In the Middle of Nowhere (32 page)

Always remember me.”

Michael

I put the poem back in its special spot and
stood up. I slipped off my T-shirt and carefully put on my simple,
black linen dress. My mind drifted back to the end of the school
year as I did. To me, it seemed to finish off rather uneventfully.
I kept to myself, studied, did all my homework and got straight
As.

Eventually, my mom and I had the “talk.” She
read me the riot act and cautioned me that every decision I made
had a consequence and it was possible that, someday, I could make a
bad one that could be detrimental and irreversibly change my life
forever. And, as promised, I was grounded until the end of the
school year. I didn’t fight it and after a while, almost relished
the quiet and calmness that accompanied it, especially after
hanging out with some crazy characters, including Tessa.

Tessa Anderson didn’t stay idle for very
long. Once she realized that I was going to be stuck at home for a
very long time, she quickly and effortlessly found a replacement
for me. Conveniently, about a week into my sentencing a new girl
moved to the island. She was taller and thinner than me, but not as
pretty, I felt. Nonetheless, she filled a void in Tessa’s life and
Tessa quickly took her under her wing and taught her the ropes of
being a soph-whore-more at Portland High. Luckily for Tessa, the
newbie seemed to be a quick study.

Connor and Rocky were easily cast aside as
they were getting ready to graduate and move on to college. With
the help of her new protégé, Tessa sought out the most popular,
cute and athletic boys that reigned supreme in the junior class.
Out with the old, in with the new.

While I would sit with a nice bunch of girls
in the lunchroom, I’d watch as Taylor and Erica sat by themselves
and continued to gossip and whisper about Tessa and her
unsuspecting new friend. The two of them needed to get a life, I
concluded, or at least get a clue and figure out what was really
important.

• • •

All my fears for this day were for naught, I
realized. I wasn’t as scared or nervous like I had thought. I
walked over to my full-length mirror and adjusted the matching thin
black belt. I liked what I saw and was satisfied with the dress,
which I hoped to never wear again.

I thought back to months earlier, when I had
returned home from visiting Michael during the snowstorm, as he lay
so sick in his hospital bed. I had walked through my front door and
found my mother standing in the kitchen doorway, her small arms
wide open, ready and waiting for me to fall into them.

I sobbed as she held me and, afterwards, we
sat and talked for hours. I told her about Michael and how I felt
about him. With as much sensitivity as she could, my mom told me
that she felt the same way about Brian and she assured me that he
would never, ever take the place of my father, her first true love.
I wanted to believe her, but I had to get answers to some very
important questions first.

Initially I was hesitant and didn’t want to
hurt my mom’s feelings, but I took a deep breath and plowed ahead
anyway. I told her about the suspicious woman I had seen Brian with
in the store parking lot. My mother had chuckled at this,
especially after I had described the “other woman.”

Apparently it was Brian’s older brother,
Greg, who lived in New Hampshire, and his girlfriend, Christine,
who lived on the island whom I saw. The two of them had met years
earlier when Greg was staying with Brian. Greg was visiting Brian
and his girlfriend when I saw them in the parking lot together.
That was the reason my mom stayed home with James and it was the
same night that I got into trouble with Tessa and the boys. My mom
told me that Brian and Greg looked so much alike, they were often
mistaken for one another or even twins.

Still, I wasn’t done and needed more answers.
“Why is it that Brian used to be a principal and now is only a
teacher?” I had asked, as I thought back to what Connor and Rocky
had said. “And what about the fact that he used to live with some
lady!”

My mother gently took my hands, became
serious and explained. “A long time ago, Brian did live with a
woman. She got very ill and eventually died of cancer. Brian cared
for her during this time and was devastated by the loss. He
couldn’t handle the stress that being a principal entailed, so he
opted out of his job and took one as a fifth grade teacher instead.
Eventually they offered him his job back, but he realized that his
first love was teaching and that he had missed the classroom
interaction with the kids.”

I breathed a deep sigh of relief. Everything
was so easily explained away. I really let my imagination get the
best of me, but I couldn’t help it. I hadn’t liked Brian and would
have found any excuse not to trust him. Plus, how many people had
siblings who looked exactly like them? It had been an honest
mistake on my part.

I lifted each foot and fastened a pair of
pretty, black sandals with small, shiny rhinestones on the top. I
grabbed my purse and headed downstairs. I was home alone and the
house seemed eerily quiet on the beautiful, sunny morning.

Princess was cozily curled up at the bottom
of the stairs and looked up at me when I got closer to her. I bent
over and petted her softly.

“I’ll see you later,” I said.

I grabbed my mom’s car keys off the side
table and headed out the front door. I was going to drive by myself
for the first time, actually the second time, even though I wasn’t
supposed to until I got my driver’s license in two more months.

But this day was an exception and my mother
said I was an excellent driver and to be very careful when I did
drive off, especially because I was running late. A migraine had
kept me in bed much longer than I had planned. At least I felt much
better and only a dull headache remained.

Before I backed out of the driveway, I
skimmed the directions and luckily knew exactly where I was going.
I looked at myself in the small, rearview mirror and was glad that
I remembered to wear waterproof mascara. I didn’t want to cry, but
if I did, I wanted to make sure my makeup didn’t run down my
face.

It only took me ten minutes to get to my
destination. I parked the car and saw that others were there
already. I climbed out and grabbed the flowers off the front seat
next to me. I had to remind myself that I didn’t need to be
nervous.

I quickly walked to the hilltop, looked
around and realized I wasn’t as late as I had thought. I scanned
the crowd and spotted Michael’s mother. I would talk to her
later.

I walked away from the others, toward the
back of the event and finally found my mother. I hugged and kissed
her. She hugged and kissed me back.

“How do you feel?” she asked me.

“Much better, thanks,” I smiled. “Are you
ready?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” she said as her
pretty green eyes sparkled.

I looked around. “Where’s James?”

My mother seemed to panic for a spilt second
until James suddenly appeared, animatedly playing his DS game.

“Put that away, now, James!” my mother
scolded. “This is neither the time nor the place.”

James looked up, flicked off the game and put
it inside his coat pocket. Some things never changed.

“Do you have the rings?” my mom asked my
brother.

“Oops!” he said and ran off.

My mother rolled her eyes and tapped her foot
impatiently. Even mad, she still looked beautiful.

James quickly came back holding a small silk
pillow with two gold wedding bands pinned on top. Even though he
was annoying, James was so cute in his little black suit.

“Sorry,” he said.

“Ready?” I asked my mom again.

She smiled and nodded.

I casually stepped out from behind the white
drape and subtly signaled to the string quartet at the very front.
On cue, they began Wagner’s Bridal Chorus.

Two guests pulled back the drapes and
fastened them with satin ropes. James went first and looked anxious
as he walked toward the protected altar, shaded by a weeping
willow.

I quickly followed and tried to keep my
nerves in check. I smiled at the small groups of people who sat on
either side of the short aisle. The sun was still low in the sky
and the air felt crisp and clean.

I reached the altar and turned to watch as my
mother followed. She looked lovely in the vintage, ivory wedding
dress, as real pearl pins held her wavy hair off of her neck. I
looked over at Brian. He beamed as he watched her approach. His
brother, Greg, stood by his side and served as his best man. I, of
course, was the maid of honor.

I looked in the audience and again noticed
Michael’s mother and the empty chair next to her. She saw me and
smiled. I smiled back. I couldn’t believe how much Michael looked
like her, especially when she smiled.

My mom reached us and took Brian’s extended
hand. Hers looked so small and delicate inside his. The preacher
began his sermon and I anxiously scanned the crowd. Just then I saw
him emerge from behind a row of chairs in the very back. He
finished coughing and quietly crept forward. He ducked down as he
moved to the empty seat beside his mother.

We locked eyes and smiled at one another.
Michael looked so darn handsome in his light gray suit and red tie.
Finally content, I turned and listened as the preacher spoke about
compromise and faithfulness, forgiveness and eternal love, while
standing on a hillside, overlooking the ocean, on an island, in the
middle of nowhere.

ABOUT
JULIE ANN KNUDSEN

Julie Ann Knudsen received her B.S. degree in
Technical Writing from Clarkson University, but found that she
preferred writing creatively, especially after penning the play for
her children’s drama club for many years. She lives with her
husband and three children in Connecticut. Find her on the Web at
julieannknudsen.com
.