In the Wake of Wanting (62 page)

Fortunately, everyone we’re with now–with the exception of my sister–was cordial and welcoming. Still, Coley’s meek and her body language shows her discomfort with the situation. I hold her hand under the table and nudge her shoulder with mine to show a little solidarity.

When there’s a break in the conversation, Jon produces something from his wallet and hands it to my girlfriend. I recognize the photo of my sister immediately. So does Finn, and he snatches it from her fingers.

“What is that?” Livvy says.

Jon grabs it away from Finn, scowling at him before smirking at the last second to let us know he’s not serious. There was bad blood between the two of them when Livvy was a senior, and this picture is just the thing to bring back those memories.

In the photo, she’s in motion, her hair flipping in front of her face as she stands in revealing black lingerie.

“It’s a picture of you,” Jon says, handing it back to Coley.

Coley looks down at the picture, then up at Jon and over at me, confused. “I’m sorry. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do with this.”

“
Which
picture?” my sister presses on.

“I took that of Livvy when she was sixteen,” Jon says. “‘Just one picture,’ I’d pleaded with her, and she relented.”

“Give me that!” Livvy says as she stands and reaches across the table to steal the artsy-but-revealing photo away from my girlfriend. “Why are you showing that off?” she asks her husband, backhanding his bicep.

“There’s a point to this,” he assures her.

“Well, get to it, please.”

He rolls his eyes as his brother, Will, leans back and peers over his sister-in-law’s shoulder to see what she’s trying to hide. “I remember that girl,” he says. Livvy elbows him in the side as his wife laughs at his punishment.

“She was sixteen at the time. A minor. I was eighteen. It wasn’t smart to take the picture in the first place, but it was the only one I took, and I was the only person with a copy. We made sure of it. She watched me save it to my computer. It was in a secure place. I deleted it off the camera. Literally
no one else
had that picture.

“A couple of months later, I was in class, and I got this text from my roommate, Fred. It was that exact picture, and he asked if it was really Livvy. I was pissed, asking him how he got the picture. Wondering if he’d somehow gotten into my computer. I wasn’t thinking ‘bigger picture’ at the time until he sent me a link to ManhattanNOW. You know ManhattanNOW?” He directs his question to Coley.

“Yeah, I know it,” she says of the tabloid.

“Well, I went to their page, and it took up the entire site, that picture of her. I was horrified. I was sick. I took that picture, and at the time–that was when Livvy was still sweet and innocent–”

All the guys at the table jokingly argue with Jon. I start laughing with Katrina and Shea, watching as my sister sends death stares from one person to the next.

“No, really,” Jon argues. “She was pretty much New York’s sweetheart at the time. No one knew we’d had sex. In fact, we’d outright lied to her parents, telling them we
hadn’t
had sex when they point-blank asked us. Having that picture out there was not good. Not at all.

“I still remember the fear I felt in the pit of my stomach. I don’t think I’ve ever been that scared in my life. I tried to call her, but she didn’t answer. I cut class and jumped on a bus. It was the middle of the day, and I’d decided I’d just wait on her doorstep until she got home from school. I knocked on the off-chance that she’d be there, and she was. I was relieved, thinking I’d caught her in time to warn her about it and come up with a game plan. A good lie. Something. But no. She informed me her parents were in the kitchen and that she’d already told them everything.

“I walked into the next room, counting down the last few seconds of my life.”

Livvy giggles, handing the picture back to Jon and taking his hand in hers.

“Obviously we both survived the wrath of Jack and Emi Holland. I think Liv would even admit that was one of the easier things she had to endure with the whole incident.”

I was only six when it happened and don’t have many memories of it. I think everything I do remember are things we’ve discussed since it happened, honestly. Lessons learned from Livvy’s mistakes, and there were a lot of them. I look at my sister, whose eyes have softened and settled on Coley now.

“The picture was released the day before winter break, which I realize was a blessing. The immediate aftermath was just some rude texts and immature prank calls. It was when she went back to school that she was really tested.”

“He’d lied, too,” Livvy contributes. “To get the picture taken down, he told people it was simply a manipulation for an art class. It cast enough doubt for most major sites to remove the picture. For others, Dad just reminded them that I was sixteen at the time. The threat of posting images that could be considered child pornography scared most of the others to delete it from their servers. But the picture was still out there. You could do a simple search and find it.”

“People called her a slut. A whore.”

“A nympho,” she adds, rolling her eyes. “A tease. But they were idiots,” she says. “I knew who I was. I knew what I was. I was a girl in love and in a committed relationship with my boyfriend. I knew I owed these strangers–these classmates, these people who used to be my friends–no explanation. I could live with myself and my actions. I loved Jon. A lot of the chatter could be attributed to jealousy,” she says. “Some, to a difference of morals. I had no regrets of anything Jon and I had done. Even taking that picture. It’s a beautiful picture.”

“Livvy seemed impermeable to the criticism. I simply had regrets for not having a better password,” Jon says. “You’ll go back to school Monday, Coley, and people may still be talking about that video.”

“Fuck ‘em,” Will says.

Jon nods in agreement. “Don’t let their words break through and change the person you are. You know who you are, Coley. Trey knows who you are. Your parents and family know. This week, I’ve heard Jack and Emi say really great things about you. They’re completely sold on you, so you don’t have to worry about them.

“You’ve met a lot of new people here today who only know you from that video, but I personally am really impressed that you came here and that you’ve held your head up high while you’ve been paraded around by this kid… This great kid. This great kid who loves you.

“I know he’ll do anything to protect you and your reputation and your name. He’ll stand up for you if you need that, whenever you need that. But I sense you’ve got a force in you, some determination, that will repel any of the merciless things that are said to you. I bet you can shrug off the looks that are sent your way, any gestures people make or comments that are muttered under people’s breaths.”

I put my arm around her, pressing my lips against her temple as she smiles.

“You know who you are, don’t you?” he asks.

She nods. “I do.”

“Just continue to be better than them,” my sister says. “That’s what you can do.”

Relief washes over me, happy that Livvy’s set her stubbornness aside and is finally trying to get to know Coley. My heart feels full.

“You have another family here who’s behind you. Who’ll defend you,” I tell her.

“Trey’s a good judge of character,” Jon continues.

“Uhhh,” Callen jumps in. “What about that asshole rapist guy?”

“Okay, with the exception of the guy that manipulated his way in, he’s rarely been wrong about the people he’s let into his life. I trust him. I trust that he knows what he’s doing with you.”

“And I’ve seen a different brother now than I did a few weeks ago,” Liv says. “He’s changed. He’s more confident and assured, and above all, he’s happier. The only thing that’s different, Coley, is you.”

“I know that I, for one, want you to stick with him,” Jon continues. “If there is anything I can do for you, just consider me another brother.”

“Me, too, Coney,” Max says, adding a wink.

“I’m in,” Callen adds.

“You’ve got me,” Will vows.

“Well, I don’t live here,” Finn stutters, “but I’ll do what I can.”

“Guys,” Shea cuts in. “While you’re all sweethearts, and just what Livvy and I needed, maybe Coley needs a sister or two. You
have
two brothers, right?”

“You can’t have too many brothers,” she says politely.

“Oh, give it some time with
these
guys, and you may change your mind,” she jokes. “I’ve been around these goofs for three years and there are times when I wonder how they ever survived childhood.”

“Screw that!” Livvy says. “I’m still waiting for them to reach adulthood.” Shea reaches across the table to deliver a high-five to my sister. The rest of my brothers and friends all laugh quietly and dip their heads, looking embarrassed.

“Well, you do have a few teenagers in the mix still, right?” my girlfriend offers.

Liv snorts. “Max and Trey. That’s it. But who was it that ‘pantsed’ Will last night at eleven-thirty?” I look around the table. Jon, the oldest one sitting with us at 32, finally raises his hand and everyone starts laughing while she continues. “We were all sitting around the campfire. Most of the guys were still in their swimming suits from earlier, and poor Will stands up to get Shea some water, and Jon took his shorts right off him and ran into the freezing cold lake with them.”

“Before we knew it,” Shea continues, “all the guys were in there playing keep-away from my sweet, naked husband… until he gave up and we went to bed.”

“I feel like I won in the end,” Will says to himself before looking at her and giving her a kiss.

“Anyway,” Shea says, breaking away, trying to be modest, “Coley, I can’t begin to imagine what you went through or what you felt. And somehow that idiot,” she says, nodding to Jon, “said some perfect stuff already. No matter what people tell you, don’t be ashamed of your body or sexuality. What you two were doing was an expression of love and desire, and it’s a beautiful thing. If someone calls you a slut or whore, you just come back with, ‘I am a goddess. I was being worshipped.’ Then just smile and walk on.”

Coley blushes.

“It’s absolutely true,” I tell her. “You wouldn’t be lying.”

“All women are goddesses,” Shea says, shrugging her shoulders. “Sometimes, it takes a good sisterhood to remind you of that. Do you treat yourself as a goddess? And how do you let others treat you?”

“Some girls aren’t worthy of the title anymore,” Liv adds. “They’re the ones that will criticize you for what they saw in the video. Maybe they let other people treat them like shit somewhere down the line, and now they feel it’s their personal responsibility to share the vitriol. But what are you?” she asks Coley.

“A goddess?” she says, unsure.

“An incredibly
beautiful
goddess with an impenetrable shield to ward off their hate, and a boyfriend who loves you, two sisters who will stand beside you, and a bunch of idiots who call themselves brothers who will–most of the time–do the right thing and defend your honor, too.

“And so help me God, if they ever pants you, I will personally kill the culprits.”

“I’ll help,” Shea says.

“We don’t pants girls,” Jon cuts in.

“But it’s a good idea to wear a one-piece,” Finn says, cupping his hands over his own chest.

“I will personally kill you, Finn, if you touch her bathing suit,” I vow with a smile.

“I miss the pre-growth-spurt Trey that couldn’t follow through on threats.”

“Well, thank you all.” Coley moves the hair out of her eyes and looks into the faces of my brothers and sisters. “I’m dreading this week at school, but I hope people have moved on.”

“Get through the day,” Livvy says, “and Shea and I will come over to Trey’s and have a fun girls’ night of pampering with you. It’s something to look forward to. Is that okay, Trey?”

“Well, I mean, she hasn’t even seen the place since I moved in. We might want some time.”

“You’ll have Sunday night and every night after.” I look at her and let her make the ultimate decision.

“I’d love that.”

“Good, I’ve been dying to hang out on that terrace,” Shea says.

“You still owe us a party, Trey,” Will says. “I expect an invite soon. Damon would love to play.”

“When school’s out, I promise. I just need things to die down.” I can’t wait for normalcy to return.

Sunday night, Coley and I return directly to my new place. She was relieved to see that there was only one photographer in the street in front of my building when we pulled up, but with the attached private parking garage, he wouldn’t get any opportunity to see us. With the way the penthouse is designed to allow for complete, 360-degree views of Manhattan, I have to park on the floor below mine to get in, but it’s still convenient. We just take the elevator up one floor using our special keycard, and we’re inside the new apartment that I was only able to spend a little over a week in before I joined Coley in Virginia. It’s still very new to me, and Anna even came back from the lake house one day last week to oversee a few final touch-ups while I was gone.