Island Rush (19 page)

I felt a tear crawl down my cheek.  Not for admitting to him what happened but because nobody ever tried or cared like he did. 

He looked desperate to know more and more.  He wanted to know me and not just about me. I granted him that wish, knowing he deserved it but more because I wanted him to know me.  I wanted him to understand me. I couldn’t bring myself to care about the risk of getting too close to him.

“Oh, Janice… you…” He shook his head, eyes closing for a second.

I didn’t let him finish what he was trying to say. I was making a point. “You know my brother was arrested.  Do you know for what?”

His eyed widened as he realized how it got worse.  “Your brother… No, he didn’t—”

“He did. He killed my mom.”

“Your father wants him out?!” he asked, outraged.

I laughed harshly. “Why not? They did it together. It was my brother who was caught. Dad probably had just as much, if not more, to do with it.”

His breath came fast, washing over my face.  He stayed quiet, though, and I knew he was waiting for me to continue.  I couldn’t disappoint him.  I felt relief wash over me this whole time as I revealed this to him and I wanted more relief now.  No matter the costs.

I got relief, and he got answers. I explained everything to him. Told him about how close my mom and I were.  How there were clear signs of us being a dysfunctional family.  How my brother was sick and perverted and how my dad would drink and get angry.  I explained to him that even with those signs, I didn’t understand why they did it.  They were screwed up, and our family wasn’t perfect but why do that? I still wish I had answers. I told him about how I discovered she was dead and how that is a recurring dream.  How I was tormented every day since then by my dad because he couldn’t have me telling anyone, like the way I was telling Mr. Rush right now.

My mind and body felt so much lighter after I told him all the things I kept hidden.  It appeared he felt the weight of it.  His face was close to mine and unreadable. “You never went to anybody?” he asked with a note in his voice that said he was still processing my words.

“No. I was scared, and I wanted him busted, yes, but I knew my mom wouldn’t want me getting myself killed for that. I planned to get back at him and Alex someday in the future. My dad deserves what he inflicted and if that means death for me, well I will know he got what was coming for him.”

“Jesus Christ,” he whispered.

With admitting this all to him… it opened up thoughts I pushed away. Opened up questions, hopes, and fears.  It allowed me to ponder more over the whole thing.  “I don’t know why they did it.  I asked my dad why despite being scared of what his answer would be.  He never told me,” I sighed.  “It doesn’t matter anyway. They killed her. That is enough for me. I was hoping my brother stayed locked up but by now, dad might have gotten enough money.”  Before he could ask, I clarified as much as I could about my brother in jail.  “Alex must have made some mistake and was caught after dad called the cops, setting it up as if they found her that way. Alex wasn’t ready yet or something; I am not sure. I never got any details on why they did it or how.  He never gave me specifics.”

After I explained all that to him, I carefully observed the man before me.  He searched my eyes in awe and worry.  In amazement at the same time.  It could be heard in his next words.  “I… I can’t see how you are here.”

“What do you mean?”

“Last fall, I noticed a change in you right away. But… you weren’t anything like how I figure one would be after that. I don’t see how you’re here, mentally strong.  If I were you, I would be lost in my own mind. I wouldn’t be able to function.”

“Then you see when I envy you?”

My words made sense to him now. I heard a strangled noise come from his throat when he spoke.  “Yeah, I do,” he said in a daze.

It was hard to wrap my head around the fact that I told him. Though I was sure I sounded desperate for someone just to listen, which I was, I was glad he at least understood me there. Mr. Rush and his mother might not ever get that opportunity to speak to each other again. I just needed him to see and grasp the importance of what he had back home. Plus, for now, it might be easier to live with each other since we know more about each other.  Or it could also make things harder.  The risks in what I told him were still very clear.

Chapter 16

It was expected that things were going be awkward after what just went down. So I wasn’t surprised when he didn’t say much after that. I not only told him about my past and how he was giving up something precious with his mother, but I also told him exactly how I felt about Jill.  In reaction to that, he was wearing a mask, hiding his feelings and opinions on everything I dumped on him.  At least he now knew what my views were on his relationships, which I guess had good and bad sides to it.

It was good because I felt so much better telling him everything.  I’ve wanted to do that, and now, it was pure relief. It was bad because I knew how this looked to him. I never met Jill, and therefore, I guess I had no right to say such things.  He probably thought I was a jealous girl with a schoolgirl crush on him.  

Right now, we were walking.  Not a sound passed between us other than our breaths. We could thank the sun, the amount of time we have been walking, and the shit we were carrying. In the hours we have been walking, I drank two shells of water.  It was not enough, but we had to save some for later.

We noticed that the flint we had been carrying could be discarded. The further we walked parallel to the beach, the more sources of flint we found. It allowed him the space to shove the remaining shells of water into his pocket as he carried the bananas. That’s why now, I was the lucky one carrying just the spear.

Besides dealing with that, there were no other words exchanged. We just continued walking under the shade of passing trees. The sun showed no mercy, especially towards my black shorts which attracted its rays even more.  Not wearing a shirt wasn’t even helping. As more time passed as we moved… it became too much. 

We were walking only for a few hours when we had to stop.  We collapsed to the ground in relief and ended up sitting against the biggest tree we could find blocking the sun.  When our rapid breathing calmed, my eyes met his after avoiding them this whole time. I didn’t need to ask.

Reaching into his pocket, he handed me a shell of water. Mr. Rush took one out for himself too.  After tilting the opening up so the water wouldn’t spill, he picked the piece of clay out.  I did the same and put it to my dry lips, tasting the wonderful warm water.  It wasn’t just water I was swallowing either. Mr. Rush took this water in his mouth and drained it into the shell.  It was gross but at the same time, as pathetic as it sounds, it was thrilling in a sense too.

I must have blushed because when our eyes met, his gaze left mine and turned out towards the beach in a flash. I sighed. We were already fighting to live on an island. We didn’t need any more drama.

“Look, Mr. Rush, I am sorry for calling Jill a bitch, okay?” I said in a hurry.

He looked back to me and when he did, his eyes traveled down my body in a swift motion. I just barely saw it before his eyes returned to mine. I was still self-conscious, walking around him in shorts and only a bra.  So with him specifically looking at me like that… I can only imagine how awful I must look. The heat was making me sweat terribly. It ran down me in droplets, burning my eyes. I forced my full attention to his response.

“Huh? Oh… well, thank you, Janice,” he said, uncomfortable. He also looked guilty. It was enough to make me recognize what his mask was hiding.

I offered a sad smile. “That isn’t even what you’re dwelling over,” I said, nodding to myself.  “It’s your mom. You should know I didn’t mean to invade your personal life like that. I guess what you said just…” I trailed off and shook my head, not sure how to explain it to him. 

“Just hit you in a spot that was too much to ignore,” he finished for me.

I nodded, and my sad smile was replaced with one of admiration towards him. “That is exactly it. I am sorry for the way I decided to tell you.  The way I did it was childish.”

“I am glad you did tell me, though,” he said firmly.

“I figured you would have hated hearing what I said.”

He thought for a minute before speaking.  “It was quite disturbing hearing everything that happened.  I needed to, though. You deserved more credit than I gave you.”  He lowered his eyebrows, framing his gaze as they turned caring. “I am truly sorry for you. I wish you had a life better than this. God, I never thought about what you said before. You’re right saying I am lucky to have a mother and father. Don’t regret anything you told me.”

Hearing his sweet words were comforting and it lightened the tension.  After each of us drank and ate one of the bananas, we were off once more.

Now that we were looking for food as we walked, it made me wonder how much we missed before. Because not an hour in, actively looking paid off again. Way more than either of us expected.

Our necks craned, we were able to take in a beautiful sight.  The trees lining the border of where the grass and sand met offered more than useless shade. We stopped when we saw coconuts staring down at us from a tree.  However, there was much more than that. Looking a few yards down from this tree stood another filled with coconuts too.

I turned to Mr. Rush, who was smiling at our discovery. “I guess we won’t have to space the bananas out,” he said as we started up towards the trees again. I felt like excited as we started to tackle this obstacle.  Having done it before, I let him know I could get them down this time too. However, Mr. Rush insisted though that he try again this time. After reminding him about how I did it, he was off the ground in no time and climbing. 

I was worried about him falling again on his back, but thankfully, that did not happen.  Everything went smoothly.  We were living on what felt close to nothing, and now we have more! We now have bananas and coconuts — enough so we don’t need to space it all out. 

We continued on to the next few trees, dragging our growing load with us.  We managed to gain so many coconuts from the next few trees that it became too much.  More is better, though, that’s for sure. 

A moment later, we found ourselves resting against a tree again.  This time, though, it wasn’t a small break and snack.  This was a feast, and I took advantage of it. With the bananas we split between us, I knew the smart thing would be to do what Mr. Rush was doing: taking time and savoring every bite. Nope, not me.  I couldn’t stop myself.

It wasn’t until we finished off the bananas that Mr. Rush spoke.  “Well, I never saw a woman shove so many bananas in her mouth like that,” he said in a matter-of-fact manner.  I blushed for two reasons: one being it was pretty embarrassing. The main reason was that he referred to me as a woman.  It made my heart pick up, that’s for sure.

“Oh shut up, I know you liked it, pervert,” I said, really testing out that waters as I teased him.  It made me laugh and smile, and I saw him do the same at my words.

I was glad to see the tension melted since this morning. It wasn’t crackling between us, but something did remain. Something that was making him uneasy, and it probably wasn’t the situation that happened earlier. It was bigger and consuming his thoughts today.

He was still quiet when given the opportunity to be. I secretly started watching him more after we decided the bananas actually weren’t enough and opened a few coconuts. His expression displayed immense emotion with his thoughts as we consumed the white flesh.  It just made me wonder what it could be. He was distracted since the moment I woke up this morning. I knew everything I told him could be a part of it, but something was on his mind before I spilled my guts.

What made him so lost and distracted? What made him force his moods to change?  What made him look so confused and desperate? I wanted to know, but it wasn’t right for me to ask.  I had a feeling he couldn’t give me an answer anyway.

When we were as full as could be, we forced ourselves to stand.  We had to keep walking and continue on for the little remainder of the day.  It was hard to do, but we needed to leave a lot of the coconuts behind.  I carried two along with the spear, and he carried three since his hands were now free. 

I glanced up to Mr. Rush as we walked.  The soft orange sunlight shined against his cheeks as the sun began to descend lower.  “We really need to be more aware of our surroundings while we are here.  It gets to me that we probably missed a lot of food.”

Despite what I said, he gave me a very approving stare when his eyes met mine.  Then they turned slightly sad under that admiration for whatever reason.  “We really should, shouldn’t we?”

I smiled and nodded before glancing down to the path before us.  Paying attention was extremely important that was for sure.  We were learning that with each day.

The walk didn’t last much longer after that. We decided to set up a fire while there was still a little daylight left. Mr. Rush walked out towards the beach to retrieve a piece of flint to use. When he returned, we walked up towards the trees, going further back and shielding ourselves from the breeze creeping in.  Gathering some brush and small branches, we set them down before sitting in the long grass and getting to work. 

I wouldn’t admit it, but I was starting to freak out. Last night I had that terrible dream which twisted into an awful lie. It was sickening, and I didn’t want to return to that place.

We sat in silence after we got the fire started from the flint and the same stone we have been using. He looked exhausted, and I used that as leverage to try and goad him into sleep.  He didn’t need to see how pathetic I was going to be later on. “Man, you look really tired.  You want to get some sleep?”

I could see he immediately knew what I was up to. It made me want to scold myself.  He gave me a knowing look and sad smile. “I don’t think I will. I’m fine. Or is there some other reason you think I should go to sleep first?”

“No, no. Just saying,” I said, my head lowering away from him.

We sat in silence beside each other, watching the fire and feeling the tension growing. He knew why I wanted him to fall asleep first. Maybe if I could distract him, make him stay up longer and grow tired himself, he would go to sleep on his own without being able to help it.  Worth a try. It might also be a nice distraction from the coldness moving in.  The chill was just as intense as the heat was earlier. 

I started casually. “You know about me,” I started. “About the darkest corners of my life. All I know about you is a bit about Jill and your mom. So, entertain me,” I said, glad he couldn’t see me blush in the darkness. Though I was doing this so I could avoid him seeing my pathetic nature later, I was curious.

Both of us started shivering with our teeth chattering together as the night was setting in. Our words forced a break between the noises our teeth were making as we began this interesting conversation. 

Mr. Rush stared at me for a long moment.  “What do you want to know?”

I wanted to know everything about him.  I couldn’t exactly say that though and receive a specific answer.  “Your childhood. I want to know about when you were growing up.”

He nodded.  The casual smile on his face grew in the firelight.  “Okay. Well… I lived in a small house on the bad side of town. It was a crappy place, and my parents weren’t the richest people around.  My dad got fired from his job when I was young, which left mom trying her hardest to support us through her part-time job at a grocery store.  I remember how it stressed both of them out to no end.”

You could say I was more than a little enticed.  “Did that have a bad impact on you early on?”

His neck craning as he looked down to me, he raised his eyebrows and answered me with a surprised voice.  “No.  Despite having money problems and being stressed, they stayed positive.  I was their only child so they made sure I was spoiled and happy.  When dad eventually did find work, they did their best, even if they couldn’t be home a lot.  That’s why most days after school, I would go to Brad’s, my best friend’s, house,” He chuckled under his breath as he spoke, gazing into the warm fire.  “We were always getting into trouble together but having the best time.”

I chuckled with him.  “Oh yeah?  What kind of trouble and fun?”

“Well, he always wanted to be a cop, which he eventually became — so we would always play with his dad’s shotguns.”

“Wow now that sounds safe,” I said.

He shook his head and laughed.  “You did not let me finish.  Brad knew where the key was for the gun cases. He was smart enough to know to keep them unloaded. Even at that age, he was a smart kid. When his parents were gone, that was the first place we went, his father’s gun cases. We would run around the house, literally dragging the things since they were so heavy, and played cops and robbers.”  He laughed as I smiled.  He was opening himself up to me, and I loved it.

He told me more stories about his childhood and time spent with his friend.  Another was very interesting.  It reflected his carefree nature that was showing more as each day passed.

“One time, we painted his kitchen pink.”

“Seriously?” I laughed.  “How old were you both when you did this?”

“Around eleven or twelve I think,” he smiled.  “We both knew that his mom thought we were so innocent.  She could be a push over too because Brad was an only child as well, which is why we did it.  It took us all day.  We skipped school to do it because it took us forever.  After we had done the kitchen, we did another room pink too.  It was so much fun, by the end of it, we had covered ourselves with paint too.”