Instant Fact: How to Get the Truth Out of Anyone (3 page)

4. “I hope this news doesn’t upset you.”

5. “Along those lines…” It’s easy to change conversation when you begin with the other’s last thoughts.

IV. Mind Games

A Strong Defense: Avoiding The Lie

The best time to deal with a lie is before it turns into one. The following is a technique for cutting a suspicion off at

the pass before it turns into deception.

Method 1

This is the method you use when you want the truth as it relates to a person’s previous behavior. Here is a possible

scenario: a parent suspects that her twelve-year-old son is smoking cigarettes.

Approach:
“I know all about the smoking and the sneaking around. You know I’m not happy about that, but I just

want you to promise me that you won’t drink alcohol until you’re twenty-one.”

This is by far the finest approach because it works on so many levels. First, it takes a forward assumptive stance –

the parent “knows all about the smoking.” Second, it uses two truisms. The phrases “sneaking around” and “you

know I’m not happy about that” set the tone for honesty. The child hears two things that he knows to be true: He

was sneaking around and his mother is unhappy about his smoking. He is therefore willing to accept at face value

what follows. Third, the mother gives her son an easy out. All he has to do is promise not to drink and he’s home

free. There’s no threat or punishment, just honest statements followed by a deal that he believes to be true as well.

The guidelines to keep in mind for this procedure are as follows:

• Assume your suspicion as fact

• State at least two truisms (facts that you both know to be true)

• Switch the focus from a threat to a request

• The request should be easy for him to accept and sound reasonable

Method 2

This method is used when you want the truth as it relates to a new decision. It is a simple but highly effective

strategy to avoid being deceived. Oftentimes someone wants to tell us the truth, but it’s easier to tell a lie instead.

The person knows the answer you want to hear and will give it to you whether he believes it or not. However, if he

doesn’t know what you want, then he won’t be able to deceive you. Read the following examples and notice how

well the second phrasing masks your true question.

• “Would you like me to cook for you tonight?” ––– “Do you feel like eating in or out tonight?”

• “I’m thinking of asking Rhonda out. What do you think of her?” ––– “What do you think of Rhonda?”

Know Thy Enemy: Knowing The Liar and His Intentions

The following example illustrates a process that is becoming very popular in employee screening tests. The

questions below are asked the prospective employee to determine if he is an honest person. If you really wanted the

job, how would you answer these questions?

Have you ever stolen anything in your life?

Have you ever run a red light?

Do you have a friend who has ever shoplifted?

Many of us would have to answer yes to most of these questions. And that is precisely the answer a prospective

employee is looking for. Why? Because the honest answer is yes for most of us. The employer’s task is finding

those who are honest about it. Stealing a pack of gum when you were twelve years old doesn’t make you a bad

person or an undesirable employee.

Let’s say that Martha’s teenage son, who has been away from home and living on the streets for the past two years,

wants to come home. Knowing that her son is addicted to cocaine, she is worried about whether he can actually

clean up his act. She could tell him that he can move back in only if he enrolls in a drug rehabilitation program. He

will probably agree to this whether he plans to do it or not. Instead, she tells her son that he can move back in if he

quits cold turkey – never doing another drug whatsoever. Her son’s answer will reveal his commitment to getting

well, which is the real concern. Obviously her son can hardly get rid of his addiction instantly. So if he indicates

that he can, she knows that he’s lying about his intention to get well. However, if he says that he can’t but will make

strides toward getting better, she will know that he is sincere in his pursuit of wellness.

V. Advanced Techniques For Getting The Truth

Embedded Commands:

This technique is very simple and has only two criteria. First, for maximum effectiveness the command should start

with an action verb, because you’re telling the mind to do something. Second, the entire command should be

separated from the rest of the sentence using what is called an analog marker. You set the command portion off by

one of the following:

1. Lower or raise the volume of your voice slightly while speaking the command.

2. Insert a short pause right before and then right after the command. For instance, “Sometimes we just

… become fascinated … with what we’re reading.”

3. Gesturing with your hand while you are the giving the command momentarily distracts the conscious

mind, and the embedded statement is received by the unconscious mind as a command.

Unconscious Creations:

You give a suggestion that creates a perceivable action so you can observe the signs of deceit without continuing to

question him. Watch for the behaviors that you embed in the sentences. They will usually occur at some point

during your conversation.

• “I’m not saying that you should
stiffen up your body if you’re lying.
”

• “I don’t know if you’re lying. Unless you
feel like blinking your eyes fast if you are.
”

• “If you …
like what you’re reading
… you may …
smile … now
.”

Disassociation:

It’s the old person who would lie versus the new person who would never hurt you. In your conversation, continue

to repeat phrases like the ones below. Make sure that they contrast the old him and the new him.

• “Perhaps the old you was capable of this. But I know you would never do that now.”

• “You’re a different person than you used to be. I’m sure that you’re even more upset with the old you

than I am. But you’re not that person anymore.”

• “You’re only responsible for who you are today. You are someone who is honest and trustworthy.”

Eye-Accessing Cues:

This technique works on the following principle. When a person thinks, he accesses different parts of his brain

depending upon the information that is being accessed. This process can be observed watching the eyes. For righthanded

people, visual memories are accessed by the eyes going up and to the left. For a left-handed person, it’s the

reverse: the eyes go up and to the right. When a right-handed person seeks to
create
an image or fact, his eyes go up

and to right. And the reverse is true for the left-handed person. You can use this technique in any conversation to

determine if the person is
creating
or
recalling
information. Simply watch his eyes and you’ll know whether he’s

recalling an event that’s already occurred or making up a story about something that has never happened.

Advanced Conversation Stoppers: Trance Phrases:

These conversation stoppers use phrases that are mild trance inducers. They cause the listener to zone out

temporarily while his brain tries to process the information. They give you some time to collect your thoughts while

others lose their train of thought.

1. “Why are you asking me what you don’t know for sure?”

2. “Do you really believe what you thought you knew?”

3. “If you expected me to believe that, you wouldn’t have said it.”

4. “Do you believe that you knew what you thought?”

5. “Why would you believe something that’s not true?”

6. “Why are you agreeing with what you already know?”

7. “Are you unaware of what you forgot?”

See For Yourself:

The power of expectation and suggestion can be used with tremendous results. The key to using this technique is to

implant an artificial suggestion and let it manifest inside the person’s mind. This technique may induce a temporary

state of mild paranoia, especially if two or more people make the same suggestion.

Scenario:
You think that a coworker has been stealing office supplies. “Samantha, have you noticed that people

seem to be looking at you a little funny?” You can be sure Samantha will “see” everyone looking at her, and it will

consume her attention until she stops.

VI. Tricks Of The Trade

These are the psychological secrets of the experts, the tricks of the trade – factors that can affect your judgement in

objectively evaluating information.

Rule 1: Wow! You’re Just Like Me

• Watch out when you’re asked about your hobbies, hometown, values, favorite foods, etc., only to be

followed with the obligatory “Me too, what a coincidence.”

• Another aspect of this rule is that if someone is nice to us, we not only like him more but also are more

likely to agree with him. If he’s agreeing to everything you say, whether or not it makes sense, watch out.

• Rapport creates trust. It allows the other to build a psychological bridge to you. You feel more

comfortable and your gullibility increases. Take note if your movements, rate of speech or tone are echoed.

Rule 2: Beware the Stranger Bearing Gifts

When someone gives us something, we often feel indebted to him. When you are presented with a request, make

sure that you’re not acting out of a sense of obligation. This rule can take many forms – it’s not limited to gifts.

You could be offered information, a concession, or even someone’s time.

Rule 3: It’s Half Price! But Half of What?

This principle states that facts are likely to be interpreted differently based upon the order in which they’re

presented. In other words, we compare and contrast. An example of this principle are price markdowns. An item

that’s been reduced from $500 to $200 certainly seems like a better bargain than something that sells for $150. The

contrast on the sale item makes it more attractive, even if it’s not as nice as the item that sells for less. The key is to

only consider each decision by itself. This can best be accomplished by letting time pass between decisions and by

independently determining the value of the object.

Rule 4: Just Do This One Little Thing For Me?

Beware if you are asked to commit to something, even in a small way. This request is usually followed by a slightly

greater request, and over time your sense of commitment is built up to the point where you feel locked into your

decision. When you make decisions, notice if your best interests are being served.

Rule 5: The Bandwagon Effect

This principle states that we have a tendency to see an action as appropriate if other people are doing it. Do we

think that something is funnier if others are laughing? Absolutely. The key to avoiding the influence of this rule is

to separate your level of interest from other people’s desire. Just because you’re told that something is the latest,

best, hottest, or biggest seller doesn’t make it right for you.

Rule 6: Rare Doesn’t Always Mean Valuable

This principle states that the harder something is to acquire, the greater the value we place on its attainment. In

essence, we want what we can’t have and want what is hard to obtain even more. The key to avoid this rule being

used on you is to ask yourself this question: would I still want it if there were a million just like it and no one wanted

any of them?

Rule 7: I’m on Your Side

This technique is used to gain credibility. When used effectively, you would swear that you’ve just made a new best

friend who has your best interest at heart. For example, let’s say that you’re in a mattress store and considering

buying the Super Deluxe – a top-of-the-line bed. The salesman tells you that if you want it he’ll order it for you, but

he feels you should know something first. He tells you that while the consumer would never realize it, this

manufacturer uses recycled materials on the inside. He has thus gained your complete confidence. He’s risking a

sale to tell you something that you’d never find out otherwise. Now you’ll be inclined to trust anything he says.

Rule 8: Well, Can You at Least Do This?

If you’re asked to do a rather large favor for someone only to decline his request for help, beware. A smaller favor,

the one he really wants you to do, may follow. We are more likely to agree to a smaller request if we’re first

presented with a larger one. There are three psychological motivations at work:

• You feel that in contrast to the first request, the smaller one is no big deal.

• You feel bad for not coming through on his original favor, and this seems like a fair compromise.

• You don’t want to be perceived as unreasonable. A small little favor isn’t going to kill you.