Jaded Hearts (12 page)

He held me in his lap and wiped the tears
from my face.

"You're trying to make me feel better n I
doen wanna feerl betterr." I didn't care that I wasn't making any
sense or slurring my words and didn't care that I could hear the
amusement in his voice when he responded.

"Well, why do you wanna feel bad? Do you
wanna tell me what happened?"

Screw you Mr. I'm not drunk but going to
make fun of my drunken friend.

"No. Notn rearly."

Oh damn I really sounded bad.

"OK, then I'll just sit here with you then.
Do you mind if I have some of your cognac?"  His question
almost made me laugh, but I was too sleepy to respond.

*

Hmmm. Bacon.

I was so hungry but all I wanted was bacon,
and I wanted it so bad that I could smell it. Why did I taste
Hennessy? I opened my eyes determined to scrub and gargle my mouth
of the horrid aftertaste. I was lying on my couch with my Snoopy
blanket covering me and John was in my kitchen.

I did smell bacon.

I sat up slowly fearing any sudden movement
might spark a hangover headache, but surprisingly I was fine. John
noticed I was awake when I was halfway to the kitchen.

"Hey there," he said in a hoarse
whisper.

I smirked still not quite able to laugh
yet.

"Why are you whispering?" I played
along.

He put his finger up to his lips to silence
me and pointed to his head. Who was this guy? "Um, I'm fine John
you don't have to whisper."

He winced at my raised voice.

"OK, but what about me?"

I was confused. He lifted the empty bottle
and I actually laughed.

He pushed a plate across the look
through.

"Sandwich?" Again, in a whisper.

We ate our BLTs in relative silence until I
began asking questions and he filled me in on what happened
earlier. I figured he wouldn't say much unless he knew I was ready,
and I wasn't really sure I was, but since he was beyond kind enough
to be here taking care of me I could at least try. "So I've been
asleep for the last eight hours?"

It was about 2:00 pm when I started
drinking. Now it was after 11:00 pm.

"Yes ma'am. A deep, deep, sleep. I had to
put my finger under your nose to check if you were breathing when I
first came in."

I blushed with embarrassment. "Shut up! No,
you did not have to check my breathing."

He shook his head. "Oh hell yeah I did! You
had such a tight grip on the bottle... you know how rigor mortis
sets in and."

I couldn't believe him. "Oh God! OK, enough!
I passed out in the privacy of my own home and you invaded it, so
you don't get to make fun of me."  

He smiled at my outburst. "Well, I just
wanted to make you laugh and I did so I should get a 'job well
done'."  

I smiled sheepishly. "Thank you."

I prayed that I wouldn't cry again, but it
didn't seem that I had any tears left.

After we ate I headed back to the couch and
snuggled under my blanket and John lounged on the chaise across
from me staring up at the ceiling. I was actually feeling a little
bit better, but guilty that I had dragged John into my
wallowing.

"You don't have to stay you know. I think
I'm out of the woods as far as dying from drunkenness goes."

He glanced at me and rolled his eyes. "Do
you want me to leave?"

The directness of his question caught me off
guard. "No." I was grateful for his company.

"Do you feel like talking?" He asked.

I thought about it. "Yes."

He got up and moved to the opposite end of
the U shaped sectional.

"So my ex fiancé and my now ex best friend
are dating each other,” I began.

He just nodded and I figured that Jackie had
filled him in on the details.

"I'm not jealous, because I had come to
terms with the fact that he didn't make me happy, and that I
probably didn't make him happy, but we were together for 6 years.
I've been friends with Colleen for 9 years. So at what point did
those years become null and void?"

My words hung in the silence until he
mustered a reply.

"Today. For you, today because until today
he was your possible future husband and she was still your best
friend. If you think about it they were the ones that cheated
themselves out of any time they took away from the amazing friend
or fiancé that you were. Let's just say they started this a year
ago. You have that year and they don't. I know it may not make
sense but you never had the guilt that they carried around for
however long."

I kind of understood his point. I still felt
sick to my stomach at the thought of it. Had I really been that
blind to think that either one of them had ever really loved me? In
my entire life they were the only people that I let get close and
they both betrayed me.

"My mother abandoned me when I was 3 years
old. She left me and my baby brother to be closer to my father, who
lived in another country. Just like that. She tucked me in one
night and I never saw her again. My grandmother, God bless her, she
didn't know what to do with a stubborn little girl and a baby.
Colleen was the first person that chose to love me."

OK and the tears came back. John came and
sat next to me.

"Jade, you are a strong woman. Your mother
was weak. Your friend is weak. Weak or, strong we all make
mistakes, but you will never understand their motivations because
it takes much more to move you. Maybe that's why Colleen was so
special to you." He didn't finish but I understood what he was
getting at.   

He stroked my hair as he continued. "You
left them both for a reason and now you are here and look how
different things are. You have me, your aunt, Jackie, and even the
Dark Knight."

I snorted in laughter.  

We talked for a while longer and then John
began to doze. He had been up early, hit the gym and got some work
done before we even met for lunch so he was wiped out.  I
covered him with my blanket and headed upstairs. I took a long hot
shower and crawled into my bed. This is when my other torment
happens. I know Julian leaving contributed to my breakdown today
but I couldn't tell that to John. So now I prayed for sleep before
my thoughts were flooded with his green eyes.

I woke up drenched in sweat. My heart raced
as I looked frantically at my surroundings.

It was just a dream.

I lay back trying to erase the visions that
had just haunted my sleep. I was with Julian and we were trapped. I
couldn't tell where we were, but then I couldn't see him anymore. I
could only hear him scream in agony. A knot threatened to form in
my stomach as I wondered if he was OK.

"Jade?"

I jumped back up at the sound of a male
voice, and then I remembered that John was still here.

"Are you OK? I heard you scream." His voice
was soft, but filled with concern.

"I am now. Bad dream I guess." I didn't
realize I had been screaming.

John walked over and took a seat at the edge
of my bed and held my hands that were still trembling.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked as
he continued to stroke my hands.

"No, it was a stupid nightmare. I just want
to get back to sleep." I couldn't bear to relive it.

John kissed my cheek and released my hands
to go. Even though I didn't want to talk, I wanted him to stay.
Something about him made me feel safe. I opened my covers and moved
over, patting the space I made for him.

"Do blackberry types like to cuddle?" I
teased him to lighten the invitation into my bed.

He flashed me a huge grin as he crawled into
his spot pulling me close to him.

"In fact, it's one of our favorite
past-times."  

I sighed as I snuggled into his embrace,
enjoying the feel of his arms around me.

A tinge of guilt pierced my heart. Was it
wrong to let John comfort me? I wasn’t sure what his intentions
were, but I wasn’t naïve enough to think that this was just
harmless cuddling. What I did know was that it felt good not to be
alone. I just hoped I would hear from Julian soon.

*

Even though I wasn't really in the mood, I
met Jackie for our weekend lunch. Vivian was away on travel, so she
wouldn't be joining us. There are no words to explain the look on
Jackie's face when I told her about the day that I had 24 hours
prior. She was livid about the Colleen and Evan situation, but when
I gave her John's perspective she totally got it.

"Wow, so he sat there with you on the floor?
Held you and tucked you in when you passed out, then cooked food
for you to eat when you woke up, and then sat there and counseled
your ass through your crisis?"

I knew where this was going.

"Yeah, he did all of that,” I confirmed.

She poked her lips out in an effort to
minimize the smile that was washing over her face.

"Then, he spooned you to sleep after your
nightmare? And, he did all of this without once touching you or
trying to make a move?"

She was really dragging this one out.

"Yes, my virtue was still intact when he
left to go home,” I joked.

She chuckled at that.

"He. Is. In. Love! He is your White Knight,
no pun intended. Julian is the Dark Knight that swoops in and
throws you over his horse and after the dust settles you realize
he's a prince, but John is the White Knight, always a gentleman and
ever ready and willing to be at your service. Oh Lawd. I don't envy
you at all right now..."

I rolled my eyes.

"No, Jacks. He. Is. A. Good. Guy. Like me?
Maybe. In love? I think you're reaching."

She rolled her eyes right back at me.

"You must really enjoy the view from up
there because it must be good for you to keep missing what's going
on down here. You can't be that far removed from your own shit that
you can't smell it Jade."

"Excuse me?"

My chest clenched with that last statement
and I put my Armani sunglasses back on so she wouldn't see me
staring at her. She went on.

"Oh, Honey! I'm sorry. You know I understand
your pain, but you're at a point where you can't hide out anymore
and you're dealing with not one, but two men who won't let you.
Evan my ass, you're dealing with some real men now."

She sipped her drink as if she desperately
needed it.

"Hide out? I've never had to deal with so
much at one time. Have you? Julian blazed into my life and
disappeared even faster, Evan has moved on uncreatively with my
best friend, and    John is almost too good to be
true.  Am I supposed to ignore the last ten years of my life
just because two men are now interested in me? How would you feel
if I slept with your ex?" I retorted.

"OK, so I'm not trying to downplay what
you're feeling. I'm just trying to focus on the positive things
that are happening because you can't change the past. Evan is the
past. Even back then you didn't really want him or else you
wouldn't have left,” she explained.

"Well, you're right but I'm used to dealing
with things on my own timeline.  But every time I turn around
there is someone in my face." I glared at her in mock
annoyance.

She laughed at me and shrugged her
shoulders.

"Well, that's what people do when they care
about you. They make sure you're OK. Sue us."

"Damn this overcrowded city. I can't get any
freakin space!" I joked.

Jackie shook her head and tilted it to the
side. "Don't blame the city, blame your kitty."

She caught me off guard and my virgin
strawberry-colada went flying out my nose. "Jackie!"

She laughed at my reaction. "Meow!!"

After a few minutes our laughter and teasing
died down, and Jackie got serious.

"So... What happened last night, with
Julian?" she asked. I let out a deep sigh. For one, because I
wasn't sure, and for two because I didn't want to think about
it.

"I honestly don't know," I answered
truthfully. "He said he had to leave the country for a few weeks.
That's it. No details. No return date. Nothing."

"That's so weird," she said, the confusion
clear in her expressive features.

"It is," I agreed. "I figured you might
know, since he is your boss. But if you don't know anything then
that just makes it even stranger."

"Nope. He didn't say a word to me about it,
but I can ask Edward if you want," she offered. I thought about it
for a moment. As much as I would love to know what the deal was, I
felt like it was Julian's responsibility to share that information
with me. I shouldn't have to run an investigation.

"No. Don't. I'll let him call and tell me,"
I said.

"Geez," she huffed. "You've always been so
stubborn. So If I find out are you saying I shouldn't tell
you?"

"Now that's a different story."

Work brought a much-welcomed distraction
from the drama that was my personal life. I looked forward to my
days in the office and with each week that passed I became more
certain that this was the real deal. The other Jr. Agents threw a
surprise breakfast to celebrate the success of my first event. The
Anglers sent me a bouquet of flowers in appreciation of already
booking three jobs and a steady gig at VI, and Hector Delgado sent
me an email to thank me again for my vision and invited me down to
Peru to work on something there.

Interesting.

After breakfast I began pulling my files to
review the previous history of each client. It was awesome that
Vivian was able to give me a head start, but I wanted to make sure
all my bases were covered.  Something didn't seem right about
the huge commission check I had received. I had Donna pull records
of anything in the files that didn't make sense at a glance.

I spoke with John almost daily and it seemed
like he and Jackie were tag teaming me to keep my spirits up. If we
weren't grabbing a bite to eat, we were at the movies, or bowling,
or out dancing. If they had a plan it was working, because I was
having a blast.