Ink & Flowers (4 page)

"What do you do again?" Luke asked whilst looking from the leather couches to the big-screen TV and haphazardly strewn movies and gaming equipment. Cooper had re-entered the room with more boxes balanced precariously in his arms.

"Dry-wall," he replied with a grunt. "You gonna help me or what? Where do you want this stuff?"

Luke sighed and rolled over to lie sideways on the couch. Social obligation tugged at him to get up and help Cooper, but his despair overrode it. "I don't know. Just wherever."

"You really gonna sleep on the couch?" Cooper dropped the boxes in the corner of the living room; he stood there with his hands on his hips to observe them for a moment, and then went back into the hall to get more.

"Can't I?"

"Yeah. Whatever. You're in my room tonight, though."

Luke curled into himself more. The couch smelled like cigarettes too, but he couldn't care enough to lift his head from it. "I know," he said miserably.

Cooper dropped the last of the boxes on the floor, then turned and headed down the hallway. "Call me if you need anything." He slammed the bedroom door behind him.

Luke lay on the couch for a long while, wishing he could go to sleep. Eventually, he got up and went to the boxes, checking to make sure everything was all right. He sorted the clothes boxes from his art supplies and then grabbed his computer, opening it to check that it had survived the trip.

He'd given up on paying the internet at his old place months ago, mostly using the Wi-Fi at school, but a connection popped up as soon as his computer booted, labelled
l.
c
ooper
.

"What's your password?" he called, and he heard Cooper laugh from the bedroom, followed by silence. "Like for the Wi-Fi," he specified after a moment.

"Yeah, I know, hold on."

Luke heard the door open, and he turned to look at Cooper. For a confused moment, he thought that Cooper had changed shirts, but then he realised that the intricate designs were shifting along with Cooper's muscles. He was staring directly at Cooper's naked, tattooed torso. He jumped, his skin prickling with adrenaline, and he could feel his face heating from embarrassment. He forced himself to look away from Cooper, wishing suddenly that he could become invisible.

Cooper leaned against the back of the couch, apparently nonplussed by Luke's reaction, and reached for the computer. "Here, let me."

He typed in the password, waited for it to connect, and then handed the computer back to Luke. "I'm having a shower," he said, and Luke realised with another shock that Cooper's pants were unzipped and lowered around his hips. "Anything else you need?"

"No." It had never been so difficult to keep himself from staring in his life. Cooper hadsuch huge, heavy-looking muscles. Luke realised that those thick, rounded hips would probably be pressing into him by the end of the night, and immediately forced his thoughts away from that. "I'm good."

Cooper nodded and walked back to his room. Luke watched him go, feeling his distaste rising at the sight of more grotesque designs curving over the expanse of Cooper's back. Luke couldn't for the life of him figure out why Cooper would go to the trouble of acquiring such a fit body if he was just going to cover it with stupid flaming skulls and meaningless "tribal" designs. Surely no one found that attractive.

Luke's body seemed to disagree with him there. Specifically his cock. Gasping indignantly, he held a hand to his lap, pressing down the start of a raging hard-on. No, no, this was what he had been afraid would happen. He'd put himself directly in the path of temptation, what did he expect? But Cooper ... it was so frustrating; why Cooper? He wasn't even attractive, even if Luke did allow himself to be attracted to men, he wouldn't like Cooper. He was disgusting, he was ...

The memory of those muscular hips flooded back into his mind, and the feel of Cooper's large hand grasping his own, and sliding over his ass. He pressed his hand down on his cock harder, but it somehow morphed into rubbing. He heard the shower start up and allowed himself a small groan.

Luke didn't want it. He couldn't. He wasn't even supposed to. It wasn't part of the deal. But Cooper had said, "I know when a guy is gay." Had he meant it? Maybe he was doing this to Luke, somehow ...

He rubbed himself again through his pants, moaning again as pleasure slowly began to creep through him. Oh, that felt good. He hadn't done it in so long, and maybe if thinking about Cooper's hips was the way to do it, then ...

His computer chimed loudly. Instantly, Luke felt sick with guilt again.  He tore his hand away from his pants and opened up the notification, a chat message on Facebook.

Brody Shen
. His cousin Brody had been Luke's best, and arguably only, friend in high school. Brody was everything Luke had never managed to be. Gorgeous, outgoing, effortlessly stylish; he was a year older than Luke and had always watched over him. He made sure that Luke was included in all of his activities and introduced him to all of his similarly beautiful and popular friends. But his actions had only ever been thinly disguised kindness out of pity, and most of the time Brody didn't bother to pretend at all. In any case, any friends Luke could remember having growing up had inevitably been friends of Brody's first. And when Brody had left last year to study business in New York, it had quickly become quite clear that they had only ever been Brody's friends. Some part of Luke wanted to be angry at Brody for stunting his social growth, but Brody had only ever been kind to him, and if he were being honest with himself, Luke had to admit that his social growth had probably been doomed from the start.

Brody Shen:
  Luke!

Brody Shen:
  hello Luke?

Luke tore his eyes from Brody's new profile picture, a shot of his smiling face obscured by gigantic reflective sunglasses, and forced himself to type a reply.

Luke Lei:
  Hi Brody, how's ny?

Brody Shen:
  forget ny. how are you? mom said she talked to your boss and she said u were gonna lose your place

Luke felt his heart sink.

Luke Lei:
  Oh, that. No, it's fine, I’ve found a place to live

Brody Shen:
  really? where?

Luke Lei:
with a friend.

Brody Shen:
  i thought u said u didnt have any friends lol :)

Luke stared at the innocuous looking smiley-face, hating it.

Luke Lei:
  i guess i do after all.

Brody Shen:
 whats their name? Do they have a fb?

Luke Lei:
 
i don't know. yeah he probably does but i dont use fb that much u know

Brody Shen:
 
whered you meet him?

Luke sighed, reminding himself that this was an online conversation and he didn't have to reply immediately.

Brody Shen:
 
Luke?

Luke gritted his teeth.

Luke Lei:
  At work.

Brody Shen:
  what's he like? 

Luke Lei:
 He's gay.

He stared at the computer screen, his heartbeat increasing steadily for every minute that Brody didn't reply. He hadn't really meant to write that. He'd just been annoyed at Brody, and he'd known that would upset him. Brody hated gay people, and in the back of his mind Luke had hoped that would cause him to leave Luke alone. Of course he should have known better.

Brody Shen:
 
u sure thats a good idea?

Luke's fingers hovered over the keyboard, trying to figure out the answer to that question. Oh well, it didn't matter, he knew what Brody wanted him to say.

Luke Lei:
  yeah ...

Brody Shen:
  u dont sound so sure ... is this cuz u dont wanna live with my parents?

Luke Lei:
  Your parents are fine, its auntie gloria and marabeth.

Brody Shen:
  mom said they were gonna move out soon u know.

Luke Lei:
  yeah right.

Brody Shen:
  i just dont think its good. u living with some guy u dont know

Luke Lei:
  you mean me living with some gay guy i dont know.

Brody's response took a while again.

Brody Shen:
remember we had that conversation?

Luke's heart was beating fast again, bile rising up in his throat, of guilt and upset.

Brody Shen
:  u told me to watch out for u remember? to make sure u never

            u know

"that's not how it happened, Brody. YOU told me you were gonna watch out for me, and make sure i never"—
Delete, delete. Brody was typing again.

Brody Shen
:  Anyway i'm just doing that.

Luke Lei
:  i know, thanks brody. but i CAN take care of myself

Brody Shen:
 i dont know about that lol. but i'll tell my mom

Luke Lei: 
no, dont.

Brody Shen: 
why not? they want to know ur ok

Luke Lei:
 i know just don't tell them right away.

Brody Shen: 
ok i wont. oh brb

Luke sighed and closed the chat box. "brb" from Brody usually meant a couple hours at least, and he didn't want to wait that long. Besides, Brody was too much like his aunts for "I won't tell anyone" to mean anything besides the complete opposite. He'd probably left to call his mom right away. Luke sighed and forced himself to calm down. Even if his aunts did find out, there was no way for them to know where he was. He hadn't even given Brody Cooper's name.

I'm an adult
, he reminded himself.
They can't do anything or force me to live with them. There's no reason to be afraid of them
. But he was anyway, of course. He flicked through his news feed despairingly. Photos of Brody in New York, a few of his high school friends at parties. Aunt Gloria and Marabeth had recently both discovered Facebook, and his feed had been clogged with their posts ever since. Aunt Marabeth ran a funeral home, and she felt it was appropriate to write short obituaries of everyone whose funerals she arranged and post them to her wall. Luke supposed she thought it was respectful, but he just found it depressing. Aunt Gloria, on the other hand, worked at a nail salon, and everything on her Facebook was cutesy photos and candy-coloured graphics with fonts that made Luke's artist brain hurt.

He thought for the billionth time about deleting his Facebook account, but he settled for slamming his computer shut and leaning his head back on the couch. The shower was still running, and he tried not to think about how Cooper looked in it, to no avail. No pleasure came to console him this time though, only familiar guilt and a burning at the back of his throat.

*~*~*

The rest of the day passed far too quickly. Cooper left for a few hours to visit the gym, and Luke puttered around the apartment, trying and failing to make any headway on his art history paper. He finally gave up on that and moved to sketching. The rhythm of pencil strokes always helped him relax, and he had spent many long hours as a child drawing, focused on those little white and grey figures and blocking out the real world. He could only block so much, though, and the chill of foreboding never left him, instead creeping through him to the pencil, paralysing him. The only drawings he managed to produce were half-finished and disturbing. Perhaps he had been influenced by the flaming skulls on Cooper's skin, or maybe it was simply his anatomy classes, but shadowed skulls and creeping skeletal hands were far from his usual subjects.

He slammed his sketchbook shut and threw it down on the table just as the door rattled and Cooper returned, dropping his gym bag heavily on the ground and grinning at Luke.

"It's getting dark." He nodded at the window and the deep blue tinge of twilight. "You ready?"

"No." Luke shook his head hopelessly. "I—" He closed his eyes and bit his lip to keep from showing the fear that had suddenly gripped him. "I just need a minute. I—I should have a shower."

Cooper raised his eyebrows, a small smile on his lips, almost cruel. "Okay." He nodded. "I'll be in the bedroom. Come in naked." He narrowed his eyes, and his expression was definitely cruel now. Then he disappeared into the bedroom.

Luke was nearly sick. He doubled over, and his body began to betray him, shaking with sobs. No, he could do this. He had to do this. Shut down his mind. Get it over with. He stood, slowly, shakily, and went to the bathroom. He let the hot water run over him for a long time, forcing his face into non-expression, forcing himself to shut down.
I'll be fine
, he reminded himself, over and over.
It'll only be for a little while. Just get it over with.
He almost wished he could feel that guilty pleasure again, but Brody's messages seemed to have either dispersed it or buried it deep within Luke. All he felt was dread.

Still, he couldn't keep himself from stalling. He allowed himself to draw out drying off, rubbing the towel over his body and looking away from the fogged mirror. The thought of seeing his reflection made him sick. Finally he was dry, and there was nothing else to do. He opened the bathroom door and peered out, shivering from the cold. He was naked in a strange house. He shuddered, and forced himself to run across the hallway into Cooper's bedroom.

It was messier than the rest of the house, and looked more lived in. But Luke couldn't allow his eyes to drift over the bedroom too much, because Cooper was lying on the bed staring at him. He was shirtless again and something in Luke's stomach jumped, and then was devoured wholly by disgust.

He could feel his face flush, and his body started to shake against his will. This was wrong. This was so, so wrong, he shouldn't be doing this, he'd tried so hard not to, and ... He turned and rested his head against the doorway, gulping back tears.

He could hear Cooper sit up suddenly. "Luke, are you okay?" he asked, his voice tinged with concern. "What's wrong?"

Luke scoffed through his tears. "What do you
think
is wrong?" he hissed, refusing to turn and look at Cooper.

Cooper was silent for a long moment. Finally he spoke again. "Luke I—are you really crying?"