In the River Darkness (24 page)

I would have liked to thank Mia for everything she had given me. I got my chance a few days later when we bumped into each other in our kitchen. “I have a present for you,” I said. Mia studied the CD I slipped into her hand with curiosity.

“Jay’s Four Seasons,” she read. “These are your recordings?” I nodded. Everything was on the CD, our entire last year in a nutshell: my springtime birds; the singing fish above our kitchen table; Grandma’s vigorous clanging of pots and pans; the murmur of the river; the heavy summer silence, interrupted by ripe cherries falling from the tree; the jingling of Mia’s shell earrings; the splashing of the dives at Skip’s birthday party; then the screeching of a kingfisher; the crackling of frost.

And for the finale, the sound of a cello, like the distant hope that it will soon be spring again.

“Thank you, Jay,” Mia said, and seemed to be unsure whether or not she should hug me. “You know, Alex and I are thinking about maybe going to the ocean for a few days during spring break,” she related, trying in vain not to let the anticipation be heard in her voice. “Well, I don’t know yet if it will work out. But if it does, we’ll bring you a recording of the pounding surf. That’s a promise!”

“That would be great.” I smiled at her.

“Gosh, Jay, you seem so . . . different.” Mia studied me with amazement, like a familiar map where the roads had suddenly changed course. “It’s your left eye, the brown one!” she finally decided. “Usually when we were talking to each other, I always had the feeling it was looking right through me.” She laughed, as if her words seemed a little silly even to herself. “As if only half of you was here, and the other half was somewhere far, far away. As if your brown eye were actually looking at someone completely different.”

She was right. “It was always watching Alina,” I admitted. “But not anymore.”

She was quiet for a while, searching for the words. “The old legends are filled with river spirits and mermaids and . . .”

“No one believes in that kind of stuff!” I interrupted her.

“That might be exactly the point: no one believes in them anymore!” Mia exclaimed. Her hands drew exclamation points behind her sentences. “But maybe it was the people believing in all these creatures that made them real and powerful in the first place. What if it’s the same with Alina? Who knows, maybe you brought her to life, Jay!”

“Me?” I asked, feeling as if I had just stepped into a mudhole and felt the ground slipping away under my feet.

“Yes, you! I mean, Katarina died when you were still very young. That must have been hard for you. You must have wished she was still with you.”

Oh, how I had wished that! And then at some point, Alina was just there. There for me like a star that blossomed in the night. Had my wishes alone given her form? Had my thousand vows of loyalty been the blood that first made her heart beat?

Promise you’ll never forget me, Jay!

I can’t exist without you, Jay!

And then I realized that Mia’s suggestion wasn’t so absurd, after all.

“So you mean I conjured the spirit of my mother.” I looked out the kitchen window, toward the river, shining in the weak light of the winter sun like a tentative greeting. The willows along the shore cowered, freezing in the sharp wind. “I only know that Alina is still out there,” I said quietly. “Weaker now, only a shadow of what she was. She’s unhappy and lonely. That’s the only reason she tried to take Skip into the river with her. What on earth should I do now, Mia?”

Her smile was warm and encouraging like the sound of a cello. “Only you can decide that, Jay. But I think you already know what you have to do, don’t you?”

Yes, I knew. That evening, I stood on the dock when the blue twilight came. With it came Alina. Her pale reflection wavered on the water like the sputtering flame of a candle.

She was silent. There was nothing to hear but the rustling of the wind and the constant dripping of water from the willow twigs. They were already starting to bud.

I found it hard to speak into the expectant silence. “I want to talk with you, Alina!” I said loudly. “Until recently I thought you were the one holding on to me. But I see now that’s not true. I didn’t want to let go of you, either.”

The trees along the shore creaked their disapproval of my idiocy. I could feel tears forming in my eyes. “That was wrong, Alina. No one can keep things from changing. The river can’t stop moving. And people, too . . . they learn, they love, they grow up. Or they die, that happens, too. People can’t stay the way they are forever. No one can! It’s not natural, and it’s dangerous. And that’s why . . . that’s why it’s time for me to say good-bye to you,” I managed to croak in spite of the lump in my throat, and the knots in my heart.

“I release you, Alina. I’m letting you be Katarina again and go to the ocean.” Slowly, I raised my hand to wave to Alina, and she waved, too . . . waved back one last time.

A gust of wind blew through the branches like a sigh. It gave the river’s surface goose bumps and made the image of Alina quiver. Its outline blurred in the dark water and dissolved.

And then she was gone, forever.

There was nothing on the water but my own reflection.

A big, fat thank you goes to my godmother Dida, who always believed in me. Through her constructive critique, she helped me set this story on the right path.

To Sophia and Nadja for seriously engaging with my strange questions (“What do you associate with blood oaths?”)

To my family, many thanks for your understanding and your great support.

Furthermore, I’d like to thank my friends and critics Julia, Johannes v.D and others for pointing out that dimples aren’t located at the corners of the mouth, and Anissa for her lists of mistakes. As well as Johnny, who eagerly beats the advertising drum for me, and my most loyal “fans,” the Jorkowski family. Thanks also to Zoran Drvenkar, who as a professional found time to read through the first chapters.

Above all, I thank my editor, Ulrike Metzger, who with clear vision and enthusiasm helped make this novel a success.

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Title of the German original edition(s):
Im Fluss
by Marlene Röder © 2007 by Ravensburger Buchverlag Otto Maier GmbH, Ravensburg (Germany) Translated from the German edition by Tammi Reichel

The translation of this work was supported by a grant from the Goethe-Institut which is funded by the German Ministry of Foreign Affairs

LCCN: 2013933047

Röder, Marlene.

In the River Darkness / Marlene Röder.

Summary: Mia, the new girl in town by the river, starts dating Alex Stonebrook. She strikes a friendship with Jay, Alex’s brother. The relationships between the characters become more complicated as Mia learns about the Stonebrooks. Jay’s mysterious friend, Alina, is also jealous of Mia. Strange things start to happen, and they all seem to stem from the river.

ISBN 978-1-62324-010-3

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ISBN-13: 978-1-62324-005-9

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ISBN-13: 978-1-62324-023-3