In Your Arms (16 page)

              “No more Braxton. No more anyone. You need time to yourself and time to heal. I found an international internship with an interior designer, Yolanda Bates, the best of the best, and you will be taking it. You will also be seeing a therapist.”

              “Where is the internship exactly?” I'm going to guess that it is not New York.

              “Everywhere, but you'll start in LA. She'll explain it when you meet her this Monday at her headquarters.”

              “That's three days away.” I still needed to pack up my place in New York and take care of things for my grandmother and say goodbye to Callie...and Braxton.

              “It is. I need you not to be near this mess right now. It will be better for you, trust me. You need to clear your head.”

              I nod, slowly taking this in. Not processing.

              “Your mother is having a hard time with the information. I told her to let me talk to you first, she would really like to hold you close now. She lost it at the hospital, and all she wants to do is comfort you.”

              “Okay.” It takes less than a second, and her arms are around me, holding me as tightly as possible. She was waiting for my father to finish talking to me first.

              “We love you so much, Ashton.”

              I speak the words that I know are true. “I know.”

Day 4:

              All my summer clothes were sent to some LA apartment that my mother picked out for me. This was actually going to happen. I still haven't managed to tell Braxton that I won't be staying in New York. I don't want to upset him, his book releases tomorrow.

              I arrive in New York City mid-afternoon, and the first place I head to is my grandmother's retirement home. She's by her favorite window, and seems to be nodding off. I go to the nurse first, before I left, I knew she wasn't doing too great.

              “Haven't seen you here in a week, Ashton, what gives?” the nurse asks. Her scrubs is Bears related, and I smile because I know she must get a lot of crap for it.

              “Family emergency. I actually came to say that I will no longer be residing in New York. I got an internship and it starts Monday. It's a lot of traveling.”

              “What about your grandmother?” I looked at Elizabeth. I felt horrible that I wouldn't be able to see her as often.

              “My only condition to taking the job was to have one day off to come visit her every two weeks. I'll call her daily, and I know that's not a lot-” She cuts me off.

              “But it is, Ashton. A lot of these families stop putting in effort after their family member is no longer lucid for any period of time. Even if you're not here, I will make sure your grandmother knows that you're constantly thinking about her.”

              “Thank you.”

              “She hasn't been lucid since you last visited. Doctor says that her disease is progressing more rapidly.” I promised myself no more crying. My grandmother was right, she knew that any day she could just not remember anything at all.

              “I hate this disease so much.” I say softly.

              “We all do.” She pats me on the shoulder.

              Callie came over after work to help me pack. The people from the storage unit would be here at eight in the morning to take everything I wasn't planning on keeping. Furniture included, I'd redecorate once I got back to New York for school.

              “I can't believe you got this amazing internship. You're going to live in sunny LA, and always enjoy the beautiful weather.” I smile.

              “I hate warm weather. I like Spring and I like the Fall.”

              “How is Braxton taking the news?” I look at her. “You haven't told him.” It wasn't a question because Callie knew me enough. Even though I knew her for less than six months, she knew me very well.

              “My father said I can't have anything to do with him. How am I supposed to tell him that? I know it sounds harsh, but my father is right. I need to do therapy and mourn my lost innocence. You understand that, right?”

              “I do because I did it. It's going to get lonely and it will be hard, but you'll come out a stronger person. Then you'll be ready for a real relationship with Braxton.” I smile sadly.

              That's what I hoped.

              “I need you to promise not to tell him where I am or that I'll be visiting my grandmother. It will just make it harder.”

              “I promise.”

              “Thank you.”

Day 5:

              I wrote a letter to Braxton. I felt sick just writing it because I couldn't tell him to his face. I was a coward. It seems I always run from my problems...maybe that's who I really am. I rewrote the letter several times before being happy with the product.

              I knew the party for his book launch was from five until ten, and there would be after parties. He wouldn't be home all day because of press. I knew the one person I could give the letter to was Charles, so I told him to come over. He arrived fairly quickly.

              “Why is your apartment empty?” I give him the letter that is addressed to Braxton. “Why are you giving me this? You're not coming to the release party?”

              I shake my head. “Something happened. I can't be in New York right now, so I took an internship somewhere not in New York. I start tomorrow.”

              “You're leaving just like that? What about Braxton?”

              “That's what the letter is for. I tried to explain as best I could.”

              “Ashton. You can't do that to him. He's fallen in love with you, this will break him.” Tears sting my eyes, but I don't let them fall.

              “I'm sorry.” I truly was. “You need to give that to him after the parties. Tomorrow if you have to. Please, can you do that?”

              Charles paced, contemplating what I was asking. It was a difficult request. He finally stopped and looked at me.

              “Explain to me why, and I'll follow through without telling him.”

              “Really?” He nods.

              “I'm a person who keeps his word.”

              I looked down for a moment before telling him. “Right now, I have a lot of legal troubles. Troubles that started last year. Braxton's career could be in jeopardy if he gets sucked in, and it will be a hard thing to explain away. I can't let that happen. I'm sure with you being his agent, you wouldn't want that either. I think it's best to not get Braxton involved.”

              Charles gets quiet the nods his head. “You're right. Braxton's career is just starting, and it would not be good.”

              “My flight leaves soon. I have to catch my plane.” I grab my carry on bag.

              “This is it.” I nod.

              He hugs me and I hug him back. I start tearing up again. I couldn't stop the tears from falling. Soon I was sobbing, and Charles held me tighter.

              “Don't let him chase me.” I wasn't good for Braxton, but he was so good for me.

              “I'll try my best, but I can't promise that he'll listen to me. He hardly ever does.” I pulled away and wiped my tears.

              “I need to go now or I'll miss my flight.” I was breaking Braxton's heart, and he didn't even know it. Am I horrible?

Chapter 25

Braxton Wright

              Ashton's penthouse was empty. There was nothing there. It was like she was never here and never existed. I can't believe she left.

              I called her phone, the only thing I could do. Where was she going? Why was she running? Why had she left?

              “You've reached Ashton, leave a message after the beep.”

              I called Callie next. She answered right away.

              “Braxton?” I never called her, of course it would be odd.

              “Where did she go?” Silence. “Can you at least tell me why she left?”

              “I promised her that I wouldn't.”

              “Did I do something wrong?”

              “No! She's just going through something really rough right now. Ashton explained it all in her letter to you.”

              “Letter?” I don't see a letter around here in her apartment.

              “She told me she was going to give it to Charles, she might have given him instructions.” I could tell she was unsure.

              “Thanks, Callie.”

              I walked back into my party. Charles was at the bar, and I waved off anyone who wanted to talk to me. I needed to read that letter.

              “Braxton, you're back.” Charles says.

              “Give me the letter.”

              “I'm supposed to give it to you after your release party.” I give him a look, and he takes it out of his pocket.

              “She really left, didn't she?” I say quietly as I take it.

              “Brax...” He didn't know what to say. I didn't blame him. Nothing like this had ever happened to either of us.

              “I'm fine.” But I wasn't.

              I can't read the letter. It will just be too difficult. At least for right now. I have to believe that if she left, she left for a good reason. I hope.

Chapter 26

Ashton Pennington

Two months later...

              I spent a month just staring out a window when I had therapy. The thought of telling a complete stranger my most inner thoughts felt wrong. Then one day. It made sense. It was an unbiased opinion. This person didn't know me or anything that had been going down. They would listen to me, and understand what I went through.

              “Are you excited to go to Europe?” I smiled and nodded.

              Isis was a great therapist. We connected very well. After my 'aha' moment, I managed to actually start working through my problems and booked more sessions because I had so much crap to work through.

              This week, I wanted to talk about Braxton. I haven't seen him in almost two months, and it was so hard not answering his calls. I knew that he hadn't opened my letter. My internship was another week, and then I would be deciding if I'd go to Chicago or back to New York city.

              “The client has amazing taste, or at least knows what she wants. I'm excited to go picking stuff out with Yolanda.”

              Yolanda was different. Her eye for interior design is amazing. It's like she knows what the client wants, I've seen her bring a few of them to tears because of the amazing job she does every single time.

              She told me that she was planning on opening offices in Chicago and New York (few other places, too) pretty soon, and once I graduated, I could join her team. Yolanda always says that she likes what I bring to the table.

              “You mentioned in your email that there was something specific you wanted to talk about at the end of session.” Isis was a no bullshit kind of person. She made sure I followed through a lot, and at first it was hard, but it got easier.

              “Is it too soon for me to be dating?”

              “I can't answer that question for you, Ashton.” See. No bullshit. No sugar coating. No of anything.

              “Why not? Isn't that what you're here for?”

              She chuckles. “No. I'm here to help you, not tell you what to do.”

              “Then how do I figure this out for myself?”

              She puts her notebook aside and leans forward. “Inside of yourself. You told me that you had this friendship with this Braxton kid.” She called everyone kid. “I think somewhere inside of yourself, you knew you were ready. You had sex with him and it turned into something more every day you were with him. Not everyone has that reaction when they've been through a lot, like you.” And she was right.

              Braxton wasn't the first person I tried to have sex with. When I got to New York, I went through a phase for the first two weeks where I'd get drunk and the minute anyone touched me, I'd cry, and they'd back off. It was embarrassing. That's how I met Callie, she told a guy to fuck off and she took me home and stayed until I woke up.

              “I see the wheels turning. I told you I was here to help.” I rolled my eyes and smiled at Isis.

              “Thank you.” I say.

              “Now go pack, I know how much you're itching to get to England.” I'd be leaving in two days, and to say I was excited was an understatement.

              Yolanda was walking through the shops in Brighton for antique furniture, I don't know why because she already has picked out in advance what she wants to see, the shop owners were waiting. She always says that this is the best part of the job, and I totally get it.