In the Wake of Wanting (38 page)

“What happened?” she asks.

I feel like I’m choking and have a hard time conducting the conversation. “Were you ever in a position when you were alone with Asher?”

“What?”

“Were you ever in a position…” I swallow and concentrate hard to take a deep breath. “…when you were alone with Asher?”

“Never,” she says.

“Never in a place when he could have done something to you like he did to Kamiesha or Pryana?”
Breathe in. Breathe out.
“Drugged you?”

“No.”

“You’ve always woken up and known exactly where you were the night before?”

“Ever since… well, since I’ve come to Columbia, yes. I blacked out a few times in high school, but Joel was always there to take care of me. Why are you asking me this?”

“The Sig Rho guys are messing with my head,” I tell her, feeling my airways open up a little. “Asher told them he has proof that the two of you hooked up.”

“Trey, that
never
happened, I
swear
to you. I told you I didn’t want to go out with him. I have been dying to go out with you since the moment I saw you. I’ve said no to… Trey, I’ve turned down so many guys just so I could be available in that off chance that you and Zaina would break up. And I was never going to admit that to you because it sounds so crazy, but there is no way in hell I would ever…
ever
–”

“Okay,” I interrupt her. “Forget I even brought it up.”

“Why would he say he has proof?”

“To drive me to this point,” I tell her, feeling tension in every muscle in my body that hadn’t been there after my swim this afternoon. “To cause stress between us, I don’t know.”

“Stress?” she asks.

“He’s out on bail,” I inform her.

“We heard. But he’s not supposed to come on campus.”

“Yeah.”

“Don’t be stressed, Trey. You’re not upset with me, are you?”

My heart hurts when the question comes across the phone. “I want to see you. Can we video chat for a minute?”

“Yeah.”

I open up my laptop and wait to see her get online before hanging up my phone. “Coley?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m exhausted. Mentally and physically spent. But upset? With
you
? God, no. Scared that he may have done something without your knowledge? Yes. But I’m relieved, laureate.”

“Okay,” she says as she relaxes in her chair and blows the hair out of her eyes. I watch as she pulls at her tiny hoop earring. How she rakes her bottom lip with her straight teeth. How she crinkles her nose when she sniffles. How she blinks hurriedly before glancing back up at the camera on her laptop.

“Coley, I think your beauty is incomparable. I could look at you all day and never get bored.”

“You would get bored.”

I shake my head. “I don’t think I would.”

“Well,” she says. “I feel the same way about you.”

“Thank you,” I say simply, knowing how to accept a compliment.

“But you
do
look tired.”

“I am.”

“What sort of homework do you have tonight?”

“Believe it or not, since I have no articles to write, I have nothing that I need to work on tonight. I got everything done last weekend for tomorrow’s classes.”

“Lucky. I have an article to write.”

“Which means I’ll have work tomorrow night,” I remind her.

“Do you… want to get together to edit?”

“I’m having dinner with my parents. They don’t know about me and Zai yet. I wanted to tell them in person… but let’s do this again tomorrow night. If I can help it, I’d rather not go another day without seeing you.”

“Do you realize how romantic you sound?” Her smile is huge.

“Do you realize how amorous you make me feel?” She covers her face with both hands, clearly giddy at my admission. “God, and then you’re so cute, too. How can you be cute
and
sexy
and
so completely elegant and charming, laureate? How can you be everything in one package like that?”

“Stop it!” she says, laughing.

“Shit. You’re right,” I concur. “I could do this for hours, but I need to go to bed. Coach wants me to practice between classes tomorrow, and I have a meeting with Aslon and Pryana before dinner tomorrow night. I need rest.”

“Then sweet dreams, boss. You, like, really
are
that now.”

“
Junior
boss,” I correct her, looking at her seriously.

“Okay, boss.” She’s
not
taking me seriously.

I smile at her, but then wonder if I’ve been smiling the whole time. “Coley?”

“Yeah?”

“I’ve really enjoyed Day One.”

“I mean,” she starts, “the meatballs really put it up there in my top ten.”

I glare at her playfully.

She cups her hands around her mouth and whispers closely to the mic on her laptop. “One of the best days of my life.” She pulls back and points to her forehead. “You kissed me right there.”

I nod.

“You missed by six inches and it was
still
the best kiss I’ve ever received.”

“I missed, huh?”

“Bad aim. Work on that.”

“Okay. Good night, laureate. Talk to you on Day Two.”

“Sleep well.”

“Write well.”

chapter eighteen

“Mom? Dad?” I call out loud enough for myself to be heard on any of the three floors of the brownstone. They were expecting me, and they’re usually in the living room waiting for me. I pass through the kitchen, where pots and pans sit on the stove, cooking. The backyard is empty.

“Surprise!” A chorus of congratulatory greetings rings out from the formal dining room to my right.

“What in the…” My parents step forward, offering warm embraces, plus a kiss from my mom and a handshake from my dad. My sister and Jon are right behind them, leading Chris and Anna and my dad’s brothers, Matty and Steven, and their spouses. A few of their kids are even here, and so is Grandma Hennigan.

I was hoping for a quiet meal with Mom and Dad. I was not expecting this.

“It’s not every day you get a story on the front page of the
New York Times
,” Matty’s husband, Nolan, announces. The heat rises to my cheeks, but I nod, acknowledging the achievement that I’d discovered as soon as I turned on my phone this morning. Professor Aslon had left me a voicemail and a text. The president of Columbia offered his congratulations with a message, too. My dad had sent a picture. Throughout the morning, more and more notifications filtered in.

Not all were positive, either. Asher’s story was everywhere. It even made the local broadcast news at lunchtime, which was on in coach’s office right off the dressing room. I caught the tail end of it after practice.

My meeting at
The Wit
was just between me and my instructor. Pryana, Lucy and Kamiesha had been bombarded with interview requests, but by the end of the day, when I met with Professor Aslon, she told me that a lawyer had been retained to consult with them.

“Thanks… and Dad?”

“Yes?”

“Thanks for hiring Danny for the girls.”

“When I saw who Asher had hired, I knew they’d need all the help they could get. The state prosecutor’s fine, but I want the best for them.”

“Thank you.”

“Where’s Zaina?” Livvy asks. “I brought her that chocolate mousse she likes so much.”

“Uhhh… well…” Glancing around the room, I meet the expectant eyes of every last one of my relatives, finally settling on my grandmothers’. She and Zaina had a special relationship; she had taught my ex-girlfriend how to knit. In fact, she’s wearing the scarf Zaina had made for her last winter. I walk over to her, holding her frail hand in mine. “This isn’t quite the way I’d imagined delivering this news, but Zaina and I broke up Sunday night.”

“What?” My sister seems to be the most shocked.

Grandma Hennigan squeezes my hand tightly. “Are you okay, Trey?” she asks me quietly.

“Yeah, Grandma. I am.” I look at my parents, afraid to see their disappointment. I think Dad expected it based on our conversation from the other night, but he apparently didn’t tell my mother. Her eyes have teared up. “I know, Mom.” I walk over to her and give her a hug. She loved Zaina, too, and it’s the first time I’ve realized what our breakup means to everyone else in my family. Whereas I got to tell her goodbye–and her parents, too–my family doesn’t get that closure.

I walk with her into the kitchen. Dad, Livvy and Jon follow us, but the rest of my family stays in the other room, giving us a little privacy.

“What happened? Was it her decision? Is this why she came home?” Livvy fires off her questions quickly. “You had me make that sweet notebook for her and everything,” she says, rubbing my arm sympathetically.

I shake my head. “No, Liv. It was my decision. That… This has been a long time coming. We’ve been drifting apart since–since she went to Oxford, really. Maybe even before that.”

“Trey,” Mom says, and now the disappointment settles in her eyes. “School is just a temporary hurdle.”

“It’s not just the distance, Mom. Even when she’s here, things aren’t the way they once were. My feelings for her have changed. I’m not in love with her like I once was.” I try to be as definitive as I possibly can be to leave no question in their minds that this is a permanent decision, because the decision to be with Coley is coming in the not too distant future.

“She flew all the way out here for you to break things off?”

“Don’t look at it that way, Mom, please? I wanted to do it in person. I thought she deserved that. It was her decision to come here, and no, I didn’t stop her. I didn’t want to keep stringing her along. I seized an opportunity, but now she’s with her parents and Brinlee… I hope she doesn’t regret coming home. I feel like she’s in the best place to deal with the news.”

“That poor thing,” she says.

“Em.” Dad puts his arm around her. “I’m sure Trey has put a lot of thought into this. He’s not our impulsive child. I’m certain this wasn’t an easy decision for him to make, but we have to trust that he knows it’s the right one for him.”

“It is.”

“Then we support you,” he tells me. “Zaina’s a smart girl with a bright future. You’re right, it’s good that she’s with her mother and father and friends right now. And I think it was very admirable of you to do this face-to-face.”

“So, wait,” Livvy interrupts. “Then who was that little notebook for yesterday morning? The rush project that was so important it had to be done by ten A.M.” She plows right through her question even though the look I’m giving her is clearly communicating that I’d like for her to shut up. She looks around at our parents and her husband, then explains. “He made me paint ‘Let’s Dance’ on a little red notebook.”

“It was for a friend,” I explain quickly, walking past everyone toward the refrigerator to get a drink.

“What kind of friend?” Livvy asks, following closely on my heels.

“Contessa,” Dad says, calling her by his nickname for her, “leave him alone.”

“Why can’t I ask that?”

“He doesn’t need the third degree right now. We’re supposed to be celebrating his
Times
debut, anyway, right, Jackson?” He pats me on the back, obviously proud.

“Sure,” I say, leading everyone into the dining room. I notice for the first time a cake positioned in the middle of the table, decorated to look like a newspaper. “Did Aunt Kelly make this?”

“Of course,” Dad says.

“I need a knife.”

“You need to eat dinner first,” my mother says. “Lasagna’s in the oven and it should be done soon.” My stomach rumbles on queue. My dad makes the best lasagna.

“Will there be enough to take any back to my place?”

“I made a small batch for you that’s in the fridge, Jackson,” he calls to me from the kitchen. Already I know I want to freeze it and save it for Coley to try.

“I’m on to you,” my sister says as she passes by me to sit down.

“Can I take that mousse back with me?” I ask her, ignoring her statement.

“No,” she says. “That was for Zai.”

“Your mom dropped a shirt behind the washing machine,” Jon says to me, breaking up the tension. “Come help me move it.”

With my arms full of leftovers and my heart full of the love only my family can give me, I return to my apartment at the end of the evening. It’s late, and I still have homework, but my video chat with Coley takes precedence. We’re discussing work that has to be done for tomorrow, but I really just want to see her and talk to her more than anything.