Jacked (74 page)

I’m so sorry.

Why couldn’t it have been me instead? Why, God? Why?

Everyone leave.

Just get out.

Oh, God.

Please just let me die.

“How’s it going in here?” a woman asked.

My mom tugged the sheet covering me and started wiping my face. I tried to push her hand away but I had no coordination or strength.

I wanted the
nothing
to come back for me.

I didn’t deserve to be the survivor.

“Hey, Officer Hottie. How you feeling?”

A familiar face framed with wild hair bounced into view. She was smiling at me. “Wow. Anesthesia sucks, doesn’t it? Your doctor just ordered some pain meds for you. That will take the edge off.” She turned to my mom. “Hi. I’m Sherry. Erin’s friend. We work in the ER together.”

My parents greeted her while I seethed. Rage overtook my emotions, making me wish I’d regain some muscle control so I could shake some sense into this woman. Erin was dead and she was all fucking chipper. I wanted to punch her.

Sherry glanced at her wristwatch. “As soon as they release you from Recovery, we’ll wheel you up to your room. I told Erin I’d come down here and check to see how you’re doing.”

Wait. What?

“I don’t know which one of you is in worse shape.” Sherry tisked. “This is what happens when you play with guns.”

My mind was playing tricks. “What?”

“Guns,” she repeated.

“I heard you.”

“Okay, good. Then your hearing isn’t as messed up as hers is. Apparently that grenade thing your guys tossed into the house landed right next to her.”

Hope surged into my chest, radiating urgency throughout my muscles. “She’s alive?”

Sherry seemed stumped. “Last time I checked she was. She’s already out of surgery.”

I needed to get up.
Fuck, why can’t I move? Oh shit
. “I need to see her.”

“Whoa.” Sherry braced my shoulder and nudged me back. “Hang on. Just relax for a bit. You’ll get to see her soon.”

Screw that. “I need to see her now!”

Another nurse came into view, this one older, gray-haired, and chunky. “What’s going on here?”

“He’s a bit excited, that’s all,” Sherry informed.

Excited?

The other nurse seemed just as pissed off as I was. “You shouldn’t be upsetting him.”

Exactly.

“He’s doing that all on his own,” Sherry countered.

Fuck this
. “I want to see her. Take me to see her. NOW.” Someone had to realize how important this was before I crawled out of this damn bed
on my own
.

Several dirty looks made me add, “Please.”

Big old lady boobs drifted awfully close to my face, adjusting my pillow. Then she fussed with the clip on the end of my finger. “You need to relax.”

Could I get away with murder?

I’m a cop. I probably could. Your name has way too many a’s and c’s in it. R a b a c c a a a c. Fuck, that tag thing is blurry. Hold still.

“Who does he want to see?” Nurse Ratchet asked.

My mom crowded her; now both of them were fussing over me.

My entire body felt fuzzy, disconnected. I needed… “Erin.”

Sherry crossed her arms over her chest. “This is Doctor Erin Novak’s boyfriend. He’s anxious to see her.”

Nurse Ratchet lit up. “Oh, so this is the one.” She played with my IV and then stuck a needle filled with clear fluid into my line. “I thought so but I wasn’t sure. We’ll get you moved to your room in a little bit. That’s to manage your pain. Do you want some water?”

I wanted a beer, a shotgun, and for everyone to get the fuck out of my way. Or… maybe just a quiet nap.
Yes, a nap would be good. No. Great.

On a floaty cloud.

Fulloaty. What a weird word.

I woke to being jostled. Lights and ceiling tiles passed over me while murmurs and other random noises invaded my brain. I didn’t like this ride. My bones felt like they were weighted down by sandbags.

“I wanna… see Erin. Mom?”

She smiled at me. I’d seen that face a million times—it was the same expression that was always followed by “no.”

Smile. “No, you can’t have two peanut butter sandwiches before dinner.”

Smile. “No, you can’t spend your birthday money on a used motorcycle.”

They were going to stuff me in a room. I grabbed the door frame and held on. “Where’s Erin? I wanna see her—
now
. Doesn’t anyone hear me?”

“Adam…?”

It was weak and groggy and sounded from behind my head, but the angelic voice was unmistakable. My heart skipped a beat and choked up into my throat. I let go of the metal frame.

I tried to turn my head to see her. “Erin?”

The nurses wheeling my bed around couldn’t move fast enough. Desperation clawed at me. I needed to see her. There were bodies between us, blocking my view, driving my need into frenzy.

Someone needed to move that fucking curtain out of the way, too.

They stopped moving me forward, maneuvering me in the opposite direction. “I want to see her. Erin! Let me see her.” Fire shot down my leg when I twisted, making anger and agony my unwanted companions.

I grabbed Sherry’s wrist. My vision was slightly blurred but I could still make out her familiar face. “Please.”

Sherry nodded at me. “Okay.” She pulled out of my grip and shoved the top of my gurney. “Let’s wheel him over.” One of the nurses bitched but Sherry was my voice of reason. My dad moved a chair out of the way.

A nurse pulled at the curtain, revealing another bed. Erin’s father gave me a lukewarm nod. Her mom, Christine, was standing near the dark window.

None of it mattered.

My tears broke again seeing Erin’s sleepy face curl into a smile.

“Doc.” I reached for her.

Erin’s left arm was bandaged up into a sling. A purple bruise shadowed her jaw.

“Hey, Cop,” she whispered.

My heart wanted to leap out of my chest. “Oh God, Erin. I love you, baby. Move me closer. Please. I want to touch her.” I stretched, catching her fingertips. The pain in my body would have to wait. “I’m so sorry, Erin. So sorry. Are you okay?”

She nodded. Tears of her own cascaded down her tender cheeks. “Yeah. I’m okay.”

“Oh, thank God.” My hands were trembling, but we managed to touch. Her fingers were warm. “I thought I’d lost you. I’m so sorry.”

She let go and wiped her eyes. “I was so scared.”

Guilt the size of a mountain smashed into me. “I know, sweetheart. I’m so sorry.”

“Okay, let’s get you into bed,” some nurse said, rudely reminding me that there were others around.

I grasped onto Erin’s bedrail. “No. Leave me here.”

My cot was jostled, breaking my connection with the only thing I cared about. A new ache formed in my chest when they moved me away from Erin. Just when I thought they were going to wheel me out of the room, the nurse parked me next to the empty bed in Erin’s room.

Confusion struck me for a moment. “I’m staying here?”

“Yep,” some nurse said, smiling.

Okay. Good. Staying here. Fuck, my ass is cold.

My parents introduced themselves to Erin’s, and everyone seemed to be happy and in a good mood while the staff settled me in. I couldn’t help but keep a watchful eye on Erin’s reactions. It helped me to be strong and to fight through the sheer agony of being jostled and propped up.

Oh, thank God. More blankets
.

Erin was bundled up, too.
Good.

I almost lost her.

I’d never lose her again.

I just pray she’ll forgive me.

“I love her.” My IV line snagged when I pointed. It was tangled up underneath me.

My mom gaped at me, apparently in shock, and then her face lit up. Erin and her mother appeared equally as stunned. Even some skinny nurse who obviously needed to eat more was smiling at me. Why they found this a surprise, I’ll never know.

Everyone seemed to be happy and getting along, talking and laughing as if they’d been friends for years. Well, that was before I stunned them into silence.

Their continued stares were becoming unnerving.

“I’m gonna marry her, you know. So start planning.”

Several mouths hung open, including Erin’s.

What?

I tried to shift but my balls pinched; the skin was stuck to my leg. That’s when I realized I was completely naked, covered only by a thin hospital gown thing with the snaps. A string hung down over my shoulder. This shit wasn’t even tied on. And where was my gun
? Someone better have secured my weapon. It was loaded and chambered.

I don’t know why I looked under the blankets. “Where’s my gun?”

Erin was still staring at me; her sleepy eyes beautifully crinkled.

I couldn’t decipher her scrutiny. “What?”

Her beautiful face scrunched up even more. “Did you just propose to me?”

Wait, what? Did I?

Erin held up her hand. “Forget it. You’re high.” She turned away. Addressing her mom, my mom, and Sherry, she said, “He’s confused and babbling.”

I wasn’t confused; I’d just feel better knowing where my damn Glock was. “No I’m not. Who has my weapon?” I was hoping my dad would know. I didn’t see my stuff anywhere. “It was loaded, Dad. Please find it.”

My dad nodded at me and walked out into the hall. At least someone was on it.

I rolled my head on my pillow, catching Erin’s watchful gaze on me.
God, I love her, and now she’s hurt. Again.

“I’m sorry this happened. Please don’t hate me.”

Her head shook slightly. “It’s not your fault.”

“Yes, it is.”

“No.” She firmly disagreed. “That girl was very unstable.”

“I should have seen it.”

Erin scratched her chin. “Sweetie, no. Don’t think like that.”

I studied her face, which was coated with determination
and
forgiveness. Could I have prevented this? Were there signs that I’d missed? Kara had shown signs of being obsessive/compulsive, but I never, ever imagined her being capable of—

“Adam.”

I focused back on her piercing eyes.
She called me sweetie. That’s got to be good, right?

“Do not blame yourself,” Erin ordered. “Don’t.”

I wanted to argue but she shook a finger at me.

And that was it.

That moment right then and there was
it
.

…each time she let me sleep peacefully all curled up around her.

…each time she made sure I was taken care of: fed, warm, loved.

…when she took each stitch out of my hand, making sure I was healed and pain-free.

And now she was making sure my heart was free of guilt, too.

There was only one thought left.

“Marr—”

“Is this it? Nurse said Room Twelve-A.” Marcus’s profile appeared in the doorway. “Yep.” He smiled at me when we made eye contact. “He’s in here. Yo, Cap,” he motioned, pointing, “he’s in here.”

It was good to see the big bastard.

Marcus dipped his head and eyed everyone cautiously, taking in the roomful of people already crowded around us as though he was walking into an unknown shit-storm.

“Looks like you two are popular,” the skinny nurse with the weird black glasses said, smiling. She was messing with the machine that controlled my IV, hitting buttons and making shit beep.

Our captain skidded to a halt outside the door and then followed Marcus inside—both of them still in their ATTF uniforms.

“All right. You’re all set,” the nurse said to me. She flipped the bed control thing around the metal rail, locked me in, and shimmied past a blockade of cops. My leg was throbbing, my body felt like hammered shit, but I was glad to see so many people surrounding Erin and me with their love.

Officer Brian Sidel wrapped his knuckles on the door, checking to see if it was okay to enter. He had a bouquet wrapped up in cellophane in his hand. He gave me a quick nod and headed over to Erin, presenting her with the flowers.

Good.

It may take a while for Brian and me to patch the rift between us, but I was glad to see he was making an effort.

“How you feeling?” Marcus asked. He gave me a once-over, pausing on my bandaged leg.

My toes had a pulse of their own. “Like a million bucks.”

“Yeah? You look like shit, bro,” he tossed back, grinning.

“Thanks, man.”

Cap gave me a pat on the shoulder. “Glad to see you’re in one piece.”

Yeah, me too
.

My eyes flicked over to Erin, watching her being sweet and social while probably suffering in private—just like I was.

She was alive and smiling. That’s all that mattered.

“Local PD needs to see you then,” Cap said. “You’ll have to give them a statement of what went down.”

“Yeah.” I scratched my head, finding the motion tricky with the IV line taped to my hand.

“So you dated this girl?” Cap asked.

I knew he was waiting for an explanation and was pissed that I got shot. “Barely.”

Marcus muffled his mouth with his hand, keeping his words private between us. “If you call getting a blowjob datin’, that is.”

Cap’s brow rose. “Yeah?”

There was no denying that. It was what it was.

I tried to sit up more, manning up to my mistakes. “Won’t be making
that
mistake again.”

Cap’s eyes flashed across the room, nodding in Erin’s direction. “Yeah. Hopefully she’ll make an honest man out of ya.”

The meaningful look Cap, Marcus, and I shared put us in agreement on that one.

“Your suspect is in custody, so I’d say that shit is over and done with,” Marcus added. “Same with our television careers.”

Cap nodded. “Miss Warner ain’t too happy with that but there’s nothing she can do about it now. Top of the food chain is involved now. She was in my office earlier. I told her that the safety of our officers comes first and I will not allow our team to be put in jeopardy.”

It didn’t take much effort to imagine Cap chewing out Melissa Warner. Shame I didn’t get to witness that. “Yeah? How’d she take that bit of news?”

“Not very well,” Cap said, “but I think she understood, not that I give a fuck either way.”