Indecent Encounter: The Silverhaus Affair (23 page)

W
hy had
I brought Zach to see The Hague? It was entirely too romantic. I'd hoped the sightseeing would keep the appropriate distance between us, but my plan backfired. The baroque architecture, the wide tree-lined avenues, and the sidewalk cafes only encouraged Zach to take my hand as we strolled. Even after I shook my fingers free and pointed out the old palace, minutes later, he clasped my hand again.

“I’m not a child,” I said. “I’m not going to wander out into the road.”

“Have you been keeping in touch with everyone back home?” Zach asked, refusing to let go. “I mean, besides me and Karl.”

“Yeah, Clara mostly. We email every day,” I said, tugging my fingers loose. Again.

I smiled at the thought of my college roommate and how she’d sneaked my lacy underwear into my suitcase. I'd been so convinced I wouldn’t need something like that.

So wrong.

I bit my lip and said, “Speaking of Clara, have the two of you been hanging out?”

Clara wasn't the least bit subtle about how she felt about my foster brother. Somehow, though, Zach had missed all her heavy hints. I'd hoped being out of the country would've given her a chance to be even more bold.

“She texts me and checks in, wants to go for coffee or a drink or something. I just haven’t had the time,” Zach said with a shrug.

“Za-ach,” I groaned, turning his name into two syllables. “You were supposed to be taking care of her while I was gone. Call her as soon as you get back. The two of you need to go out.”

Zach frowned down at me and said, “We’ll all go out for drinks when you get back. Maybe you can leave early. You should ask boss man for a big project or something. I can help. Put in the extra hours and get sprung early. We could even travel a little before we head back. What about Italy? I hear they make a great cappuccino there.”

“Leave early and go with you to Italy?” I asked as the air squeezed out of my lungs. That sounded even more romantic than Holland and The Hague.
Crap
.

“Or anywhere you want. Paris?” His question stopped me dead in my tracks on the sidewalk. Paris. The City of Love. Yikes, that’d be even worse than Italy.

“I can’t leave early, Zach. It'd be rude,” I said, stepping around him. “Besides, I need to make enough for Karl’s program.

Zach put his hands on my shoulders and forced me to stop. He looked me straight in my eyes and said, “I keep telling you not to worry about the money. I can help with the deposit. You know I’d do anything to help Karl.”

“You don’t have to, he’s not your brother,” I said.

“And you’re not really my sister,” Zach said, his fingers tightening on my shoulders. “You’re more than that to me.”

The traffic poured past us and church bells resonated from the center of the city. I tried to back away, but Zach wouldn’t let me go. My eyes locked with his and I couldn't look away.

“Chelsea, you have to let me say it.” His voice was soft and loose curls of hair fell into his eyes. He looked so sincere and my heart was pounding. I didn’t want to hear it, but I knew I couldn’t stop him. “Zach, you shouldn’t do this,” I said, putting my hands on his chest to push.

“There’s nothing wrong with it. There’s nothing saying we can’t,” he said. “It's just a piece of paper. I've looked into it. All I have to do is have my adoption undone. We've never been siblings. Not really.”

“Zach, please…” I was too close now to be able to push him back, he’d pulled me in tighter as he spoke.

“I know what you’re going to say, Chelsea, and it’s okay. We can take things slow.”

Before I knew it, he swooped down and caught my next comment in a kiss. I didn’t pull back, too shocked from the fact that he'd actually done it. His chest was solid and strong under my hands. The wild waves of his hair brushed against my face, and his firm mouth warmed against mine.

It wasn't awful, but still, I was kissing my brother. Or was I just kissing Zach? My thoughts were jackknifing like crazy, and conflicting emotions crashed over me in waves. Through it all, only one clear thought stood out.

He wasn't Alex.

It hit me like a freight train and I broke free of Zach and pushed out of his hold. I almost laughed, but I covered my mouth with the back of my hand because I didn't want Zach to think I was laughing at him. I loved Zach as a brother, as a friend, but not with the same rush of longing and desire that flooded through me each time I thought of Alex.

“I love you, Chelsea. I always have. I know you don’t feel the same about me, yet. Just say ‘not yet’ and I’ll be happy. We’ll go home and see what happens,” Zach said.

The pleading on his face broke my heart.

“Zach, you know I love you as a brother,” I said, trying to catch my breath. I had to make sure he was clear about how I felt. “You were always there for me, and I hope you'll always be there for me in the future. Please, think about that. I don’t want this to ruin what we already have, I can’t let this ruin us.”

His green eyes filled up, but he didn’t look away. “We won’t ruin anything. We can’t. I love you.”

My heart was pounding. I was hurting him. I could see it in his eyes. I was breaking his heart, and that was the last thing in the world I’d ever wanted to do, but I had to be honest. “Zach, please, it just isn’t that way between us. There’s someone out there for you, but it isn’t me.” I reached for his hand.

He stepped back. “No. You really mean there’s someone
else
for you, and it isn’t me,” he said, curling his fingers into a fist. “You think that Alex loves you?”

“No…I don’t know…I mean, I’m talking about you.”

“You don’t see it, Chelsea, but I do,” Zach said, leaning against a stone wall. “Everyone in our lives has come and gone, but we’re still together. You’ll see when you come home. Maybe then you’ll give me a chance.”

“It’s not about giving you a chance, Zach. It’s about knowing what kind of love we really have. Family.”

“You’re just saying that because you think it’s inappropriate. We aren’t blood, Chelsea. We only lived together for a few years. We’re only brother and sister on a slip of paper that I can take care of,” Zach said. “What's really inappropriate is you thinking your boss loves you. You know how wrong that is, don’t you?”

“You don’t know anything about Alex,” I shot back. I spun on my heels and started to head back toward the car.

“But I’m right, aren’t I?” Zach accused as he caught up with me. “You’ve already slept together, and now you’re trying to tell yourself there’s more to it than just sex. You’re trying to convince yourself that you’re in love so you won’t feel bad for having slept with your boss.”

“When it’s really love you don’t have to convince yourself or the other person,” I snapped.

“Chelsea, wait, I’m sorry,” Zach said, grabbing hold of my elbow. Suddenly, his voice changed, and the expression on his face mellowed. “I don’t want you to get hurt. You need to know where you stand with him, and you're not thinking clearly.”

“I think we should head back now.” I jerked my arm free, and strode the rest of the way to the car.

Zach got in the car and we drove in silence, the tension between us thick. Finally, after twenty minutes, Zach admitted to being completely lost. It took another ten minutes for him to reprogram the GPS on his phone with a new destination, and by the time we wove our way out of The Hague we were laughing again.

“Can we please pretend like that whole conversation never happened?” I asked.

Zach shook his head as he concentrated on his new directions, a familiar, stubborn set to his jaw.

“I’m not asking you to take it back, and I’m not saying I didn’t hear you,” I said. “I just don’t want things to be awkward. I need you the same way I always have.”

Zach bit his lip and kept driving, our prior laughter forgotten. With each turn, my stomach slid as if on a big block of ice. Zach had been the biggest constant in my life for the past few years. I'd been adopted, but he was the only one in the family I'd ever really kept in touch with. I needed him because he was a part of me. Maybe I shouldn’t have leaned on him so much in the past.

As the silence grew, so did my confusion. Had I made a mistake? I did love Zach, but was I in love with him? Maybe if I allowed it to blossom the love we had between us would change. It was awkward because of our adoption papers, but it was just a technicality, a piece of paper. And he said he'd get a court order to undo his. I even knew our adoptive parents would understand. They already knew how he felt about me. They saw it before I ever had. Everything fit. Even Karl. Zach loved him too. It would be so easy. Our lives would just slip into place. No complications.

Except one, and it was a big one. The kiss. When Zach had kissed me, my entire being had cried out for Alex. I knew I couldn’t possibly be in love with Zach, because I’d never felt with him like I did when I was with Alex. No matter how easy it would be, it wouldn't be the same.

“I can’t pretend it didn’t happen,” Zach said as he parked the car. “You’ve known how I felt for a while, but we never said anything about it, and I couldn’t let it just hang there anymore.”

“I know, Zach. I just don’t want it to change things.”

“That’s the problem, Chelsea. I wanted it to change everything. And I think it did, for you,” he said, turning off the car and handing me the keys.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“I still love you the same, and I still want us to be together, but you’ve decided on something else. That’s why I can’t go back with you. I’m going to get out here.”

Zach laid his hand on the door handle ready to pop it. What was going on?

“And go where? What are you doing?” I asked, clutching his jacket.

“I’ll head to the airport early and call you as soon as I get back to the States,” he said. “I told Karl I’d see him on Tuesday.”

“Stop it. Don’t be silly,” I pleaded. “You need the car. Just come back with me.”

“Return it to the rental place for me, will ya?” He kicked open his door and stepped out. In his confusion, he’d driven us around in a circle, and we were back in the center of town near the train station. Or maybe he'd meant to do it.

This was awful. This couldn’t be happening. I jumped out and ran around the car to stop him.

“You can’t do this, Zach!” Guilt, loss, and an emotion I didn’t quite understand were all raining down, twisting inside my stomach.

By the time I reached him his familiar smile was back in place. “I’ll be fine. You’re the one who’s never traveled out of the country before. Remember? Just do me a favor, please?”

“Zach, get back in the car…”

He continued as if he didn't hear me, “Just make sure you know where you stand so you can decide if it’s a good enough place for you.” His eyes darkened. “But if I hear he’s taking advantage of you, then I’ll come right back here and make you let me save you.”

I wrapped my arms around his waist and hugged him, my face pressed to his chest. Zach smelled like home, a mix of Portland rain and fresh air. He was familiar, solid, and I knew how much he loved me. I held on tight and wished I felt the same way. I squeezed my eyes tight, and hoped when I looked up that I would feel a flood of love for him, no matter how weird it would be.

“See you soon, Chelsea,” he said, with a soft smile as he pulled himself free.

I looked up at him, and tried to will myself to go with him. We could run off together that night. I knew Zach would help me pay the rest of what I needed for Karl’s program. All I had to do was call Alex and quit the job.

But that wasn’t going to happen. Just thinking of Alex and how sweet his voice would sound over the phone was enough to stop me. I stood on the sidewalk and watched Zach walk away. When he finally disappeared from view, I rushed back to the car with one destination in mind.

The long drive gave me enough time to go over what I wanted to say to Alex. In my mind, it was a conversation of ground rules and schedules. If I knew when I was a maid, and when a screenwriter, when an employee and when a guest, then it wouldn’t be so complicated. Or so I hoped.

By the time I drove up the long driveway I’d convinced myself that it would work, but the minute Alex’s house came into view, my stomach burst into butterflies. I blinked hard trying to park the car before a blind panic took over. Who was I kidding? I was just a quick summer fling to him, and I was being an enormous fool.

I got out of the car and blinked again. A sleek Mercedes blocked the front steps, and there was Henry leaning against the driver’s side door.

“Hello, Mr. Silverhaus,” I said. “I believe Alex is home. I’ll go find him for you.”

“I’ll talk to my son in a bit. There’s no hurry,” Henry said, holding out his arm to me.

I stopped and pulled back, sure that he was tricking me somehow. Henry softened his eyes and gave me an encouraging smile, so I took his arm and let him escort me up the front steps.

“Actually, I came to see you,” he said before we reached the top.

I pulled back and he turned to smile at me again. “Why me?” I asked, trying to keep the suspicion from my voice.

“Henry,” Jamison called from the front door, “why don’t you wait in the library, and I’ll find Alex for you.”

Henry tightened his arm around my hand and we continued up the steps together. “No need to bother my son, but I think a drink is just the thing.”

“Chelsea, why don’t you get some fresh ice?” Jamison said as Henry walked me into the foyer.

Jamison kept a straight face, but I knew his request was his way of trying to keep me from Henry’s devious clutches. Jamison always knew when something fishy was up, but his efforts failed, and Henry continued without letting me go.

“You know I prefer my whiskey straight.”

“How is Ms. Temple settling in at your house?” Jamison asked.

The light and polite question set off alarm bells in my head. If April was living with Henry, she'd probably sent him over with some manipulative plan in mind involving me.

“Like a moth in a closet full of silk,” Henry said.

I tried to pull my arm free without appearing impolite and said, “Please excuse me.”

“Nonsense, Ms. Carerra…or may I call you Chelsea?” Henry asked, putting a hand on my waist to guide me toward the library. “I came to discuss something with Chelsea, Jamison. I’ll speak with Alex later.”