Instant Orgasm: Excitement at First Touch (19 page)

Figure 9.
Finger of second hand placed gently at introitus

Y More Signs of Resistance Z

The above scenario is an example of how to deal with a partner’s resistance. If I had tried to convince this student that she had to submit to my expertise, she would have built up greater resistance and we would have gotten nowhere. A willingness on Vera’s and my part to change direction and adapt to the spe- cial circumstances—while remaining playful about it—allowed us to over- come her resistance. Later in her training she permitted me to position my hands any way that I wanted, including resting my thumb at the base of her introitus. She knew she could trust me not to do anything she didn’t want, and this opened her up to surrendering to her pleasure.

As you’ve seen throughout this chapter, resistance to receiving pleasure can show up in many different forms. The expert giver of pleasure will be able to spot any of these quickly and do what is necessary to move the focus back to feeling and enjoying orgasmic pleasure. We will wrap this chapter up by listing a few more common signs of resistance and discussing how to coun- teract them.

too many requests for Change

Sometimes the person receiving pleasure will want to change too many varia- bles all at once—the music, the lighting, the position, and so on—which may cause you to sense that you are losing control as the pleasure giver. Tell your partner that you appreciate their input and that you will decide which of their ideas can be assimilated. You must determine where to draw the line. Other- wise they will keep pushing the envelope, and you will no longer be creating pleasure for them.

Excessive appreciation

Occasionally a person will do too much talking, saying over and over how great it is and how much fun they are having. If what your partner is saying does not jibe with the way you are sensing the experience, speak up and let your partner know how you feel. Pretending to be in ecstasy does not make it so. It is merely one more way to distract oneself from feeling and approving of what actually is happening. Tell your partner that you like it when they ver- bally acknowledge their pleasure, but you only want them to do so when they are really feeling it. They do not have to prove how much they are feeling, be- cause you are there too and can tell when they are overdoing it. The goal of ap- proving is to help them feel more, and if they are trying to convince you how much pleasure they are having, they will have little attention left for feeling. Yes, it is great to verbalize one’s appreciation, and when it is done in response to how much pleasure one is really feeling, it comes out easily and everyone enjoys hearing it. Just don’t overdo it.

Similarly, when a person moans and makes noises, the sounds emanating from them hopefully add to the pleasure of everyone involved. Sometimes people will fake pleasure by making more noise than seems appropriate. If

this happens, you are advised to point this discrepancy out. When the sounds interfere with the pleasure, the person will benefit by being told to knock it off (in a nice way, of course). We had a student whose sounds simply did not equate with the poor way she was getting off. She may have fooled others in the past who were not as experienced as we are, but when we pointed out that her moans did not match up with her orgasmic abilities she quickly agreed that she was faking it and appreciated that somebody had noticed.

shaking

When a person reaches a point of ecstasy that is higher than they’ve ever felt before, their leg may start to shake. At this point you can ask them to relax, or to do “push outs,” which can stop their body from tensing up. A push out is an action of the PC (pubococcygeal) muscle, which surrounds the genital and anal area in the shape of a figure eight. To push it out, you deliberately push the muscle downward as though you were urinating. Push out for a few seconds, then relax the muscle. Keep breathing normally the whole time. To help train a student to do push outs, we may insert a finger into her vagina and ask her to push the finger out. You do not have to put your finger in too deeply, it just has to be deep enough so that a person can push it out.

If the leg continues to shake, depending on how intense the shaking is, we may keep stimulating the genitals or we may stop altogether. If the shaking seems minor and seems not to interfere with the pleasure, it is okay to con- tinue with the stimulation as long as the pleasure keeps rising.

Fast Breathing

Some responders start to breathe fast when the sensation gets stronger than what they are used to. Again, ask them to relax and breathe as regularly as they can. Slightly faster breathing is a normal bodily response to orgasm, but when it becomes a distraction it is no longer a normal response.

the too-sensitive Clitoris

We touched on the topic of extreme clitoral sensitivity in Chapter 2. We have encountered this scenario quite often and have received numerous e-mails about it. An extremely sensitive clitoris actually presents the woman with an

opportunity to start coming before her clitoris is even touched. Utilize all of the information we’ve included about feeling your partner’s hand as it hov- ers above the clitoris. Women who are supersensitive should be able to feel changes in air pressure as their partner moves a hand or a finger in the air di- rectly over the clitoris.

Some women can appreciate this indirect stimulation, but others are actu- ally quite turned off to any pleasure and will resist any kind of direct or indi- rect sensation. Some women simply have never been touched directly on the clitoris and are afraid. But in other cases extreme resistance indicates psycho- logical issues emanating from molestation or abuse that occurred in the past. Sometimes these issues can be cleared up with lots of kind attention from a partner who is willing to talk about their secret, and other times the person will need to receive psychological help. We are not therapists, so we do not claim to be able to help those who require this kind of assistance. For less traumatized individuals, start with a lot of talking. Encourage them to forgive themselves for whatever happened in the past. They can learn to leave those incidents in the past and stop carrying them around in the present, or at least stop allowing them to consciously affect their behavior.

Whenever we have worked with a woman who has claimed to be too sen- sitive to be touched, we have found that by paying slow, deliberate attention to her fears and desires we were able to overcome this obstacle and get her to the place where she enjoyed being touched directly on her clitoris. Take as much time as is necessary to move past this fear. There is no rush, and if you demon- strate this to someone who has this fear it will help her become more trusting and willing to explore new possibilities.

Certainly do not go in with guns blasting and think you will conquer her that way. Have fun with the situation by enjoying her sensitivity. You can touch her all over her body, gradually moving closer to her genitals. Lightly graze over her pubic hair with the back of your hand. When you finally get to her genitals you can check out the sensitivity of her perineum, her introitus, and her labia, but do not touch her clitoris.

Now pleasurably spread some lubricant all over her genitals (except, of course, her clitoris). See the section in the next chapter where we describe in detail how to apply lubricant. Employing a delicate pressure, you can stimulate

her labia using one stroke at a time or a series of strokes. Keep lightly strok- ing all over her genitals, except you know where. You can place your finger above her clitoris without touching and ask if this creates too much pressure. You can pull back her hood with your other hand and again place your finger above the exposed clitoris, still not touching it, and ask if she would like more pressure. You can stop at any point or even go back to stroking her labia.

If she does ask for more pressure, apply a large glob of lubricant to your fingertip. Still pulling back the hood, slowly and deliberately make your way toward the clitoris, letting her know how close you are getting. Now gently touch the clitoris with the dab of lubricant that is on your finger. (This is a case when using a more viscous lubricant, such as one containing petroleum jelly, works better than using a lubricant with a thin, liquid consistency.) Remove your finger, and ask if she would like more stimulation. She probably will, and in that case you can touch your lubricant-laden finger to her clitoris and give her one stroke. Ask if she would like another. You are on your way, and if you continue in this slow and deliberate manner she soon will be eating out of your hand.

•

In the next chapter we will continue by describing specific strokes and pre- senting additional ideas for pleasuring.

c h a PT er 5

a Variety

of Pleasurable touches

T

his chapter discusses different types of touch that can be added to your bag of tricks for pleasur- ing your partner. Most of these are preliminary

strokes to tease your partner or trigger sensation before you get to the most sensitive spots on your partner’s clito- ris or penis. Still, these touches can be extremely pleasur- able in themselves and can demonstrate once again how a single touch can cause orgasmic feelings. We go into detail about how to sensually spread lubricant on your lover’s genitals. At the end of the chapter we introduce a specific clitoral stroke.

91

Y Pulling, Stretching, and Applying Pressure Z

One of the things I enjoy doing, and that many women seem to enjoy having done to them, is to pull or stretch the skin around the clitoris without directly touching the clitoris. You’ll want to get a good view of the genitals before do- ing any deliberate stroking. Place your hands on both sides of her outer labia and pull them apart (see Figure 2 on page 34). Most women seem to enjoy the sensation and the attention of this action. It is the gentlemanly thing to do at this point to comment on how pretty or sexy or beautiful her pussy is. She is very exposed, and a nice comment from you will help her surrender to what you are doing. Some women will be instantly orgasmic even with just this small amount of preliminary attention. If you notice any contractions, or other signs of orgasm such as wetness or engorgement, let her know, as this adds to her sensation. Maintain some pressure on the labia by stretching them outward for as long as both partners are enjoying it. You can incrementally add more pressure to find out what feels best to your partner.