Innocence (29 page)

I’d known it was there, the black symbols running across his collarbone, shoulder to shoulder. They look like runes.

“It doesn’t matter,” he says, looking down at his hands.

But I can guess.

It’s there again in his eyes when he looks up, that hurt, that innocence. I cup his cheek, the skin a little rough with yesterday’s stubble.

It’s her name. Isabella. Written in some language I will never speak. But then I doubt Malachi will ever speak it either, so what does it matter?

“It’s okay,” I say, because right then it is.

Not looking at me, he unbuttons his trousers. He doesn’t wear underwear, I realize as I see the thatch of dark hair first. Adjusting himself, his thick cock springs free, and he roughly pushes down his trousers. His skin is so much darker than mine, beautifully so, his cock a deep, deep, rose, straight as a thick rod of steel, whereas mine curves up towards my stomach and slightly to the left.

Whenever I touch him he seems hypersensitive, so this time I drag him down, locking our thighs and cocks together, groaning, “Come here,” the words as urgent as I feel.

The whole-body contact threatens to blow a fuse in my brain. I want to come gracelessly thrusting with him against this rough carpet, but the friction isn’t quite enough. I roll him beneath me, still amazed at how he responds to everything I do. It’s a power I hadn’t reckoned on. Resting my weight on my knees, I find a rhythm like this, rubbing our shafts together, guiding them in my fist, Malachi moving with me, his hand wrapped round mine, his back arching, watching me through slitted eyes. With every thrust my balls move against his and the sensation is so intense, it’s painful.

“Kai, I’m gonna come,” I whine, knowing I can’t hold back any longer and not wanting to go over without him.

“I want to feel you do this inside me,” he groans, letting go with a grunt, his cock throbbing heavily as he spills white hot into my palm.

My orgasm rips through me like a bolt of lightning, the world whiting out to static as my hips spasm and my legs give way.

For a moment I am gone, nowhere and everywhere.

I open my eyes against his chest. I can’t ever remember coming so hard. Pushing myself up, I reach up to kiss his cheek and then collapse bonelessly back down.

The last thing I remember before I sleep is Kai pulling a blanket off the bed and draping it around us, his heart beating heavy beneath my ear.

I
T
’
S
DARK
when I wake, and I am alone.

Shivering, I sit up, pulling the blanket up around my shoulders and trying to piece together my surroundings. Somewhere nearby a toilet flushes.

“Kai?”

The bathroom door opens, spilling white light into the cramped room, making me squint, though I’d rather not be. I’d rather be looking at him in all his naked loveliness. It reassures me deeply that he hasn’t covered himself up.

“I didn’t mean to wake you,” Kai says softly, turning off the bathroom light.

“What time is it?”

“Just after two.”

Awkwardly he clambers across the single bed, but he doesn’t get back onto the floor with me.

“Think I cricked my neck sleeping down there. Come squeeze up here with me?” he whispers.

He doesn’t need to ask me twice.

“You’re freezing,” he murmurs, his arms coming round my back as I sandwich our bodies together.

“You’re just unnaturally warm,” I grumble, my cold hands finding one of his warm ones.

Outside the wind is picking up, bottles rolling noisily across the stony car park, the window frames sucking in with each gust of air.

I squeeze his hand uncertainly. Whatever happened earlier, I am scared it was all dream and wishful thinking. I don’t know how to be with him yet. Everything between us has changed, our balance still unfound.

“You okay?” he whispers after a moment.

“Yeah,” I whisper back. “Are you?”

“Well….” He shifts so we are lying side by side, his warm skin pressed against mine, and I can’t hide how good that feels. “‘Okay’ seems an inadequate sort of word right now.”

I fiddle around with the bedside lamp behind me until I manage to switch it on. I just want to look at him, talk to him, make sure this is real.

His eyes are warm, almost glowing in the light, as he looks back at me.

“Talk to me,” I murmur, settling back down. Tell me you’re not going to leave, that I’m not going to wake up tomorrow and things are going to be like they were before.

“What about?”

I shake my head. I don’t know, it doesn’t matter, I can’t explain.

Instead he traces my jaw with his fingertips and hesitantly leans in to kiss me. It’s a tender and slow exploration. No one has ever kissed me so thoroughly. And in turn, I feel as though I am sinking deeper inside him with every touch of his tongue. This is an end in itself, not a stopgap to sex—though I am turned-on to the point of combustion.

“Tell me this is real,” I whisper. “Tell me I’m not imagining it.”

He cups my face. “It’s real, I promise.”

We mess around some, Kai endlessly curious with the similarities and differences of our bodies, whereas I’m more interested in testing his strength, wrestling him, pinning him down. I’ve never been this comfortable with anyone, this safe—safe enough to suck and bite, knowing his reaction isn’t going to be anything but sweet or surprised.

“Tell me you have a condom.” His words are breathlessly pleading as my tongue flicks against the silky skin at the top of his inner thigh.

Slowly I smile. What he said earlier, the words that brought me over with such force fire through me, causing another deep jolt of pleasure.
I want to feel you do this inside me.

“What do we need a condom for?” I ask softly, wanting him to say it.

He smiles tightly. “I was telling the truth about being shy.”

Carefully I crawl up his body, leaning over him so I can look down into his eyes, all flecked with light and warmth.

“I’ve never fucked anyone before,” I say without thinking, suddenly remembering that night with Finn and Pixie, and how I have no idea what happened.

“Have you ever been with anyone before?” he asks.

I know he’s only curious, not prying. Gently he reaches up, and I lean into his touch as he strokes a hand through my hair.

“I don’t know. Maybe. Someone got me drunk and high, and I can’t remember how far it went.” I don’t tell him it was Finn, only because I think it will hurt him somehow.

“Perhaps not a great first time, then, but that’s pretty normal.” He smiles wryly.

“I have a condom but no lube,” I say, pulling a face.

“I have lube but no condom,” he grins.

“We’re a perfect match,” I whisper, before capturing his mouth with mine.

We kiss until we’re dark-eyed and breathless. I lay myself out on top of him, but even full body contact isn’t close enough. Nothing seems close enough. I can tell he’s nervous by the way he looks at me and takes my hand, guiding it to cup his arse but not going any further.

“Where’s the lube?” I say.

Kai leans over the side of the bed and picks up the bag he brought in from the car. While he searches its contents, I run my fingers down his spine, followed by my tongue, fascinated by the way he moves and reacts, the way he arches and gasps as I run my teeth over his tailbone, my breath hot and warm over the crease of his arse.

“Fuck,” he sobs.

Searching blindly for my hand, he passes me the lube and, lying on his stomach, buries his face in the mattress. I squirt the cold liquid onto my fingertips and gently press them into the crease against that tight ring of muscle, feeling him tense against me.

“Relax,” I whisper, bending down to nip his arse and lick my way across it to his hip as I push one finger inside him. He clamps down so hard I can’t imagine how this is ever going to work. My cock is never going to fit in a hole that’s so tight around my finger. I reach my hand beneath him, urging his hips up so I can take his cock in a firm grip. I grin as he pushes back against me, relaxing a little.

“That’s it,” I groan, seeing him impale himself as I push a second finger inside him.

I have a weird flashback to my first time with Finn, and how he got off on doing this to me, and how fucking different everything is with Malachi. What we’re doing right now is not even in the same fucking league.

Not knowing how this is ever going to work, I squirt more lube everywhere before adding a third finger. He’s still so fucking tight, and I’ve no idea if I should get him to relax more. If I pushed inside him now, I would last all of ten seconds—just the thought of it. I come so easily, I remember how Finn noticed, how self-conscious I felt. I don’t feel that way with Kai—he comes pretty easily himself.

“Turn over. I need to see you.” I remove my fingers and flip him onto his back. There is a certain desperation to my actions, which seems mirrored in his expression.

“Fuck me,” he whispers.

I take his hand, coat it with lube, and watch as he jerks off, legs spread wide.

I’ve never put a condom on, and my hands are shaking so badly I can’t roll the fucking thing down.

“Relax,” he says, smiling, pushing himself up. He takes the condom out of my hands and rolls it down, expertly squirting the lube all over, then cups my balls in the palm of his hand and watches me pant.

“You like that,” he says.

“Sensitive,” I murmur.

“Shit, this is going to be over fast,” he grins as he kisses me.

I need all the points of contact I can get with him—my mouth on his mouth, the tip of my cock pressed against his arsehole, his thighs clamped round my back. We keep eye contact as I press forward, and he guides me inside with his hand. I realize why this is so different with him, why everything feels so complete as I am tightly sheathed inside his body, my cock throbbing as I try not to come, as I try to make the moment last and last until I can’t stop it any longer and I move, my hips thrusting erratically, feeling Kia tense around me, and hearing him cry out. It’s different because you can have sex, and you can have love, and this is the intensity of both together. This is sharing your experience of being alive.

And I am so fucking alive.

“I
CAN
’
T
wait to get home,” Kai says the following morning, kissing my ear as I blink sleepily at him.

Home.
I’m not sure what Kai means when he says it. I’m not sure he means anything.

But all the long drive back, I’m thinking about it.

Where is my home now?
I think about my guitar lying on the bed in my hotel room, my bag of clothes on the floor.

I think about Jay. And I stop myself.

Though he’s concentrating on the road, Kai looks round at me every few minutes as if he can’t quite believe I’m here in the car beside him. I smile.

The light today is exceptional—gold bright, the air shimmering. But nothing is as beautiful as the light burning inside me, the connection hot and pure as sunlight between us.

Somehow I know that whatever happens, it’s going to be okay. I don’t need to worry about this. Everything is going to sort itself out. Wryly I wonder if this is what people mean when they talk about love being a drug.

“We should pick up your things from the hotel,” Kai says, as we reach the outskirts of town.

I nod. Yeah, we should do that. “I need to see Jay too. He’ll be back at the boat by now with Dad.”

I’m so careful not to say “home.”

Kai nods. “Are you going to tell your dad?”

I’m not sure if he means about us or about Isabella. But it doesn’t matter. I am going to tell him everything. If Jay and I are going to have any sort of relationship with Honey, he needs to be part of it. I’m going to make sure he’s part of it.

“I want you there with me when I do,” I say.

“Are we talking about us… or….”

“Everything.”

But I don’t really mean “everything.” What happened between Kai and Isabella is not my tale to tell.

When Kai pulls up outside the pub, I feel like a hundred years have passed since I walked away. Out on the sunny towpath, there seems to be some sort of welcome party happening for Jay. Lorne and her parents, Cass, Dad, Liam, even a few others from the camp. There are drinks, a banner, music, and Jay, a little fazed but okay, on the deck of the boat. Seeing him like that overwhelms me, and my protective instincts go into overdrive as I wipe my hand across my eyes, trying not to let Kai see I’m crying, before getting out of the car.

“Hey, wait.” Kai’s there, his arms wrapped around me before I can move. “Just. Give it a minute, okay.” Laying his head against mine, his breath on my neck, our hearts beating just out of time, I close my eyes and feel how he sets me together.

Kia steps back and holds my gaze. “I know we didn’t talk about it but…. Come home with me tonight? Stay, at least till we figure out what we’re going to do.”

The way he says it, the “
we
” so inclusive, he might as well be asking me to marry him.

“Yes,” I say, almost laughing, as if it’s the most obvious answer in the world, and wanting more than anything to seal the moment properly but settling for a quick crush of lips.

Jay has disappeared down into the boat by the time we get there. Dad seems to think he just needs a minute. Or twenty, I think, knowing that’s more likely.

With all these people here, now isn’t the time for talking, so I leave Dad drinking with Liam and Lorne’s parents.

Bumping into Cass, I hug him tight, immediately regretting it for the smug look he gives me as he looks between Kai and I.

Oh, we must be obvious.

“Not a word,” I say.

“You’re such a drama queen,” he murmurs with a grin and stalks off into the pub before I can respond.

“Go find your brother,” Kai says, hands in pockets, knocking his head gently against mine. “I’ll just, um, socialize.”

And he will too, this wonderful but least sociable of men. For me he will step outside himself, beside a pub no less, and talk to these people here.