Indebted (15 page)

Stretching out and scratching his stomach, he turns to me and asks, “Hey, man, can I get another soda?”

“Sure thing.”

I head to the kitchen and notice the envelope on the counter. It reminds me of Liam’s… I don’t even know what to call it—a gift, maybe? I still wonder why he paid the loan off. A small, niggling part of me is hoping it’s because he cares about me, and not about getting rid of dealing with my father.

Deciding to ask, I text him….

Why did you do that?

He’ll know what I’m talking about. What else could I be talking about?

Because I wanted to. You’ve seen my reasoning?

With those little words, I’m lightheaded with happiness. He really does care. It isn’t about my dad. I want to say more, but can’t think of an excuse to text back. Sighing, I turn and get the sodas out of the fridge. The phone goes off again and I’m hoping it’s him, not Chloe.
You are terrible.
I know, brain, don’t remind me.

I glance and discover it is him, and my hands start shaking. He’s trying to prolong our conversation.

So what have you been up to this week?

Oh, not much. I’ve been catching up with Chloe and working mostly. I came across
Groundhog Day
on TV today. Made me think of you.

Oh that’s great,
I think,
make yourself sound like a pining dog.

Yeah? I’ve been thinking of you too. I’ll never look at ice water the same way again.

I’m giddy because I’ve been on his mind too. Remembering my ice water trick gets me giggling. I miss our easy banter.

LMAO, that was so funny. I never thought you would scream like a girl :P

I did NOT scream like a girl! That was YOU when you were caught ;)

My body instantly reacts to the thought of what happened after I was caught. I can’t help but flirt in my reply.

Mmmm, I liked getting caught.

I blush, embarrassed about flirting with a man I’m never going to see again. It’s still fun, though.

Fuck! You made me hard with that one sentence. It’s going to be tough getting through this next meeting.

I’m hard now too. It’s powerful having that kind of control over his body.

Kyle calls from the other room, “Hey, Aaron? You get lost?”

Reluctantly, I admit to myself I have to go. I briefly type out my reply and head back with the drinks.

:D My work is done here, then. Have a good day. I have to get back to my guest.

As I return, my depression resumes. For a few minutes, I was transported to last weekend. Slumping onto the couch, I hand Kyle his beverage without even glancing his way. My head is still filled with thoughts of Liam.

Kyle nudges me on the arm. “Hey, man, what’s wrong?”

“Oh, nothing, just got some things on my mind. Sorry.”

“You want to talk about it? I can be a good listener, you know that.”

“I know, Ky, I don’t know if you want to hear any of this. I tried to talk to Chloe about it and she got mad at me. I don’t think I can handle another friend being mad at me right now.” Just the thought of neither him nor Chloe to talk to makes me realize how alone I’d be.

Sighing heavily, he says, “Aaron, I think Chloe is great, but we are different people. I promise to listen and not judge. If it’s something I don’t agree with, I’ll tell you and leave it at that—no hard feelings.”

“You’re sure? Because I could really use a friend right now to talk this through.” Something about how he is holding himself makes me hopeful. I am desperate to talk to someone about this who won’t yell at me for how I feel.

“Of course.”

“Okay, here goes.” I fill him in about my time with Liam, leaving out the reason I was there, of course. That isn’t exactly something I want to broadcast.

I do tell him about what Liam does for a living and my feelings for him. He’s shocked, to be sure, but still listens, and I’m relieved at this. When I start talking about how hard it was to leave, and us deciding it was for the best if we didn’t see each other, my voice starts shaking. My eyes well up too. Then the fight with Chloe breaks the dam.

My voice is wavering as I continue. “I don’t understand why Chloe is so mad. I know he has done terrible things, but I feel he is a good person. I know he truly cares for me.”

I start crying heavily. All the sadness and frustration at the situation seeps out. My body is shaking hard. Kyle reaches for me and pulls me to his chest. I calm down eventually, sitting in his embrace, soaking up his warmth.

“Shh, it’s okay, Aaron. I’m here for you. I understand how lonely you are right now. I can be there for you, Aaron, but you have to let me.” Before I even know what’s happening, Kyle’s lips are on mine.

Too stunned to react, I remain still. I think he takes that as a green light, because he deepens the kiss. Coming to my senses, I push on his chest and he immediately backs off. I’m so hurt he tried to take advantage of the situation, and me, that I haul off and punch him in the mouth.

Jumping up from the couch, I yell at him, “Why the hell did you do that?”

He stands, pacing in front of me and holding the side of his mouth. He appears to be pissed. Well, that’s too fucking bad—he has no right.

He stops in front of me and starts speaking. “Fuck! I’m sorry, Aaron. I don’t know why I did that. You looked so sad, it made my heart hurt. I still have feelings for you and I let them get out of hand. I know you don’t feel that way for me. I’ve seen the way you look at Liam, and it’s definitely not how you look at me. Can we forget about my dick move?”

I’m surprised at his confession because I had no idea he had any sort of emotions toward me other than friendship. I guess it makes sense, but I’m still mad. I don’t know what to do.

“I’m sorry I don’t return your feelings. I hope we can still be friends, but I can’t have someone in my life who is always trying to make moves on me, especially when I think I may be falling for another. I want you to be there for me. Can you do that, or do you need to leave right now?”

Kyle appears to be hurt by this, and I feel guilty. I shouldn’t, but I do.

“Aaron, of course I will be your friend. That won’t happen again, I swear. I know you care for this guy. I saw it when you looked at him. I don’t get it, but it’s not up to me. It’s not my life.”

“Kyle, I don’t understand it myself. I just know I have feelings for him. And of course I’ll forgive you. You’re my friend and friends are allowed to screw up now and then.”

Kyle chuckles at that. “Well, unfortunately, I doubt it will be my last, but I’m glad we’re okay. I’m going to leave you with a thought, though—is he worth risking everything for?”

After he leaves I make it an early night and go to bed. My mind keeps mulling over his words.
Is he worth risking everything for?
Yes, he is. There is no doubt in my mind, but I don’t know if he feels the same.

Huffing, I turn over and beat on my pillow in frustration. After a long, restless hour or so, I finally fall into a fitful sleep.

Thursday, I push myself through work in a fog. I’m so tired and my head is still filled with uncertainties. Arriving home later in the evening than I wanted to, all I crave now is some comfort food. For that, there is only one thing that will do—Mom’s classic mac and cheese casserole. Even though I’m beat, I need something from my mom right now.

Grabbing the supplies I’ll need, I notice there is no milk.
Fuck! Can’t anything go right today?
I’m not going to let that stop me, so I pick up my keys and head down to the corner market.

It’s cold, dark, and miserable out, so I hustle down the street. I keep my head bowed to block some of the winter wind. Suddenly, strong arms wrap around me and yank me into an alley.

I struggle fruitlessly to get away, but I’m thrown into a wall—with force. It makes my head pound and it’s hard to focus. Turning around to try to somehow defend myself I come face to face with the guy from the other day… the one that held a gun to my back. Adam?

Before I can make any move to run, I’m hit with a barrage of punches to my face and abdomen. I double over from the pain shooting through me, and he continues his assault. Sinking to the ground, I don’t even try to fight. With my mind still fuzzy and my body aching this badly, I can’t do anything anyway. Blackness is forming around the edges of my sight. He reaches down and fists my hair, pulling my head back so I have to look at him.

With his face right in mine, he growls, “Listen here, you little fag. I want you to give a message to Liam for me. You tell that asshole, ‘You hurt someone I care about, I do the same.’ You got me?”

I manage to mumble an affirmative. Leaving me lying on the ground, he walks away. I can barely move, but in desperation, I scoot to the wall and use the creases in the bricks to get a grip and pull myself up slowly. Hurting everywhere, I start limping my way back home. My forehead is stinging, so I run my hand over it and it comes away bloody.

Finally making it to my apartment, I immediately head to the bathroom. My mind is blank as I turn on the light and gaze at the damage. The whole right side of my face is a bloody pulp. My eye is already starting to swell shut and I have a large gash on my forehead from hitting the wall. My lip is busted and oozing red too.

I move my shirt up to assess the injuries there. Fist marks are already apparent. Gradually, I clean myself up in the shower. The water burns, so I try to finish swiftly. Drying off, I bandage up what I can and crawl into bed. I’m exhausted and all I want to do is sleep.

The ramifications of what happened last night enter my mind when I wake and try to move. Someone came after me because they associated me with Liam. Oddly enough, it doesn’t scare me for the reasons it should. Instead, I’m worried for Liam. This guy is after him, and I don’t know if he’s safe or not. After a while of thinking on it, I realize he has the training to protect himself for this very reason.

I call in sick to work, which I’m sure will piss off my dad, but I don’t care at the moment. I can’t go in this way. I get a call from Kyle soon after I start my morning routine. He wants to know if I’m willing to meet him for coffee later this evening.

“Um, I can go with you, but you should know I had a little run-in, so my appearance will be shocking.” Now there is an understatement. I’m nervous about what he will think when he sees me.

“Run-in? What do you mean?”

“Well, apparently the straight boys have good gaydar and decided to jump me. They beat the crap out of my face, but otherwise I’m okay.” I bite my lip, hoping he buys the lie.

“Oh my God! Do you need me to take you to a doctor?”

Fuck! A doctor? That’s not something I even thought about him mentioning. That may get more people involved whom Liam doesn’t need in his business. “No—please, Kyle, truly I’m fine. I’m a little sore. Oh, and I’ll feel more comfortable if you pick me up. I’m scared to walk anywhere right now.”

“Of course. Are you sure you don’t want to report it? We can’t let bastards like this get away with that kind of hate.”

“I know,” I answer. Hoping I can get him to drop it, I continue. “Normally I would agree, but I didn’t get a good look at them, so it would do no good.”

“Okay, then, I’m going to let you go so you can relax. I’ll text you later to set a time.”

We say our good-byes and I start my day. That afternoon, I get a surprise text from Liam, and it brightens things for me instantaneously.

How’s your week been?

I can’t tell him how truly shitty it’s been, so I go with the one bright spot I have to share.

It’s been okay. Finally getting out of the house tonight. Having coffee with Kyle, I’m looking forward to it.

I’m not sure I should say anything about Kyle. We’re just friends, but Liam didn’t seem to like him for some reason. No sound comes from him, so I try again.

How has your week been?

Nothing…. I wait a few minutes and start to freak a little. Is he mad at me?

Liam, are you busy? Can’t you talk right now?

Again, silence, and it hits me hard
. What if this is the last time I hear from him? I don’t like this feeling.
Hands shaking, I try one last time.

Please answer me. I need to know if you’re mad at me, or just don’t want to talk to me.

I need to talk to someone—now. I call Kyle.

“Hello?”

“He’s not answering me!” I yell, glancing frantically around the room.

“Aaron, calm down. Who’s not answering you?”

“Liam—we were texting and now he’s not answering me. What if he never does again? I don’t think I can handle that.”

“Well, it looks like you have your answer to one of my questions: You can’t let him go.”

I pause, shocked as I realize I can’t let him go and I feel too deeply for him—he is worth risking it all for. “You’re right, I do, so I can’t meet you tonight. I need to think about how I’m going to approach him next week. There’s no way I can see him like this. He’ll go ballistic.”

“I bet he will. Okay, man. Call me if you need me.”

“Will do.” I hang up and close my eyes.

A sense of peace I haven’t felt all week comes over me. I’m going to try to make a go of being with Liam, if he’s willing. I’m broken out of my thoughts by a banging at the door, and I jump at its suddenness.

Moving slowly, I nervously glance out the peephole with my good eye. My heart stutters a little. There, on the other side, is my Liam. Then fear grips me. I can’t let him see me like this. He’ll get himself into some sort of trouble over it, I know it.

“Aaron! If you’re there, please open up. I need to see you.”

I crack the door open and peer out slightly, making sure to keep the bad side of my face hidden with it.

“Liam, what are you doing here?” He appears upset, and I want to go to him and give him a hug. I want to feel those strong arms wrap around me.

He fidgets nervously. “I need to talk to you. Please listen to me before you say anything, alright?”