Into the Deep 01 (20 page)

Jake exhaled heavily. “Look, I called because Mel told me something tonight. Something you said and I want to know if it’s true.”

“What would that be?”

“Did you really tell Mel that I loved her because I let her help me and because I didn’t let you help me I obviously didn’t love you?”

My chest tightened at his question. As I switched the phone to my other ear, it shook in my trembling hand. “I said that you wouldn’t let me help you, but you let Melissa help you and to me, that speaks volumes.”

“Bullshit,” Jake responded, taking me aback with his vehemence. “You’ve got to know that’s bullshit, Charley. I pushed you away but it wasn’t because I didn’t love you. I was crazy about you. You know that. It had all just happened, though. I was a fucking mess. No one could get through to me. I met Melissa a long time after it. Enough time to not be in that dark place anymore.”

Feeling sick, I shook my head, even though he couldn’t see. “I don’t want to talk about this, Jake.”

“I know. It just … it would kill me if you thought I fell out of love with you. Or worse … that I was never in love with you.”

“Jake, what are you doing?” I asked, panicking now. “There’s no point to any of this. You’re with Melissa.”

“And I love her.” I closed my eyes at his declaration, fighting tears, desperate not to give into them. “But I didn’t even know her when I applied to study here for the year.”

Fighting the tears meant choking on them. I had to take a minute before I responded. “You knew I’d be here.”

“I
hoped
you’d be here, yes.”

I covered the phone while I tried to catch a painful breath. After I counted to ten, I exhaled and put the phone back to my ear. “And then you met her.”

His breath crackled on the line. “Yeah.”

I was going to break. “Jake, I have to go.”

“Charley—”

“Claudia’s at my door.”

“Oh. Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow?” he sounded unsure.

“Yeah. Bye.” I hung up and threw my phone on my bed just in time to catch the sob in my throat. It choked me as I fought it, my hands clenched into fists as I pushed back the tears. He wasn’t getting any more from me. He’d had plenty in the past.

I wished I could hate him. It would make it all so much easier if he’d just dumped me, if all that shit hadn’t happened to him and his family. I needed him to be the bad guy, all black and white, no shades of gray. It was the only way I could move on.

But unfortunately, that wasn’t reality, and Jake wasn’t the bad guy. Not completely. I turned on my side, curled into a ball. I was still making excuses for him when he had to have known how much it hurt me for him to say he loved someone else.

It was decided then. I needed to stop spending time with him.

The thought of not talking to him, laughing with him, clawed at my gut but I had to do something before I turned into one of those whiny girls I wanted to thrust a spine into.

The smell of Hub’s burgers, fried onions, and coffee was welcome and familiar. As was the same playlist of country music installed in the old-fashioned jukebox in the corner. No one cared that they’d had to listen to the same music for ten years—Hub’s was always so busy, conversation drowned out the crooners. I think the people of Lanton would’ve put up with cat’s nails dragged across blackboards just to get a taste of one of Hub’s burgers.

As for me, I’d put up with the fact that one of the waitresses had slept with my boyfriend. That’s how good Hub’s freaking burgers were.

I sat across from Jake in a small booth near the front entrance, chewing on a fry and watching him munch on his burger. He suddenly made a face and put it down, swallowing his food to complain, “I got pickle.”

“Give me,” I waved my fingers at him. “The taste of it will undoubtedly help me get over my disbelief that you don’t like it.”

Jake took the pickle off the burger and held it out to me. I smiled and leaned across the table and closed my lips around his fingers. His pupils dilated as I pulled back, chewing on the pickle. “Seriously? In public?”

I laughed and shrugged, picking up my own burger. “It’s not my fault you can’t control yourself.”

His expression pretty much said “you’ll pay for that later,” but I continued to eat happily, not too concerned about it. Jake’s payback was always yummy. “We definitely have an audience now,” he mumbled before taking a sip of his Coke.

I didn’t need to ask what he was referring to. Sitting behind us, closer to the bottom end of the diner, were some of our classmates and my so-called friends. Taking up two booths in the back was Alex, Brett, Damien, and a couple of their friends, as well as Lacey and Rose. Since Jake and I had walked into Hub’s, they’d been watching us. I heard their pointed laughter when I took a seat that wasn’t in Stacy’s section, and I felt their burning gaze on my neck the whole time we ordered food.

The fact that Lacey and Rose were with Brett and his idiots should’ve bothered me but honestly, I was done. The girls and I had grown distant since I started dating Jake. Yes, I spent time with him but even when I did spend time with the girls, all they did was bitch about the fact that I also spent time with Jake. Since I couldn’t cut myself in half, I didn’t really know what they wanted me to do about it.

And then Lacey started dating Brett.

Brett and his father hadn’t stopped their campaign of hate against the Caplins, so as soon as Lacey became his girl, he made it clear that I was to be treated as the enemy. She hadn’t spoken to me in three weeks.

I knew Jake was angry and also feeling inexplicably guilty. That pissed me off and as I chewed on my delicious burger, I grew annoyed that my senses were too distracted to enjoy it to the fullest. The muscle ticking in Jake’s jaw told me he was pissed.

“Whatever they’re doing behind my back, ignore them.”

“They’re just staring, trying to intimidate me.”

I frowned. “Not Alex, though, right?”

Jake shook his head. “As always, that douchebag looks uncomfortable.”

“He’s not a douchebag.”

“He’s best friends with a douchebag and as such is a douchebag by association.”

“Jake—”

“Don’t even,” he warned. “You know I don’t like that crowd. They’re bullies, baby.”

I agreed that Brett and some of the others were bullies, but Alex and his senior friends weren’t. Still, I didn’t want to argue about it with an audience.

His voice was hushed as he continued. “Now they’ve got your two best friends turning against you and why? Because of me.”

“Babe, as much as they want it to be, this is not the O.K. Corral. Ignore them.”

“And Lacey and Rose?”

“Ignore them too. From the moment Lacey turned fourteen, she’s been desperate to be popular. When Alex and I broke up, she was plotting to fix me up with every jock who walked by just so she could be a part of this high school fantasy she created in her head. She met you and thought you were it, Mr. Popular, and since you weren’t interested in her, she wanted you to meet me. She talked about it all summer when I called home. Unfortunately, you and I failed in that endeavor, so she’s hooking herself to another star. Do you really think I’m that upset over someone so disloyal?”

“What about Rose? I thought she was a nice girl,” Jake said, his eyes dim with disappointment. “I hate that me being with you has caused this.”

“It’s high school drama, Jake. Rose has always done whatever Lacey tells her to do. Even if she feels bad about it, she still does it. If it hadn’t been you shaking things up, it would’ve been something else. Lucky for me it was you, and just so you know, I’d choose you over them in a heartbeat every single time.”

The right side of his mouth quirked up in a little smile and he nodded, chewing on his fries.

I grinned. “You know, since you got here you’ve looked everywhere but at Stacy. Your aversion to Hub’s and your behavior right now is proof that you slept with her.”

Seeming stunned that I’d had the balls to bring it up, and so abruptly at that, Jake said, “You want to talk about this here? Now?”

“No. I just think you should know that I actually prefer knowing who you’ve slept with so I don’t feel like a total chump when I’m in the room with them.”

“And that’s it? You’re not … jealous?” He eyed me warily.

I shrugged. “I’ll always be jealous of any girl who’s had that part of you, but I’m not worried about it. If you wanted her, you’d be with her. But you’re not. You’re with me. A sound choice, I might add.” I smirked suggestively.

Jake threw his head back in laughter. “God, my girl is cocky.”

“Pot, meet Kettle.”

“Good thing we’re both attracted to cocky, then, huh?”

“Good thing.”

We smiled intimately at one another before turning our attention back to our food. Over the last few weeks, our relationship had grown pretty intense. It was already intense before so that was saying something. People were right when they said sex changes things. For Jake and me, it had brought us closer but had also added this edge of possessiveness that I wasn’t expecting. On both sides. If I saw him laughing with another girl, I’d feel a pang in my chest I didn’t like and I had to remind myself that Jake loved
me
. It became pretty clear, however, that Jake was as susceptible to those emotions as I was. Case in point, his attitude toward Alex. I still talked to Alex at school and two weeks ago when Jake came upon us laughing at my locker, he’d made it clear on the ride home that he hadn’t liked it. We argued. There was shouting and yelling and even some growling. My intention had been to jump out of Hendrix angry and without saying goodbye, but Jake hadn’t liked that, either—proving so by yanking me across the cab and practically into his lap so he could kiss the anger right out of me.

I talked to my mom about our arguments but she said she’d been the same with Dad when they were just starting out. They butted heads quite a bit and their “discussions” could get heated, but it was all in passion, not volatility. They were just trying to figure each other out.

They still butted heads and were still crazy about each other, so I wasn’t going to worry about petty clashes between Jake and me.

It was far better putting my thoughts toward the next time and place we could use to be
alone
. Sneaking around to have sex was not easy when both sets of parents took preventing that very seriously. However, it wasn’t quite impossible. Since our first time six weeks ago, we’d had sex seven times. Yes, I was counting. We managed to find alone time at least once a week, but since the sex just kept getting better and (oh my God) better, it was difficult to focus on anything other than sex with Jake.

Andie had come home from Dublin for Christmas break, taken one look at Jake and me together, and
knew
. I’d gotten the safe-sex talk from her and now she was urging me to go on the pill, something I knew Jake wanted me to do too. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to—it was just that in a small town like Lanton, these things had a way of getting back to parents.

The thought of having to discuss my sex life with my parents?

They may call me Supergirl, but I wasn’t
that
brave.

I’d have to do it sometime soon, though. I knew that.

Fun.

“Did you tell your mom and dad about Edinburgh?” Jake asked, wiping his mouth with his napkin. I knew that satisfied look on his face. He was such a liar when he said he didn’t like Hub’s food.

“Yeah? Did you?” Just before Christmas I’d told Jake that I wanted to spend my third year of college abroad. Andie was having such an amazing time in Dublin and she promised me that it was an experience that would change me and help me grow up a little. I’d always wanted to travel, so a year abroad sounded awesome. My aunt Cecilia had visited Scotland years ago and when she came back, she showed us all her fantastic photographs. The ones of Edinburgh and its awe-inspiring castle resonated with me and I’d never let go of the idea of visiting someday. Why not for a study abroad? The University of Edinburgh had a fantastic reputation as an international school and Cecilia’s money was sitting in the trust fund waiting for me to spend it.

As soon as I’d mentioned it to Jake, he was all for the idea. After a ten-second conversation, it was decided he was coming with me. This was similar to the discussion we had regarding the schools we were applying to back home. We’d decided to apply to Northwestern, Purdue, and the University of Chicago. It depended on who got in where but we were planning to either attend the same college or go to the colleges that were closest to one another. At least with those three, we were talking a few hours at the most.

“Yeah,” Jake answered, “they think it’s a great idea. They like the influence you have over me.” He winked at me, and I so wished his winking wasn’t as hot as it was.

“My parents are resigned to the idea as long as I apply for pre-law.”

“They’re still on about that huh?”

Delia and Jim Redford just couldn’t get to grips with the idea of their daughter becoming a cop. I think they were now just beginning to realize that this wasn’t a phase I was going through. Now they were pushing hard for law school. My mom had even downloaded brochures.