Infinite in Between (24 page)

Ted: What's up?

Jake: Not much. Countdown to graduation. Doing some art.

Ted: I don't know how else to say this. I basically suck.

Ted: And I'm sorry.

Ted: And I still love you.

Ted: You can say you hate me. I'd deserve it.

Ted: Jake, are you there?

Jake: Yeah. I'm just trying not to die.

Ted: Don't die. I'll be over to resuscitate. Are you home?

Jake: Huh?

Ted: I'm walking to my car.

Jake: Are you going to destroy my heart again? If so, you shouldn't come.

Ted: I'm driving over.

WHITNEY HAD NEVER
thought about happily-ever-after before, but that was what this felt like. Ever since she and Gregor had gotten together, every cliché in the world was her life.
Meant to be. Match made in heaven.
They joked that they should write cheesy greeting cards together.

She'd be wriggling on a dress or driving to school or shaving her legs, and she couldn't stop smiling. For one, it was amazing to fool around with Gregor. They went to her mom's house after school and kissed and moved against each other until they came. They texted nonstop, and he played cello for her on the phone every night to help her fall asleep. Her mom thought Gregor was adorable, especially when he taught them how to open the pool at their new house. Her dad said he seemed intelligent. Even Alicia said Gregor was her
best yet
, which was major coming from her sister. Alicia hadn't brought up the fact that Gregor was white, and honestly, being with Gregor affirmed what Whitney felt about race. She didn't want race to define her. She didn't want to be with a black guy just because he was black, just like she didn't want to be with Gregor because he was white. She wanted to love someone for who they were.

It was love. Yep. They'd said it.

After they'd been together three weeks, Gregor admitted to Whitney that he'd loved her since freshman orientation, that he was the one who brought her the teddy bear in the hospital, that she was his dream girl.

“You should have told me,” Whitney said. They were sitting on her deck eating strawberries and pretending to study for finals. “High school would have been so much better if we'd been together.”

“I don't think we were ready,” Gregor said. “For sure I wasn't.”

Whitney tried to remember what she'd thought of him at the beginning of ninth grade, but it was hazy. Honestly, she wasn't even sure if they'd talked.

“Anyway, we have next year,” Gregor said. “We'll both be in New York City.”

“The future is ours,” Whitney said.

Gregor laughed. “Another one for the cheesy card business.”

“Oh my god!” Kyra set down her phone and clapped her hand over her mouth. She'd painted her fingernails black in honor of the senior prank.
“Oh my fucking god.”

Whitney glanced at Gregor. He was slicing open a sandbag and spilling it onto the floor outside the principal's office. He was the one who'd come up with the idea of making a beach scene for the senior prank. It was ten at night, five days before graduation. Kyra had snuck the key from her dad and let them all into the school.

“What is it?” Autumn asked, tossing a rainbow beach ball to Whitney.

“My dad thinks I'm at your house. Anyway, he just texted me. I
have to say it again,” Kyra said.
“Oh my fucking god!”

Whitney clenched her jaw. This time Gregor caught her eye.
It's okay,
she could feel him saying.
Don't let Kyra get to you.

“Kyra,” Zach said, swigging a beer. “Either tell us what Daddy the Principal said or shut up already.”

Kyra rolled her eyes. “Fine. I shouldn't be telling you guys, but you know how Zoe's mom is Sierra Laybourne? Well . . . guess who's coming to graduation? Her manager got in touch with my dad to talk about security issues. She's staying at the Hilton, where the prom was.”

“Oh my god!” Autumn squealed.

Whitney blew up another beach ball. She had to admit, it was cool that they were having a movie star at graduation. The final student council meeting was tomorrow, and graduation was on the agenda. Maybe Whitney should ask Jake to ask Zoe if Sierra could make a speech.

“Isn't Sierra Laybourne in rehab?” Zach asked. He set down his beer and burped loudly. “I thought she was a crazy alcoholic.”

“Shut up,” Whitney said, plugging a beach ball and rolling it onto the sand. At least Zoe wasn't here, but it was still uncool to talk about someone's mom like that.

Kyra giggled. “Maybe they're letting her out for the day?”

“If she shows up wasted,” Zach said, “I'm taking pictures and selling them for a ton of money.”

Whitney squeezed her fingers into fists. Enough was enough. “You guys are—”

“Whit.” Gregor took her hand and pulled her down the hall.

“But they're being assholes,” Whitney said. She was shaking all
over. She tried to remember what Jude had told her to do when Kyra and the others were getting to her.
Breathe. Step away. Count slowly backward.
It was just so hard. She still hadn't told Gregor that she saw a therapist. She was planning to tell him soon. She knew she could trust him with that kind of stuff.

Gregor wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight. “They
are
assholes. But you're so much better than them.”

“You're saying don't go there?”

“I'm saying they don't matter.”

“But—”

Gregor's lips were on hers. She breathed him in. She didn't care what Gregor said. High school would have been ten thousand times better if they'd been together.

“I WAS THINKING
we should all meet up,” Jake said to Whitney as they stepped through the heavy doors of school and into the harsh noonday sunlight. He'd just run into her in the hall. Jake had come to turn in his keys to the student council office and to empty his locker. Whitney must have done the same, because they were both carrying Hefty bags in their arms.

“All who?” Whitney asked, squinting up at Jake. Something about her seemed different. She usually wore a lot of makeup and dressy clothes, but now she was in shorts and a T-shirt, her long hair pulled into a ponytail. Jake thought she looked better, more relaxed.

“Our freshman orientation group,” Jake said, remembering back to that day in the gym almost four years ago. “You, me, Gregor—”

“And Mia Flint and Zoe!” Whitney squealed. “Those letters! We made that promise to meet at graduation and read them.”

“I think Zoe will do it. She hates being a joiner, and she'll probably bitch and moan, but I'll convince her. I've never told anyone about those letters. I like it being a secret.”

Whitney shook her head. “That's so weird. I still remember when I wrote my letter.”

“Me too.” Jake paused. He'd been wanting to tell Whitney something for a while and now, two days before graduation, seemed like a good time. “You sort of saved me, by the way. I've always meant to thank you for that.”

Whitney shifted her plastic bag into her other arm. “Saved you? How?”

“Remember when you helped me run for junior class treasurer? You got me all those signatures and convinced people to vote for me? I really wanted to be on student council but couldn't have done it myself.”

Whitney shook her head. “I feel like I used you to beat Zach. Was I bitchy back then? I hope I wasn't too much of a bitch.”

“No, never.” Jake pushed his hair out of his eyes. He'd been thinking about cutting it short before college, but Ted had begged him not to. He said he loved Jake's hair. But Ted also said he'd love Jake even if he was a baldie.

They crossed the small street to the student parking lot. The ice cream man was parked at the curb, selling Popsicles to the younger kids who'd just handed in their last final.

“So, you want to plan to meet after graduation?” Jake asked. “You can ask Gregor, right?”

Whitney slipped her phone out of her purse. “I'm texting him now. I also have Mia Flint's number.”

Jake remembered that time Mia knocked on his front door. He still had her number from then. “Okay . . . or I can ask Mia.”

“Either way.” Whitney shrugged. “By the way, I heard that you and Ted got back together. You two are so adorable.”

“Yeah,” Jake said. Even hearing Ted's name made his stomach
flip. People say there isn't a one and only, but Jake wasn't so sure. “I'm being more careful this time.”

“Really?”

“Honestly . . . no. I don't want to be more careful.”

“I know exactly what you mean.” Whitney laughed. “I can't imagine being careful about Gregor. Hey, I wish we hung out more in high school. Why didn't we?”

“I was hiding,” Jake said thoughtfully.

“Me too.”

“You?”

“In my own way.”

Hearing that made Jake wonder if they'd all been in hiding, if he hadn't been the only one who'd felt alone for so much of high school.

ZOE PULLED INTO
the parking lot of the Hilton and shifted into park. She breathed in through her nose and out slowly through her mouth. Her mom had taken a private jet from Los Angeles and landed this afternoon. All Zoe had to do was get through dinner with Sierra, and then she was going to meet up with Anna and Jake.

Her windows were rolled down, and the music was pumping. The air smelled so sweet and grassy that Zoe couldn't help but feel happy. She loved the air in Hankinson, a summer night, a smoky fall, a wet and earthy spring. After four years this finally felt like home.

She checked her makeup in the mirror and then reached onto the passenger seat for the cooler. She and her mom were going to eat dinner in the hotel suite, just some salads that Zoe had made. Even though Max didn't come on this trip, he'd orchestrated everything. He suggested the idea of eating in the room rather than dealing with the publicity of going to a restaurant. Max had
said
it was about publicity, but Zoe figured it was because of her mom's drinking. He didn't want any viral videos.

As Zoe walked across the parking lot, the Hilton was a giant rectangular shadow in front of her. Last month she and Dinky went
to the prom here and killed it on the dance floor.
Dinky.
They had tickets to a few concerts this summer, and Dinky was taking her camping before he left for college and she started her cooking classes. That was Zoe's plan for fall, to take a Mediterranean cooking class and a class in pastry arts. She'd also do her music and live with Aunt Jane while she formulated a real plan. Whatever that meant.

Zoe's mom met her at the door of the suite.

“Honey,” she said, touching Zoe's cheeks with both her hands. There was a small bluish stain on the front of her white shirt, which was strange. Her mom hated stains. “It's good to see you again. It's been so long. Can you believe you're graduating tomorrow?”

Zoe smiled stiffly as she unzipped the cooler and began setting the table with salad containers and paper plates and a thermos of unsweetened iced tea. She'd just seen her mom two weeks ago when she'd flown to LA for Memorial Day weekend.

“Fancy food,” her mom murmured. “You're going to be the star of your cooking classes.”

It was obvious her mom had been drinking and it wasn't in moderation, but Zoe was going to force herself to get through dinner. In two hours Jake and Anna were coming over to her place, and JAZ was going to have a three-person party. It was the first time Zoe was trying alcohol. The irony wasn't lost on Zoe or Anna, but Jake promised he wouldn't let them become alcoholics. Zoe actually thought it made sense to try alcohol, to prove that her mom's demons didn't have to be her own.

Jake had gotten vodka from someone Ted knew, and he was bringing snacks and he'd even made a playlist. Around eight he was
picking up Anna, and they'd drive over to Zoe's. At midnight Ted—who promised he'd be sober—would show up and chauffeur Jake and Anna home. When Jake and Ted had started dating again, Zoe was wary. But as soon as she saw them together, it all made sense. It was obvious they were in love.

“It's strange being in central New York.” Sierra sipped the iced tea that Zoe had poured into two hotel glasses. “I said I'd never return . . . even on location. Tomorrow morning, right after graduation, I'm taking a plane back.”

“When's the last time you were here?” Zoe asked. Her mom had never come to visit her. For the past four years Zoe had done all the traveling. And now that her mom had finally made it to Hankinson, she was leaving within twenty-four hours. In a way that was okay. Zoe wasn't exactly looking forward to the crowds that would swarm her mom tomorrow morning.

Her mom's cheeks were flushed in two perfect circles, like a Raggedy Ann doll. “
One Precious
was filmed a few hours north. That's the last time.”

“Seriously? Why didn't you come back after that?” Zoe crossed one leg over the other and tugged at a thread on her skirt. She wondered if it had to do with her grandparents who'd died. Maybe being in this area, so close to where she'd grown up, reminded Sierra too much of that tragedy.

When her mom didn't respond, Zoe said, “Aunt Jane is driving you to graduation. She'll pick you up here in the morning.”

“Is Rich going to be there?” her mom asked.

Zoe nodded. They'd gotten a graduation ticket for Aunt Jane's ex-husband. He said he wanted to be there. Zoe wanted him there.
After he'd helped her write the music for “You, Me, Together,” they'd been jamming on the piano every week or so.

“Now
that's
funny,” her mom said. She downed her iced tea and wiped her lips with the back of her hand.

Zoe's stomach clenched, but she was determined to act like things were normal. She was not going to let her mom get to her. “My cousin David and his girlfriend, Tamara, are driving up from Brooklyn,” she said. “That's where they live now.”

“Your
cousin
.” Sierra cocked her head at Zoe. “I never really thought about that.”

“I don't think I understand,” Zoe said.

“Oh, you know the story, Z. How I came down to Hankinson on a break from filming
One Precious
? I was going through a hard time then. . . . I'm sure Jane told you about our fight.”

Zoe's hands began to tremble. After all these years she suddenly wasn't so sure she wanted to hear it.

“I'm surprised Jane hasn't told you,” Sierra continued. She reached for a tissue and tore it into shreds. “David might not
just
be your cousin. He might be your half-brother.”

Zoe suddenly felt like she was going to throw up. She had to get out of here. She looked at her sandals by the door. They were impossibly far away.

“Jane and Rich were already split up when he and I spent time together. Let's just say, we made some mistakes.” Her mom pressed her pale fingers over her mouth. “It's funny to come back for your graduation, and Rich is here too. I know you want a simple answer about your father, but I can't give you that. Sometimes life is complicated.”

Sierra let out a sob and disappeared into the bathroom. Zoe doubled over her knees, breathing fast. Was her mom saying that she and Rich had had an affair? That Rich could be her
father
? Zoe thought about their hands together on the piano, the same freckles, the same musical instincts.

“Did you lie to me?” Zoe shouted, standing up. “Why did you always say it didn't matter? Of course it matters!”

The sink was running, and it sounded like her mom was on the phone. Zoe wanted to bang on the door and demand the exact truth. Or maybe not. Maybe she didn't want it to be true. For the past four years she'd felt safe here in Hankinson, but everyone had been lying to her all along.

Zoe loaded the containers back into the cooler. She forgot to put the lids on. The beans spilled out, swirling around in the bottom of the cooler with the roasted zucchini and oil and chunks of mozzarella. She put on her sandals and walked out of the suite. She stabbed at the button for the elevator until it arrived at her floor. Her phone started to ring.
Jane.
She dropped her phone into her bag again.