Insight (2 page)

I’m sure I’ll get some leeway for being late since it’s my first day, so I sit on a damp wooden bench to wait for the hallways to clear. The day is grey, and it’s not exactly raining, but I’m getting wet. There’s a light mist that almost doesn’t even feel like it’s falling from the sky.

“You’re so busted!” I hear a boy yell from the doors of the school. His football jersey is slung over a white T-shirt, and his hands are still at his mouth, projecting his yell.

“Shut up, asshole! I still have two minutes!”

I look to the parking lot to see a guy with a hoodie pulled up tightly over his head, sprinting for the front door.

The loud one disappears inside, and the bell rings. The other guy stops running, bending his athletic frame forward. “Shit.” He slumps as his head turns toward me. “Aren’t you in a hurry new girl?” He’s out of breath and all I can see from under his hood is a set of white teeth and hazel eyes.

How does he know I’m new?

Oh. Right. The parking lot is small. The school is small. Stupid. “Nope.” I let a breath out and cross my legs to show I’m not going anywhere.

“Lucky you.” He shifts his backpack up on his shoulder and heads for the front door, jerking it open to walk inside.

I let my gaze wander back to the parking lot, and the quiet street. We are definitely in a small town. I can’t see a gas station or anything from here, and the lot across from the school is nothing but trees.

Movement near one of the giant evergreens catches my eye, and I squint toward
the darkness in the trees
. I watch for a moment, but don’t see a
nything else. Probably a bird or something. A
chill runs up my back
,
and I decide it’s time to head inside.

I stand up, take a preparatory breath, and start toward the doors, following the signs to the main office. My small footsteps echo in the silent hallway, and I think about seeing myself crying in the porch swing. Why couldn’t I be happily stuffing myself with brownies behind a book or something?

After a brief introduction to a very frizzy haired woman in the front office, I grab my new student packet, complete with two late passes.
For Emergency Only
. Right.

The classroom numbers are easy enough to follow, and when I step inside
my first class
, they’re watching a movie. Perfect. I’m able to hand the teacher my slip, pick up my text, and find a seat without attracting much attention. One class down. Six to go. And definitely worth wasting some time on the bench outside.

***

When the bell rings after my first class, I take a few deep breaths, and sit until the last of the students are jostling out of the door. This works best. There’s no way to walk through the hallways without bumping into people. Not without looking like a psychopath. I’m not willing to adopt that behavior. Not yet. I hold my text in front of me like a partial shield and begin walking.

A boy kissing her. Practically eating her face. Passion.

Looking through a football helmet. Fear. A crash. Blackness.

I get a short reprieve until the stairway.

A parent-aged face. A dog. Comfort.

Once again, hoodie guy from this morning tears around me up the stairs laughing, and I get bumped from behind by whoever’s chasing him. A girl with long, auburn hair that waves around her waist.

Dim light. Loud music. Scattered students in a house. A stab of fear. Everything goes black.

I push out a breath, trying to get rid of the tight-chested fear that came with my vision. She flies around the corner, still reaching for the guy in front of her. Really. Figures. Probably passed out at some party last weekend. Or maybe she’ll get to be wasted next weekend.

I hold up my slip to check again for the number of my next class. The halls are
nearly empty, which means
I’m almost late. I’m not ready to use one of my emergency passes, not yet.

When I step inside, someone else bumps into me.
Flashes of naked girls. Crazy positions. Desire.
I wish closing my eyes helped. I recoil and look up to see the football jersey guy from the front steps of the school. I can only deduce since no one else is wearing a football jersey today that it’s not a game day, and he’s wearing his because he’s just
that guy
. I look him up and down one more time. He would be looking at porn.

“Whoa. New-girl is touchy-feely.” His eyes slide down my body. He’s tall, very broad, and looks like a twenty-two year old, not a high school student—especially with his unshaven face.

“You wish,” I say under my breath and take a seat.

“You know, when you’re the new girl, you’re like hot for a week and then no one cares anymore.” He laughs with his mouth wide open, and I want to drop a paperclip or a piece of paper in it, just to see wha
t would
happen.

B
eing the hot girl, even for a week, won’t make me disappear. Once again I sort of wish that it didn’t matter. That I didn’t feel the need to keep my distance. But just like I’m an expert at disappearing, I’m also an expert at pushing that thought away.

“Lay-off, Josh.” His friend hushes him with both hands, but he’s laughing too.

“Aw, shut it, Landon. Mr. Senator’s kid. You think yo
u can do whatever you want.” Josh i
s still laughing, open-mouthed.

“You can’t use that as an excuse every time. I call it like it is.” Landon takes a seat on a desk, his feet on the chair in front of him. Right. The guy from the stairs and the parking lot.
He brushes his smooth light brown hair off his eyes and smiles like someone who is truly comfortable with themselves. I can’t even imagine what that’s like.

“Hey, Landon.” A bouncy blonde with angled short hair and a body to match plants a kiss on his cheek before sitting down.

“Where’s mine, Lisa.” Josh puckers his lips.

“You’re all stubbly.” She wrinkles her nose.

“Only ‘cause I
can
be.” Josh punches Landon.

“Oh, trust me. Landon can by stubbly, too.” She raises a suggestive eyebrow at Landon, who just laughs again.

“Okay, boys.” The teacher looks up from his
desk. “The bell’s about to ring. C
an we take our seats please?”

Landon slides down into the seat that his feet just occupied.

Guys like them make me want to test out home school, just for kicks.
At the same time,
I don’t think I’ve hardly ever been in an interchange like that one. Not for my whole high school career. That easy way of talking among good friends.

The horrible feeling of wanting something I can’t have creeps in again, but I keep my face even. I don’t smile. I don’t look sad. It’s my disappearing face.

Maybe I should go live with Dad. He’s the only person I don’t get a vision from. He’s never given me any reason to think he knows what I do, so
it’s not like my secret-keeping would change, I’d just have one less person to worry about getting a vision from.

“Micah Johnson?” The teacher raises his brows and stares.

I immediately stiffen and sit up taller in my seat. I really should have been paying better attention.

“Would you like to introduce yourself to the class?” I get the distinct impression that this is probably the second time he’s asked.

“I believe you just did, Mr. Chint. Thank you.” I smile and relax back into my chair, hoping I’ve been polite enough for him to leave me alone.

He’s not sure how to take my comment, and looks at me for a few moments. Was I being smart? Disrespectful? Or am I a good kid who doesn’t say much?

I maintain my smile.

“You’re welcome.” He steps back behind his podium. “Open your texts to page sixty-three, and we’ll get started.”

Landon shakes in a single laugh, holding his hand on his mouth and looking down. Guess I didn’t fool him any.

Our eyes meet, sending waves of tingles through me. Not good. I stare at the used history book on my desk. Now all I want is to
not
want what I can’t have. Much easier thought than done.

***

Lunch is tricky. Actually hiding doesn’t work. Someone will always find me, and then it’ll be odd that I’m on my own…and hiding. This makes disappearing difficult. Today, fate works in my favor. The honor society kids are wearing their honor
society T-shirts. It’s a
group I can be involved in without sticking myself in any one group. The smarty nerd kids are in there. There are a few jocks, and kids who just want something to put on their college application. That’s the category I fall into. I walk and sit down. Hoping that by sitting on the end, I’ll blend but won’t look alone.

“Micah, right?” a guy asks. He reaches his hand over the table.

To shake.

Crap. I brace myself and take it.

A man’s face is angry and yelling. He raises a fist.
Fear
.

I gasp. I don’t want to know this. “Yeah, Micah.” Without years of practice ignoring what I see, I probably wouldn’t be able to speak—his fear was intense.

“I’m Steven.” He sits back and runs
his hand over dark
brown
,
curly hair.

I find myself looking over his face for marks or bruises or something. “I just moved from Spokane. I was in Honor Society there.” I put both hands in my lunch bag, hoping no one else will touch me. Maybe I
should
try the whole seclusion thing again.

“Well, I think your membership just transfers straight. No big deal.” He opens a notebook and makes a quick note. “I’m the president here.” His eyes look up at me over his narrow glasses.

Of course he is.

He leans forward to see the rest of the table, “Hey, Micah’s new. Can you guys all introduce yourselves?”

Great
. I lean forward and pretend to listen as everyone tells me their name through mouthfuls of food or in the middle of conversations. I see someone stop next to m
e out of the corner of my eye, b
ut since this kind of meeting doesn’t normally require handshakes, I keep my eyes on the kids introducing themselves.

The person standing next to me speaks. “And I’m Landon, but I think we’ve already met.” He winks, looks at me with large hazel eyes, and reaches out his hand for me to take. “Good one in Mr. Chint’s class today.”

“Uh, thanks.”

I pull in a breath to brace myself while trying to look natural. I reach out and take his hand.

The ocean’s flying by as if I’m hovering over it. Peace. Elation. Spray from the front of the boat hits me in the face.

I can almost smell it. The feel is incredible. I’ve never gone boating on the ocean before. I want to see it again.

“You still here?” He laughs as he lets go of my hand and walks away.

“Landon’s just using us for college and because of his dad.” Steven whispers this to me over his lunch.

I watch as Landon leaps onto a bench and sits on a table, his feet resting squarely on the seat. The girl who chased him up the stairs sits with her back to me, and her eyes on him. Porn-guy he teased earlier, and a few other people I can’t see, all sit laughing. Easy to know who they are. They’re the people who float through high school without a care in the world. The ones who get drunk and pass out at parties, and the ones driving the nicest cars in the parking lot. It’s a sweeping generalization that nearly always proves itself to be true.

I’m just the crazy girl with some kind of a brain mal
function who does all she can to
not
touch people.

“Who’s Landon’s dad?” I ask s
ince Steven said he’s in honor society because of him. I stare at my sandwich as I unwrap it to keep my hands busy and try not to care about Landon
and the ocean
.

“Senator Michaels.”

“Like, U.S. Senator?” I almost drop my lunch.  Senator Michaels is known for his stance on supporting education and getting funding for state and community colleges. He’s probably one of five senators who force their kid to go to public school.

“The very same.” Steven rolls his eyes and pulls out his lunch.

He looks up at me three or four times as I eat my sandwich and smiles. Why can’t I disappear? I don’t want to talk with him, and I don’t make eye contact, but his gaze isn’t off me for long.

He only thinks he might like me because he doesn’t know me yet. I will avoid him, turn away from him, and keep my distance. Because it’s my way of surviving. I don’t want to feel the fear that comes from that angry man’s face.

He’s cute though, and nice, but any kind of normal relationship would be impossible for me. My one and only boyf
riend and his new girl,
are proof enough of that. I saw him move on before he did.

I stand fro
m the lunch table early, looking for somewhere quiet to not be noticed. Just a few more days, and I might blend. Just a few more days…