Insatiable (34 page)

“I’m going to miss you. I don’t want you to go.” She tried not to sound whiny, but she didn’t manage it. She couldn’t get it out of her head: flying backward, Daniel yelling, watching in horror as a ball of flame hit, tossing Marame into a nearby support beam. The beam fell, white-hot, onto Carina’s arm and hand. She tried to crawl to Marame, to see if Vincenz was alive.

“It was your voice. Today, it was your voice that kept me sane.”

He held her tighter for a moment.

“I didn’t know if Vincenz was alive, I didn’t think Marame was. There was all this noise, the smell”—she shuddered violently, remembering the smell of death, of burning flesh, of blood and dust—“choked me. And there was your voice, calm even as you shouted orders. I knew you’d get me out alive. I knew you were alive, and that’s all that mattered to me. I feel sort of guilty about that.”

“It’s a thought you had after you nearly died. With the stink of death in the air. You’re allowed a selfish thought now and again.”

“And so are you, Daniel.”

He flinched, and she knew she’d hit home with her comment.

Daniel exhaled. “All I could think about was you. Even as I had to do my job, even as I gave orders and pulled people from the rubble, I was on my way to you. I shouldn’t have been. I should have trusted my men to get you out of there safely. But I had to see you, to know myself, to hold you and get you out of there.”

It wasn’t his job to do that. He
should
feel guilty for it, but at the time, he didn’t. Even then, in the pale, fading light, he felt triumph that she lived even as devastation hit that he’d lost a friend like Marame.

If he’d lost her . . . Though he knew it wasn’t something he should obsess over, he couldn’t quite let go of the fear, the fear in the pit of himself that she was dead. He’d faced his own death more times than he could count, had accepted on some level that his life was more expendable than others. But she was different. Her life wasn’t expendable, and to see her there, crawling from the chaos, pinned by a support beam that had to be pulled from her, all as he made his way over to her, trying to rein in the need to rush, to run over the dead to touch her and know she was real—it had unraveled something within him, a line he’d always held fast on: duty first.

She changed so many things, and he wasn’t sure how to process it. He’d always had a direction, still did, but love changed things, shifted priorities.

“I don’t want you to go.”

Her voice was so small, lonely. He hated to go, but he had to. This target was high-profile, and he couldn’t simply hand it off to another operative. He was the best man for the job, knew all the terrain, the target, and had the best chance of success. Knowing that was academic when he cradled his heart to his body.

“I don’t want to go either. If it could be avoided, I’d send someone else. I don’t want to leave you so soon after nearly losing you.”

“I suppose I have to get used to it sometime. This is your job, and you’ll be leaving a lot.”

He laughed. “You don’t sound very sincere.”

She held on tight. “I’m working on it. Before you go”—she nuzzled his neck—“I need you.”

“Knock it off, Carina. You’re hurt. I won’t be gone that long.”

“Now which one of us doesn’t sound sincere?” she teased, reaching down to grab his cock.

“You’re hurt! You could have died. Damn it.” He let go of her hand with a groan of surrender.

“I am, and I could have. But I’m here, and I need you. I need to reconnect with you. I need to feel alive. You make me feel alive when you touch me.”

“Your arm.”

“Unless I’m really not catching on to how this sex thing works, you don’t put your penis in my arm.”

He wasn’t going to push her away. She wanted those memories before he left, wanted him to have her on his skin as he went off to do whatever he needed to.

“Please,” she said, kissing his throat.

“You’re a menace.”

She tried not to smile victoriously when his hand slid down her side, taking her breast into his palm.

“I am. Apparently I need to be taken in hand.”

He groaned again, pushing her gently onto her back. “Lie back and let me love you.” He said it softly against the hollow between her breasts. “Close your eyes.” She obeyed on a gasp as he licked and then bit a nipple.

Behind closed eyes, her senses took over. Each touch of his fingertips, each kiss, every lick and nibble radiated through her with powerful force. That he was so incredibly gentle as he touched her brought the sting of emotion to her. A man who could easily kill with his hands but who’d never done anything but cosset, that was a man worth grabbing and never letting go of. She planned to be with this one until she ceased to draw breath.

When he parted her legs, slipped inside her in one thrust, she gulped in air and her eyes flew open to catch his gaze lingering on her face with such intensity she felt as if she’d caught him in an intensely private moment.

“I love you,” she said, because there was nothing else she could say with him so deep inside her, wrapped around her, filling her physically and emotionally.

He touched his forehead to hers briefly. “I love you.”

The sound of it, so quiet but rife with emotion, filled her, up and up, up until she felt as if she’d burst with it. She flew apart, and he rebuilt her, each stroke, each press and pull he made, his body over hers, around hers, inside hers, he was everything, and she never wanted to find a time when that wasn’t so.

D
aniel had gotten up early, before the light began to wash over the horizon. He filed his trip plan, he took care of some bribes and tributes and he began to dress. He needed to be out of there early. The earlier he went, the quicker he’d return. He needed the space to put that skin back on without her, needed to keep that Daniel away from her presence. There was no room for her, for softness and love, when he had to deal death.

Before Carina came down, he sought Abbie out. She was where he guessed she’d be, sitting in Mercy’s kitchen, looking through a book of designs for a nursery.

“I like that one.” He pointed.

She leaned back into him a moment. “That one is at the top. Roman likes this one better.” She flipped through to another design, and he nodded.

“That one is nice, too. Abigail, you’ll watch over her?”

“Of course. I see how you look at her. Why didn’t you tell me you were in love with her?”

“It wasn’t appropriate conversation via link, Abbie.” He shoved a hand through his hair, frustrated at not having all the words he needed.

“When I fell in love with Roman, it was when I thought I couldn’t have him. It was the most bittersweet feeling ever. I imagine you worry about the Rank bullshit, which you do know will mean nothing to her.” She laughed. “Or me, and I’m—as Deimos said yesterday—the head bitch of House Lyons now.”

He grinned at Roman’s oldest son’s words. “You certainly are. Just, you know, she has to make her own choices, but she’s been forced enough. I don’t want her being pushed into anything, and I’m sure the Families will start sniffing around once they all know she’s here.”

“It’s quite a pity that you don’t know how worth loving you are.”

“Don’t analyze me; I don’t have the patience for that now.”

She waved him off. “I don’t care what you think you have time for.” She kissed his cheek. “Come back safe and soon.”

“I’ll do my best. I have plenty to make me want to.”

Abbie insisted on accompanying them to military command, where he had his scan done, and then they waited for Carina to finish with the chip extraction.

One last hug before he left. He needed it to keep him going. “Abbie will protect you, Roman, too. My mother and sister will most likely come over before I get back. You’ll like them. Be safe, and don’t go anywhere without Ellis or Roman knowing. Andrei and Vincenz will be your guards while I’m gone.”

“I’d rather it was you.” She looked up at him, and he kissed her forehead.

“I’ll be back by the end of this week. Enjoy yourself, enjoy getting to know Ravena. You and Vincenz have a lot to catch up on. You’ll hardly notice I’m gone.”

She huffed. “I want to go with you. To see you off.”

He took her hands, kissed the tips of her fingers. “No more trips to the portal for a while, Carina. I can only take so much before my heart simply gives out.”

“Your heart? Pfft. Daniel, I hate this,” Carina hissed at him as they began to walk down the stairs and out into the plaza. The complex looked out over the city. It was one of his very favorite spots.

Carina hadn’t noticed much on her way there that morning, but now she took a moment to look at the city spread out all around them. It was then she realized how very small she felt.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Daniel murmured as he followed her gaze.

“I’ve never seen anything like it. It’s stunning.”

And it was. Buildings spired up, dizzyingly high into the air, all in multihued shades of glass. The sky above was brilliantly blue, as blue as the deepest water. It stretched on to the horizon, and she hungered to see more, to get to know Ravena so she could know more of Daniel.

“I can’t wait to show you more of it.” He said it sweetly, but he was fully in work mode, his eyes narrowed as he took in everything around them. It was impressive the way he moved with utter confidence, as if to say to anyone even
thinking
about doing something bad,
Think again or I will grind you into a greasy spot
.

He helped her into the conveyance where Abbie already sat with Vincenz. When Daniel stepped back, she grabbed his wrist. “Now? Already?”

He softened his tone, leaning close so only she could hear. “Sweet, you know this is my job. I can’t turn it off, especially just now. I’ll be back, you know that.”

She got back out of the conveyance. “Daniel, I love you. Don’t get killed.”

He laughed and kissed her quickly. “I’ll do my best. You, too.”

With a last touch on the back of her hand, he melted away, leaving her annoyed.

She slid back in, this time across from Roman, with Abbie beside her and Vincenz up front in some sort of protection mode.

“He’s the best at his job, Carina.” Abbie spoke as they finally began to move.

She took the other woman’s measure. “I understand that. But is it too much to ask that he stay with me? He risked his life over and over to get me here.”

Roman looked at her for some time before speaking. “He’s one of the most highly ranked officers in the military, higher than those with Family Rank. He is feared for a reason, and that reason is he’s merciless in the pursuit of the goals of this Federation. You can love him, he can love you, but he will be Daniel Haws, solider, just the same. We all have our duties.”

“Roman, be quiet.” Abbie waved a hand at her husband as she angled herself to better see Carina. “I know he must make you feel safe. I know when I’m frightened or worried, I want Roman.” She laughed. “Or Daniel. I know this is hard for you, leaving everything you knew behind the way you did. I admire that greatly. As you may have noticed, Daniel protects people. It’s who he is. Always has been. Even when he was a small child he took care of us, of my siblings and my mother. That’s why he’s good at what he does, and that’s why you have to find a way to deal with having to share him with his work.”

Abbie looked at Roman for a moment, and Carina noticed the hand on her belly. An ache, sharp and sweet, sliced through her. Want. She wanted that with Daniel. A life. A family. Carina knew she was being childish. It was his job, and he did have to do it, even if it meant he had to be separated from her for a little while. He wouldn’t be Daniel without that loyalty to his Federation, to his people.

“I apologize. I don’t have tantrums. Ever. I don’t know what’s come over me.”

Abbie held her hand. “You’ve just had to turn your back on your people, on your family, even if they aren’t perfect. You’ve been on the run and fallen in love with a man like Daniel. That’s a lot for a very short period of time. You’re allowed a bit of a tantrum. We’ll have to keep you busy while he’s gone.”

She needed to get hold of herself, to be Carina Fardelle again. She sat taller, held her spine straight and nodded. “Thank you.”

She watched part of the city go by through the windows, watched the looks on the faces of the people on the streets. Vincenz had been right; there was so much here, so much energy. Their features held such a dizzying array of emotions!

“Daniel said I’d be debriefed today?” Carina turned to look back at Abbie.

“I’ve negotiated for that to take place in our home. Silly to drag you all the way down here when Wilhelm can just as easily come there, and we can be comfortable.” Abbie said it cheerfully, but Carina got the sense she was a hard-edged negotiator. And she was thankful for it. “My position as your advocate is really symbolic, you know. Wilhelm, despite being as big as a tree trunk, is quite sweet. Roman, too, even though sometimes he can be extra fussy House Lyons. Grrr.” Abbie’s mouth twitched.

Roman sighed heavily but didn’t look up from his comm.

“All right, thank you.” She nodded her head.

The rest of the drive was uneventful as she gawked at the city. But the house, the manse, compound, whatever it was called, where Abbie and Roman lived was the most impressive thing she’d seen. She hadn’t taken it in the day before; there had been so much chaos with the attack at the portal. But now she had the opportunity to take it all in and be, in no small amount, impressed by the glory of the Federation as it was embodied by this place.

It was a house, a physical space fit for a ruler. Tall, imposing, surrounded by beautiful gardens that, she realized as they drove past and then exited the conveyance, would be in bloom across the seasons.

Stone stairs led the way to doors easily thirty feet tall, and the entry foyer stole her breath. Where her father’s idea of power had been black and red,
true
power and glory lived in this house. Ceilings soared, held up by columns of wine-colored wood as big around as the conveyance they’d been in. The floors gleamed, first in polished stone a deep green and then in warm toned hardwoods with mosaics set within.