Indestructible (16 page)

“Why do you ask that?” Alan looked at me, then at Adrian.

“I’m having the symptoms of the disease again.” I waited for Alan’s reaction.

“Define symptoms.” I could be wrong, but I had a feeling Alan’s hand on the baseball bat tightened.

“I can feel every element in the city as if it were right here.” I doubted this explanation meant anything to Alan because he never had a chance to experience how carriers felt around regular elementals.

Alan smacked his lips together. “I don’t think I can help you. There’s no cure for the disease. All I can do is restrain you or give you some pills that would numb all of your feelings.”

“That’s not very helpful.” I couldn’t think of anything that anyone could do for me that didn’t include locking me up in some institution. Pills never agreed with me anyway and I didn’t think they’d be enough to stop me.

“You should find an element-blocking bracelet,” Adrian said to Alan. “If I let go of her, she could go after you.”

“I’ll do that.” Alan closed the door and probably dashed off to find his element-blocking bracelet. I let out a frustrated sigh.

“Why don’t you call Paula or Lily?” Adrian pulled me against his chest, caressing my hair. “Maybe they developed something that can block the disease in the same way that elements can be blocked.”

“I can do that, but I don’t think they found a blocker for the disease. That would be almost as good as a cure.” If that had happened, we would have known about it immediately. Paula wouldn’t keep such important news from me. “The element-blocking jewelry buries an element deep inside the person where carriers can’t reach it, but the disease can’t be contained in the same way. I’ve seen what the disease can do. Sara could...” I couldn’t finish the thought.

“Doesn’t matter.” Adrian kissed my hair.

I extended my arm toward the nightstand and snatched my phone, sitting up. “I can’t believe I’ll have to tell Lily that she was right.”

“That’s not why you’re reluctant to call, is it?” he said as I played with the phone. “You think there’s nothing anyone can do for you.”

I glared at him. “Are you just touching me or reading my mind?”

“It’s going to be fine. I can call Lily if you don’t want to.” His shy smile was enough to make me at least a tiny little bit better.

“No, I’ll do it.” As I dialed Lily’s number, I took hold of Adrian’s hand.

“Hi, Ria,” Lily’s cheerful voice greeted me from the other side of the line and I almost wanted to hang up. If Lily was happy, I didn’t want to give her the bad news and ruin everything.

“Lily, hey. I need your help. My disease is back,” I blurted out before I could change my mind.

“What?” As expected, Lily’s cheerfulness was gone in an instant.

“Adrian’s touch still seems to help, but I’m afraid to let go. I woke up feeling every single element in the city.”

“Whoa, slow down. Are you sure? You don’t even know how many elementals there are in the city.”

“True, but it felt like every damn element. I don’t know how else to describe it.”

“Did you try to get in control? Before Adrian touched you?” Anxiety laced Lily’s voice.

“I couldn’t.” The truth was I hadn’t even tried because Adrian was there for me. “Don’t you know what it feels like when thousands of elements are inviting you to take them?”

“I can’t say I do. I’ve never been completely out of control.”

“Right.” I chewed on the insides of my mouth. “So what do I do now?”

“We should transfer you to a safe place.”

My heart skipped a beat. I knew that Lily wouldn’t send me to one of the horrible labs, but I couldn’t imagine being trapped in a building again. Not after what had happened in Sebastian’s lab. “No. No safe places, no labs.”

Lily sighed. “Ria, I understand that you don’t want to stay in a research place, but I can assure you our labs are not like the ones you’ve seen.”

“No.” I vehemently shook my head, even though she couldn’t see me. “I’m sick and tired of being trapped somewhere.”

“But if you can’t control yourself, you are a danger to everyone around you.”

“There must be a way,” I insisted. “Adrian can help me.”

“Did you forget what touching Adrian does to you when you’re not in control? Once you let go of him, anything can happen, especially in a situation like yours.”

Back at the time when I was still a normal element preserver, Adrian and I were supposed to touch only when I was in control. Apparently, Adrian had gotten me back in control too many times in the past, so I was risking losing my control entirely. “I know that it’s not a good idea that I touch Adrian, but there wasn’t any other way. I don’t want to become dependent on his touch or lose control when we break contact, but I really don’t know what to do. And I don’t think I have an ounce of control in me right now, so I guess it doesn’t matter that Adrian is the one keeping me in control.”

“I still think it would be the best that you go somewhere where we can keep an eye on you,” Lily said. “But it’s your choice.”

“Can you find me a house somewhere? Maybe in a place where Adrian and I can be alone. We could even go back to that house in Earthwind.” If I could isolate myself in a place with no elements nearby, maybe I could relearn how to control myself.

“I don’t think that would work. If you can feel elements that are miles away, no place will be isolated enough unless the whole house is built from special materials, but even that is questionable. Your disease is too strong. And those special materials are too expensive and take too long to build. If it were easy, we’d have thousands of safe places for carriers. Not even all the labs have such good protection except for a couple of rooms.”

“Right. But doesn’t that mean you’d have to restrain me and do God knows what to me in order to keep me safe in your lab?” I said bitterly. If my disease was indeed too strong, then there wasn’t much that could contain it. “You didn’t even have a case like mine. The only carriers who had various elements in their system and lost control completely were murderers and assassins. I assume you just put them all down.”

“Ria…”

And I was right. The carriers who could control themselves without having an element were lucky, just like those like my great-grandpa who could stay in control even after they killed. But once carriers lost their control completely, they went on killing sprees and then there was nothing that could save them. The only difference between the carriers who were serial killers and me was that I didn’t go around killing innocent people. For now. Who even got to decide who was innocent and who wasn’t in this whole thing? Murder was still murder, no matter how much I tried to convince myself that what I’d done was justified.

“Listen, Ria,” Lily said. “We can figure something out. You don’t have to stay in one of our hiding places forever. Maybe only for a week or two until you get better. I can send my team to pick you up and get you in control instead of Adrian. You know he weakens you too much.”

I considered her offer. She wouldn’t trap me in some horrible place against my will, would she? Unless she thought it was for my own good. I didn’t want to hurt anyone, so maybe I should just suck it up and take her offer. Adrian sat up and, in one smooth movement, took the phone out of my hand.

My eyebrows shot upward as he pressed the button to end the call. “What are you doing?”

“We’re doing this our way. It’s probably going to be the stupidest and most reckless thing we’ll do in our lives, but it’s worth a shot,” he said, his other hand still firmly holding mine.

“And what are we going to do?” I had a really bad feeling about his plan, but how much worse than Lily’s suggestion could it be?

“I’m going to let go of you,” he said, and my eyes widened. Yeah, his plan
could
be much, much worse.

Chapter 24

“How about we reconsider this idea?” I said, clutching Adrian’s hand as if my life depended on it. And it probably did.

“We can’t keep touching forever and you don’t want to go to some lab,” he said, determination flashing in his gray-blue eyes. “You have to get back in control all on your own.”

I bit down on my lip. “And what if I can’t do that? I might kill someone.”

“You won’t. I’ll be still here with you if things go very wrong.” He shifted on the bed and I was afraid he’d let go of me, but he didn’t. “We can try this for a couple of seconds. Just to see how you’ll react.”

I frowned. “Okay, I guess we can do that, but I’m not sure how I can get in control with all the elements buzzing around me. Shouldn’t I be in a place without any elements to get back in control?”

“In an ideal world, yes, you would be in a place without elements, but since we don’t have such a place, we’ll have to improvise.” His lips spread into a smile.

“Awesome.” I rolled my eyes. “How is a place full of elements an improvisation of a place without elements?”

He cocked his head at me. “Why do you think we need a place without elements? If Alan is wearing a bracelet, that gives us enough space between you and the people in the apartments next to this one.”

“Yeah, enough space so you can stop me from bursting through the door and killing one of Alan’s neighbors.”

“No, that’s not what I mean.”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “Then what are you thinking?”

“There are thousands of elements in the city and you can feel them all. They’re all tempting you, aren’t they? But if there are a lot of elements, some of them equally strong, how will your disease decide after which element to go?”

I opened my mouth, closed it. How should I know? If I had any control over the disease, I wouldn’t be in this situation.

“My guess is that you’re going to feel torn about where to go, so maybe you could get in control if you managed to block the sensations, like feeling cold or being dizzy,” he said.

My frown deepened. “Yeah, I should totally ignore that feeling of choking. That’s super easy. A piece of cake.”

“You’ll have to find something else to focus on. Something that doesn’t cause you pain.” His eyes bored into mine.

“I would totally do that if I could actually think while elements assault my mind.” I scowled. “You make this sound so easy.”

“I know it’s not.” He lowered his eyes, licking his lips. “I know I was never in a situation where I could feel so many elements at once, but I know a thing or two about focusing on something to block out the pain.”

“I can try focusing on happy memories. Would that help?” I had a bunch of happy memories, but I wasn’t sure whether any of them would be strong enough to block out elements and any other things I’d be feeling.

“Sure. You can try, but if it doesn’t work, try to remember some really bad events or strong emotions. Something that can overwhelm you.”

“Let me guess,” I said. “You didn’t use happy memories.”

The corners of his lips quirked up. “Of course not. Most of my happy memories are related to my parents, but I was too young and I can’t remember things clearly. Bad memories are different. They stick with you even when you don’t want them to.” His face grew pensive.

I had a fair share of bad memories too, but maybe I should focus on the ones that still gave me strong feelings. “Alright. Let’s do this.”

“Are you sure?” Adrian caressed my hand.

I nodded. It couldn’t hurt to try, could it? I was out of control anyway, and if this worked, I’d be the happiest person in the whole world.

“I’ll let go when you’re ready,” he said, his gray-blue eyes intent on mine.

Taking a deep breath, I sat back on my heels. What memory could I choose? What was more overwhelming than anything else?
Ethan and Sebastian
, a little voice in the back of my mind suggested, but I couldn’t focus on two different people at the same time. I had to choose. Who had angered me more? Which one of them had caused me more pain and grief? I settled on Ethan. If it hadn’t been for him, I wouldn’t have even met his cousin and I’d never forgive him for what he’d done to Paula.

“I’m ready,” I said, and Adrian let go of me. Elements slammed into me, nearly knocking me off the bed. One part of me knew that the elements weren’t really there, but the images in my head were way too real. Doing my best to ignore the tightening in my chest and throat, the tingling in my limbs and the floating sensation, I focused on Ethan. His face was twisted into a sneer, taunting me, and I directed all of my anger at him.

I tried to get up from the bed, but the world spun around me and I tripped. My hands hit the ground and I could see Adrian’s worried face in the distance, his lips forming words. I gasped for air, but my lungs couldn’t take it in. Squeezing my eyes shut, I focused on the image of Ethan, which started to dissolve.

I couldn’t breathe and the only way to get some air was to get the element that was only a couple of rooms away from me. I could taste its sweetness on my tongue. The element was so strong and beautiful, glowing in my consciousness like a delicious target.

“Ria, no!” Adrian yelled. The elements retreated and I was left staring into Adrian’s eyes, his hand on my arm.

“Shit,” I muttered as I realized we were standing in the hall. How had I even gotten here? “It’s not working. The pull of the element nearby was too strong.”

“Do you want to try focusing on another memory? Maybe your emotions weren’t strong enough.”

“No, I don’t think that will work. I can’t stay focused for long enough. What’s the point anyway? It’s not like I can act normal while I’m thinking hard about something else.” I wanted to punch a hole in the wall. I really didn’t want to end up in some lab.

“The focusing part was supposed to be just a first step to get you in control. Of course you wouldn’t be doing it all the time.” Adrian pulled me into a hug.

“I’m too weak. I can’t fight the disease without any help.” If only I’d kept at least one of my elements, things would be so much easier, but I couldn’t do anything about that.

“There are too many elements around you here. We should go someplace with less elements. You might be able to fight them off if they are far enough.”