Indelible Love - Emily's Story (7 page)

Jake reached out and put his hands
over mine when he saw the tears forming. He comforted me with a
loving smile. “Oh, Emily…that must have been very
painful.”

My heart warmed, knowing his thoughts
were genuine. I composed myself and finished telling Jake that my
grandparents passed away a few years ago from old age, and how I’ve
been on my own pretty much since my senior year in high
school.

“How did you pay for college and
living expenses? How did you buy a house already?”

Our server filleted a whole-roasted
turbot, along with an interesting burnt lemon for squeezing, and
placed some on both our plates while I explained a bit more about
myself. “I guess underneath this weak frame, I have a survival
mentality. Tutoring young kids since my sophomore year in high
school brought in decent money to pay for living expenses, and
tuition was covered through grants and financial aid. I worked a
lot in undergrad and saved all my money. There wasn’t much of a
need to spend any of it. Plus, when my grandparents passed away,
they left me their condo. I sold it and added that money to my
already growing pot. One day it occurred to me I could put a down
payment on a small house, so I decided to try, and next thing I
knew, I was a homeowner. So that’s the story of my life till
now.”

Though my life’s story was covered in
three courses, there was more that Jake wanted to hear and
understand.

“Can I ask you about your relationship
with Max? Do you mind telling me?”

Jake’s serious face told me that he
was wary of my answer, but he also seemed quite intent on knowing
everything about me. Hoping for a deeper relationship, I didn’t
want to keep anything from him. He gave me more peace in my heart
than I had felt in a long time. I could tell that this was a man
who would complement my life entirely, if I’d allow myself to love
him. My heart wanted to give it a try.

“Tell me everything. Don’t worry about
what I might think or feel. I also would like to know what happened
with you and Max last night, if you don’t mind.”

I hesitated, wondering how much of
myself to reveal. Would he want to know the whole truth about Max
and me? My answer would hopefully add another dimension to our
promising relationship.

“Max and I met our freshman year in
college. It was absolute love at first sight for both of
us.”

“Lucky guy!” Jake interrupted. “So
what about him did you like so much?”

I instantly laughed at this question.
“You guys are both so funny.”

“What do you mean?”

“Max asked me the same question last
night. He asked what about you I liked so much.”

“So what did you tell him?”

“I think I’ll keep you guessing on
that one.” I winked.

“Max and I met in the cafeteria of our
freshmen dormitory and we immediately started hanging out. Because
I felt so alone after my mom died, I happily accepted the chemistry
between us. There was this crazy bond that formed, and we couldn’t
stay away from one another. We didn’t declare our feelings for one
another till after the first month, but it was obvious to everyone
around us that we were a couple. We spent our entire college life
inseparable. I thought we were going to get married. The only thing
that was a hindrance was the fact that Max wasn’t the most
motivated of students. He was super smart, but he didn’t know what
he wanted to do with his life and this bothered both of us.
Although we had no idea how he would support a family, if it came
to that, we were so in love, we didn’t care.”

With my every sentence, Jake’s
expression turned from curious to somber. He was hurt by my fervent
accounts of our college years.

“I’m sorry, Jake. You didn’t need to
hear all of that. I got a bit carried away.” I apologized
repeatedly.

“No, it’s all right. I asked for it,”
he stated with a bit of masochistic chivalry.
“Continue…”

At this point, I wavered between
taking a bite of steak from Japan or continuing my saga with Max.
Seeing Jake’s anxious face, the beef needed to wait.

“Well, there’s not much more to say.
On graduation day, Max appeared nervous all day and tried to avoid
me, so I thought he was going to ask me to marry him. Instead,
after the ceremony, he broke up with me, giving some excuse about
not being ready for a serious commitment. Just like that, he let go
of four years and the bond that I thought could never be
broken…broke.”

Jake could see the pain on my face. I
didn’t know how to explain to him that this feeling left in my
heart was not love, but hurt. I wanted Jake to believe it was over
between Max and me, and that I had finally let go of the past—if
not entirely, almost entirely.

Jake tried to break up my glum mood
and asked me again about Max’s question from last night.

“Well, I told Max how comfortable I
feel with you. I feel protected and secure, and I can be myself
with you. Although I’ve only known you for a short while, it’s like
you’ve been with me my whole life. I don’t know. It’s a bit strange
but you’re the only person, aside from my parents, who makes me
feel entirely comfortable. I can’t quite explain this. Max got very
angry with me last night when I told him this.”

“You mean you’ve never felt entirely
comfortable with Max?”

“With Max, I was always trying to
please him. My whole world revolved around him. I think I was
infatuated with him. Max appeared at a time in my life when I had
nobody but my grandparents. My parents were gone and I didn’t have
any siblings. Max not only became my boyfriend, but he also became
my only family. I think I smothered him. Maybe I was a borderline
stalker. That’s probably why he eventually broke up with
me.”

We both got a good laugh.

“
You want to know the
hardest part about this breakup?”

Jake appeared wary again.

“I guess I’m going to tell you
regardless. All the loves in my life left me without any warning—my
dad, my mom, and Max. I don’t think I ever loved anyone as much as
I loved these three people, and I felt abandoned by all of them.”
The tears hovered again. “I had a tough year and a half letting go.
I had lost four years of my life.”

“Are you sure you’re over Max?” Jake
lamented, “Do I want to know?”

“Last night, Max apologized for
hurting me. He reassured me that he loved me as much as I loved him
while we were dating, and that I wasn’t the only one hurting after
the breakup. His apology came off a bit contrived since he started
dating Jennifer within a month of our breakup. I accepted his
apology and decided that this finally closed the Max and Emily
chapter. So to answer your question, yes I am over him, but four
years is hard to erase.”

Initially, Jake looked wholly
tentative. He still didn’t quite believe I was over Max. After last
night, he had credible reason not trust me. Still, I hoped he would
want to give me and us a chance. With Max, as much as I’d hoped, I
never truly believed that we would be together till the very end.
But with Jake, there was an inexplicable sense of completeness, an
unbreakable connection, like he was meant to be in my life—like he
would always be a part of my life.

Attempting to take the spotlight off
myself, I asked Jake about some of the girls he’d dated. This would
also give me a chance to eat my dessert—a hot, creamy chocolate
cake sitting atop a pool of bittersweet dark chocolate sauce, and
below a house made cinnamon ice cream. What decadence!

“It seems hardly fair that I’ve given
you details of my one love yet I haven’t heard any details of the
loves in your life. I’m sure there have been many women in your
life. Tell me everything.”

“I had a few girlfriends, but I
haven’t dated much since I got to General Hospital.”

“Oh, that doesn’t surprise me. With
your insane schedule, how could you have a life? I’m surprised
we’ve come this far.”

“Kelley and I dated on and off for
years. Our families knew each other since we were little, because
both our dads were doctors at the same hospital. It seemed a bit
incestuous since our families were such close friends. I think our
parents thought we’d get married.”

“So what happened?”

“I went off to med school, she went
off to business school, and it was too difficult to have a
long-distance relationship. We tried several times to get back
together but failed.”

“I assume she went to school with you?
Did you date her all throughout undergrad?”

“Actually, she didn’t, and even during
undergrad she and I dated on and off.”

“What made your relationship so
tentative?”

“I liked her very much and I suppose I
loved her at one point but I never thought that she was the
one.”

“What does she look like?” I
immediately regretted asking this, as it seemed like a petty
question, but curiosity got the better of me.

“She’s not nearly as beautiful as you
are,” Jake said with the most adoring look. I blushed and changed
the subject.

After two amuse bouches, nine courses
of gastronomic extravagance, and free-flowing wine, we were done
with our meal. Time had sped by. With each course, I fell deeper
and deeper for a man whose candor and sincerity proved a
reciprocity of feelings. In a matter of three hours there was no
doubt we would be in a solid relationship.

To my utter delight, the chef and
owner graciously visited our table and talked with us about our
meal and his restaurant. Asking what my favorite dish was during
lunch, I happily answered, “Moulard duck foie gras, the kuroge
sirloin and risotto with white truffles…mmm. Anything with white
truffles!”

Both men laughed as Jake was warned,
“She’s got expensive taste.”

“Don’t I know it!” he answered with a
wink.

We got an inspiring tour of the
restaurant. It’s all about finesse emblazoned the walls of his
spotless kitchen with copper pots hanging from the ceiling. All the
chefs and sous chefs worked busily to prepare each course with
seamless effort and efficiency. The attention to detail marked this
restaurant as the top dining place in the world. Every dish that
went out looked spotless. My eyes darted from the salad station to
the meat station to the pastry station. I wanted to jump in and
work with them but Jake pulled me in his arms and led me out of the
kitchen so they could continue working. We thanked the staff for an
incredible meal, and Jake mentioned visiting his New York
restaurant next time he was there. Secretly, I hoped I would be
there as well.

We headed down Highway 29 toward the
city for the second half of our day. It was probably 2:00p.m. or
so, and I felt this lazy urge to take a nap. Jake pulled into a
high rise and parked the car. I wondered where we were, but got no
explanation. Staring at him gave no clues, but there was only that
knowing and annoying grin. Jake opened the door to a beautiful
apartment overlooking the San Francisco Bay, juxtaposed between the
Ferry building and AT&T Park. It was furnished in a comfortable
shabby chic style. I looked at him again for an
explanation.

“This apartment belongs to our family.
My parents used to come up to the Bay Area all the time when Jane
was at school and hoped that Nick would come to school up here as
well. I thought we would rest a little before our dinner and
show.”

“Dinner? Show? How can you eat again
after nine courses?” I asked. “There’s no way I can eat again
today. I am so full. Besides, I have nothing to wear to attend any
shows up here. What are we going to watch?”

“You’ll see,” he answered with a funny
grin. “Don’t worry. I’ve taken care of everything. Let’s hang out
for a couple of hours. I, too, am stuffed.”

Jake grabbed my hands and led me to a
large white sofa situated right in front of an even larger plasma
TV. He sat down and pulled me right next to him. Every inch of our
bodies touched, but that didn’t seem to be enough for him. Jake
curved his arms around my waist and pulled me even closer to him.
Somewhere between the nine courses of food and wine, the comfort of
the sofa, and the heat of our bodies, I fell asleep.

What seemed like minutes later, I woke
up lying on top of Jake’s body. Jake had comfortably sprawled out
on the sofa with his head on the armrest and his legs stretched
out. My body, wedged between the back of the sofa and Jake’s warm
body, also stretched out comfortably.

“Oh my gosh. How long have I been
asleep?”

“A couple of hours, I think,” Jake
answered with his left hand stroking my long hair and his right
working the remote.

“I’m so sorry, Jake. I can’t believe I
fell asleep on you. I don’t think I’ve ever fallen asleep on a date
before.”

“It was nice. I rather liked it. You
appeared quite cozy.” He smiled and kissed the top of my
head.

“Um…I didn’t drool on you, did I? I
asked while wiping his shirt just in case.

“Do you normally?” He was now
chuckling.

“I don’t think so, but of course the
one time I fall asleep with a man, I would make a fool of
myself.”