INK: Abstraction (7 page)

McNab comes down the
bank. “Eli, this is a crime scene.”

The feel of hot tears
streaming down my cheeks burns like battery acid with the
realization. “Fuck the crime scene. I’m not leaving her
down here.” I spit the words out low and fill them with hatred
as though this were his fault. My hard gaze bores into McNab’s
eyes. “I can’t leave her there like that.”

“She’s not
in there, Eli.” He presses his hand on my back as an act of
consolation.

I shake his arm off me.
“I’m not asking for your help or permission. I’m
taking her away from here.” Getting up the soft muddy bank is
difficult while carrying her. McNab helps me, his expression stoic
yet broken by sadness.

Understanding fills his
eyes. “Go.” He says it simply. I walk away from him,
holding her cold body in my arms. I don’t know where I’m
taking her, but I can’t leave her here for one more second.
Instinctively I pull her in closer to me, just to feel her against
me.

The desperation I feel
spawns a physical pain that drives me to my knees. My grip on her
never falters when I crash to the ground. I press my lips hard
against her forehead while violent sobs bring waves of tears falling
from my eyes to her cheeks. I can no longer suppress the wailing that
builds from the center of my being and is released in the form of
howls, the pain of which can hardly be perceived for their strength.

I know at this moment
this is the last real thing I will ever feel. I never want to feel
again so that I can remember the last moment I loved her. The last
time I felt her skin and looked upon her beautiful face. This pain
will forever be frozen in time until the day I take my last breath.

I pull her in closer,
squeezing, wishing that I could have found her sooner. A million
doubts fly through my mind of what I could have done different. McNab
stands vigil behind me.

Exhilaration shoots
through my body when she lifts her arms up, circling my neck. She
curls closer into my chest and lets out a soft sigh. “McNab!”
I yell, getting to my feet. I call out to him again.

He sees that she’s
put her arms around my neck. His whole face brightens at the sight.
He runs ahead of me. “I got it, you just bring her back to the
car.”

When I reach the road
there’s an ambulance already there. McNab must have called
them. The paramedics come to meet me. They want to take her from me,
but I’m not letting her go, not ever again.

“I’ve got
her.” I tighten my grip on her. They lead me to the ambulance
where there’s a stretcher waiting. Carefully I put her down and
they immediately start working on her. I climb into the back with
her.

“Eli, is she
okay?” McNab asks, trying to see me past the two paramedics in
the back.

“I don’t
know, but she’s alive and that has to count for something.”
I want to kiss her hand, but they are working on her and I can’t
get close enough. I want to stay close to her, I need to be touching
her, but I can’t. “Meet us at the hospital.”

Harry

Carl
and I get to the hospital as fast as we can. I’ll hand it to
him, he can drive. We may have broken the sound barrier coming across
state road five twenty. He drops me off at the emergency room
entrance and I push past the hordes of press blocking the way. At the
front desk my tone is impatient. “Shayleigh Baynes?”

“Are you related
to the patient?” the woman at the desk asks. I look at her name
tag while she slowly punches something into the computer.

“Yes, Eunice, I’m
her father, Harry Baynes. I really need to get back there to see
her.” I use a commanding voice.

“Okay sir, I’ll
buzz you back.” She reaches under the desk and the door clicks
open. “She’s in number three.”

I rush through the
doors and find her room, Carl isn’t far behind. Eli is sitting
vigil at her side, holding her hand. McNab is on the other side of
the bed. Shay’s eyes are closed and she's hooked up to so many
tubes and wires. She looks like death, she's battered and bruised. I
watch her chest to be sure she's breathing, she doesn't look alive. I
have to fight to keep it together. “Eli.” I say it low so
as not to wake her.

His head springs up at
the sound of my voice. “Harry.”

“How is she?”
I ask cautiously.

He shrugs, lacking
confidence. “She's alive. We’re waiting for them to
transfer her upstairs.” He doesn’t move from her side.

It's so hard to look at
my little girl lying there, helpless, broken. “Has she said
anything?”

“No, they had to
sedate her in the ambulance when they were trying to strap her to the
gurney, she wouldn’t have any part of it. She's been out ever
since,” he says, recalling the memory. “She's got a nasty
blow to the head, she's dehydrated and she's lost a lot of blood.
Doctor says it's touch and go for right now.” He inhales a
breath that doesn't provide any relief. “They still have tests
they need to run, and they want to do an MRI.”

“Carl, are you
getting any impressions?” McNab stands from his chair.

“No, she’s
out. No dreams or thoughts that I can read,” he answers simply.
Ordinarily I wouldn’t like the invasion, but if we can find out
what happened to her, it will be better for her.

“Keep trying,”
McNab orders.

“Did they say how
long she’d be out?” The amount of cuts and bruises all
over her arms are gruesome. Bile rises to the back of my throat with
anger. I want to find the son of a bitch who did this to her.

“It's touch and
go, they really aren't sure.” Eli never looks up from her.

“But the doctor
said there's a chance she’s okay?” I trip over my words
trying to ask the right questions.

“She's a
fighter.” McNab answers for Eli.

“Have they
checked…” I can’t bring myself to say the words. I
look away and then up toward the heavens, hoping to find the strength
there to ask the question I want answered. My eyes travel along the
length of her body.

Carl takes over and
asks what I just can’t bring myself to. “Do they know if
she’s been sexually assaulted?”

The color drains from
Eli’s face and now he's concerned about the same thing. “They
haven’t checked, but I’m assuming she’ll be able to
tell us when she wakes up.”

His words provide no
comfort. “Well, either way, we are going to have to be very
careful with her. She’s been through a lot and we don’t
know how this trauma is going to affect her.”

“I know, I really
do know. She’s going to need counseling.” Eli answers,
giving her hand a squeeze. “I’ll be here for her, Harry.”

Two nurses enter the
room. “Her room is ready. We’re going to take her
upstairs.”

Eli doesn’t budge
from her side. “Sir, we need to get in there.”

Reluctantly Eli steps
aside, gently placing her hand beside her. They transfer Shay to the
bed from the gurney, and one of the nurses asks, “Who is next
of kin?”

I raise my hand. “I’m
her father.”

“Okay. We are
taking her to the fifth floor, room five twenty-seven.” They
are wheeling her out as she gives me the information.

Eli follows close
behind. “I’ll see you up there.”

For the first time I
feel relief in this whole situation just knowing she’s alive.
Even though we have no idea what we are going to be left with, how
much damage this bastard did could take years to discover. I just
pray that she isn’t going to be too stubborn to get help. My
greatest fear is that she's going to just give up and slip away.

Eli

Trish
and I are sitting in the car outside the funeral home just staring at
the front door. We’ve been sitting here for a solid twenty
minutes in silence. I've sat here with Shay, holding her hand,
preparing her for what she was about to face through those doors.
Elise, Katherine, and Oliver's funerals were all held here.

Trish and I can't
believe we are here again, neither of us can face what we are about
to do. I turn to her and see her eyes are already spilling over with
tears. “I know you’ll never be ready for this, neither
will I, but we need to go in and get it done.”

She wipes the moisture
from her cheeks and nods without looking at me. We get out of the car
and head for the front door, pausing before either of us reach to
open it. “You know you don’t have to go through with
this, I’ll be fine.”

Trish looks up at me
with watery eyes. “No, she would want me here with you, and if
you’re going in, so am I.”

When we walk in the
door I’m immediately slapped in the face with the smell of
death, formaldehyde and fresh flowers that are supposed to mask the
smell of sadness that hangs in the air. We’re greeted by Joy.
She’s a nice, middle-aged woman wearing a sympathetic smile.

“Mr. Walker, Miss
Snyder, are you ready?” she says, motioning us toward the back.

Don’t think the
irony of her name isn’t lost on me. Shay and her nervous
funeral humor nearly got her in trouble when Elise died and we met
Joy the first time. Harry was not amused. We follow Joy through a set
of double doors.

“You’ll
have a chance to view her and say your final words, then you’ll
be escorted to the viewing room,” she says in a calm soothing
tone.

I look down at Trish
and notice she’s completely galvanized, staying strong for me.
I say nothing in response to Joy, I can’t.

I nod.

As we enter the viewing
room I see Shay on the table covered to the neck with a white sheet.
Her face is pale but still holds the makeup from the funeral service.
My entire body wants to give up, to collapse right here, seeing her
lifeless face with nary a smirk to tell me that it’s all a big
joke. Trish approaches her first and I join her on the other side of
Shay.

“You’re a
fucking dumbass, you know that?” Trish belts out, and I can
hear the lump in her throat choking her. I know this is how Trish is
dealing with it. She wants to say more, but she’s overcome with
emotion and is unable to speak.

I take in Shay’s
beautiful face. I run my finger along her cheek. It’s cold.
There’s no response from her, her skin doesn’t react and
her eyes do not open as I’ve hoped they would a thousand times
since I found her in the river. Tears are free falling down my face
and I force the words out, quiet yet broken. “I love you.”

Joy approaches us. “Are
you ready?”

Trish and I both nod in
agreement and she leads us into the viewing room. She hands me a
small bag that contains a set of pearl earrings and the engagement
ring I gave her that she had on during the funeral.

“You don’t
have to stay for this if you don’t want to. She would
understand.” Joy’s even tone is starting to take a
calming effect, but I know I have to do this. I have to see this
through for her.

“I’m
staying,” I say simply. “But if you want to wait in the
car you can.” I speak directly to Trish.

“No, I’m
okay.”

Joy leaves the room and
prepares Shay to go into the crematory. Trish and I stand watching
through the glass as Shay is slowly slid into the opening, being sent
into the fire, and with each passing inch she’s pushed in I
want to go and stop them, shake her and wake her up. This can’t
be happening, she can’t be gone forever.

But I know she is. Shay
disappears further into the fire, and I feel my soul collapsing and
being reduced to embers with her. Her body is being turned to ash and
so is my soul being reduced to nothing. My heart is breaking all over
again and nothing but pain and darkness overtake me as they close the
door on the crematory.

Trish intertwines her
fingers in mine and squeezes tight. “You know she loved you,
and she always would have.”

“I know, I love
her too and always will,” I say with full resolve. I know our
love was real, I know because now I feel like I am nothing but a husk
of a man without her.

I will walk through the
rest of my days alone, in darkness in the shadow of her death.

***

“Eli.”
McNab’s voice wakes me from a restless sleep.

I’m groggy and
try to sit up, but McNab motions for me to still. “The nurse is
here to check on her.”

I run my fingers
through my hair to try to shake off the heavy feeling of despair I’m
left with after that nightmare. It was so surreal, so disturbing on a
cellular level. I look over at her lying in the bed. “Thanks
man.” I stand up and straighten my shirt.

“Bad dream?”
McNab asks in a whisper.

“The worst.”

“It’s okay,
she’s here, she’s alive and she’s going to make it.
She’s strong, strong and stubborn. Too stubborn to give up,”
he says, marveling at her sleeping in the bed.

I’m compelled to
be closer to her, to feel and smell her. When the nurse leaves I
climb into the bed with Shay, enveloping her in my arms, and hold her
like I’ll never let her go. I’ve seen a future without
her, and it’s a dismal existence I never want to consider ever
again.

Shay

A
soft glow permeates the entire room to the point of almost feeling
like I’m amongst the clouds. My eyes refuse to focus, but it’s
okay. I’m comfortable and warm and being held tight by strong
arms. I nuzzle deeper into his chest and bask in the safety and try
to shake off the bad dream.

His scent fills my
senses and leaves me feeling semi euphoric. The smell of cologne,
linseed oil with a hint of turpentine, hmm, “Gabriel.”

“Hey babe, you
were sleeping so soundly.” The smile is apparent in his tone.
“I had a hard time not waking you.” He presses a soft
kiss on my ear.

I roll into him and I’m
captured by his stormy gray eyes. “I must’ve been tired.”
The stubble from his beard brushes against my cheek, rough but
inviting. I push myself up and meet his lips and kiss him hungrily,
like I haven’t been kissed or loved in years. My tongue pushes
past his to explore every inch of his mouth and lips. I pull back,
biting my bottom lip and looking at him with anticipation.