Indomitable Spirit (22 page)

“How much will this cost me?” John asked.

Kym turned off the water and faced them. “As it happens I have two invitations to the tournament. One was for my grandfather, but of course he wasn’t going to compete. So that leaves an entry open.”

“You’re saying it won’t cost me?”

“This time. Tournaments aren’t always free. This was an invitation sent to the school and the entry fee waived was also a gift for me to judge.”

John nodded. “That was nice.”

“Very nice. So this time,” she reiterated, “it won’t cost.”

“And when is it?”

“The second Saturday of December.”

She watched both John and Jacob drop their shoulders and it was as if the room had deflated around her.

“Never mind, Dad. I won’t go.” Jacob stood from the table and left the kitchen.

Kym watched as John ran his hand over his forehead. His eyes had gone sad now.

“What just happened?” Kym asked with the dish towel in her hands.

He didn’t look at her. “That’s Cody’s birthday.”

She knew enough to mean that it was the anniversary of Abigail’s death and she saw what that did to him.

“I didn’t know.”

He nodded. “I know. There will be others, right?”

“Always. And he’s amazing so he’ll have the chance again, and…”

“Thanks.” John cut her off and stood. He pushed in his chair. “I should get their baths ready.”

Kym pushed back her shoulders. “I should probably be going then.”

There was a piercing in her chest that she couldn’t will away.

She draped the towel over the sink and headed toward the door to pick up her coat.

“Thank you for letting me eat dinner with you,” she said as she passed through the living room where the three younger children watched a movie.

“Bye,” they all said in unison, but she noticed Jacob wasn’t there.

That was fine. She’d talk to him tomorrow.

She pulled her keys out of her pocket and headed out to her car. A moment later she heard the screen door slam and John was following her.

“You’re just leaving like that?”

“I’m in the way. You invited me to dinner and now I’m in the way.”

“Dear God, what am I supposed to do?”

“I don’t know. Thank you for a nice meal and time with your son.” She opened the car door and he reached for her arm.

“There’s a lot going on here. What made you so mad?”

“Mad?” Was she mad? No she was hurt. Tears were stinging her eyes and she realized she was throwing a fit. A little girl fit. “I’m not mad. I’m hurt. I need to go.”

She broke from his touch, climbed into the car, and drove away. She loved him. She loved him so much and yet she’d never be the only one. This time she knew it wasn’t about the kids. Fine, she’d always come after the kids, but to come after the memory of Abigail, she couldn’t live with that.

John raked his fingers through his hair. What the hell had that all been about? He hadn’t missed the drama that women brought to a man’s live no matter how much he missed his wife. Heather and his mother-in-law had given him enough drama over the years and now he’d invited more in.

Who did she think she was to just run out like that? What had he said? What did he do?

He ran his hand over his face and then he realized what had transpired. Kym was smart enough to know that Cody’s birthday wasn’t the happiest of dates in their world. Though they were going to do everything they could to combat that, he hadn’t reacted too well and neither had Jacob.

Crap, it could wait until tomorrow and he’d go to her. He’d get it all out in the open and they’d talk.

On a breath he took his cell phone out of his pocket and dialed his sister.

“Can you come over and do baths and get these guys into bed? I need to do something.” When she agreed he slid the phone back into his pocket. Suddenly, it couldn’t wait until tomorrow.

~*~

Tears rolled down Kym’s cheeks and she hated it. When had she gone so soft? Never—and she knew it had been never—had she cried over a man. This was ridiculous.

She’d taken a few moments to kick the heavy bag in the corner. Then she set up the board and broke through it. Once her frustrated energy had been spent, she dragged herself upstairs to finish the pity party with a glass of wine. She could do that now. She was a thirty-year-old adult woman who didn’t have anyone looking over her shoulder anymore.

Kym filled the wine glass nearly full, corked the bottle, and leaned against the counter.

This was a speed bump in the road, she thought. After all she was a grown woman who could deal with her feelings. She could kick, punch, and break things. She could wash it away with wine. And then tomorrow she could talk to John rationally.

Again, he’d done nothing at all wrong, it was her own feelings that had been hurt and now she looked like an idiot.

With a long indulgent drink she swallowed the wine and it went straight to her head. This wasn’t much like her, but it felt good to let go just a bit. There would be no students until Monday. Alone in her house it was okay if she got just the slightest bit drunk—which with one long drink of wine she was already doing.

It didn’t take long and the glass was empty. Kym blinked hard and decided she was going to fill it back up.

She did just that. Another sip and she realized she was already nearly drunk. It might have been the first time she’d felt quite like this. Hadn’t she ever just let it all go? Just stopped being so proper and trained to do everything in just the right way?

It seemed as though John Larson was teaching her quite a lesson now.

Kym strolled to her sofa and clicked on the TV. She kicked her feet up on the table and laughed. She was drunk in the solitude of her own home and she was putting her feet on the furniture. There was a wicked moment when she thought about running across the training floor downstairs with her shoes on—without bowing.

She laughed. Pity parties could be a little fun, she thought.

Then she heard knocking.

She looked around. It was the door downstairs. Who would knock on the door downstairs on a Saturday night, she tried to focus on the clock across the room, but it was fuzzy, well in the dark at least.

Kym stood, set her glass on the table, steadied herself and started down the steps.

As she cleared the hallway that lead to the school she looked at the training floor and thought about running across it—but even drunk she had some respect.

She walked around it and could see the shadow of a man near the door. What did he want? Why would—then she saw his face.

Kym unlocked the door and pulled it open. “What are you doing here? You have kids at home.”

“Right, with my sister. Now let’s go upstairs so we can talk.”

“We don’t need to talk. I’ve had me a little pity party and I’m done.”

He was looking at her now with a critical eye. “Are you drunk?”

“I might be. I’ve never been drunk before and if this is it then yes I am.”

“Hmm,” he purred looking at her through narrowed eyes. “You’ve never been drunk before? And you chose tonight to do it? By yourself?”

“I’m an adult. I don’t have anyone looking over my shoulder and I don’t have to answer to anyone—anymore. Especially you, John Larson. I can drink as much wine as I want and kick my feet up onto the table
and
I can rot my brain all night long with television. I think I might even have some chocolate stashed somewhere in a cupboard. Ice cream. I should walk down to the store and get some ice cream.”

John pressed a hand to her mouth. “Dear Lord, shut up.”

Kym simply stared at him while he pressed a hand to her mouth.

“You’re making me want to drink now,” he said lowering his hand and holding up a finger. “Don’t say another word.”

Kym nodded.

“I should come back tomorrow. You’re in no condition to talk rationally to me.”

“I’m not rational. I’m dumb.” She threw her arms up in the air and started back to the steps that led up to her apartment.

John shook his head. What in the world had gotten into her? He turned and locked the door then followed her up to her apartment.

By the time he’d reached her she’d sunk onto the couch with a full glass of wine in her hand and her feet up on the table.

“This is the life huh?” He wanted to smile, but he refrained.

“Why are you here?” She drank back the wine and then let out a long breath.

“You were upset and I wasn’t sure what I did. I’m not good at all with this relationship stuff.”

“You were married. You know how a woman thinks.”

“Maybe.” He walked toward the couch and took a seat on the other end. “Abigail had her share of fits and we did enough fighting to last me until I’m good and old.”

“And you loved her,” she said softly.

“Of course I did.” He stood and paced in a circle. “What the hell was that about?”

“Nothing.” She wiped at tears that were now freely falling down her cheeks. “I told you
I’m
having a pity party and you’re interrupting it.”

“A pity party over what?”

“I’ll never be the first woman you loved. And you still love her because she didn’t leave you in a fight. She died. It’s different than if you’d gotten a divorce. She died and you still love her.”

John felt the air grow heavy in his lungs and he realized he was holding his breath.

“You’re mad at me for loving my wife?” he asked softly.

“I told you,” she held up a finger. “I told you I was having a pity party. A very unreasonable one at that.”

“You could say that again.”

Anger drummed in his head, but it only fringed on what was in his heart. No matter how incoherent she was right now, she made some sense. If he sat down and had a decent conversation with her, whether she was drunk or not, maybe he could explain how he felt. Then again, he was really bad at this part.

Kym drank the rest of the wine, stood, teetered, and then headed to the kitchen.

John followed her and as she lifted the bottle of wine, he stopped her. “I’m all for getting drunk and mad. I’ve done it myself enough to know what you’re going to feel in the morning too. But let’s talk.”

“I’m being foolish and stupid. Now I’m embarrassed that you’re seeing me cry. I don’t cry.”

“I’ve seen you cry.”

She looked up at him with red swollen eyes. “I know. And I don’t cry, but I cry over you.”

John cupped her face in his hands. “And why is that?”

“Because, I love you.”

He smiled and pressed a soft kiss to her lips. “And I told you that I love you too. So why are you doing this to yourself?”

“I want to be special. I’ve always been the girl in this world run by men—my job,” she clarified. “I’ve been the only daughter. I’ve been the little one. The unimportant one…”

“I don’t think that’s true.”

“It’s just,” she let out a breath. “You’ve known true love before and I haven’t. Will you always think of her? Will the kids hate me in the end because I’m not their mother?” She pressed her hands to both sides of her head and he knew her head was spinning.

“They’d never do that.”

“I know.” She wiped away more tears. “This is all foolish, but it’s how I feel.”

John pressed another kiss to her lips. “How can I make you understand how important you are to me? How can I prove to you that it’s you that I love?”

“Just hold me.” She hiccupped. “Let me finish this stupid pity party. Tomorrow is a new day. I’ll be fine.”

He laughed as he pulled her into his arms. “Oh, no you won’t.”

She laughed too and then winced. “You should go home.”

“No. I’m going to stay with you.”

Kym looked up at him, her eyes wide. “Here?”

“Kelley has things under control. I have a need for you. A need to hold you all night.”

She moistened her lips a couple of times. “Only hold me?”

He let a smile form on his lips. “You’re drunk.”

“Not that much. I won’t say no if you want to make love to me.” Her words swayed with her body.

“I want to.”

“Then carry me to bed if you’re mine all night.”

He scooped her up into his arms.

“John,” she said softly as she pressed a kiss to his neck.

“What?”

“I’m sorry I threw a pity party.”

“You’re entitled,” he explained as he skirted the coffee table by the couch.

“Will you love me forever? I mean, even if you love her, will you love me from here on out?”

“That is a promise I can make.”

Chapter Twenty-Four

There were only three days until the competition and Kym had never worked so hard on a form in her life. For some reason there was a need to make this one really count. Was it for her father? Or her grandfather? Did she need it to prove that she could compete against others in this male run industry?

Or was it for herself since she’d been so foolish.

The night of drinking wine and sobbing had ended well enough—John was in her bed wrapped around her and he’d made sure he came back a few more times when it was convenient. Jacob had been joining her on Wednesdays and Sundays to train, even though he wasn’t going with her.

They’d talked about the birthday party they were going to have for Cody and she was most sorry she’d miss it. They should celebrate his joyous life with family and Jacob had told her that was going to include Abigail’s family.

All the better she thought, that she’d be in Grand Junction for the weekend. Let them all bond and she’d kick the crap out of the competition—figuratively speaking.

The morning of the competition Kym loaded up her car. She wasn’t going to take any chances so she packed extra food, extra clothes, and made sure she had John teach her how to put chains on her tires.

The sun was just peeking over the mountain peaks and it shimmered off the lake. Kym took it all in. What a beautiful day.

The competition wasn’t until noon, but she had a few other items on her agenda before she left town.

She drove to John’s house and parked down the street. It was a quiet day for them and she wasn’t going to be responsible for waking anyone so she walked up quietly to the house.