Inbetween (Kissed by Death, #1) (16 page)

“Emma,” Finn said from behind me.

I focused on the broom in my hands. Solid. Steady. I dumped a pan full of broken glass into the trash can.

Finn pulled the broom out of my hands. “Look at me.”

I wouldn’t look at him. I couldn’t. I was about to shatter. “Do you have any idea what Mom will do to me if she comes home and finds this? I can’t…she can’t see it.”

He didn’t say anything else, but he didn’t leave either. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him throwing broken things into the trash can. He dismantled the chairs and placed them back around the table. Jerked the forks and knives out of the wall and tossed them in the trash, too. When we’d gotten the kitchen into somewhat-decent shape, I stared at the holes the forks and knives had left behind, trying to come up with a good lie for why they were there. Mom would freak out if she saw them. I’d have to drive to a hardware store first thing in the morning and buy something to cover them up before she noticed.

Finn followed me down the hall, and when I crawled back into bed, he lay down beside me. His cheek pressed against the pillow next to me, but it didn’t crease or dent under the weight of him.

“The kitchen still looks awful. Do you think she’d believe me if I told her I threw a party?” I laughed. Sort of. I pressed my fists into the mattress. Why couldn’t I stop shaking? “Maybe she’ll be too distracted with her new boyfriend to notice all the holes in the wall.”

“Do you like him?” he asked, softly, trying to change the subject. I could have picked a better one.

“I don’t want to like him,” I said. “I want my Dad back.”

Finn reached up like he was going to brush the hair from my forehead, but stopped. He let it rest in the space behind my pillow instead. “You can’t have him back,” he whispered. “Don’t punish her for that.”

“I’m not trying to punish her.” I shut my eyes and let myself feel Finn’s heat against my face. I wanted him to touch me. To make me forget what had just happened. To finish what he’d almost started in the living room what felt like a lifetime ago now, but he didn’t. “It just hurts.”

“I know it does.”

“I want to know how to stop her, Finn,” I said. “More than just incantations and sage. Tell me what to do to stop Maeve. I’ll do it.”

He watched me silently, like he didn’t know what to say. “I don’t know how to stop her. But I’m going to figure it out.”

Taking a deep breath, I opened my hand and reached out to touch him. He watched my fingers silently until I was just a breath away from his chest.

“Don’t,” he whispered.

I looked at him surprised. “Why?”

Finn’s green eyes held mine, and something in me clicked into place at that moment. He’d looked at me like this before. I remembered. Or I at least remembered the feeling inside me. Electric. Achy. Overwhelming and right.

“Because if I touch you, I won’t be able to stop touching you.”

I pulled my hand away, but never broke eye contact. I didn’t want to lose this feeling that was making me dizzy all over. Not trusting my hands, I folded them between my face and the pillow.

“Then just stay with me,” I said.

Finn nodded against the pillow. “Okay.”

Chapter 20

Finn

At times like this I thanked God I couldn’t feel. November wind rushed through me, knocking the last of the leaves from the trees around me as I waited outside Emma’s school for the bell to ring.

There’d been no sign of Maeve for almost a week. As much as I didn’t want to be away from Emma, I couldn’t stand the monotony of going through her classes with her anymore. Maeve’s silence was the perfect opportunity to get away from the useless information being pumped into my head. I’d never been great in school. While the other kids had their noses diligently shoved into books, I was somewhere else all together, staring out the window, my head in the clouds that I would eventually die in. I guess that’s why I jumped at the chance to actually fly in them. I could still hear Mama as she slammed the dishes around in the metal sink so hard I thought they might shatter.

“Finn, you can’t go. They can’t make you. You’re still a child. You haven’t even finished school.” She was crying, tears flowing down the crevices that years of worry and hard work had already carved into her cheeks.

“For the last time, they aren’t makin’ me, Mama. I want to go. It’s what’s right.” I’d never sounded so uncertain. I was like a dog with its tail between its legs, afraid of being scolded. But then again Mama could drive the fear of God into the toughest of men, so I shouldn’t have expected to be any different. “And I’m not a kid anymore. I’m eighteen.”

“What about the farm? You know your daddy’s getting too sick to do it alone. He needs you.”

I looked away. “Henry can help. He’s sixteen now. He’s old enough.”

“You can’t wait to get out of this place, can you; away from us. Just be a man and admit it. You don’t want to end up a poor hick farmer like your daddy.” Her words trickled through me, burning holes as they went, until every emotion was draining from me like water through one of Mama’s metal strainers she used for noodles.

“I am being a man. When I come home a war hero, you’ll be proud of me. You’ll see.” I was trying to swallow back the useless tears, but they refused to be quieted. Instead of finishing the speech I had prepared, I walked over to her and placed my hands on her shoulders, smoothing out the wrinkles in her sunflower-print dress. “I love you, Mama. I’m sorry.” I placed a kiss into the brown curls that were fastened behind her ears and walked away, only stopping long enough to grab my duffel bag, which carried everything I owned in the world.

It was the last time I saw her. It was the last thing we’d said to each other.

I shook off the last of the memory that was eating me from the inside out when the bell rang. It always took Emma a few minutes to grab her books and pry herself away from the crush of students, so when I heard my name I knew it wasn’t her. I tensed when I felt it. The cold crawling up my spine. The breath of death prickling my senses. I didn’t even have to turn around to know it was her. Maeve.

“Whatcha doing out here, Finny?” Maeve danced around me, pirouetting like she was part of the wind. She was a shimmery pixie with silver and red hair blazing like fire around her pale face, a complete contradiction to the cold that surrounded her. “Shouldn’t you be inside?”

I crossed my arms over my chest, feeling the anger blaze through me like a flame. After last night…after I’d had to fight her off, and bait her to get her away from Emma. She was getting ruthless. I didn’t know what to do anymore.

“Oh, come on. I’m here to play nice.” She stopped dancing to stand in front of me, her red hair blocking out the sun behind her.

“What do you want this time?”

“Besides the obvious?” She glanced back and grinned when she saw Emma walking out of the school. The wind immediately picked up her blond hair and tossed it into her face. “You know, that wasn’t very nice of you last week. Spoiling my fun like that.”

“You think it was fun for her?” I snapped.

“Though I have to say it
was
entertaining. Did she actually think her little chant and some burned leaves would be enough to get rid of me?”

“Get to the point, Maeve.”

“Relax, it’s not like she can see me. Or you for that matter.” When I tensed she stopped looking back and forth from Emma to me. “She can’t see you, right Finn?”

I clenched my jaw, wanting to take back my reaction. This would definitely piss her off. The fact that I’d found some kind of happiness. It was going to send Maeve’s madness into overdrive, and I’d just thrown fuel on the fire. Panic started a slow burn in my chest.

To my surprise, she visibly calmed herself. “Well, isn’t that nice. Regardless, we can call a truce for now. I’m too busy working on something to bother with your screwed-up love affair.”

“On what? What kind of game are you playing this time?” Emma was almost here, swinging her bag as she hurried across the crowded parking lot. The fear of having them this close to each other twisted me into knots.

“Who said it was a game?”

“It’s always a game with you, Maeve.”

“Have you spoken with Scout lately?” she asked a little too innocently.

I shot Maeve a look that could have cut through steel. “Why? Have you?”

Emma stopped by my side and gave me a wide smile. “You’re here.”

Maeve’s form vibrated with the blackness of her rage. “You really want to be with her? In the flesh?” she asked, her voice shaking. “Go see Scout. He’s got a really interesting operation going on. You might even find it useful yourself.” A cruel grin on her face, she blinked out of existence.

“Hey, pretty girl.” I tried to smile at Emma, tried to feel the warmth of her presence. But no amount of Emma’s warmth could cast off the cloud of worry that had settled over me. What had Scout gotten himself into? If Maeve had anything to do with it, it couldn’t be good.

Chapter 21

Emma

“What’s wrong?” I looked around to make sure there wasn’t anyone close enough to hear me talking to myself, worry curling around my spine like a vine. Finn was staring at nothing beside me, his brow creased, a frown ruining the happy look that usually accompanied his face.

He snapped back to reality and smiled at me, shaking off whatever had been bothering him. “Nothing. Are you ready to go? ”

I shivered as a bitter gust of wind blew over me, biting at my nose and cheeks. Winter was close. “Yeah, we better before I get frostbite.” I bounced on the balls of my feet to keep warm, tugging my gray stocking cap over my tousled hair to cover my ears. Finn gave me a distracted smile, and followed me toward my worn-out blue Jeep Wrangler. It was spotted with rust and the air conditioner didn’t always work, but it was mine.

“So, what are we doing today?” I tossed my bag into the back of the Jeep and cranked the ignition, praying that the heater wouldn’t take a century to heat up. I had wanted to try out a new hiking trail and load up my camera with landscape shots, but today was way too cold for that. Any minute now, snow would start dumping from the sky in buckets.

Finn stared out the windshield at an approaching SUV. “I don’t know about us, but it looks like
you
have company.”

I slipped off my gloves and shoved my numb fingers against the vents to thaw them out. Cash’s black Bronco ground to halt in front of us, blocking in my Jeep. He jumped out of his truck, shivering as a rush of wind blasted his face, turning his cheeks pink.

I gave Finn a meaningful look and he groaned. “So, what? Am I supposed to go stand out in the cold now?”

“You can’t even get cold,” I said.

“Point taken.”

“Seriously,” I said. “Just give me a minute with him.”

Finn gave me a small smile and nodded, barely giving me time to blink before he was gone. I watched him until all I could see was the flicker of his gray shirt near the tree line, but then it was gone, too.

Cash climbed in the passenger side and slammed the door shut behind him. “It’s cold enough to freeze Hell over out there.” He rubbed his hands together and blew hot breath into them.

“Here.” I cranked the heat up another notch and turned a vent in his direction. “Better?”

He nodded and settled back in his seat.

“So what’s up?”

He looked at me and raked his fingers through his thick black hair. “Funny. That’s exactly what I was going to ask you.”

I averted my gaze, watching a whirlwind of tawny-colored leaves dance over the hood of my Jeep and get stuck in my windshield wipers. I’d been avoiding Cash for more than a week—pretty much since Finn had popped into my life. Honestly, I was surprised it took him this long to corner me and demand an explanation. Mom would’ve demanded an explanation for my behavior days ago had I not patched up the holes in our kitchen walls while she was at Spin class. I took a deep breath and said, “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?” Cash asked, his stare burning a hole through me. “Don’t say sorry, just tell me what I did that’s making you dodge me in the halls and not answer my calls. And what the hell is up with the new lock on the window?”

“I didn’t do the window,” I said to my lap. “Mom did after she caught you in my room the other night.”

“So, what, then?” he asked. “Is it because I didn’t believe you about the pictures? The ghost crap? Did I fuck up?” Cash leaned across and grabbed my arm. “Talk to me, Em. What?”

I stared down at his hand. “You didn’t do anything, I swear. I’ve just been dealing with some stuff lately.” It wasn’t a lie, but I wasn’t willing to give him the details. Not even Cash would accept what was going on in my life as reality.

Cash stared blankly out the windshield. “You used to let me help you deal with stuff. Now it just feels like you’re shutting me out.” He wiped his palms over his jeans and laughed bitterly. “You’re my family, Em. You’re the only one who gives a damn about me, so I’m asking you to let me in. Don’t try to do this on your own again. We both know it doesn’t work. If you’re going through something, then I go through it, too. Got it?”

“Okay.” I nodded, wanting so badly to tell him about the boy who had saved my life. In more ways than one. I wanted to tell him how wonderful Finn was. I wanted him to be alive so Cash could see for himself.

“So…we’re good?”

I shoved the things I wanted to say back into the place in my mind just for me and nodded. “Yeah, of course.”

“Do you want to hang out tonight? We could go to the old drive-in. It’s cold as hell, but I got the heater fixed in my truck.” Cash pulled out his phone and started Googling show times. “We can hash out these problems of yours over a hot box of popcorn. Unless it’s gross girl stuff. If that’s the case, I take back what I said about us going through everything together.”

I peered out my window, looking for Finn. I spotted him lingering at the tree line, hands shoved in his pockets as he kicked a few rocks waiting for me. “It’s not gross stuff. Why aren’t you going out with Tinley tonight?”

“She’s grounded,” he said. “Hey,
Zombie Apocalypse Two
is playing at seven thirty.”

I sighed. More dead people. Just what I needed. “Perfect.”

Cash finally slid his phone back into his pocket. “I’ll pick you up at seven.” He lightly punched me in the arm and climbed out of the Jeep.

Once the black Bronco was out of sight, Finn slid into the front seat. “How bad was it?”

“He’s fine,” I said, pulling out of the parking lot and starting the fifteen-minute drive home. “Just worried about me. He wants me to go out tonight. He probably thinks I’m on the verge of a mental breakdown.”

“You should go.”

I stopped at a stop sign and glanced over at Finn, who looked completely at home in my Jeep. He looked like he belonged there. With me. “What about you?”

“I have somewhere I need to be. I’d rather you be with him so he can keep an eye on you.”

I lifted my chin. “I don’t need a babysitter 24-7.” It may not have been the most effective way, but I’d gotten rid of Maeve at the house. I could do it again if I had to. And chances were, I would. I couldn’t expect Finn to be with me every waking minute.

“I know that,” he said, but didn’t sound like he really believed it. “But it’ll make me feel better if you’re with him.”

I pulled my Jeep over to the side of the road under a canopy of pine trees and turned so he couldn’t see my face, my bleary gaze spilling out onto the empty highway. I wasn’t in control of my own life and after two years, I was finally tired of it. I was tired of being afraid. I was tired of people looking at me like I might snap at any moment. I was tired of Finn treating me like he was my bodyguard when I wanted him to be something else.

“Emma… What’s wrong? What are you thinking?”

“I think you’ve spent the last two years trying to protect me because, for some reason, you feel guilty. Like it’s your job, or something. You constantly say this isn’t my fault, but it’s not yours either. You didn’t
do
anything to her. Nothing that would justify this, or obligate you to keep me safe all this time. I just…I wish things were different.”

I wished everything were different. I wished I could have a normal life, that there wasn’t some crazed soul out there hell-bent on me dying. I wished Finn could be here because he
wanted
to be, and not because he felt that he had to protect me. It hurt to admit even to myself, but I wished Finn was alive. I wanted him to be able to hold my hand. Kiss me. Do everything I could do and not worry about the consequences. I wanted so many things from him that he couldn’t give. And it wasn’t fair.

“I don’t need you safe because of some obligation,” he said, his voice tight. “I need you safe because if something ever happened to you it would rip me apart! Don’t you see that? I need…” He laid his hand in the seat between us and stared at it. “I need
you,
Emma. I need you more than I’ve ever needed anything.”

“Finn…”

“I’m not trying to be an ass. I just need you to trust me when I say that something is dangerous. I have to go somewhere and I need to know you’re safe while I’m gone. The only way I’m going to be comfortable leaving you is if you stay with Cash.”

“Cash isn’t going to be able to protect me from Maeve.”

Finn’s fingers carefully brushed against mine. The warm spark ignited by his fingers sent a rush of heat racing across my skin. “He won’t have to.”

I took a deep breath, heart pounding with want, and watched his hand pull away. He was right. I would protect myself. Maybe it would work. Maybe it wouldn’t. But I wouldn’t go down without a fight. No matter how screwed up and unfair it was, I wanted more of whatever it was that Finn and I had too much to give up now.

“I’ll be okay,” I finally said. “I promise.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yeah. Just…” I glanced out the window at the cars buzzing by, trying to force some confidence in my voice. “Just come back, okay?”

Finn scooted across the seat. I felt the warmth of his lips shimmer against my cheek. “I’ll always come back to you, Emma.”

I shut my eyes again, trying not to think about how badly I wished that kiss could have been real, and when I opened them he was gone.