silky-smooth against him as he gathered her close. He lay there thinking.

With just a few logical words, Hannah had doused his newborn dreams in common sense. Of course, he'd realized that keeping Hannah would entail sacrificing his well-laid plans, but when she talked about postponing a family, he found himself thinking of Veronica, who'd wanted a family right away. If he and Ronnie hadn't worked out, what made him think he could make a long distance relationship with Hannah work? Her dreams entailed lengthy overseas assignments, networking, and intrigue. She would barely have time for him.

It didn't matter that he loved Hannah so much more than he'd ever loved Veronica. That didn't change facts. Their timelines didn't jive. They had different dreams. How would they ever make a marriage last?

Toward the darkest hours of night, Luther gave up questioning the injustice of their situation. There was nothing left for him to do but enjoy the precious minutes left to them.

He slid a hand under Hannah's nightshirt and touched her gently. In his gratification, she stirred, reaching behind to caress him in return. He shucked off his pajamas and put her questing hand
on
his aching flesh.

Hannah made a sound of sleepy appreciation. She wriggled her backside closer and he brushed her panties over her hips, removing the last barrier between them. He took his time, touching her leisurely, memorizing every beautiful feature of her. She moaned. “I can't move," she protested.

"Just lie still," he encouraged. He wanted this to be a gift, one that she'd remember.

Her skin grew warm and faintly damp as he devoted himself to pleasuring her. Though he ached to rind his own relief, he held back, content to draw the tiniest gasp, to breathe the scent of her excitement, to make the hidden muscles inside of her contract.

When he finally entered her, she was slick and burning from the inside out. He moved as gently as he could. Not until several blissful moments passed did he realize he'd forgotten to wear a condom. He started to pull out.

"No," she protested, locking him in to place.

"I forgot protection," he growled.

"Don't leave me now." It was a heartfelt plea, one that he capitulated to all too willingly. She wanted nothing between them nor did he. He could feel her silkiness all around him, feel her contracting as her climax gathered.

He set his jaw, determined to draw this moment out forever. He didn't want to let Hannah go. She was his. He was hers. Why did life have to get in the way?

"Oh " She moaned long and low, her body writhing in a sensual dance against his. "I love you, Luther," she confessed, lost in her release.

That did it. His pleasure erupted, spilling over him with heat and power. Luther commanded himself to withdraw, to compromise his pleasure for the sake of Hannah's dreams.

It took every ounce of his willpower. He ejaculated on her thigh, his forehead resting on her shoulder, hands clutching her to him.

The feeling of incompletion that ripped through him brought tears to his eyes. "I'll get a washcloth," he said, rolling out of bed.

When he came back, Hannah was nearly asleep again.

"I hope I didn't hurt you," he said, referring to the injuries she'd sustained in the last two days.

She turned and eyed him in the shadows. Sorrow hovered between them like a specter. "I hope I didn't hurt you, either," she whispered perceptively.

He threw the washcloth aside and took her in his arms again, taking comfort in her presence, as he always had.

Naval Air Station Annex Dam Neck
7 December
~
20:09 EST

Sebastian had never seen the ballroom at the Shifting Sands Club as filled to capacity as it was tonight. Every member of SEAL Team Twelve had come to honor him at his retirement party.

The tables stood decked in snowy linens, chinaware, and shimmering crystal. Elaborate bouquets of white mums and red roses vied for space on the tabletops, as meals of roast beef and Cornish game hen were laid before each guest. With Christmas just three weeks away, the festive scene was enhanced by the enormous decorated tree occupying the far corner.

Because of the tree, the tables were crammed together to make space for the dance floor, already awash with lights reflecting off the mirrored ball. The tasteful background music was a misleading indication of the pounding beats that were bound to come later. Already, the long lines at the open bar earlier had caused the volume
to
swell. The guests were having a good time.

Sebastian sat at the head table, which had been set upon a dais as if this were a medieval feast. Gazing at the familiar faces to his left and right, he found that the lump in his throat made it difficult to consume his dinner. He laid his fork down and sipped his ice water. He promised himself he would not allow his famous composure to slip tonight. He would not cry.

Leila, who was seated next to him in a heart-stopping scarlet dress that glowed beneath the crystal chandeliers, gave him a searching, sidelong look.

"Are you all right, Sebastian?" she asked, laying her own fork down.

"Of course," he said, summoning a smile for her. But then he looked past her at Jaguar who was whispering something into Helen's ear and Luther who was cutting his roast beef into squares, and his chest felt full and tight He was going to disgrace himself.

Leila removed the napkin from her lap. "Would you come to the restroom with me?" she asked him unexpectedly.

He looked at her more closely. "Are you not feeling well?"

"I'm fine," she said with a reassuring smile. "I'm not sure where the restroom is, though"

"All right" He pushed his chair back and escorted her out into the hall, ignoring curious glances.

Once in the privacy of the hallway, Leila turned to face him, her fingers settling lightly on the arms of his black dress uniform. "I can't ask you to do this," she told him, her eyes wide with regret.

He shook his head. "Do what?"

“To retire for me. Oh, Sebastian, you look so sad!"

He put his hands over hers, loving her intensely for her concern. "Of course I am sad,
querida.
These men have been my family for many, many years. I will miss them." He cleared his throat, trying to remove the stubborn lump lodged there.

"How can I make this easier for you?" she asked, lacing her fingers through his.

"You have already," he reassured her with a kiss.

She darted him a mysterious look. "Perhaps this will help." She withdrew her hands to fish an object from the sequined purse dangling at her shoulder. "I've been carrying it around for a few days now, waiting for just the right moment..." With trepidation in her eyes, she handed him a plastic square.

"What is this?" he asked, not recognizing the device.

"Look inside the circle. What do you see?”

"A plus sign," he said. His gaze rose slowly up to hers. He felt the blood slip from his face. "Is this what I think it is?"

"Would you like a family of your own, Sebastian?" she countered tremulously.

He put a hand to his forehead, feeling suddenly lightheaded. "We are going to have a baby?"

Her eyes took on a brilliant sheen. "Is that what you want?" she asked uncertainly.

There was nothing forced in the smile he gave her now.
"Querida,
you have made me the happiest man on earth!" he swore, grinning.

"Are you sure?"

"Am I sure! Come with me."

Suddenly, instead of comforting him in a private place, Leila found herself being dragged into the ballroom. Every couple in the room took note of their entrance while pretending politely not to stare. Sebastian marched her straight over to the DJ. He leaned forward, whispering something into that man's ear.

The DJ handed Sebastian a microphone. "May I have your attention," Sebastian said, his voice especially lilting over the sound system.

Dozens of heads swiveled in their direction. "I know you are just finishing your meals and the cake has not been cut, but I have something to say."

The room fell respectfully quiet Close to panic-stricken, Leila sought out Helen's gaze at the high table. Her friend wore a small, expectant smile. Leila's heart began to beat unnaturally fast. Surely Sebastian was only going to thank his guests for coming. Perhaps he might even break the happy news that he would soon be a father.

She swallowed against her suddenly parched throat. How would that look to others, when they weren't even engaged?

"Some of you have known me for ten years or more," Sebastian began. "We have been to the ends of the earth, where the ocean drops away into darkness." A moment of profound silence followed those words. "Experiences like those create a bond that time and space cannot erase. So there is no good-bye. Instead, I ask your blessing on this-new life that I intend to lead."

Leila's ears began to ring. She was aware of Sebastian reaching into his back pocket. He fished out a velvet pouch, loosed the string that held it shut, and pulled out a diamond solitaire. It winked at Leila beneath the turning mirrored ball.

Sebastian sank to one knee. Leila's own legs wobbled. A low murmur of approval spread through the audience. Taking both her hands, Sebastian looked up at her, his expression more intent, more certain than she had ever seen it. "Leila, it would be my greatest pleasure if you would consent to be my bride and the mother of my children. Will you marry me?"

She was conscious of the quiet that descended over the room as spectators waited for her answer. She waited for a tiny panicked voice within her to cry no!

But the purity in Sebastian's coffee-colored eyes kept the fearful voice silent.

"I will" she whispered, trembling from head to toe.

The smile he gave her was as brilliant as the Christmas tree behind him. He stood and tipped the mike toward her lips. "Tell everyone," he exhorted.

She cast a self-conscious look at the audience. "Yes," she said simply.

The room broke out in "Hoo-yah, Master Chief!"

The ring slipped silkily up Leila's ring finger, a perfect fit. Music blared suddenly from the speakers at her back.

"Care to dance?" Sebastian asked, one eyebrow winging over the other.

She thought, with hysterical relief, that at least he didn't look sad anymore. She went willingly into his arms, thinking,
This is where my life begins.