Infinite Testament (13 page)

Stephen Pandora stood in his new mansion amidst the mess
sprawled around him. There was an endless barrage of boxes and
bubble-wrapped furniture piled into his living room. It had been just
over a year since the world was introduced to the ILD. In that span of
time, Stephen had published books, given countless speeches, and amassed a
significant excess of money. He recently bought his own personal plane to
help with his travels. And now, he purchased a monstrous home to call his
own. The only person still a part of his life was Campbell, who stuck
around to help him teach the world about the ILD. Stephen was rich,
famous, and one of the most respected scientific minds on the planet.

And he was miserable. Alone.

Abandoned.

Where did he go wrong?

Stephen got out of his car. It had only been a
few months since he left the jungle.
He was meeting Bruce in a
parking lot. Why a parking lot? Probably to segue to a nicer place,
maybe a restaurant. Whatever the reason, Stephen had no qualms
about meeting up with Bruce. The last time he saw him was years ago at
the fair, minutes before he proposed to Lisa. He was ecstatic to finally
see his best friend again.

Stephen, who was off of work for the day and wearing a
black T-shirt, walked toward Bruce, who was leaning against his car. The
sunlight reflected off Bruce’s unbuttoned white-collared shirt and tie.
Oddly, he didn’t look entirely happy to see him. Regardless, Stephen
smiled brightly. “How have you been?” he asked with enthusiasm.

Bruce half-smiled. He pulled himself off the car and
offered his hand. What was going on with him? Stephen reached for
his hand and shook it. Pretty formal for an old friend.

Stephen again asked, “How’ve you been?”

“Same old,” Bruce dully replied.

“And Kristen? How’s she doing?”

“Good. She’s real good.”

So far not the kind of reunion Stephen had imagined.
What a dry conversation.

Bruce said, “I heard you made a discovery out there in the
jungle.”

So that’s what this was about. Bruce didn’t care to
see him. He only came to stop him. Well, too bad. It wasn’t
going to happen.

Stephen asked, “Did Vince tell you to do this?”

Bruce showed no sign of amusement. “It doesn’t
matter. I know what you’re about to do.”

Stephen’s defenses rose. “And what is it I’m about to
do?”

“Do you know what will happen if the world finds about your
discovery?”

A fire erupted inside Stephen. “What does it matter
to you? You run off. You don’t call, not even to see how I’m
doing. Then you have the nerve to try and stop me from revealing a
life-changing scientific discovery? Well, you know what Bruce? I
don’t care what you have to say. You’ve only ever cared about
yourself. So kiss my ass.”

Stephen turned his back on Bruce and trudged toward his
car. He had enough of this reunion. It was pointless.

Bruce wasn’t going to let Stephen’s emotions get to
him. Maintaining his composure, Bruce yelled, “What about Free Will?”

Stephen stopped. He was growing dizzy with
fury. But he wasn’t done yet. The gratification of putting Bruce in
his place had not yet come. He turned around, faced him, and asked, “What
about it?”

“Has your discovery disproved it? Because it sure
seems like it to me.”

Stephen laughed in disgust under his breath. “So what
if it did? Guess your attempt to come over here and stop me is pretty
pointless, isn’t it? Whatever I’m going to do is what I’ve already done
millions of times before. So screw Free Will. Guess you were wrong
about it all along, huh?”

Bruce paced toward him, trying to calm him down, like a
hostage negotiator trying to convince a crazed criminal to lower his gun.
“Even if we don’t have it, you can’t take away the illusion that we do.
Everything will fall apart. You will kill God. You will kill
hope. If people can’t believe in their ability to help themselves, what
can they believe in?”

“They have a right to know, Bruce.”

“Do they?” Bruce asked. “You have a choice to make,
Stephen. This isn’t a philosophical or theological choice. If you
tell the world about this, they won’t believe all of it. They’ll believe
what they want. They’ll get desperate. And then, they’ll start
looking for ways to fix their sad lives. What they’ll think of is starting
all over. And
that
will be on
your
hands.”

Bruce pleaded with Stephen. He knew the consequences
would be dire. “I’m sorry for what happened between us. I shouldn’t
have disappeared like I did. I was stupid. If I could change it, I
would. But we can’t change the past, Stephen. Don’t give people a
reason to think they can.”

Stephen was torn. He was going to have to make a
choice. Bruce made valid points. Vince and Natalie had brought up
these concerns several times. Maybe keeping everything a secret was the
right thing to do. Stephen and Bruce stared at each other. “Where
have you been all these years?” Stephen asked. “I don’t understand.”

Bruce looked toward the ground, shame reflecting in his
eyes. They were supposed to be best friends. He knew that.
But he had failed and truly, the blame was his alone. “I made a
mistake. I got caught up in… everything. I didn’t know what I was
doing. And I’m sorrier than you’ll ever know. You’re my best
friend.”

Stephen smiled. Those words meant a lot. He
approached Bruce with an outstretched hand. Bruce exuberantly took it and
shook it. He went one step further, yanking Stephen toward him and giving
him a hug. It was nonchalant. Like how Bruce always did things.

They backed away from their hug. “Maybe you’re
right,” Stephen pondered, “No one needs to know about what we learned.”

Bruce’s face lit up. “Oh! I almost
forgot!” He turned and ran back to his car. After opening the front
door, he reached in and grabbed something. “This is for you!” As he
emerged from the car, Bruce pulled out the ELPIS box.

“Finally!” Stephen exuberated.

Bruce walked to Stephen and handed him the ELPIS box.

Sitting on the wrapped couch in his new living room,
Stephen held the ELPIS box in his hands.
He rubbed his
hand over the carved letters atop the lid.

Bruce was right. He was right about everything.
Half a billion people had already killed themselves looking for a new
beginning. Stephen made his choice. Or did he? If he was to
believe he had no Free Will, then it wasn’t a choice at all, but a
predetermined destination.

People turned to him for answers, but even he didn’t know
what to believe.

Stephen set the ELPIS box on the floor in front of
him. Next to his feet was an open packing box. He reached into it
and fumbled around. He pulled out the first thing he grabbed a hold of: a
handwritten letter from Lisa.

“Don’t give up on me.” Those words rang eternally in
his mind. Stephen made a promise. And broke it.

Stephen stood up, letter in hand, and strolled around the
room. He wasn’t walking anywhere in particular. He was just pacing
as memories flowed into his mind. The words lifted off the page and right
back into his consciousness, like he was reading it for the first time:

“I know things happened between us that we didn’t plan but
I still don’t like thinking about losing you. Sometimes I think you may
be better off with someone who won’t hurt you like I did, and someone who is
better suited for you, which makes me feel like this move to L.A. is a good
thing. Other times I question that. I think in the end though, it’s
best for us to move on. I guess we will see when the time comes. I
love you. I’m sorry.”

The feelings associated with the letter resurfaced.
His heart again shattered like glass. It was at times like this he
understood the appeal of a chance to start over. If there was any
indication the past could be changed, Stephen would be first in line to take
his life and start anew. He would do just about anything to change the
past.

Vince and Natalie sat in the pews of the church,
fulfilling their weekly obligation.
It was the summer after
Vince’s junior year, and Stephen and Bruce had already graduated. It was
a rainy, dreary Sunday and the church was filled with all sorts of
people thoughtfully listening to the priest as he gave his homily.

“Today’s Gospel deals directly with guilt; with
regret. These two elements can be a ball and chain on both our feet,
stopping us from moving forward. The pain we feel can be
unbearable. I recently heard a story of a man who was overwhelmed with
the pain of regret. This man was a teacher at a nearby school…”

Vince sat, listening inattentively. He wasn’t a
religious person. He only came to church because Natalie was into
it. She talked about God all the time and it meant a lot to her for him
to show some interest. For the most part, Vince was bored every Sunday
for an hour. Worse, Natalie refused to allow him to read during
mass. Despite this, he managed to find ways to entertain himself.
The lights hanging from the ceiling were highly amusing. Well, relatively
amusing. The patterns of the light fixtures had tiny little X’s where
light protruded. Counting them was a challenge; his latest count put them
at 333. Then there were the stained glass windows. If church
offered any consolation prize for the boredom forced upon him, it was the
stained glass windows.

The priest continued amid Vince’s wandering mind, “…This
forgiveness allowed him to move on and work toward a new life. You see,
it is through love that we can find the light in ourselves. An aspect of
forgiveness often overlooked is how important it is to forgive
yourself
.
We cannot allow our regrets, our past, to dictate our future. We are all
born with original sin; we all make mistakes. It is only human to do so.

“Jesus taught us the importance of forgiveness. As he
hung from the cross, he asked for forgiveness for the people who put him
there! ‘Father, forgive them! For they know not what they
do!’ Ephesians tells us, ‘Be kind and merciful to one another, forgiving
one another, just as God has forgiven you in Christ.’ People will hurt
us. We will hurt ourselves. But what will hurt us most is if we
don’t forgive. If we do not forgive, the pain can lead us to darkness.”

Vince shifted his attention ahead to the giant crucifix
hanging above the altar. Jesus hung lifeless from the cross. It was
a sad image but one that inspired millions around the world. Why?
It definitely inspired Natalie; she wore a tiny cross around her neck at all
times. Vince peered at her. She was conservatively but elegantly
dressed. Her attention was fully focused on the priest.

“Every one of us is born with original sin. We are
all born with darkness inside of us. The book of John says, ‘This is the
message we have heard from Jesus and proclaim to you: that God is light, and in
Him is no darkness at all.’ God is free of darkness. And when we
turn our lives, not just to Him, but to
love
, that is when the light
inside of us shines brightest and frees us of the darkness we are born with.

“To love another is the greatest gift God has given
us. To love… is to spread the light of the world.”

All this talk of light prompted Vince to start counting the
little X’s in the light fixtures.

“Matthew Chapter 5, verse 16: Let your light so shine
before men, that they may see your good works…”

Bam! A loud noise echoed through the church.
Vince turned toward the sound at the entrance. Past all of the pews and
parishioners, he saw him: “Stephen?” he muttered under his breath.

Stephen pounded his hands on the heavy wooden doors,
unaware of the noise he was making. He stumbled down the aisle of the
church. Vince couldn’t believe what he was seeing: Stephen’s shirt was
shredded and he was covered in blood. And it wasn’t his own. As
Stephen staggered down the aisle, water poured off his clothes, creating trails
on the carpet floor. Where did he come from?

Stephen looked fanatical and did his best to hold back
overpowering tears. He hunched over as he walked, staring at the ground,
ashamed to show his face. He stopped and looked at the parishioners, who
were just as stunned as Vince. “Is Vince here?”

The parishioners looked at each other. The priest had
no idea what to do; all he could do was stare, horrified. Vince stood up
and faced his friend. “What are you doing?”

Stephen was at his breaking point. “I need to talk to
you.”

Vince looked at the priest and opened his mouth to
apologize. What could he possibly say in this situation? Forget the
apology. Vince left his pew and ran toward Stephen.

Stephen caught a glimpse of the crucifix that dawned in
front of him. Jesus hung from the cross. What a miserable
sight. Nails in his hands, in his feet, and a crown of thorns on his
head. If there was a God, he hated Stephen. He had to.
Stephen quietly whispered, “How can you allow this to happen?” Jesus
didn’t respond. He hung there silently, like a statue. He
was
a statue. Of course he didn’t respond.

Vince put his arm around Stephen and led him down the
aisle. “What are you doing Stephen? Whose blood is on your
shirt?” Vince opened the thick wooden door and proceeded to the main
lobby of the church. There, they were out of sight and out of earshot.
Stephen glared at Vince. His eyes were heavy with bags that swelled.

“Vince,” Stephen said, “I screwed up. I really
screwed up.”

“What? What did you do?! Just tell me!”

Stephen chuckled as he reveled in his grief. “You’re
all I have left, Vince.”

Natalie appeared and shut the wooden door behind her.
“What is going on? Stephen, what in the world is wrong? Why do you
have blood all over you? Are you hurt?”