Infinite (Strange and Beautiful, Book 1) (59 page)

I
winced as soon as the words were out. I’d meant to be subtler about it, but I
couldn’t find the patience to gently coax the answer from Mark. After all, it
was cold, and I kind of just wanted to get this whole thing over with, both so
I’d know and so that I could go back inside and warm up my suddenly numb
behind.

Mark
had been glancing around the backyard while I worked up the nerve to speak, and
at my words, he turned, abruptly, back to face me. “What?”

I
couldn’t read his expression, and that made me nervous, but I tried to play it
off by smirking slightly. “You heard me.”

“I
did,” he nodded. “What makes you think I like her?”

I
didn’t miss that he neither denied nor confirmed the possibility. I shrugged,
figuring it best to keep Luke out of this. “Just an observation.”

Mark
groaned. “Is it that obvious?”

 “She
has no idea if that’s what you mean.”

“Good,”
he breathed out, relieved.

“You
don’t want her to know you like her?”

Mark
didn’t answer immediately. “It’s not that I don’t want her to know. It’s just .
. .” he seemed to search for the explanation. “I don’t think she sees me that
way. I doubt she ever will.” He buried his face in his hands, shaking his head.
“I mean, why would she?”

“Why
would you say that?” For some reason, I felt both angry and offended.

“You’ve
seen her,” he muttered, his words muffled due to the hands still covering his
face. “Look at me. Why would she want this when she could have someone nicer
and better looking?”

“Do
you really think Tegan’s that vain?” I suddenly understood Tegan’s frustrations
with me when I thought I never stood a chance with Jackson because Mark sounded
quite a bit like me.

“No.”
Mark sounded so sullen. “But she’s a good person.”

“Yes,”
I agreed, “she is.”

“That’s
just another reason why she wouldn’t feel the same way about me.”

I
wasn’t following. “What do you mean?”

“Think
about it, Silly. Honestly. Look at how I treated you. I was awful. I hurt you,
and I scared you. Shit, I don’t even know why you speak to me,” he said,
running his hands through his hair and keeping his eyes lowered.

“I
never even apologized. I always meant to. I just never knew how. I’m not too
good at that kind of thing, you know,” he sighed. “But I am. Sorry, I mean. I
swear to God.”

Even
though he was talking about something from only a few months earlier, it felt
like it happened a million years ago. Things had changed so much since then. I
hardly thought about it all anymore.

“Mark?”
He turned, somewhat reluctantly, to look at me. I held his gaze as I spoke. “I
know you’re sorry, and I forgave you a long time ago.”

“Why?”
He seemed genuinely baffled. “I don’t deserve it.”

“Don’t
be silly.” I rolled my eyes. “Everyone deserves a second chance.” Mark didn’t
seem to know how to respond to that, so I pressed on. “So, what are we going to
do about this crush on Tegan?”

Mark
raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean
we
?”

“Friends
are supposed to help, right?” I shrugged.

“I
guess.” He took a second to process that before he grinned slowly. “So, what
are
we going to do?”

“Got
me,” I grimaced. “But we’ll figure something out.”

“Thanks,”
Mark chuckled. “Not just for Tegan, I mean, but for everything. Being such a
good friend and shit.”

I
wondered what it was with guys and this “and shit” they felt compelled to tack
on to everything. Still, I smiled. “You’re welcome.”

Mark
studied his large hands and I looked out at the backyard. “Would you believe I
broke my arm and leg trying to climb that tree?”

Mark
looked up, following my gaze to my reading tree.  “No shit?” In typical boyish
fashion, he sounded impressed. “How’d you manage that?”

“Skylar
and Luke used to climb it all time,” I explained. “Of course, I wanted to do
anything they did, so I tried to climb it the first time when I was about five.
I made it a third of the way up before I lost my footing and fell down on my
arm.” I shuddered, remembering the pain. “My mom had to rush me to the
hospital. I was in an itchy cast for six weeks.”

“What
about your leg?”

“I
decided to try again the next summer.” I laughed in spite of myself. “I can’t
even remember how I managed to fall that time, but I heard the bone snap and it
hurt like hell. After we came home from the hospital with a cast on my leg, my
dad said that if I tried climbing it again, he’d cut it down, so I never tried
again.”

“So
you never reached the top then?”

“Nope,”
I sighed. “I guess I never will.”

Mark
smiled. “It’s probably for the best.”

I
nodded, even though it had always nagged at me. It felt so unfinished, like the
broken bones were for naught because I’d never accomplished my intended goal.

I
pulled my hoodie tighter, trying to ward off the cold, and sighed. I watched as
the visible puff of air floated out in front of me and disappeared before I
turned to Mark. “Can I ask you something else?”

He
sounded less nervous this time as he replied, “Sure.”

“Where’s
your mom?”

Mark
spared me only the briefest of looks before turning away. At first I thought he
wouldn’t answer, but then he spoke in a low tone, barely above a whisper. “Your
guess is as good as mine.”

“You
don’t know?” I frowned.

He
shook his head. “She left when I was thirteen. She got tired of putting up with
my dad and claimed she needed to find herself again or some shit like that, so
one day, while he was at work and I was at school, she packed up and left.”

“Why
didn’t she take you with her?” I had to ask. I’d never considered this
possibility; I couldn’t understand it.

“She
left a letter for me. Said she thought it would be better if I stayed.” He
shook his head, making it clear he didn’t agree. “She said she didn’t know
where she was going and didn’t have much money.”

“And
you haven’t heard from her since she left?”

 “She
sends cards at Christmas and my birthday,” Mark shrugged. “Sometimes anyway.
When she remembers, I guess. And the postmark is always different. Guess she’s
still trying to find herself.”

I
tried to imagine Mom doing something like that, but I was positive she could
never leave her children behind like that. My heart hurt for Mark. I couldn’t
imagine what he must feel. “Do you miss her?”

“Sometimes,
yeah,” he nodded. “Other times, I hate her.”

I
bit my lip, trying to hold back tears. “I’m sorry, Mark.”

“So
am I,” he whispered. “So am I.”

Saturday,
January 27
^th
, 2007

I just got home from Tegan’s
birthday party. It was a lot of fun. She didn’t invite many people. There was
Tee and her family, a couple of her other friends from school, Jackson, Mark
and me.

I usually feel awkward around
Tegan’s other friends. That’s probably why Tee doesn’t hang out with them and
me at the same time that much. Tonight, for the first time really, it felt okay,
though.

I don’t know if it was because I
felt less awkward about myself having Mark and Jackson there, or if Tegan’s
friends felt more comfortable because they didn’t have to go out of their way
to include me.

That’s usually the part I dread
most about them. They’re not unfriendly, but conversation is always so stilted;
like they don’t know what to say to me; like I’m some sort of subhuman they
can’t speak to at the same level as they address each other.

I don’t dislike them, but I can’t
say I’m overly fond of them either. I think we tolerate each other on occasion
for Tegan’s sake. Finally having a wider circle of friends myself helps.

Also, I can’t help but feel a bit
smug at the fact they were checking out my gorgeous boyfriend all evening. I shouldn’t
bask in their jealousy, but after all these years of stilted conversations,
covert glances and hushed whispers, I feel I’ve earned it.

Anyway, Tegan got a good haul of
gifts. Her parents gave her some new equestrian gear, which she was very excited
about because she’s been able to go and ride Buttercup more in the last couple
of weeks since the weather hasn’t been too bad.  She’s hoping for an early
spring, so that she can get back to riding more regularly.

She also got a lot of CDs as
gifts, and I gave her a stack of books. I hit the jackpot at the local
bookstore when I was browsing their clearance section. All in all, she seemed
really pleased with everything, and that’s enough to make me happy.

And, of course, I brought along
the camera I got at Christmas and put it to a lot of good use.

-Silly-

Because
we’d been experiencing a reasonably mild winter, Tegan was hopeful for an early
spring, but she and I probably should have known that it was too good to be
true. The unpredictability of the weather was nothing new. One day it might be
warm and sunny and feel like it was on the brink of spring while the next could
be a dark, gloomy snowstorm that served to remind that winter was still in
session, which was what happened on the first day of February.

I
went to bed late the evening before, dreading the thought of getting up in only
a few hours, and woke the next morning to Mom shaking me awake enough to tell
me that school had been cancelled on account of the snow we’d gotten overnight.
I drifted easily back to sleep, blissful and warm, with a smile on my face.

Some
hours later I woke again, feeling well rested and joyously lazy. I headed
downstairs to fill my rumbling belly. I found a note from Mom on the table,
explaining that she had to go to work.

“Bummer,”
I mumbled. The school where Mom taught was in a different district, and
apparently the snow wasn’t as bad there. Still, I felt bad that she had to
drive through the snow in Skies Hollow to get to Walnut Valley. I hoped that
the snowplows had at least paved the way to make the drive a bit easier on her.

I
peeked outside, expecting to find a blizzard, but while there was a significant
amount of snow, it didn’t look too bad. Of course, the snowplows had probably
already been down our street a few times. It was hard to say what it looked
like before Mom and Dad left for work.

Slightly
worried, I fixed myself a bowl of cereal and went into the living room. I
channel surfed while I ate, but once my cereal was gone, I gave up on
television. There was nothing on; I decided to take a shower.

As
I passed Skylar and Luke’s rooms, I listened for any signs of life, but there
was nothing. I figured they’d probably do like they did on the weekends—when
they didn’t have to work—and sleep until at least noon before showing
themselves. I shrugged, unbothered, and relished in the fact I’d actually get
to take a hot shower.

After
said shower, I dressed and dried my hair before heading back to my room. Even
though I’d just left the still steamy bathroom, I weeded through my closet
until I found a zip-up hoodie Skylar gave me after discovering it no longer fit
her. I figured another diet was soon to come.

As
I was zipping up the hoodie, the phone rang. I recognized the ring and knew it
was coming from the line I shared with my siblings. I scanned the room a moment
before spotting the phone on my desk, where I’d left it the night before after
talking to Tegan before bed.

I
zigzagged around the piles on my floor and grabbed the phone. “Hello?”

“Hey.”
The sound of Jackson’s voice brought a smile to my face. “Did I wake you?”

“Nope,
I was up,” I answered. “I just got out of the shower.”

“Ooh,
are you naked?” I could hear the grin in his voice and blushed furiously.

“No.”
I suddenly felt quite bashful. “I didn’t know you were such a pervert.”

Jackson
laughed. “I was just kidding.”

“Yeah,
yeah.” I wasn’t sure whether or not I believed him, but I decided to change the
subject to safer topics. “I’m surprised you’re awake.”

He’d
worked later than usual last night. It had been too late to call when he got
home, but I was online, so we’d talked for a few minutes via messenger before I
called it a night.

“So
am I.” He yawned, as if to support the statement. “I slept in a few hours. I
probably would have slept longer if Clare and Chloe hadn’t been jumping around
upstairs.”

“What
were they doing?”

“Playing
on the Wii we got for Christmas,” he sighed. “They were trying to play tennis
when I came upstairs to see what was going on. It was not pretty.”

I
laughed. I’d attempted to play a few games on the Wii when I was over at
Jackson’s, so I knew just how ridiculous it could get, jumping around the room
while getting into the games.

“Of
course, after they got me up, they went upstairs and fell back asleep,” Jackson
sighed. “Now I’m up and completely bored.”

“Me
too,” I said, biting my lip. It wasn’t totally a lie either. I’d tried to think
of ways to waste the day while I was in the shower, and I’d come up empty. “How
bad is your road? If it’s not that bad, maybe you could come over?”

“A
couple of snowplows have been by, so not too bad,” Jackson answered. “Would
your parents mind?”

“No,
they’re both at work,” I answered. Then I realized that might sound suggestive,
so I added, “But Luke and Skylar are here. At least in body, if not in mind.”

“I
take it they’re still asleep then?” Jackson chuckled.

“Yeah,
they’ll emerge when they need to feed.”

“Okay.”
I could hear the amusement in that one word. “Let me get dressed and I’ll be
over.”