Infinite Devotion (2 page)

Cesare enters and whistles. “Breathtaking in every way, dear sister. Sforza will fight to take you home tonight.”

“What is the delay now? I saw the whole court was filled with guests!”

“You can’t imagine. Sforza, your soon-to-be fool of a husband, is trying to delay the wedding. His astrologer has given him bad tiding to this day, and Sforza wanted to wait until tomorrow, since it would be happier among the stars.” He takes his velvet hat off to fix his thick brown hair. “The pope is not pleased.”

Cesare, although dressed handsomely in a red velvet jacket and gold chain, is much more subdued than the extravagant Juan.

Just as he says this, Guilia comes running. “It’s time! Lucrezia, follow me.”

Guilia, with her hazel eyes and long reddish hair down to her feet, dressed in my colors of mulberry and gold, leads me out and down the court where I see Giovanni Sforza waiting with my father and a few other cardinals. The room’s filled with the smiling faces of Roman barons, bishops, and noble men and women. As I draw near, I see Sforza for the first time, and I’m slightly taken aback with how much older he looks. I immediately feel nervous in his presence but try to focus on the task ahead. He has thick brown hair, a full beard, and brown, slightly beady eyes. He is fashionably dressed in a long, Turkish-style robe of gold, adorned with the Gonzaga gold chain. Handsome enough.

We’re asked to kneel at Father’s feet, and he holds a naked sword above our bowed heads and pronounces us married.

Chapter 3

“The year went fast,” I say to Guilia as I wipe away my tears. I’m packing the trousseau that Father bought.

“Oh, you shouldn’t be crying with all these beautiful things to wear.” Guilia picks up a purple velvet dress with gold threading.

“I wish you could come with me.”

She picks up her handkerchief and dabs her eyes. “Your father wants me to stay in Rome,” is all she has to say, and I know he’ll never let her out of his sight. People in Rome are calling her Christ’s Bride. My father makes no attempt to hide their relationship.

“I understand.” And I did.

She nods sadly in agreement and then points to the most expensive dress my father purchased that is hanging on the door. “I’ve never seen a dress so rich!”

“It cost Father fifteen thousand ducats!”

She walks over and runs her hands down the embroidered pearls and jewels like it’s an exotic animal. “I would go anywhere if I had a dress like this to go in.”

Maybe she’s right; maybe I should think myself blessed to have the things I have.

“I’ll miss you and my family terribly.”

“Well, at least Juan has already left for Granada, so it’s only your father and Cesare to miss, and Cesare’s in a terrible mood since your father gave Juan the dukedom over him.”

Cesare has been reclusive and fuming for the last few months. Being the oldest, it is a slap in the face to be so overlooked.

“Guilia, so nice to see you noticed.” Cesare snuck into the room behind her, and she looks worried. He picks up a cap off the gilded chair and sits.

“She was just trying to make me feel less distraught at leaving.”

Guilia nods, embarrassed.

“It’s fine.” He doesn’t seem convinced. “If I had been made Duke of Gandia, I certainly wouldn’t have demanded such extravagant outfitting. Do you know the master goldsmith is still making his jewelry for the wedding, and it happened months ago?”

He’s been talking like this since the dukedom was announced. I try to take his mind off Juan yet again.

“Tell me again about Giovanni Sforza.” I say with a snide smile.

He lights up. “Oh, you’re in for a thrill. Father has married you to one of the drabbest men I’ve ever met. Not only does he walk in like a shaking, nervous mouse, but he stands in front of you with nothing to say. He nods drolly at every word while his eyes are darting about the room looking for ghosts.”

Even though he’s described him so many times, we all still have a laugh.

“He came to court last week to speak with Father, and I’m convinced he’s a spy for Milan. A poor spy, at that, but a spy nonetheless.”

“Strange how Father married me because of Sforza’s ties to Milan, and now he’s at odds with them. It’s only benefitting Sforza now.”

Cesare smiles at this. “You’re the only lady I know that can understand such things. Paring it right down to the bone.”

Father comes in, and we stand up to bow at his entrance, but he gestures for us to sit as he always does. He comes and hugs me at once.

“I wish I could dissolve this useless marriage so you wouldn’t have to leave.” He smiles, and his eyes roll back as he remembers something. “Do you know what he wrote to me last week?” I know he’s going to continue, even if we’d already known. “After hearing about my agreement with the King of Naples, enemy of the state of Milan, Giovanni asked me which he should stay devoted to: our contractual agreement or his illustrious state of Milan!” He’s getting louder and laughing through his story. “I answered plainly, ‘our agreement.’” He keeps laughing.

Cesare speaks. “Sforza’s a total waste of Lucrezia’s talents, with no political advantages.”

“Yes, I know. It was a mistake,” he says as he takes my shoulders and looks in my eyes. “I’ll figure something out. A way to dissolve it without risking our future.”

I know he will, and it makes it easier to leave knowing it won’t be long before I can come back. No matter how bad Sforza is, I know I can put up a good front. The servants come in for the last of my bags. I throw my cloak on, and Adrianna and Guilia kiss me good-bye in my room as Father and Cesare walk me down to the envoy waiting outside. Father fixes a tight smile that holds back his tears, and Cesare gives me a strong hug and walks away before I even get in my coach.

Chapter 4

I’m only changing households in Rome, but it’s the first time I’ve been away from everyone. Giovanni greets me at the door to the much smaller and less decorated palace, but I remember it won’t be long before Father can figure some way out.

“So wonderful to finally have you here, my wife.” He takes my hand and kisses it in a fumbling way. Cesare’s right, he does always seem to be waiting for someone to sneak up on him.

I curtsy with head bowed to him. “It’s time to take my rightful place in my wedding bed.”

I seem to catch him off guard with this forward comment, and he begins to stutter.

“R-right, r-right. In your r-rightful place.” The thought seems to overwhelm him so greatly that he can look upon me no longer and tries to busy himself with directing the servants bringing my trousseau in. He points to the room upstairs that leads to my suite.

“My lord, can you bring me to our room so my ladies can refresh me from my trip?”

“Yes”—he trips over a suitcase on the floor and hops back up, red-faced—“I will take you there myself.”

I keep from laughing but note it to describe to Cesare and Juan the next time I see them.

Dinner’s satisfactory, and Giovanni and I eat at the large table alone. He doesn’t speak to me, and whenever I look up from my plate, I see him chewing his food like a cow. Even when I don’t look, I can still hear him eat. He pushes his chair away from the table, and even though I’m only halfway through my meal, I realize he wants me to follow him.

Adriana’s told me much of what’s expected of women on their wedding night, and since I’ve attended many of my father’s parties‌—‌rich with Rome’s finest courtesans‌—‌sex is not something that intimidates me. Giovanni sits back on his bed and watches me undress by the fire. Even though he’s the widower, he’s the one who’s shaking. He fumbles at every occasion for me that night, just as he fumbled to kiss my hand. I lie there playing my part, hoping Father will think of something soon.

∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

Six months later, Cesare and Father arrive for dinner, as they have every few weeks since I’ve been here. Giovanni’s been away on a campaign for months, and I happily have the place to myself.

Cesare begins at dinner. “This isn’t simply a visit tonight, dear sister.” He swallows. “We have word Giovanni’s on his way back tonight, and we think it’s a good opportunity to speak to him about your annulment.”

My heart leaps at the idea.

“I think the only way we can annul your marriage is via”—my father inhales a burp but continues—“non-consummation.”

I’m dumbfounded; my expression makes them both laugh.

Father turns to me with a sudden, serious face. “You didn’t consummate the marriage, did you?”

“You didn’t tell me not to…” By the way they breakout in laughter, I know they’re joking.

“Lucrezia, after Cesare gets through terrorizing him, he’ll agree to anything.” They’re laughing so hard, Cesare’s holding his sides.

“Impotence!” Cesare blurts out. “We’ll get him to declare impotency!”

As much as I want a better marriage, I feel somewhat sorry for what Giovanni has ahead of him. Even though he’s boring and unimportant, my stomach twists as I imagine what I’m going to have to publicly lie about at my father’s demand.

Giovanni walks in, already angry from hearing Cesare and my father are here upon his return. He looks even more nervous than usual and doesn’t even take his coat off when he enters the dining room.

I go to him at once and kiss him on his cheek.

“So glad you are home and well.” But he doesn’t hear me.

Cesare gives a fake smile and remains seated. “Yes, brother, so glad you are well.”

My father extends his hand, and Giovanni, after an awkward moment of hesitation, kisses his ring. Giovanni then sits down stiffly next to Father, who’s seated in Giovanni’s seat at the head of the table.

“Giovanni, I sense you’re unnerved at our unexpected visit, and I want to put all your concerns to rest by coming out with my proposition.” As Father says this, Cesare gets up and moves his chair to the other side of Giovanni. Giovanni tenses in his seat.

My father laces the fingers of both hands, pushes back his large form, and sends a serious look to Giovanni. “Your pope
requests
you sign an annulment—”

“I will never sign an annulment!” He jumps up from his chair, spilling his glass. “You signed a contract with me. Lucrezia’s
my wife
.”

Cesare and Father only become calmer with his outburst.

Cesare says, “Wouldn’t you rather a wife that loves you?”

Giovanni looks at me. “I love her, and even if it isn’t reciprocated, we’re husband and wife under God.”

My father raises one eyebrow and narrows the other eye. “Will you risk your life for it?”

“Are you threatening me?”

“No, I’m informing you,” he replies with a strange smile.

Giovanni glares at me. “You say nothing, Lucrezia?”

I glance down and shake my head.

“The devil’s wearing the papal crown.” Giovanni turns and walks back out of the house.

“That went well.” Cesare starts laughing.

My father exhales loudly. “This might be harder than I thought.”

Chapter 5

Giovanni flees, and under the pretenses I now know, an annulment is going to be carried out. I don’t feel right staying in the Sforza palace and decide to go back to where I always go in times of difficulty: the convent of San Sisto in Rome where I was raised. The peace of San Sisto, with all its fragrant herb gardens, nuns’ ethereal songs, and serene church bells, puts my soul at ease like no other place. Something here reminds me of the time I wished I belonged to‌—‌something so different than the pretentious court in which I now am forced to live‌—‌something of a world I’d left behind.