Jacinda's Challenge (Imperial 3) (22 page)

"Will is my oldest friend. I've known him all my life. We've been through life and death together."

"I know all
that
. What I don't understand is why you felt you needed to talk to him about
me
."

"Because I screwed up. With you. More than once." He shook his head disgusted with himself. "And I don't understand why!" Now it was Jotham who tried to rise and Jacinda who stopped him.

"Talk to me, Jotham."

Jotham looked down at the hand on his arm. It was so soft, he'd felt how soft and so delicate looking. But it was also strong.

But it wasn't her actual strength that was holding him. It was the strength of her feelings... for him... that held him.

"I don't know what to say. You..." He closed his eyes and covered her hand with his.

"I?"

"I look at you, talk to you and the rest of the world goes away. All its demands. All its pressures. Maybe for only a minute but for that minute I can breathe, I can relax, for the first time in cycles." He reached up to cup one of her cheeks. "Then I say or do something stupid and you’re gone. It all comes crashing back down on me, worse than before."

"Jotham..." Jacinda felt her eyes start to fill.

"Will saw it. Saw me struggling. He's probably the only one who would. So he cornered me, demanding to know what was wrong. I found it all pouring out of me. I didn't do it to hurt you."

Jacinda looked up at him silently for several moments, then nuzzled her cheek against his hand. "Alright."

Jotham's eyes widened slightly. "That's it? Alright?"

"Do you want it not to be?"

"No! But still..." he took a deep breath. "You are too understanding, Jacinda."

"Oh I don't know about that, just ask my children, but I understand your needing someone to talk to in confidence."

"Thank you."

"Oh don't thank me yet, you still haven't told me what he said."

"What he said?"

"Yes. The High Admiral hardly knows me. It's been cycles since I last spoke to him and that was when he was still an Admiral and Stephan was alive. At a Royal dinner, if I remember correctly. In honor of some new mining treaty. We were seated next to one another."

"Well, he remembers you, from the Academy actually."

"Really?"

"Yes. It seems you made quite an impression on him."

"How could I have possibly done that?"

"Well," reaching out he picked up their glasses, handed her one, then settled back on the couch. Once she did the same, he laced his fingers back through hers and continued. "It seems that my best friend had a crush on you back in the Academy."

"What!" Jacinda nearly choked on the amazing wine she'd just taken a sip of.

"Yes, and he couldn't understand why you weren't just as enamored with him as he was with you." Jotham knew he was embellishing the story slightly, but liked how Jacinda blushed the way he told it.

"I... I never knew."

"You don't remember your 'date' with him?"

"Date? I never 'dated' Will Zafar!"

"He claims it changed his life. That it made him the man he is today."

Jacinda opened her mouth, then snapped it shut taking in the teasing glimmer in his violet eyes. Praise the ancestors, he was irresistible. "Jotham Tibullus, you are lying to me."

"I am not. Maybe stretching the truth slightly, but I couldn't resist." He gave her his most disarming smile, one he hadn't used in cycles. "You are just so cute when you are all riled up."

"Cute? Are you seriously calling me
cute
? I haven't been called that since I was a child."

"That's because everyone else only sees how seriously beautiful you are. They overlook the 'cuteness.’"

Jacinda found she didn't know how to respond to that. To Jotham actual seeing her as more than just a pretty face. So few did.

"Tell me more about this 'life-changing' date I supposedly had with William Zafar."

"Well... it wasn't really a
date
. He was trying to get you to go on one with him."

Jacinda frowned as she searched her memory but couldn’t remember anything. Yes, she'd had classes with Will, as he went by back then. She remembered how he always seemed to breeze through the classes, barely applying himself while she would study every night and admitted she struggled with the physical training required. She had never been a weak woman but then again she never wanted to be one that was ever mistaken for a man either. Jacinda liked being a woman. The only time she remembered ever talking to Will one-on-one was...

"Are you talking about the cafeteria?"

"That would be it."

"How in the name of the ancestors could those, what had they been fifteen minutes, have changed his life?" She turned a sharp eye on him. "You made that up just to get a reaction out of me."

"Well, while I'll admit I like teasing you, and that I have embellished the story slightly, Will's exact words were, 'that it was the first truly serious conversation he ever had with a woman and that after it he thought about his future differently.’"

Jacinda's eyes searched his. "You're serious."

"Absolutely."

"What could I have possibly said...."

"You told him you had no desire to be the wife of the High Admiral."

"I did?" Jacinda frowned. "I don't remember that. I remember that I always thought he never fully applied himself. He had so much potential but seemed more interested in girls. But then again he was a seventeen-cycle boy."

"Yes, but you made him think, made him see himself differently. And I for one have to thank you. Can you imagine what our world would have been like if Will had been a different man?"

"No. He is the hero of the Battle of Fayal. He brought the lost Princess home and discovered that Prince Audric was a traitor. Thanks to that, I still have my daughter."

"What are you talking about?" Jotham stiffened.

"Ten cycles ago, when the Regulians were making those speed attacks against the Fleet. Do you remember them?"

"Yes," Jotham said through tense lips.

" My daughter, my youngest, Stephanie, was assigned to the Talon."

"I..." Jotham didn't know what to say.

"The Retribution was returning to Carina with Cassandra. No one but Will knew she was the lost Princess, the true Queen. He let everyone believe he had been taken in by a much younger woman."

"Yes," Jotham remembered, he'd thought so too.

"But he still made sure she was protected. He pulled extra security from other ships to guarantee it. He pulled Stephanie from the Talon. If he hadn't..."

"She would have died with the rest of the Talon's crew when the ship experienced rapid decompression."

"Yes. It took days before she was able to contact me and tell me she was alive."

"I'm sorry, Jacinda."

"It wasn't your fault." Reaching up she touched his cheek. "It's something that's always in the back of every parent’s mind when their child is serving in the Fleet. The thought that they might not come home. I'm just thankful she's on planet right now. Not that I'm going to get to see her much."

"Why not? If she's on leave, isn't she here?"

"She’s not on leave. Well, she was." She raised an eyebrow at him. "Didn't Nicholas tell you we bumped into him several weeks ago?"

"No. He never said a word."

"Oh well, we did. Anyway, Stephie was only here for a week. Now she's in Kisurri training with Captain Chamberlain."

"She was accepted into Peter's first class?" Jotham couldn't hide his shock. "The elimination process was
brutal
."

"So she told me. It's why she was so thrilled to be accepted." Jacinda looked down at her wrist unit amazed at how much time had passed. "I should go."

"No, please stay, you haven't even had dessert yet."

"Jotham, I'm fine and it's late. I'm sure you have a full day scheduled tomorrow. You need to rest."

"Not yet." Rising he extended his hand. "There's something I've been wanting to do since the Ball. Will you indulge me?"

Jacinda looked up at him and suddenly realized Jotham rarely 'indulged' himself, let alone asked for someone else to. She found she couldn't deny him and was intrigued by what he was about to ask of her and reached out to take his hand. "Alright."

Jotham pulled her to her feet then led her to the center of the room before he released her hand to move to the wall comm. After pressing several buttons, he turned to face her. Slowly he walked back to her and watched her eyes widen as the music started.

"Ever since the Ball, I've wanted to dance with you again. I've wanted to hold you the way I really wanted to."

She was surprised when Jotham pulled her flush against his body instead of holding her at the appropriate distance. "Jotham?"

"Do you mind?" He looked down at her, enjoying the curve of her neck when she tipped her head back to look up at him. She enjoyed how her steps instinctively matched his, how his hand nearly spanned her lower back when he brought her even closer. It was amazing how her breasts felt pressed against his chest.

"No," she moved her hand from its traditional place on his shoulder further up so her fingers could brush the skin along his neck. "I don't mind at all."

They danced silently for several moments, Jotham curling the hand clasped in his to his chest.

"This is how we should always dance," he whispered against her temple. He felt her smile against his chest and wondered what she was thinking. He should have realized she would tell him.

"Can you imagine the look on Adelaide Pajari's face if we did?"

Jotham smiled at the thought. "It can't get anymore... pinched than it already is."

"Oh yes, it can. You've only ever seen her 'the King is near' face."

"She has another one?" he asked rubbing his cheek against the hair she'd left down, enjoying its silky feel and hint of roses.

"Oh yes. It looks like she's biting down on a sour citron."

"Seriously?" He leaned back slightly to stare down at her. "I would like to see that."

"Oh, no you wouldn't." She tipped her head back to smile up at him. "It's not a pretty sight."

"You are though. Here in my arms." Jotham's feet stilled and his hands shifted so they framed her face as his eyes stared intensely down into hers. "I'm going to kiss you, Jacinda. If you don't want me to, say so now."

Jacinda felt her heart begin to pound with an anticipation she hadn't felt in cycles. It was as if she were a girl again and about to experience her first kiss.

Jotham’s lips barely brushed over hers, testing her willingness. When the hand on the back of his neck tightened, encouraging him, he brushed them again increasing the pressure.

"Jotham, stop teasing me," she demanded against his lips, her nails sinking into his scalp.

So Jotham pressed his lips firmly against hers and Jacinda felt her world tilt.

Jotham kissed her like a starving man, capturing her lips in a kiss so deep and hard she felt it all the way down to the toes she was standing on to try to get closer to him.

When was the last time she'd been kissed like this? With such passion? With such obvious need? It wrapped around her and tilted her world off its axis. Groaning, she wrapped her arms around his neck and held on.

Jotham couldn't believe how amazing Jacinda felt as he ran a hand down her back, pressing her closer against him. How perfectly her body molded against his. Her lips were so soft. She was so responsive. When had any first kiss ever felt so... natural?

It hadn't with Lata. Their first kiss had been a fumbling of noses and lips and she'd been so young, so innocent. He could still remember the first time they'd truly been together. It had been the night of their Union and it had been both their first times. He knew no one would believe Lata had been his first, not even Will, but she had been. He had always known there could be serious repercussions if he ever acted foolishly. Then, at sixteen he'd met Lata.

Jacinda pulled her mouth from Jotham's to look at him. The passion she felt coming from him suddenly seemed.... subdued and she didn't know why. "Jotham?"

Jotham saw the question in her eyes and wanted to kick himself. How had he allowed himself to be distracted by the past? He rested his forehead on hers. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" She saw the conflict in his eyes. "Talk to me, Jotham. Tell me the truth. That's the only way this even has a chance of working."

Leaning back he told her bluntly. "I was thinking of Lata." He watched her pale.

Jacinda jerked her arms from around his neck. She couldn't believe how that hurt or how much guilt she felt because she hadn't given Stephan one thought during that kiss.

"I see." When she moved to leave his embrace he refused to let her.

"I'm sorry."

"There's no reason to be sorry for being honest, Jotham." Reaching up she touched his cheek.

"There is if it hurts you."

"No." Slowly she took a step back and this time he let her. "Pretending would hurt more. You loved Lata. I know that. I loved Stephan. It's not something either of us can or should deny." Turning, she reached down and picked up their glasses, handing him his.

"No." Jotham took his glass from her and watched her sit down on the couch. "Where does that leave
us
?"

"I honestly don't know." Jacinda took a bracing sip before looking up at him still standing there, looking so confused. "Maybe nowhere."

"I refuse to accept that. I think about you all the time, Jacinda. I walked in the garden the other night and wished you were with me."

"Me or Lata?"

"
You!
" Jotham set his glass down and ran a frustrated hand through his hair. "I know I'm no good at this. I have so little experience."

"No good at what?"

"Relationships. With a woman. Lata was the only one I ever really had one with and that was so long ago..."

Jacinda slumped back into the couch trying to figure out what Jotham was telling her. "Are you saying that..." she snapped her jaw shut, she knew she had to be wrong.

"Ask Jacinda, no pretending."

"Alright, are you saying that Lata was your
first
?" She hoped she wouldn't have to get more explicit than that.