It's a Guy Thing (19 page)

There is a way to communicate directly with your man while relaxing in your feminine energy and empowering his masculine energy. By doing this your intimacy remains sexually
polarized. When he receives this type of communication, he embraces you as his chosen woman instead of getting into competition with you, which is what he would do in relation to your masculine energy.

How do you change your man’s behavior without using your masculine energy to tell him what to do? Tell him your feeling. Try saying, “I’m cold” instead of saying, “Please chop wood for the fire.” Try saying, “I’m tired,” instead of telling him, “Let’s go home now.” Try saying, “I’m getting nervous,” instead of saying, “Don’t make this business deal.” Open a doorway with your feelings. By letting him generate his own course of action, you allow him to carry the masculine energy and he remains sexually polarized to you, masculine to feminine.

If complete communication is more important to you than sexual polarization, use all three modes of communication as described earlier: thinking, feeling and doing. However, if you want to maximize polarity, then tell him how you feel rather than what you want him to do. Your feminine energy will be felt as an invitation, whereas your masculine energy may be faced as a challenge.

If He Isn’t Interested in Talking About My Day, What Should I Do?

Sharing the details of your day is a way to share love in a friendship. But try to notice if your man is really interested in hearing about your day, if such talk draws him nearer to you in love. Notice if such talk enlivens him and makes him happy, or if it depolarizes him.

For instance, men with strong masculine purpose rarely want to exchange chitchat with you about your day. Such chitchat serves only to distance them. Instead, be fully present with him. Invite his presence. Engage love directly, physically, spiritually and emotionally. Allow your verbal mind to rest for a few moments, and drink deeply of love together. Look into each other’s eyes. Hold each other. Praise each other. Use language only as a way to give love.

Talk about the details of your day with your women friends. They will enjoy your sharing and resonate with your concerns and emotions.

The practice of an intimate love relationship is not merely a friendship. It is a partnership that operates at a different wavelength than friendship. In your intimate relationship, notice what kind of talk serves to magnify love.

Sometimes, no talking at all is the best way to communicate love. For a few days, try spending an hour each day being present with your man without either one of you talking at all. Communicate love to each other without saying a word. Touch each other. Gaze at each other. Allow love to be transmitted through sexual embrace, if this feels natural. During this hour, whatever you do, try transmitting love to one another without any words at all.

In our verbally based modern life, we often think talking is the best way to communicate love with our intimate partner. Sometimes it is and sometimes it isn’t. Feel the effects of your words on each other. If your words transmit love, fine. If you feel him or yourself becoming turned off by each other’s words, relax, breathe, and reconnect with the love in your heart. Explore other ways to transmit love. Through experimentation, find what works best for you. And in the meantime, spend plenty of time with close
friends who can truly empathize and enjoy sharing the details of the day with you.

Why Does He Cut Me Short and Interrupt Me, Even When I’m Loving Him?

The masculine and the feminine communicate love very differently, but few of us understand these differences. We don’t have very good models in our society for the strong masculine or the strong feminine. Most people are learning to get beyond the stage in which the feminine craves to be loved and gives up her own authority in order to get love, and the masculine craves money and power and gives up his authentic center in this pursuit.

A masculine character who is connected to his center, to his heart, is like a samurai warrior of love. He is a man who cuts through all bullshit. He doesn’t tolerate any bullshit, but he is not macho, wanting position and admiration. Rather, he slices through bullshit with humor and reveals love.

Masculine love has a cutting-through quality, yet it is also deeply caring. In an evolved man, the forceful quality isn’t used to hurt or downgrade anyone. It is used to open the way for more love. If you or your man are talking about something that does not contribute to love, he may say, “I don’t want to continue this way. I love you.”

The way the feminine communicates love isn’t so much by “getting to the point” as it is by taking time to share feelings. It is like the way many women shop, flowing through the aisles of goods on display, rather than darting in, getting what is needed, and darting out. The masculine darts straight to the
purpose, “Here is the point. What is your answer?” Men often ask of their women, “What’s your point? What are you trying to get at?” He does not realize that the flow of communication, your sharing of feelings,
is
the message of love.

Because men and women communicate differently, your man may find it difficult to follow the way you talk. The feminine talks more like a river than like a freight train, flowing in twists and turns rather than charging in a straight line to some final destination. If your man doesn’t understand this, he may interrupt you or cut you short. He wants you to communicate like he does, which is less about sharing and more about reaching a conclusion.

What Should I Do If My Man Keeps Talking Business and I Want to Play?

If you don’t want to talk business, then don’t. If he starts talking about business, you could say, “I really like the way you smile.” If he says the commodity market has been taking a downturn lately, you could say, “The sound of your voice is really nice.” Your words bring him back to the realm of the senses, the realm of energy, which is where you want to relax into.

He will experience this as a gift. He has men friends that he could talk shop with; you can be the goddess who invites him out of his mental world, into his body, and into relationship with you.

Do this by staying in the energy which you prefer: “I want to go to dinner with this man. I don’t want to talk shop. I want to have fun.” He may be sitting there at the dinner table
barking out stock market quotes, and you could say, “This tastes so good. Did you taste this? Taste a bite of this.” Bring him back into the realm of the senses.

Essentially, welcome him back into the garden of the feminine. He is up in the sky talking about concepts. Welcome him down into the fragrant garden, into the world of life. You can do this very concretely and literally. “Taste this delicious salad.” You could say, “I love the way the skin crinkles around your eyes.” Bring him back into the world of love, the world of the body.

The more you relax into your body and your senses, the more you will polarize and attract him. You might not always want to do this, of course. You could talk about business whenever you want. But be aware that what attracts him as a man to you as a woman is your ability to welcome him into the world of life, rather than the world of verbal debate, mental concepts and future goals.

To get what you want, relax and play. This will also give him what he wants in a woman, which is the feminine force, the goddess. A masculine man will choose to be with you intimately because your feminine energy balances and heals him deeply, and his heart will naturally open to your feminine love.

Your man might talk business because he is on automatic pilot; because he is unaware. He may be treating you like a business colleague instead of like a lover. Your gift of feminine energy will remind him to let go of his mental concerns and relax with you in the bodily play of smiling lovers.

Why Do Our Conversations Feel So Empty?

Most of the talk that men do with men is about doing: working, business, projects. If a woman gets carried into this instead of being relaxed in her own strength, then the relationship becomes one-sidedly masculine. The feminine part of her feels unsatisfied. She is not getting what she wants.

Sometimes it happens the other way. The woman starts talking about her emotions and her needs, which are very different from her man’s. So the man relinquishes his natural domain and enters into her world of foreign moods. Then he feels unsatisfied. He has no real interest in the sharing of these kinds of emotions.

Men are often limited in their spectrum of emotional response; women are often quite wide in it. Don’t expect him to always participate with you. Continue to trust in your feelings. Always relax into exactly what you are in any particular moment.

Your desire for your man to enter into your world of feelings and emotions is like his desire for you to enter into his world of theory and projects. These desires are fine, temporarily. But if the relationship tends to go toward one or the other most of the time it becomes one-sided. One person will begin to feel unsatisfied and unfulfilled in the relationship.

You will feel unfulfilled if you talk mostly about theory and business with him. He will feel unfulfilled if you talk mostly about feelings and emotions. You will be gifting each other if you invite each other into the present, not into his head or your emotions, which are both filled with residue from the past. Find a way for both of you to share love in the present without any emotional or mental reference to the past.