Into Temptation (Spoils of Time 03) (11 page)

But she knew deep down that she would. Keir Brown had a strange and strong effect on her; he invaded her consciousness, he took her over. She found it hard to explain; she realised that she was experiencing sexual desire for the first time, that the shoots of sensation that soared through her when he was kissing her, even sometimes when he was just looking at her across the room, were a new and very powerful thing, but it was more than that; when he was around, everyone else was wiped from her consciousness. She could be talking to, even flirting with, men far more good-looking, much more charming, and certainly more suitable than Keir Brown, but he would appear, walk into the room or the bar or the party, and it was as if she were there quite alone with him, incapable of concentrating on anything else. Quite a lot of the time she felt she didn’t even like him very much. He made no effort to amuse her or to flatter her, he wasn’t particularly witty, not in the least charming, often truculent, and absolutely not the sort of man she had ever imagined herself being involved with. But she was: completely involved, and almost against her will. She fought it sometimes, told herself she didn’t want to go on with it, didn’t want to see him any more even; and then he would come over to her after a lecture or at a party and give her that look of his and half smile at her and the resolve would just wash away.

She wondered if this was love and decided it couldn’t be. It was too uncomfortable.

He certainly hadn’t told her he loved her. He told her she was gorgeous, that she was clever, that she was interesting, and of course that she was extremely sexy, that he wanted her very badly, challenging what he called her ridiculous chastity.

‘It’s so pathetic,’ he said, sighing, turning on to his back and lighting a cigarette after one particularly determined assault on her. ‘What do you think is so wrong about it?’

‘I don’t think it’s wrong,’ said Elspeth, considerably disturbed and upset herself, ‘I just think it’s – stupid. To do it like – like this.’

‘But why? It’s a natural instinct. You want it, I know you do, I can feel it, I certainly want it, what’s going to happen to you? I’ve told you, you won’t get pregnant, so what’s the big deal? You’re flying in the face of nature, Elspeth.’ He added, half smiling now, ‘And it won’t do. You’ll give in one day, why waste time? And deny yourself – and me – a lot of pleasure. It’s absolutely ridiculous.’

‘Not to me,’ she said firmly.

‘I know what it is, you want it all dressed up in white lace and roses. With Mummy and Daddy smirking in the background. Pathetic, that’s what it is, Elspeth. It’s not worthy of you.’

So far she had managed to resist him; him and his arguments. But it was getting more difficult.

He was, of course, a ferocious inverted snob. Mocking her background, never missing an opportunity to take a shot at her accent, her education, her terms of reference. It was so stupid. It didn’t matter to her, in the very least, that his parents ran a corner shop in Glasgow – she teased him sometimes that he wasn’t proper romantic working class with a father who went down the pit or a grandmother who had been in service. Why should it matter to him that she lived in a big house and her brothers had gone to Eton, and she rode to hounds occasionally on her own horse? (This last had provoked a particularly strong attack.) Why couldn’t they put such rubbish out of the way? But he couldn’t, he was obsessed by it. When he found out that she had been presented at Court, he ridiculed her for about five minutes, without pausing for breath; finally she turned on him.

‘I wonder how you’d feel, Keir Brown,’ she said, ‘if I launched this kind of attack on you. On your accent, your background, your home and family, and everything that mattered to you. But that would be cruel, wouldn’t it, not funny, not fair game. You have a very odd sense of values, it seems to me.’ And she walked away from him, quickly, before he could see that she was crying; he ran after her, but she shook him off and refused to see him for at least a week. It was a measure of his remorse that he actually apologised to her; and after that, he was more restrained on the subject. Most of the time.

It was the only thing they did clash seriously about; such a stupid, unimportant thing. Of course they argued about quite a lot – politics, (although she was beginning to go along with some of his arguments there, and to admit that socialism did perhaps have some right on its side), religion (although he did at least now listen to her arguments in favour of the Church), their respective groups of friends, he found hers arrogant and two-faced, she found his graceless and aggressive – but they agreed about a lot of other things which really mattered, like work and ambition and family. Rather to Elspeth’s surprise, Keir was as keen to have a family as she was, but he thought two children would be quite enough. She passionately agreed with him. They had both grown up in a family of six; and while she had clearly not had to share a room with two brothers and quite often a baby as well, she knew how much parental time and attention was rationed amidst such a mob.

His ambition, he told her rather reluctantly, was to go into publishing, to be an editor; he seemed to have a feeling for the book trade, he worked in bookshops in Glasgow in the vacations and had had several articles published in
Isis
. He also wrote book reviews for the literary section: Elspeth found them rather florid and over-written, but was impressed nonetheless by his uncompromising judgement on what he had read. He either liked or loathed a book, there was never a shred of indecision; her grandmother had often told her that was the sign of a true publisher.

‘Well I think you should invite me,’ he said finally, as she finished outlining the full horrors of her family, ‘and I promise not to eat peas with a knife or spit or take up a seat when an old lady’s standing up. It’ll be better than not being there, thinking about you, wondering what’s going on, what stupid poofter you’re dancing with. But there’s to be no mention of my interest in publishing.’

‘Why on earth not? They might be able to help you and—’

‘I want none of that kind of help,’ he said, scowling at her, his dark eyes defensive and wary. ‘I’ll make my own way, and if I can’t do that, I won’t do it at all.’

‘Fine,’ said Elspeth, thinking that if she did not find Keir talking publishing to Celia by the end of the evening she would be very surprised indeed. ‘I promise. And I’m very pleased you’re going to come. Only don’t blame me if you hate every minute of it. You’ll have to stay to the end, though. And you’ll have to wear a dinner jacket.’

‘Well I’ve got used to that over the past two years. Now as my reward, will you take that horrible girdle thing off?’

‘You haven’t done anything worth rewarding yet,’ said Elspeth firmly, ‘and no, I won’t.’

‘Darling, it’s so lovely to see you, we’ve missed you terribly, haven’t we Noni? We have such wonderful plans for half term, starting with Elspeth’s party tomorrow of course, that’s going to be such fun and everyone is just longing to see you there. How is it all? I wish you’d write more, but I suppose you’re too busy. Come and sit in the front with me and tell me everything.’

‘I’d rather sit in the back,’ said Lucas, ‘thank you.’

Adele fielded his hostility like a physical blow; she had half expected it, of course, but she had hoped, hoped so much that he might have come to appreciate her and home more, would have come to terms with the decision to move him, even seen why it had happened and resolve to put things right.

‘Well all right, darling. Tell us about it anyway. What’s it really like, do you—’

‘I loathe it,’ said Lucas, ‘it’s vile, and I don’t want to talk about it.’

‘Darling, in what way is it vile? It can’t be that bad, surely, the other boys all seem very nice and—’

‘They’re not nice, they’re unfriendly oafs.’

‘But you must have some friends—’

‘I don’t. I don’t want any friends. They’re not worth even talking to.’

‘But darling, why? They can’t all be bad.’

He shrugged. ‘Mother, for a few days I’m not going to be there. I don’t want to spoil the time here with talking about life there and why I haven’t got any friends.’

A silence. Then, ‘All right,’ said Adele. ‘What would you like to do for half term? Noni and I thought we might do some theatres and take you out to lunch tomorrow. Jay said he was longing to hear about it all, he can still remember his first term at Winchester, he says, and he’d love to swop notes with you, he’ll be at the party of course—’

‘I don’t want to swop notes with anyone. All right? And I certainly don’t want to go to any parties.’

‘But Lucas, it’s Elspeth’s twenty-first.’

‘I really don’t care, I’m afraid. I’m not going. I don’t see why I should. She hasn’t written to me, none of them have. All I want to do is stay at home and read and possibly see some of my old friends. Now if you don’t mind, I might have a sleep, I’m awfully tired.’

‘Adele, of course he must come to the party. It would be the height of rudeness not to.’

‘Well Geordie, I’m afraid he won’t. I can’t drag him there physically.’

‘You must tell him he has to go. He’s only a boy and you are his mother.’

‘You know perfectly well that doesn’t mean a thing. And any influence I might have had over him once is gone. Largely because—’

‘Yes? Because of what?’

‘It doesn’t matter.’

‘I suppose you blame me for this rift between you and your son, Adele.’

‘Yes,’ she cried, tears rising to the surface, after a long day of rejection and hostility from Lucas, ‘yes, Geordie, I do. You insisted he went away to school, he’s desperately unhappy there. If he was still here, I could be maintaining some kind of relationship with him, the lines would have been open at least, he would have come through this difficult patch—’

‘It’s been a long patch, Adele. Very long. He’s been rude and hostile to me for years. And to you. Even Noni agrees.’

‘Yes and even Noni agrees that he’s desperately unhappy, and is worried about him. It’s been a disaster, Geordie, and—’

‘It is far too early to say. He’s been there half a term.’

‘I don’t think it’s too early at all. He looks dreadful, so white and thin, and haunted looking. He seems to be living in another world half the time. And—’

‘Adele, this is an absurd conversation. We are talking about a boy who has not yet settled at his excellent new school, not someone locked up in some kind of prison.’

‘I think that is exactly how he sees it, a prison.’

‘Then it’s time he grew up,’ said Geordie.

‘How can he be expected to grow up, in an environment so unsuited to him?’

‘Adele, I would like to know what environment
would
suit him. A loving home where he is treated with courtesy and understanding certainly doesn’t. Perhaps you could come up with a better suggestion. And he is to come to the party tonight, if I have to drag him there myself by the roots of his hair.’

‘You are not to try to force him, Geordie. It’s not fair, when he’s so clearly upset and only just home.’

‘And it’s not fair of you to allow him to hurt and insult your sister and her family. I will not have it. Now shall I go up there and talk to him or will you?’

She was silent.

‘Oh for Christ’s sake,’ said Geordie. ‘I’m going out. But if he’s not ready and in a dinner jacket at seven-thirty this evening, I can tell you his sulky little French backside will become extremely sore.’

‘That’s it, isn’t it?’ she shouted. ‘It’s jealousy, all this, jealousy that he’s Luc’s, that you think I still love Luc, that’s what it’s all about.’

‘Oh for Christ’s sake!’ said Geordie again. ‘I’m amazed you could be capable of such stupidity. Both now and, I might add, in the past. I’ll see you later.’

The front door slammed. Upstairs, Lucas quickly moved into his bedroom from the landing where he had been listening to his mother and Geordie quarrelling. He hadn’t felt so happy for a long time.

‘Happy Birthday, Elspeth, my darling. You look absolutely beautiful, doesn’t she, Boy? You must be so proud of her.’

She always did that, thought Venetia, it was always Boy, not she, who was congratulated, as if she had played some subservient role.

‘Thank you, Granny,’ said Elspeth, leaning forward, kissing Celia. They were almost exactly the same height, and at that moment, looked quite extraordinarily alike.

‘Now I have a present for you here,’ said Celia, producing a small package. ‘Are you opening them now? No, I’m glad to hear it. Such a vulgar thing to do, I always think. I hope you like it. It’s from Bunny and me. He is so sorry not to be here, but he hosts this shoot every year at this time and it was set in stone, or rather peat, long before he knew about your birthday.’

‘Darling Granny, that’s all right,’ Elspeth kissed her grandmother. ‘It’s so wonderful of you to come. All the way from Scotland.’

‘I wouldn’t have missed it for the world,’ said Celia. ‘It’s just too exciting for words to think you’re twenty-one. I’m only sorry that – well, that everybody in the family couldn’t be here.’ She smiled brilliantly at Elspeth, but her dark eyes were shadowed. She had been hoping against hope that Kit would come, but he had simply said he couldn’t contemplate it and that was all there was to it. It had been a very heavy blow for her.

‘No sorrier than me,’ said Elspeth. ‘But—’

‘I know, I know. Now, how is Florian?’

‘Marvellous. I went down there last weekend again, with Mummy and Noni, we stayed at Home Farm and I was out with him on both Saturday and Sunday. It’s so nice of Billy to let me stable him down there, and he looks after him so well.’

‘Of course. How is Billy?’ said Celia.

‘Fine. Really fine. As he keeps saying, not bad for fifty and with just the one leg. Dear Billy. He and Joan are making such a success of the farm, and the two boys are really helpful. Apparently Jenna caused an absolute riot down there and—’

‘I had heard,’ said Celia tartly. ‘That child needs some firm discipline.’

‘She’s awfully interesting, though,’ said Elspeth, ‘and very sweet.’