Infinite Fear (7 page)

Murphy gives me a small nod. I walk over and
place the bag of Julius’ cash safely on my lap. The money to pay
Murphy is stashed in my pocket.

“So, who are we looking for?” he asks me
flatly.

“My… Um, ex-girlfriend,” I say, suddenly
feeling stupid.

“Ex? I know you may have
thought of this already, and I do want your business, but did you
ever consider that she doesn’t want to be found?” Murphy
asks.
How very fucking Captain Obvious of
him
.

“Look man, do you want the job or not?” I
ask, getting irritated fast. I pull a photo of Shana taken a few
weeks before I last saw her and slide it across the table, Along
with a large stack of bills and a paper with some descriptive
information.

“Any idea where she might be?” Murphy
drawls, taking a long swig of whiskey.

Is he fucking kidding
me?
“If I knew that, I wouldn’t need you!”
I spit.

“Look kid, no harm in asking. Where’s the
rest?” he asks counting the money.

“What rest? There’s a grand there,” I
say.

“Fee is four grand. I have to cover travel
and other incidentals. Do you think I find people sitting on my ass
at this bar table?” he retorts sarcastically.

I’m here now, and I made this decision, so
there is no turning back. My cut from the drop is another grand.
That leaves two more that I need to find. If I overthink it, I’ll
lose my nerve. So before I have the time to, I pull three grand
from Julius’ bag and hand it over to Murphy.

He extends a hand to me and I shake it,
before rattling off my cell number to him and walking out of the
bar. With Julius’ bag, now two grand short. Which Julius will
surely notice.

I drive over to the prison,
my left leg twitching nervously. I’m as good as fucking dead. In
Julius’ eyes, I stole from him.
And that
was not an acceptable thing
.

Emmanuel walks over to the table in the
visitor’s room with his usual swag. Seems like prison is not
treating him as badly as I had expected it to.

“Jay!” he says while sitting opposite me,
looking genuinely happy to see me. “What’s good?”

“Not much, man,” I say, the guilt still
rendering me unable to meet his eyes.

“Don’t feel bad,” he says laughing. “Do you
know how fucking good the networking opportunity is in this place?
By the time I leave, I’ll have enough connections to manage without
Julius.”

“Speaking of Julius-” I say, thinking of bag
I stashed in the spare tire cavity of the Camaro.

Emmanuel’s face clouds over.

“The last payment may be a little short,” I
say nervously.

“Due when,” he says, eyeing me sternly.

“Today. Now,” I reply.

“How much?” he asks.

“Two grand.”

Emmanuel’s jaw works hard as he tries to
keep his cool. “Jay, what the fuck are you doing, missing payments
to Julius? He will fucking kill you.”

“I know,” I say rubbing my temples in
frustration.

“Why?” he questions.

I sigh, not wanting to tell him the real
reason, for fear of looking like some lovesick fool. “I hired a PI
to find Shana.”

I expect Emmanuel to jump straight over the
table and rip me a new one. But he’s surprisingly calm. “We have
history,” he says. “So I’m gonna do you a solid and fix your fuck
up. This time, and this time only. I’m counting on you, since I
can’t be out there where I should be.”

The message from Emmanuel
was clear: I
’m in here because I protected
your ass, and I’m about to do it again. Consider this a favor for
which you will be required to make payment on at a later
stage.

Message received. I nod before Emmanuel
stands. “I have a phone call to make,” he says as he turns to walk
away.

I drive to my possible death with a series
of confused thoughts assaulting my mind. When I arrive at the club,
Julius is where he usually is, surrounded by the usual bevy of
barely dressed women. He gives me a hard look as I walk in with the
bag.

“I hear you made a stop to do some
shopping,” he says as I sit cautiously opposite him. “With my
money.”

“Emmanuel called you,” I say needlessly.

“Yes, and you should thank him for your
life, because had he not called me, and were him and I not family,
you would almost certainly be lying here in a pool of your own
blood!” he screams. “The worst part is, I can’t trust you anymore.
And that means I have to replace you now. Not to mention the fact
that you’re fucking that bitch who keeps snooping around here.”

Nina? What does she have to do with
anything?

“I appreciate it,” I reply, not wanting to
say any more than necessary.

“Don’t fucking appreciate it,” Julius
replies menacingly. “You have two months to pay me back. You’re
lucky I know you. Otherwise, it would be two days. And remember to
thank my cousin for the fact that you still have air in your
lungs.”

Chapter 9

Evading potential murder is
a life-changing experience. I drive the Camaro over to dad’s
mechanic shop. Its late afternoon, and all the guys are gathered
around a barrel fire eating fried chicken and throwing back beers.
Dad doesn’t drink, but he also likes to show the guys a good time
for their hard work.
He’s respectful like
that
.

“Jackson,” he says as I
walk into the office. He’s bent over a stack of bills, a tired look
on his face. He’s not expecting much from my visit.
That’s my fault
. For the
last two years, I haven’t really been worth all that much. But I do
believe that someday, I will be better. I just hope he still
believes that, too.

“Dad, I want to come back to work. For
real,” I say.

“Jackson,” he sighs, taking off his
gold-rimmed reading glasses. “I wish I could believe that. How many
more chances are you expecting to get from me?” He doesn’t say this
maliciously. He’s just tired, both of me and of all the bullshit
that I put him through.

“I don’t expect you to believe me,” I say
looking down at the desk. “But let me prove it.” I meet his eyes
and stare resolutely.

“Okay, but I expect you here at eight-thirty
in the morning and staying until five, just like everyone else,” he
says.

“Done,” I reply with a nod.

My father rises from his chair and walks
over, embracing me in a strong hug. We have an understanding, him
and I. And I am so done with disappointing people. My parents.
Jade. Even Shana, if she were here, would be disappointed.

There’s one more thing I
need to get out of my system tonight, before turning over my new
leaf.
Nina
. I
steer the Camaro in the direction of her apartment. I’m quite
certain that turning up without calling breaks all the fuck buddy
rules. But I’m genuinely concerned for her, being that she’s trying
to piss Julius off, and succeeding.

I ascend the stairs at the front of the
building and raise my hand to knock. My fist is about to connect
with the wood when I hear a male voice, loud and angry, coming from
inside the apartment. I don’t even need to bring my ear closer to
hear the conversation. Their raised voices filter easily through
the solid door.

“I know you’re lying! You know who the other
guy is! And the fact that you’re keeping it from me breaks so many
codes between us! Not to mention the fact that this is your job!”
the voice yells.

“How many times do I have to tell you? I
haven’t been able to work out who he is! It doesn’t matter anyway.
Our work here is done, we’re handing it over, and that’s the end of
it!” Nina yells in reply.

“You really are fucking up Melina, you know
that? Whoever you are covering for is not worth it. He or she is a
sack of shit. But you know what? Whatever! Do whatever the hell you
want. I’m done!” The male’s voice tightens with both rage and
defeat.

The door to the apartment bursts open, and a
tall guy in a button down shirt and dark jeans walks out the door.
He stops abruptly, gives me a venomous glare, and turns back to
face Nina. “Is this why you’re slacking off? You shouldn’t have
time for boyfriends!” He turns on his heel and stalks off, slamming
the building door behind him.

Nina brings her thumb and forefinger to the
bridge of her nose in frustration. “What are you doing here,
Jackson?” she asks dejectedly.

“I needed to talk to you. What was that?” I
ask, raising a thumb towards the now closed door.

“Come in,” she says, stepping aside.

Nina walks over to the window and lights a
cigarette, and taking a deep drag. “Why are you just showing up at
my door?”

I walk over and sit on the edge of the bed.
I’m about to answer when a hard knock stops me. Nina rolls her eyes
tiredly and stubs the cigarette violently onto the windowsill
before walking back to the door.

On the other side of the door is the guy
from before, again. He pushes past her, completely ignoring me.
“I’m not letting this go!” he yells pointing at Nina. “We’ve been
working on this for the past two fucking years! I’m not letting you
screw it up!”

“Fuck off, Dave!” she spits. “I told you
what I know and that’s all I have.”

Dave walks over and points
the same aggravated finger straight at Nina’s nose. Something in me
stirs.
Dave better back the fuck
up
. Nina doesn’t flinch. He obviously
doesn’t scare her.
Or
me
.

“Get out,” Nina whispers threateningly.

“Why the hell should I?” Dave asks, his
voice low. “I’m taking you with me to explain this shit to the
boss,” he says grabbing her wrist. She looks at his offending hand
with disgust, not fear.

“Do that, and I’ll have to mention the
numerous hookers we’ve let go after they’ve paid you off in kind,”
Nina threatens.

I stand from the edge of the bed and walk
over. “I think she wants you to leave,” I say standing next to
Nina.

Dave is good and pissed now, but makes the
mistake of taking a swing in my direction. His fist connects with
my face, hard enough to sting, but not hard enough to drop me. Nina
steps in before I can and issues a killer right hook to his
cheek.

“Now get the fuck out,” she says
threateningly.

Dave finally gets it and walks out the door,
slamming it behind him.

“Do you have a fucking death wish?” I ask
her as she walks over to the freezer and throws me a bag of frozen
broccoli for my lip.

“Again Nina, what the hell?” I ask.

“Are you running drugs for Julius?” she asks
venomously, spinning to face me.

“Why?” I question.

“So that’s a yes,” she says, lighting
another cigarette.

“Julius thinks you’re up to something. He’s
not a good enemy to have. But then it seems like you aren’t short
of those. What is the deal with that guy anyway?” I ask, leaving
her question deliberately unanswered.

She looks at me cautiously, obviously in
silent debate with herself about whether or not she should answer
my question. “Fuck it,” she says. “I probably don’t have a job left
anyway.”

“The emcee gig?” I ask, confused.

“That was my partner,” she
sighs. “I’m a cop, undercover. We were her investigating Julius and
his network.
His
runners
. Dave thinks I know who the second
runner is, and I won’t give him up, for whatever reason.” Nina eyes
me pointedly.

I avert my eyes. “So, you screwed me in the
hopes that it would screw me?” I say softly.

“No, that wasn’t ever part of the plan.
Neither was finding out that you are one of the people Dave and I
have been going after for the past two years. Neither was lying to
my partner to protect your ass,” she says angrily.

“So why did you?” I ask.

“Because from what Jade has told me and the
vibe I get from you, you really are not like the rest of them. I
get the feeling that you don’t even like the money. I patted you
down at the club. You don’t carry a gun. I believed that you are
different,” she explains.

“And that had nothing to do with us sleeping
together?” I feel flattered, betrayed, and fucking relieved, all at
once.

“This is why,” Nina says.

“Why what?”

“Why I don’t get involved with anyone.
Because I always have to remember to be goddamn anonymous. Look
around. No photos, nothing personal in this whole damn place
besides my clothes.” Nina looks frustrated. “That and when you’re a
cop, everyone is either a potential criminal or already one. Case
in point.”

“Is your name even Nina? And how old are
you? More to the point, you haven’t answered my first question,” I
say as I walk over to the sink and toss the soggy broccoli bag into
it.