It's All in Your Mind (18 page)

"Supper's ready," Mama said.

When I saw we were having herring for supper, I was a little worried that Joel wouldn't like it. He inhaled not only the herring, but everything in front of him except the dishes and tableware. Mama enjoyed feeding him. "You're a good eater," she said. "Just like Karl."

"When the food is this good," Joel said, "I can't help myself."

Mama beamed.

After supper, Joel changed back into his dungarees, which were still not completely dry. I walked him out to his car. "Thanks so much for helping me today."

"I'll be here tomorrow," Joel said.

"Oh, you don't have to
—"

"Hey, you can't get rid of me that easily." Joel leaned against his car. "As far as I'm concerned, this is permanent employment. Well, until your father gets back to work, anyway."

"I really appreciate it, but—"

"Then it's settled. See you tomorrow!" Joel hopped in his car and started the engine. He leaned his head out the window. "Bright and early. Bye!"

I waved, watched until he disappeared around the corner, then went in the house. As I passed through the living room on the way to my room, Mama said, "That Joel is a nice young man."

I couldn't argue with that. "He's a good worker too."

"That's important," Papa said, looking up from an old alarm clock he was fixing.

"Yes, Papa," I said, though I wished that sometimes he would take it easier and let himself have a little more fun.

I showered and brushed my teeth, then changed into my shortie-pajamas. I decided I would read in bed for a little while, then go to sleep early. As I was looking through my books, the phone rang. Oh, no. It was probably some customer wanting me to do some extra work tomorrow. "Hello?"

"Hey, Vija." It was Nolan.

I almost dropped the phone.

Chapter
Twelve

I couldn't believe I hadn't even been thinking about him. Yikes! That's how tired I was!  "N-nolan ...."

"You sound su
rprised," Nolan said tersely. "Were you expecting a call from someone else?"

"No! Well, yes. Sort of. I
... I mean, I thought you were a customer wanting me to do some extra work."

"It's just me." Now there was a smile in Nolan's voice. "I've been thinking about you all day. Meet me at the park in half an hour?"

The park? I was so tired. I'd have to get dressed. "It's kind of late ...."

"It's not late."

I checked my clock. It was only eight-thirty. I tried to think. I'd have to get dressed. And I couldn't just rush out of the house right after a phone call, or my folks might wonder if I was going to see someone, and I wouldn't want to say I was. "Um..."

"C'mon. Think of my lips brushing against your neck
...."

I felt that warm tingle deep inside. "O-okay. I have to
... do a couple things for my folks. I can be there in about twenty minutes."

"Great. See you there."

I threw off the covers, grabbed the shorts and top I'd worn to supper, and quickly dressed. Then I combed my hair, spritzed some lilac cologne on my neck, and I was ready. I went downstairs, and Mama said, "Who was that on the phone?"

"Just a wrong number," I said. "Somebody wanting to know what time the movie starts. He must have misdialed."
We often got calls for the movie theater, so I figured Mama would not get suspicious.

"Jâ, our number is almost the same as the theater," Mama said.

"I can't believe I'm still hungry," I said quickly. "I'm getting a snack."

"You work very hard," Papa said. "You need plenty of food."

I made lots of noise opening the refrigerator and cabinet doors and rattling dishes as I got myself a small glass of milk and a couple cookies. As soon as I finished the last bite, I washed the glass and plate, running the water loud enough so that Mama and Papa could hear. Then I called to them, "I feel like getting a little fresh air. I'm going for a walk."

"All right," Papa said.

"Don't be out too late," said Mama.

"Okay!" Until I was out of sight of our house I walked as if I were out for a stroll. Then I ran to the park. Though it was not quite dusk, the lights were on. I saw Nolan sitting on his motorcycle. I hurried over to him.

He hopped off the motorcycle and pulled me toward him. He nuzzled my neck, planting small kisses. "Mmm. You smell good."

The warm tingle flowed from the back of my neck to the tips of my toes.

"C'mon. Let's go over there." Nolan nodded toward the secluded picnic table under the large maple tree. He slid his arm around my waist and held me close as we walked.

As soon as we reached the picnic table, we sat down. Nolan kissed the hollow at the base of my neck. He pressed his mouth on mine. His lips were warm and sweet. I felt wrapped in warmth.

Then Nolan slid his tongue between my lips. His hand outlined the circle of my breast. I tried not to care about the right or wrong of what was happening. But a chill crept up my spine. I pushed Nolan away. "I think we should stop ...."

Nolan touched a finger to my lips. "We're not doing anything wrong." He kissed me. His kiss was slow, gentle. But then
he slid his hand across my stomach, down to my thigh.

I didn't know how I could feel warm and cold at the same time, but I did. My heart hammered against my ribs. Part of me wanted to let this happen. But part of me didn't. I pushed Nolan away. "No
...."

Nolan's eyes met mine. He studied my face. "Don't you love me?"

"I ... I .... Of c-course I do."

"Then what we're doing is okay."

"But ...." I swallowed hard. "I-I'm not ready for this."

Nolan brushed his fingers across my lips, as if to wipe away my words. "We've been together for weeks. It's time."

"But—"

"But what?" Nolan's voice had a dull edge to it.

"I didn't think ... I didn't expect ... I'm just not ready."

Nolan sat up straight. "The trouble with you is, you're too sensitive. Don't be afraid of life. You're a woman now."

"Nolan, I'm sorry." I tried to ignore the painful knot in my stomach. "I ... just ...can't ... do ... it ... now. I just can't."

At first there was no response. Nolan's face was flat. But then he put on a smile. "Okay. I can wait. You're worth it. We'll plan for it. Make it special."

There was a sunny feeling deep in my heart. Nolan loved me enough to wait until I was ready. I let out a small sigh. "Oh, Nolan ...."

"I've got a couple gigs coming up, one in
Providence, Rhode Island tomorrow night, maybe one at a place down in The Village."

"Oh, Nolan, in
Greenich Village. How wonderful!"

"Yeah. It means I might not have time to see you much for the next couple of weeks." He traced his fingers along the edge of my cheek. "But it'll be just that much more special when we do see each other."

"Well, 'absence makes the heart grow fonder,'" I said, to convince myself as much him.

"That's what I like to hear." Nolan gave me a quick kiss on my forehead. That small touch almost
hypnotized me. "Now, you'd better get on home. You've got to get up early."

"Yes." I was so pleased that Nolan wasn't angry with me, that he was willing to wait.

We walked over to his motorcycle, where he gave me a lingering kiss before roaring off. Only then, as I started walking home in the purple twilight, did I think about what Nolan really said. He said he wanted to plan for it, make it special. What did that mean? Yes, he said he would wait. But for how long?

I needed to think, so I decided to take a long way home. When I saw the glow of neon lights, I realized I was heading for Shopsave. I saw Caprice coming out the front door, walking away from me toward the bus stop. I started in her direction, but the bus came and she was gone. I decided I needed to talk to her, tomorrow if I could. She had dated lots of guys, and now she was going with Karl. She must know a lot about relationships.

***

The next morning Joel arrived bright and early, just as he said he would. Our work was in
Monroe that day, so on our way there I filled him in on all the customers' quirks and demands.

"I know some of your customers from caddying," Joel said. "Don't worry. I'll be on my best behavior." He raised one hand. "Scout's honor."

"I don't remember you ever being a scout."

"Um, well, now that you mention it
.... Okay, I think the bylaws of second grade still apply," he said solemnly. "Cross my heart and hope to die, stick a needle in my eye. How's that?"
"Gruesome, but sincere." I tried to match Joel's serious tone of voice, but I couldn't quite hold back a giggle.

Working with Joel made the day fly by. We gabbed about school, music, movies, even politics. As we drove from house to house, Joel sang along with the radio. He encouraged me to join in. I hesitated, because I don't have the greatest voice in the world. But he reminded me that he sounded more like Fabian than Frank Sinatra, and his voice hadn't broken any windows yet. So I sang along with him. I really liked it when I sang one part of "Memories Are Made of This" while Joel sang the other. He did a pretty good imitation of Dean Martin's warble.

It was still hot when we finished the last yard, but, as planned, we'd brought our swimsuits and towels. I was looking forward to cooling off at the beach.

As we neared Nicki's, I thought I saw Nolan's motorcycle in the parking lot. What would he be doing there at this time of day? Flirting with
Bethany? Maybe I should pull over and find out. But what would I say if I found him there? He would tell me there was no reason to be suspicious, that it was all in my mind. And, of course, he was right. I had such an imagination! It probably wasn't even his bike. Why, it couldn't be. Nolan had a gig in Providence, Rhode Island tonight. He'd be on his way there, if he wasn't there already. Besides, what would I say to Joel? What excuse would I give him to stop at Nicki's?

Just as I drove by, Joel said, "Hey, Nicki's! We should stop there some time and get a couple grinders to eat at the beach!"

"Maybe ...," I said carefully.

"Great!" Joel said. "Hey, how 'bout going to Hammonasett today instead of the town beach? Okay?"

"Hammonasett?" Tiny rays of guilt hit me. I thought of Hammonasett as Nolan's and my beach. I shouldn't go there with another guy. But then, Joel wasn't really another guy. I mean, he was just a friend, a friend from all the way back to kindergarten. "Okay."

When we got to Hammonasett I didn't drive down to the section of the beach where Nolan and I always met. I parked near the
pavilion. It was more convenient anyway, because there were bathrooms there where we could change into our swimsuits. As we walked along the boardwalk Joel did a sniff test as we passed each food booth. "Mmm, hot dogs," he said. Or, "Ah, hamburgers. Fried clams, onion rings!" He patted his stomach. "Some time after work we'll have to stop here for a picnic supper on the beach."

"Um, yeah
...," I said, leaving it vague.

After we changed into our swimsuits Joel suggested stashing our stuff under the boardwalk. We dumped our things, then threaded our way through beach blankets and oiled bodies down to the water. "What do you want to do?" Joel asked. "Wade, float, or swim?"

For a second, I couldn't think. Nolan didn't offer choices, he just announced what we were going to do. "Um ... we've worked hard all day. Let's float."

We had to pick our way over a stretch of small rocks to deeper water. We were ouching and yike-ing and laughing our way across them, when I stepped on one covered with seaweed and lost my balance. Joel caught me before I fell, cupping his hand around my elbow to help me keep my balance until our feet hit smooth sand again.

"Thanks," I said.

"My pleasure." Joel gave me an elaborate bow, holding that pose as he tumbled into the water. He flipped onto his back, spreading his arms and legs out so that he looked like a stick figure. "Come on in, the water's fine."

"I am in the water."

Joel pointed one finger at his temple, and made chunka-chunka noises like an add
ing machine. "Float. On. Your. Back. The. Water's. Fine."

I slid into the water and floated next to Joel. "I didn't know robots could float."

"This. One. Can." He reached over and laced his fingers through mine. "This way we won't get separated," he said in his normal voice. "I wouldn't want you drifting all the way to Long Island."

"Since all either of u
s can see is the sky, we could both float away."

"Well
... at least this way we won't get separated. Imagine, one of us, alone, washing up on the shores of Long Island."

"...
being rescued by a family from the Hamptons, where one of us would live a lonely but luxurious life."