Jaguar Princess (42 page)

Mixcatl shook back her own hair. “Sometimes this all feels like a dream.”

“Or a nightmare, when I look at Huetzin.” Wise Coyote sighed deeply.

Struck by the pain in his face, Mixcatl tried to offer comfort. “Tlatoani, I know that it hurt when he asked you to leave, but do not take it as rejection. He needs time to come to terms with what has happened.”

“Do you think he will ever sculpt again?” Wise Coyote’s anxious gaze turned to her.

“I think his spirit has been wounded more badly than his hand. If he can be encouraged to try, he will regain the skill.”

“Then you can do more for him than the healers. You can use the gift of art you share with him. Creating beauty can be healing in itself, I have found.”

“That is so,” answered Mixcatl, “but the road back for him will be long and slow.” She hesitated. “Tlatoani, I may not be able to remain here. When we meet with the Jaguar’s Children, they will
offer me training. I know that you need me as Tepeyolotli and I want to stay by Huetzin, but I must learn to control my gift. Otherwise I could harm someone else.”

Wise Coyote stroked his chin thoughtfully. “We have some time before we meet with their emissary.”

“I do not know how long I would be gone. How could you manage?”

“Without Tepeyolotli? Well, considering that most gods never do show themselves to their worshippers and yet attract a devoted following, I believe it can be done. I am starting to assemble a group of men who wish to see their state take a different path than that of blood and fire.” The king paused. “I might need to recall you if Ilhuicamina becomes balky, but that is the only difficulty I can foresee.”

“I would agree to that, although I do not know about the Jaguar’s Children.”

“I imagine that we will have to do some negotiation, which is a skill at which I have some ability. It will be…interesting to finally meet these people.” He paused, eyed Mixcatl and asked, “How do you feel about returning to your own tribe?”

She felt a shiver of excitement mixed with anxiety. What would the People of the Jaguar be like? How did they live? How would they think of her? How would they judge her? The message had said they had mixed feelings about what she had done, although they approved of the result.

“I do not know,” she said at last. “It would be easier if I were not faced with leaving you and Huetzin in order to be trained.”

“You were taken from your family. You never knew any parents. I would find it astonishing if you were not excited by the prospect. You may even have surviving relatives among them.”

“I might. I never thought about that. Or, perhaps I never wanted to think about that because there was little chance that I would see them.” She felt the shiver up her back again and then a surge of impatience. How could she bear to wait for the meeting? “So many changes, tlatoani!” she said aloud, gazing at the smokeless blue sky over the city. “How will we survive them all?”

“By using what we have. Foresight, perseverance, a sense of what is right. And hope.”

“Bravery as well, tlatoani,” Mixcatl said, wondering why he had forgotten it.

Though he smiled, an old sadness crept into his eyes. “No. That is a quality I may not lay claim to. One-Deer, the day of my birth, has always shadowed me. I have always been a reluctant warrior.”

“I am not speaking about the courage of war, tlatoani,” Mixcatl replied. “You said that we are beasts, both inside and out, you as well as I. What I speak of is the strength needed to face that beast.”

“I did not face it. I turned away. I lied. Both to you and Huetzin.” Wise Coyote closed his eyes.

“But when the choice came between ending the lie or letting me go on believing that I was too
flawed to live, you ended the lie. I know how much that choice has cost you and how much it will still take.”

“Mixcatl…”

She continued. “You told Nine-lizard to honor himself for the choice he made on the temple steps. Those words helped him. I saw it in his face. Your wisdom comforts others, tlatoani. Why deny it to yourself?”

As he looked at her, something shifted within his eyes and the sunlight was at last able to brighten them. “By Tloque Nahaque, you must be right.” His smile became wanner, then he laughed.

“You are braver than anyone,” she teased.

His eyebrows went up beneath the turquoise band of his coronet. “What makes you think so?”

Mixcatl smiled, for she knew that the answer would come easily to her lips. And with it a sense that she had begun to accept herself and her ability. It was the first in a long series of steps she needed to take.

Taking Wise Coyote’s hand, she asked, “Who else would walk alone with a jaguar?”