Italian Folktales (50 page)

The king took the mortar and turned it round and round, running his eye over every inch of it. Then he shook his head and spoke:

 

“The mortar is big and beautiful,

But missing is its pestle.”

 

Catherine's words exactly, except that the king didn't call him a dummy, since kings are well-bred persons. The farmer slapped his brow and couldn't help but exclaim, “Word for word! She guessed it!”

“Who guessed what?” asked the king.

“I beg your pardon,” said the farmer. “My daughter told me the king would say just those words, and I refused to believe her.”

“This daughter of yours,” said the king, “must be a very clever girl. Let's see just how clever. Take her this flax and tell her to make me shirts for a whole regiment of soldiers. But tell her to do it quickly, since I need the shirts right now.”

The farmer was stunned. But you don't argue with a king, so he picked up the bundle (which contained only a few measly strands of flax), bowed to the king, and set out for home, leaving the mortar without receiving a word of thanks, much less anything else.

“My daughter,” he said to Catherine, “you are really in for it now.” And he told her what the king had ordered.

“You get upset over nothing,” replied Catherine. “Give me that bundle.” She took the flax and shook it. As you know, there are always scalings in flax, even if it has been carded by an expert. A few scalings dropped on the floor, so tiny you could scarcely see them. Catherine gathered them up and said to her father, “Here. Go right back to the king and tell him for me that I will make him the shirts. But since I have no loom to weave the cloth, tell him to have one made for me out of this handful of scalings, and his order will be carried out to the letter.”

The farmer didn't have the nerve to go back to the king, especially with that message; but Catherine nagged him until he finally agreed.

Learning how cunning Catherine was, the king was now eager to see her with his own eyes. He said, “That daughter of yours is a clever girl! Send her to the palace, so that I'll have the pleasure of chatting with her. But mind that she comes to me neither naked nor clothed, on a stomach neither full nor empty, neither in the daytime nor at night, neither on foot nor on horseback. She is to obey me in every single detail, or both your head and hers will roll.”

The farmer arrived home in the lowest of spirits. But his daughter merrily said, “I know how, Daddy. Just bring me a fishing net.”

In the morning before daybreak, Catherine rose and draped herself with the fishing net (that way she was neither naked nor clothed), ate a lupin (that way her stomach was neither empty nor full), led out the nanny goat and straddled it, with one foot dragging the ground and the other in the air (that way she was neither on foot nor on horseback), and reached the palace just as the sky grew lighter (it was neither day nor night). Taking her for a madwoman in that outlandish get-up, the guards barred the way; but on learning that she was just carrying out the sovereign's order, they escorted her to the royal chambers.

“Majesty, I am here in compliance with your order.”

The king split his sides laughing, and said, “Clever Catherine! You're just the girl I was looking for. I am now going to marry you and make you queen. But in one condition, remember: you must never, never poke your nose into my business.” (The king had realized that Catherine was smarter than he was.)

When the farmer heard about it, he said, “If the king wants you for his wife, you have no choice but to marry him. But watch your step, for if the king quickly decides what he wants, he can decide just as quickly what he no longer wants. Be sure to leave your workclothes hanging up here on a hook. In case you ever have to come home, you'll find them all ready to put back on.”

But Catherine was so happy and excited that she paid little attention to her father's words, and a few days later the wedding was celebrated. There were festivities throughout the kingdom, with a big fair in the capital. The inns were filled to overflow, and many farmers had to sleep in the town squares, which were crowded all the way up to the king's palace.

One farmer, who had brought to town a pregnant cow to sell, found no barn to put the animal in, so an innkeeper told him he could put it under a shed at the inn and tether it to another farmer's cart. Lo and behold, in the night, the cow gave birth to a calf. In the morning the proud owner of the cow was preparing to lead his two animals away when out rushed the owner of the cart, shouting, “That's all right about the cow, she's yours. But hands off the calf, it's mine.”

“What do you mean, it's yours? Didn't my cow have it last night?”

“Why wouldn't it be mine?” answered the other farmer. “The cow was tied to the cart, the cart's mine, so the calf belongs to the owner of the cart.”

A heated quarrel arose, and in no time they were fighting. They grabbed props from under the cart and struck in blind fury at one another. At the noise, a large crowd gathered around them; then the constables ran up, separated the two men, and marched them straight into the king's court of justice.

It was once the custom in the royal city, mind you, for the king's wife also to express her opinion. But now with Catherine as queen, it happened that every time the king delivered a judgment, she opposed it. Weary of that in no time, the king said to her, “I warned you not to meddle in state business. From now on you'll stay out of the court of justice.” And so she did. The farmers therefore appeared before the king alone.

After hearing both sides, the king rendered this decision: “The calf goes with the cart.”

The owner of the cow found the decision too unjust for words, but what could he do? The king's judgment was final. Seeing the farmer so upset, the innkeeper advised him to go to the queen, who might find a way out.

The farmer went to the palace and asked a servant, “Could you tell me, my good man, if I might have a word with the queen?”

“That is impossible,” replied the servant, “since the king has forbidden her to hear people's cases.”

The farmer then went up to the garden wall. Spying the queen, he jumped over the wall and burst into tears as he told how unjust her husband had been to him. The queen said, “My advice is this. The king is going hunting tomorrow in the vicinity of a lake that is always bone-dry at this time of year. Do the following: hang a fish-dipper on your belt, take a net, and go through the motions of fishing. At the sight of someone fishing in that dry lake, the king will laugh and then ask why you're fishing where there's no water. You must answer: ‘Majesty, if a cart can give birth to a calf, maybe I can catch a fish in a dry lake.'”

The next morning, with dipper dangling at his side and net in hand, the farmer went off to the dry lake, sat down on the shore, lowered his net, then raised it as though it were full of fish. The king came up with his retinue and saw him. Laughing, he asked the farmer if he had lost his mind. The farmer answered him exactly as the queen had suggested.

At that reply, the king exclaimed, “My good man, somebody else had a finger in this pie. You've been talking to the queen.”

The farmer did not deny it, and the king pronounced a new judgment awarding him the calf.

Then he sent for Catherine and said, “You've been meddling again, and you know I forbade that. So now you can go back to your father. Take the thing you like most of all in the palace and go home this very evening and be a farm girl once more.”

Humbly, Catherine replied, “I will do as Your Majesty wills. Only, I would ask one favor: let me leave tomorrow. Tonight it would be too embarrassing for you and for me, and your subjects would gossip.”

“Very well,” said the king. “We'll dine together for the last time, and you will go away tomorrow.”

So what did sly Catherine turn around and do but have the cooks prepare roasts and hams and other heavy food that would make a person drowsy and thirsty. She also ordered the best wines brought up from the cellar. At dinner the king ate and ate and ate, while Catherine emptied bottle after bottle into his glass. Soon his vision clouded up; he started stuttering and at last fell asleep in his armchair, like a pig.

Then Catherine said to the servants, “Pick up the armchair with its contents and follow me. And not a word out of you, or else!” She left the palace, passed through the city gate, and didn't stop until she reached her house, late in the night.

“Open up, Daddy, it's me,” she cried.

At the sound of his daughter's voice, the old farmer ran to the window. “Back at this hour of the night? I told you so! I was wise to hold on to your workclothes. They're still here hanging on the hook in your room.”

“Come on, let me in,” said Catherine, “and don't talk so much!”

The farmer opened the door and saw the servants bearing the armchair with the king in it. Catherine had him carried into her room, undressed, and put into her bed. Then she dismissed the servants and lay down beside the king.

Around midnight the king awakened. The mattress seemed harder than usual, and the sheets rougher. He turned over and felt his wife there beside him. He said, “Catherine, didn't I tell you to go home?”

“Yes, Majesty,” she replied, “but it's not day yet. Go back to sleep.”

The king went back to sleep. In the morning he woke up to the braying of the donkey and the bleating of the sheep, and saw the sunshine streaming through the window. He shook himself, for he no longer recognized the royal bedchamber. He turned to his wife. “Catherine, where on earth are we?”

She answered, “Didn't you tell me, Majesty, to return home with the thing I liked best of all? I took
you
, and I'm keeping you.”

The king laughed, and they made up. They went back to the royal palace, where they still live, and from that day on, the king has never appeared in the court of justice without his wife.

 

(
Montale Pistoiese
)

73

There once lived in the city of Turin a well-to-do gentleman with three sons. The oldest was Joseph, a clever youth who dreamed constantly of taking a trip: he was eager to see the city of Constantinople. His father, who wanted him to marry, have children, and become his heir, was reluctant to let him go; but Joseph thought of nothing but journeys. Finally the middle son got married, and the father then looked to him as the one who would take his place in the business and continue his name. He therefore consented to the departure of Joseph, who embarked for Constantinople with a trunk full of personal belongings, sundries, and money.

A storm came up on the high seas, the boat began pitching, and the sailors lost all control of it. Now off course, it crashed on a reef. All the passengers were swept under the waves and drowned. Joseph, having jumped from the sinking ship, straddled his precious trunk and spent a whole night buffeted by the storm until the wind, at last, brought him ashore on an island. The sun rose, and the sea became calm once more. The island appeared deserted, although abounding in fruit trees.

But while Joseph was exploring the surroundings, a band of savages dressed in animal skins popped up. Joseph went over to them and asked for hospitality and also if they would carry his trunk, but he couldn't make them understand him. He then pulled out a gold coin and offered it to them. They looked at it as though they didn't know what to do with it. He showed them his watch, and he might as well have shown them the heel of a shoe. He produced a knife and cut off the branch of a tree. When they saw that, their interest perked up, and many reached for the knife. In sign language, Joseph explained he would give it to none but their leader, so they took up his trunk on their shoulders and led him to the cave where their king lived.

Joseph and the king became good friends in no time. The youth stayed in the royal cave and learned the savages' language. And he taught them many things they didn't know, such as how to bake bricks and build houses from the island's rich supply of clay and limestone. The king named him viceroy and ended up offering him his daughter in marriage. Joseph did not welcome this last honor, either because he was already in love with a beautiful savage, or because the king's daughter was the ugliest girl he had ever seen. But he was alone in the midst of this uncivilized people, on an island from which there was no escape, and woe to him should he displease the king! He had no choice but consent to the marriage. He and his beloved separated in tears, but their bond of love remained as strong as ever. Joseph married the king's daughter, while his beloved, so as to arouse no suspicion, also got married, becoming the wife of an old fisherman. The youth, from a material standpoint, couldn't have been better off. He wasn't king, but he wasn't far from it. Just one thing was lacking: happiness. He felt cooped up on the island like a slave and was sorry now he hadn't listened to his father.

Unexpectedly, the king's daughter became ill and died. All the kingdom went into deep mourning, while the king was inconsolable, weeping and grieving without cease. In an effort to console him, Joseph said, “But, Majesty, you must accept this loss. True, you no longer have your daughter, but I'm still here to keep you company.”

“Alas!” said the king. “I'm weeping not only over losing my daughter but also over losing you.”

“Losing me?” exclaimed Joseph. “What do you mean, Majesty?”

“Don't you know the laws of these parts?” asked the king. “If a husband or a wife dies, the survivor must be buried with the deceased. Our laws and customs require it. You have to comply.”

In vain did Joseph protest and wail. The funeral procession formed. The pallbearers carried the coffin in which his wife was laid out as a queen; Joseph followed, half frozen with fear, then came all the people moaning and weeping. The tomb was a vast underground cavern sealed off by a boulder. Whenever anyone died, the boulder was rolled aside and he was entombed there with all his wealth. It was Joseph's wish to have his trunk of treasures lowered into the cavern with him. The people thus obliged him, also giving him food enough for five days, and a lamp. When the ceremony was over, they rolled the boulder back into place and left Joseph alone with the corpse.