Is It Wrong to Try to Pick Up Girls in a Dungeon?, Vol. 5 (21 page)

The short goddess puffed out her chest, looking around triumphantly.

Aiz’s undergarments hung loosely in her grip as she looked down at the extremely confident deity with confusion. Lilly was about to remove her panties when she, too, turned to look at the young goddess with tired eyes.

“Guess what? These hair bands were a gift from Bell! A present to show his affection!”

“Lady Hestia, would you mind sharing more of that story…!”

Lilly drifted closer as Hestia removed the hair bands and held them out for everyone to see. Even Aiz perked up a bit to get a better view.

All of the girls gathered around, talking excitedly as they took their first steps into the lagoon. Their lookouts stood at the edge of the clearing, ready to protect their friends from anything that came too close.

“…Now should be good.”

Lord Hermes nods to himself as he whispers those words.

“Huh?”

“Bell, would you join me for a moment?”

We were just kind of hanging out around the camp, but Lord Hermes came up to me with a serious look on his face.

He keeps his voice low, as if he’s trying not to be overheard.

“I’ve been waiting for this chance. No, it wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that this chance is the reason I’m here…A chance to be alone with you.”

He’s been waiting for a chance to talk to…me…?

He must have something very important to talk about. At least that’s what I’m getting from how he’s acting. He’s turned off all of his charms, his orange eyes looking straight ahead without blinking.

I’ve never seen Lord Hermes like this. I gulp down the air in my throat. I can see Welf and Ouka off on their own in different areas of the camp. They haven’t noticed us.

Feeling a little uneasy, I slowly nod.

“Join me,” Lord Hermes says as he starts to move. No one moves to stop us as we leave the camp and enter the forest.

“…Um, Lord Hermes? Where are we going?”

I had followed him quietly for a while, but he’s not slowing down. All I can do is direct a question at the back of his head.

We’re pretty deep into the forest now. There’s no one anywhere near here, so it should be safe for us to talk about anything.

“…This already looks good,” says Lord Hermes as he stops in front of a tree.

Its trunk and branches look very strong and sturdy. Lord Hermes suddenly starts climbing it. It looks like he’s done this a few times, to say the least. He uses his long arms and legs to work his way up the trunk.

“Now, Bell, get up here.” I zoned out there for a second but quickly respond to his call and follow him. Two people climbing a tree in the middle of nowhere—I’m sure this is a very bizarre scene.

“E-excuse me, Lord Hermes?”

“Just as I thought. Have a look, Bell. These branches are strong enough to walk on.”

Just when I thought he was going to tell me what we’re doing here, he grins at me with twinkling eyes.

I take a look from this high spot in the tree canopy, and sure enough there is a small network of sturdy tree branches that form a hidden path. I’m completely clueless as to why he pointed that out to
me, but suddenly he laughs with a “Ho-ho!” and steps out onto the first branch.

“L-Lord Hermes, didn’t you…want to talk to me about something?!”

“Talk? I never said anything about talking, my boy.”

“Wha…?” I start to say, but Lord Hermes pushes aside some leaves and steps onto the branch of another tree. We move through the canopy, the light shifting above us, filtering through the leaves as the branches shift under our weight. This is worse than the tree bridge to Rivira; keeping my balance takes every ounce of concentration.

“Why are we up here?!” My frustration gets the better of me as I try to keep up with him—he comes to a sudden stop and looks back at me.

Hermes gives me a very manly grin, then jerks his chin in a certain direction to draw my attention.

Dossshhhh.
I can hear a waterfall.

“We’ve come this far. You should’ve figured it out by now—We’re peeping.”

“?!”

I freeze as my eyes fly open. Lord Hermes takes on an air of providence with his next words.

“All those girls down there are taking a bath, you know? It’s practically our duty to have a look, don’t you think?”

“No, I don’t!”

“No need to shy away, Bell. Seriously, I bet Hestia scrubs your back in the shower every night already.”

“That has never happened!”

What is this god saying?!

“Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!” He’s laughing at me. I don’t think he believes me, either. My face pulses with heat as Lord Hermes turns his back to me and quietly sneaks forward, almost floating down the path of branches. He must know exactly where he’s going because he’s not hesitating at all. I’ve heard of people being desperate, but this is insane!

The sound of rushing water is on the other side of the wall of leaves by the time I catch up to him.

“This is wrong—let’s turn back, Lord Hermes! We shouldn’t be here…!”

“Bell, top-class adventurers will hear us if we make too much noise.”

He cups his hand over my mouth and points down. My eyes follow straight to—a group of heavily armed female adventurers. They must be keeping an eye on the forest.

I back away from his hand and look up at him. His smile is absolutely radiant. I’ve never seen a perverted smile look so appealing.

It could be because of the sound of the waterfall or how wide these leaves are, but it seems that Aiz and the others, including the lookouts, haven’t noticed us yet.

“Lord Hermes, Lord Hermes, this is bad, they’ll tear us to pieces…!”

“This is pitiful, Bell.
Peeping is a man’s due!
Just think of it as you and I are sharing a particularly delicious bottle of wine…Didn’t your grandfather teach you anything?”

The two of us advance slowly down the branch, whispering to each other, when suddenly a shiver goes down my spine.

Peeping is…a man’s due?

I feel like something is waking up inside me. Something from a long time ago, something from when I was a kid. What was it Gramps was trying to teach me back then? My surroundings suddenly don’t matter as my memory kicks into high gear.

Everything comes out at once, like mist from a black jar—especially when I hear Aiz’s innocent voice coming from below—but I use every fiber of my being to seal that black jar shut.

“
Let me out—!
” The words seem to come from behind the seal in my head. If I’d hesitated for a moment, I’m sure I would’ve been overpowered by the wicked urge held within. But my reasoning in the now wins the day. I reach out and put my hand on the shoulder next to me.

“L-let’s go back, Lord Hermes!”

I lean forward as if to stand up and start to pull him away from the waterfall.

“Ah, if you move too much…”

Just then.

Crack.
The branch beneath us screams out in pain. It starts moving up and down.

The large branch that has been supporting our weight breaks at its base next to the tree.

Lord Hermes manages to shift his weight to an adjoining branch, but I’m off balance and on two feet.
Whoop
—

I fall straight into the open air.

“—
Daaaaaahhhh!!
”

With nothing to stop me, I fall face-first into the body of water below.

Splash!
The water explodes around me as I make impact.

“Blugh, glub, glublubb?!”

Luckily I fell into a relatively deep part. I frantically kick my arms and legs to get back to the surface. My face erupts out of the water and I take many deep breaths.

Water’s in my lungs, making me panic. I pick a direction and flail my arms and legs in a desperate attempt to reach land. Finally my feet touch the bottom, then my hands.

Khaa, khaa!
After a fit of rough coughing, I finally catch my breath.

“…Argonaut?”

My body shivers at the sound of the voice coming from just above my head.

I stare at my reflection in the light-blue water for a moment before slowly, very slowly lifting my eyes.

“What, did you want to take a bath, too?”

“Such a calm face…You’re quite good, aren’t you?”

U—waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!

The Amazonian twins are right there. Tiona is leaning in toward me with curious eyes while Tione is behind her, running her fingers through her long hair.

They’re completely naked and not trying to hide anything, their wheat-colored skin completely exposed.

—Have Amazons no shame?!

“Wha-wa-wa-wa…?!”

“Eh? Ehhh…?!”

“Don’t tell me…Lord Hermes?”

To my right, a very pink Mikoto stands completely still as Chigusa swiftly hides her body underwater.

Asfi is next to them. She doesn’t have her glasses on but that doesn’t stop her from looking up into the tree, beams of rage blasting out of her eyes.

Rustle.
The branches around the area I fell from start twitching.

“Bell, it’s children like you…!”

“W-what do you think you’re doing, Mr. Bell?!”

To my left, the goddess has her hair down and her feet on the bottom of the lagoon. Half of her bulging chest is hidden under the waterline as she yells at me with a red face.

Lilly’s the same way, screaming in a high-pitched voice.

“…ah.”

And directly in front of me…

Aiz is standing with her back to the waterfall, hugging her body to hide her chest. Her cheeks are a light shade of red.

Water is dripping from her wet golden hair, tracing its way all the way down to her legs.

I turn a deep red as the image of Aiz’s naked body is burned into my eyes.

The next moment, my head explodes.

“S-SOOOOOORRRYYYYYYY!!”

I launch myself out of the water and race past the lookouts in the blink of an eye, taking off into the forest as fast as I can.

I charge into the forest with reckless abandon.

More distance, faster, forward! A big tree stands in the middle of
my path so I take a hard right. I cut over to the forest floor, running like a scared rabbit.

But then I notice something important.

“I—I’m lost…”

At long last, the flames burning within me cool enough for me to think straight. I take a look around and see that I don’t recognize anything. The trees and crystals in this area don’t look like the ones close to the campsite; the canopy is thinner and brighter, too.

Am I in the southern part of the forest? The east? Maybe the southeast?

I try as hard as I can to remember how the forest looked from the town of Rivira this morning, but I can’t remember any details. I don’t think anyone could remember the layout of an area after only one day.

I have no clue where I am.

“Guaaa…”

“
B-bugbear…?!
”

I quickly jump out of sight after catching a glimpse of a bearlike monster sitting at the base of a tree.

If I remember right…their Strength and Defense are on par with a Minotaur. But what really makes them dangerous is deceptively high Agility that doesn’t match their large body size. First appearing on the nineteenth floor, they corner their prey before tearing it apart. The thought of an agile Minotaur is absolutely terrifying. This particular bugbear must be hungry, or it’s found its favorite thing in the world, because it’s completely distracted by the fruit on the lower branches of the tree. It’s got one honey cloud in its massive paw and another in its mouth.

I clasp my hands over my nose and mouth while trying to get my beating heart under control. Turning my back toward the tree, I slowly shimmy around the trunk and wait for the bear to leave.

T-this is bad, really bad…!

An impending sense of danger, being lost in a forest filled with monsters, takes over me.

Aiz said something earlier today about the adventurers in Rivira
regularly culling the monsters on the eighteenth floor to keep their numbers down. Unfortunately, I don’t think they come this far out in the woods—why would they? That means there are more of them out here than closer to town.

I’m lost and more than likely surrounded by monsters. This is a very, very dangerous situation.

If I don’t get back to the campsite by “night”…!

I press forward, my eyes playing tricks on me, making the forest look like an ominous swamp, my ears on high alert.

Wait…What’s that?

A different kind of sound sends my mind into a whirlwind.

This isn’t the quiet murmuring of a stream, but like water being poured out of a glass…Very unnatural.

I can’t deny that there’s a chance that a monster is making the sound at a nearby pond. In fact, that’s probably it. But I’m hungry and my throat is dry enough to rival a desert. I decide it’s worth the risk and walk toward the sound of the water.

A pile of logs greets my eyes as I turn a corner. They’re blocking the area between two trees on the ground, but I can climb up and over them. Keeping an eye on my footing to avoid the clumps of moss, I work my way to the top and through the opening, toward the source of the noise.
Kaw, kaw!
Two bird monsters fly off in the distance.

The foliage around me becomes thicker, the path darker. But before long, everything around me starts taking on a light-blue hue.

The trees stand like vertical columns, crystals shining beneath my feet as if guiding me forward…

“—”

The forest opens to reveal a small pond.

All words leave me as soon as I lay eyes on the middle of the body of water.

There is a
fairy
.

She doesn’t have a thread of clothing, only milky white skin—her slender back to me as she washes her body. She cups her hands
together and carefully lifts the water above her head before letting it run through her hair.

This looks like a page out of a fairy tale, no joke.

A bathing fairy. A chance encounter deep in the woods with a beautiful water spirit.

This is no different. She’s frozen the flow of time, but for some reason I can make that connection.

Blip, blip.
The water makes soft splashing sounds as the fairy moves. She has a slender but muscular frame and long, pointed ears.

I stand with my hand resting on the tree beside me, dumbstruck as I take in the view. My brain doesn’t have the ability to produce any kind of emotion when faced with this kind of beauty.

But wait, in those fairy tales, right about now…

The person who sees the fairy taking a bath suddenly gets hit with an arrow—

“—Who’s there!”

Light flashes.

A sharp voice and a white blade were thrown at me at the same time—a dagger buries itself in the tree next to my face, above my hand.
Shing!
My ears finally register the sound of the blade piercing tree bark. Gulp. I swallow the air in my throat.

The elf’s sky-blue eyes lock onto me. Lyu’s eyes.

She has her left arm wrapped around her chest, hiding it from view. Her right hand, the one that threw the dagger, is still extended as she glares straight through me…Her eyebrows sink the moment that she realizes it was me who was peeping on her.

“Mr. Cranell?”

“…S-SORRYYYYYYYY?!”

All of my muscles snap to life at the sound of my name. I jump back and away before landing on all fours and executing
Takemikazuchi Familia
’s trademark facedown bow.

I slam my face into the ground, trying to apologize.

What am I doing, WHAT AM I DOING?!
I’ve made the same mistake
again
?!

That’s twice in a row?!
I scream at myself over and over. Lord Hermes must never know.

My ears burn red as I clamp my eyes shut. “Haa…” I hear her breathe out.

My shoulders shudder in fear as I wait for her next words.

“Please turn your back.”

“Y-yes, ma’am!”

I keep my head down, rotating on my knees. The edge of the pond leaves my line of sight; tree roots take their place. At that point I raise my upper body and sit as still as stone.

I can hear the sound of cloth behind me as rivers of sweat run down my face. My cheeks blush. She’s putting on clothes.

“You may turn around.”

Slowly, carefully I shift my knees around. Lyu’s wearing the same battle cloth that I saw her in yesterday.

Hip-hugging short pants and long boots. She’s wearing that cape over her shirt but the hood is down. The beautiful elf and I make eye contact.

“First, I would like to hear your explanation.”

“Y-yes!! Well, you see, it’s like this…!”

Lyu walks right up to me and I stand while stuttering, trying to tell her what happened…but the truth is too embarrassing. What am I supposed to say? That I was discovered watching the other girls bathe and then came here?!

I have to think of something else…No.

Her sky-blue eyes are looking right through me; she’d spot a lie instantly. And that would make her even more furious.

My jaw flexes open and closed a few times before the words start to come out. She listens quietly as I confess to every moral outrage I’ve committed in the past hour.

I thrust my head down below my waist as soon as I’ve told her everything there was to tell.

“I understand your situation, Mr. Cranell. Allow me to guide you back to
Loki Familia
’s campground after this.”

“…Y-you’ll forgive me?”

“There is no need for forgiveness, for you are not at fault. A grudge against you would be misplaced.”

“H-how do you know I’m not lying…?”

“Mr. Cranell…Modesty may be a virtue, but please stop regarding yourself as inferior. It’s a bad habit.”

I apologize to her once again. Lyu sounded a little angry there.

Looking down on my abilities…So she’s angry at me for the way I think about myself?

Lyu walks toward a different tree, leaving me standing there for a moment. She must’ve stashed her wooden sword and other weapons there before getting into the spring.

Lastly, she affixes a small pouch to her belt underneath her cape. “My apologies for the wait,” she says as she comes back.

“…Um, this is a little late, but thank you for coming all this way to rescue me. This floor is pretty far down…”

“No, please don’t concern yourself. I was planning to come to this floor regardless. The distance is not a problem.”

My eyes flicker a little bit wider. I wasn’t expecting a response like that.

Lyu continues talking anyway.

“I have something to take care of before leading you back to the campsite. Can you spare some of your time?”

“Ah…Sure.”

She says a quick thank-you and starts walking.

I catch a glimpse of the side of her face before following her.

“Lyu…were you, um…in the forest this whole time?”

“Yes.”

“Why didn’t you join everyone at the campsite? There’re monsters out here! Wouldn’t it be much safer with—”

“I had an errand to attend to. And I didn’t want others to see my face.”

She said everything evenly and without emotion, just like usual.

Lord Hermes said something before, she who had “reasons”…Is this what he was talking about?

“I assume that god Hermes has informed you about my past already.”

“No, nothing…”

“…Really?”

“Y-yes.”

“It seems I have come to the wrong conclusion…” Though she’s looking the other way, I can sense the pained smile on her face. “We’ve already come this far. There’s no point in hiding anything at this stage. Follow me.”

What is it…? Does she have some kind of connection to this floor?

All I can do is just follow that cape and think about the moment when she said she was once known as an adventurer.

Lyu must know this area extremely well. She’s walking with purpose as she makes sharp turns at specific trees and crystals as if following a set path. We walk for about twenty minutes without encountering any monsters before arriving at her destination.

“This is…”

What greets my eyes after emerging from a narrow tunnel through the trees is a graveyard.

There’s a small open space surrounded by thinner trees and absolutely stunning crystal formations.

A series of wooden crosses, broken tree branches held together with string, are lined up in the clearing and bathed in the crystal light shining through the canopy above.

“…Mama Mia occasionally gives me time to bring them some flowers.”

Lyu goes to each of the grave markers and carefully sets a flower in front of them.

Was gathering these flowers her “errand”?

She reaches under her cape to the small pouch and withdraws a bottle—she pours a little bit of the wine onto each of the graves.

“Lyu, what is this place—?”

“All that remains of the women who fought by my side. My
Familia
.”

She quietly looks back at me as she speaks. I feel like I’ve just been hit by a ton of bricks.

Her sky-blue eyes draw me in.

“Another with knowledge of my past has emerged. It’s only a matter of time before you find out…I would regret not telling you myself.”

She says it’s a bit selfish of her, but asks for my permission.

I nod back at her.

“My name appears on the Guild’s blacklist.”

“?!”

Then she says something unbelievable.

“My position as an adventurer has been revoked. There was a time that a bounty was placed on my head.”

She hid her face and she didn’t stay with us at the campsite…Is that why?

“I once belonged to
Astrea Familia
…She is the goddess of justice and order, and I idolized her from the day we met.”