Inside the Lines: Without a Trace series, a contemporary erotic romance novel (2 page)

But...

For someone who’s always lived on her own terms, even
I’m
getting tired of putting up with me all the time. I’ve tried relationships. I even had a (very) brief live-in thing with a really nice guy a little over a year ago. It never works out. Not for me. And I’m not even sure there’s a solution to any of it. I’ve always been happy being alone. But the last year or so, I’ve felt this internal pressure to settle down, find that special someone. Lonely, even. And you’d think it would be easier for someone like me: I’m open to men or women, and I’m sexually interested in many different lifestyles and kinks. I thought perhaps living with someone, albeit a roommate, might alleviate some of the loneliness. But it hasn’t. Noah’s great, but he’s like a brother to me. I want a lover and a soulmate.

God, I sound pathetic even to myself.

So rather than deal with the frustration, I pick up a magazine and lose myself in the latest celebrity gossip and movie reviews.

It’s late afternoon when I poke my head in on Noah and Ella in the dining-room-turned-Elementary headquarters. “Did someone say lunch? I could have sworn I heard the shuffling of takeout menus.”

Ella glances up from her MacBook. “Oh God, yes. Food. And I have to pump, anyway.”

Ah, the joys of motherhood.

Noah remains tied to his laptop, so I sneak over to take a peek. “What is this? Online dating?”

He immediately slams the lid shut. “Privacy much?”

I prop my hand on my hip. “Damn. Who would have thought Don Juan of the One Night Stand would be looking for love. What gives, T-bone?”

The nickname both annoys and entertains him, and the two responses war for dominance across his features. “If you must know, I’m doing some research for a friend.”

Ella, who’s disappeared into the kitchen to use her breast pump, snorts loudly. “If that isn’t the oldest excuse in the book, I don’t know what is.”

Noah runs a hand through his thick, dark hair. “God save me from meddling women.”

“Aw, you wuv us,” I say with saccharine in my voice. “You could let us have a quick look. We could probably tell you who is blowing smoke, and who’s a good bet.”

“I’m good, thanks. I can figure it out on my own.”

“Famous last words,” Ella adds from the other room.

He shakes his head, but refuses to say more.

“Well, since I stumbled onto your little secret, I’ll tell you mine.” Even giving the words life makes my stomach flutter.

“Hey! Wait for me, dammit,” echoes from the kitchen.

“Let’s order. Then you give us the details.” Noah reaches for the preponderance of food options tucked behind his computer. We pore over the menus, debate sides and appetizers, negotiate spiciness and substitutions with all the seriousness of three people planning an itinerary for their once-in-a-lifetime trip to Europe. Once we get our dietary needs squared away and Ella finishes, we settle into the living room to await our food.

Ella collapses on the largest couch and drops her head in my lap. “The floor is yours, gorgeous.”

I run my fingers over her scalp, smiling as her eyes close. “Well...I have an idea. At least, it’s part of an idea.”

Noah swings his legs over the end of the small couch and lets his slippers dangle off his feet. “And?” he prods when I don’t continue.

I wear patent leather from head to foot and cane men twice my size. Yet sharing my guts with my best friends makes me nervous. But then, there’s more than just this to tell them, isn’t there? I’ve always shared my guts with them, but for once in our friendship, I’m keeping secrets. I immediately extinguish that mode of thinking. I love Ella and Noah dearly, but my morality and ethics about who I sleep with are my own to decide. At least, that’s what I keep telling myself.

The doorbell buys me time, and Noah grabs the food. With lunch dispensed on the coffee table and utensils in hand, I start to feel a bit calmer.

“So what’s the big news?” Ella arches an eyebrow.

“I don’t really know how big it is,” I say after I take my first bite of lo mein. I inhale a deep breath, then plunge ahead. “So I have an idea of creating an online dating service for kinksters called Kinked. Like a matchmaking setup to help people find others with their fetishes or interests.” I blow out a breath. Giving my entrepreneurial dream a voice both excites and terrifies me.

“Ooo,” Ella coos.

“Sounds fantastic,” Noah agrees. “What’s stopping you?”

“Nothing yet, as I’m still just thinking about it. Actually doing it...well, it’s going to be expensive, and I need to finish my business plan, find investors…. It’s not like what you guys did with Elementary.” I tuck a lock of hair behind my ear. “I don’t have the Noah-and-Ella-Storm-voodoo-magic on my side, so I can’t do it grass-roots-style and create it all on my own. I’d have to have an online component and significant advertising. It has to look classy from the start, no exceptions.”

“You’ll always have the ‘Storm-magic-voodoo-whatever-you-called-it’ on your side,” Ella says with a pointed look as she curls a leg under her. “What’s the competition? Does anything like that already exist?”

I make a face. “God, yes, and they’re awful and cheesy. That’s why Kinked has to be different. Better. Elegant.”

They both turn thoughtful, with only the sound of our chewing punctuating the silence. We’re nearly done with the fried rice when Ella drops her head as though she’s come to a decision. “Noah can review your business plan. He’s a whiz at those, and I can help you with marketing. I’d also like to invest in your idea. I’m sure Ian will agree.”

How is it I’ve spent months, maybe even a year, flipping this idea over in my head, yet within minutes, Ella has it all planned out? This is why I doubt my ability to do this—for once, I don’t know all the rules, and given that I’ve made a career out of sexual fantasies, maybe I have no business even contemplating it?

Ella’s expression suggests she knows she’s hit a nerve. “Lux, I’m not trying to take over. I’m just excited for you.”

“I know. And I love you for it.” I squeeze her arm. “Thanks for your vote of confidence. I need to make sure I’m 100% committed to it, as well. This would certainly put a kink in my current schedule, pun intended.”

Ella smiles. “Of course. I just think it’s a great idea and can’t wait for you to get started.”

Noah nods in agreement. “Let us know how we can help.”

I take a final bite of lo mein, then gather up my trash. “I should let you two get back to work.” I check the clock on the cable box. “Besides, I gotta get ready for tonight in a bit.”

Ella grabs my hand as I get up. “It’s a great idea, Lux. When you’re ready, we’re here to help.”

I squeeze her fingers, then step back. “I know. And I appreciate it. I just gotta wrap my head around it, you know? I’m not the entrepreneur that you two are. The idea of interacting with people as a business entity and having employees...” I mock-shiver.

Noah chuckles, his dark eyes teasing. “Oh, please. It will be just like having a whole team of slaves to do your bidding. What Dominatrix wouldn’t love that?”

I smile. “You make a very good point, my minion. A very good point.”

Later, as I pack my work bag, worries about Kinked return. While Ella and Noah’s response to my idea is reassuring, it digs up a whole other set of concerns. What the hell am I thinking? I’ve been a professional Dominatrix for...five years? Six? I’ve worked in corporate America, and I didn’t belong there. This was the first thing I found that resonated with my soul. While starting Kinked doesn’t mean I have to give everything up, I’ve watched Noah and Ella build Elementary, and they worked on it day and night. Ella wasn’t even sure she could have a relationship and a family while still being an active CEO in her own company. She’s made it work...but she has Noah and Ian to pick up the slack. I’ve got me. And if the ball drops, there’s no one else to catch it.

Not to mention, with my latest faux pas concerning my work rules, I’m not bringing my A-game to the table. I would never admit this to anyone, but I’m a little worried about
me.
I’ve never played this far outside the lines before—and that’s saying something for someone who lives outside them—and I’m not sure that I can tread water much longer.

This mindset does nothing for the scene I’m setting tonight. As I walk towards the subway, I dig out my earbuds and listen to some haunting, wordless music. Deep, slow breaths help center me and focus my thoughts on the powerful night ahead. The rest of it—Kinked, my relationship worries, my doubts about my own abilities—doesn’t matter. What I am and have always been good at is controlling a situation and giving people their fantasies. I embrace that as I head off into the night.

Chapter 3

Substitutions

You are never going to believe me when I say that I work out of a dungeon space I keep on reserve, but I swear that’s usually the case. But in this specific situation, I am, once again, going to the client. Tonight is a very special evening.

I arrive at the Parisienne Hotel, one of the newest hotels in Soho. This evening’s client wanted something romantic and chic, and the Parisienne Hotel fits the bill, while not breaking the bank.

Everything about the hotel is European, from the creamy decor to the extravagant chandeliers that line the ceiling. I’m early, as intended, so I check-in and head for the far alcove. My stomach drops in time to the quick lift of the elevator, and I swallow hard. While I usually have a bit of nerves before a scene, this one comes with complications.

I wasn’t kidding about my three rules. They’ve served me well. Somewhere along the way, though, I started breaking the last one. Fuck it; I’ll be honest. It happened after my relationship with Evan ended. He was—and is—a sweetheart. Good looking, submissive, kind, loving, talented...the list goes on. He’s what every healthy, normal woman wants in a really nice guy. It wasn’t enough for me. I wanted it to be—so badly, I wanted it to be enough. But I couldn’t do it. He deserved someone who loved all of him, completely. And I couldn’t do that. So I let go of him. Pushed him away, really, because he’d wanted to continue dating.

Something about that experience angered me. It created a resentment that’s hard to describe. So when a long-time client of mine booked me to join him in a scene with another couple, I did something I never do: I got involved sexually. It was delicious, and I had an amazing time. Limiting your sex life to only what you can create with one lover when you consistently create sexual energy for others is draining. And that experience reminded me that I had this raw need inside, and that it could be sated.

The downside: I had sex with several people. And got paid for it. I didn’t like the way that part made me feel. That hasn’t stopped me from doing it again and again. With only a select few clients, of course. I’m not a prostitute, for fuck’s sake.

But then...what am I?