JakesWildBride (15 page)

“I’m beginning to realize that.” But she was so tired of struggling against all these impulses.

“Lilah whatever your perceived wildness, you have a core of good in you that balances it out.”

Lilah squirmed, wondering if he would be so generous if he knew she wasn’t wearing underwear.

“Are you sure you’re doing the right thing?”

She frowned. “What do you mean?”

“This marriage to Jake. Is it going to make you happy?”

So, Jake hadn’t told Tom. She assumed that Jake had told him their marriage was fake. This was his best man, after all.

Lilah replayed the scene in her aunt’s house, when she had spoken with Peggy and Jake had talked to Tom. And she remembered when Jake had come out of the kitchen looking tired and defeated. Lilah could only come up with one reason. Tom must have said something to bring that look into Jake’s eyes. “What did you say to him?”

“What? Lilah what are you talking about?”

“What did you say to Jake to upset him?”

“I don’t know what you're talking about.”

“In the kitchen. The day we came back from New Orleans.”

She watched him search his memory. And he told her.

“Oh. My. Gosh.” She couldn’t keep up the struggle anymore. Jake didn't need Tom to give him a hard time. Jake had helped Tom out. And that was how Tom rewarded him? “You...jerk!”

Lilah’s eyes popped wide as she realized she’d just yelled at Tom. Ladies didn’t raise their voices.

“He isn’t fifteen and looking for attention anymore. I was the one who got us into this. So don’t you go blaming Jake.”

“Lilah.” Jake burst into the kitchen and grabbed her by the shoulders. “Are you okay?”

“Of course I am.” She huffed.

Jake pulled her into his arms and pressed a kiss to her hair. “What’s wrong?”

Tom stood stock still, his mouth hanging open.

“Your so called friend just needed an attitude adjustment.”

His arms shouldn’t feel this good. She could spend the rest of her life snuggled here and not complain. Lilah sighed and ignored the fact that public displays of affection were vulgar. She liked showing Jake he was special.

“What’s going on here, Tommy?”

The protective note in Jake’s voice did funny things to her tummy. Or maybe Mrs. Conroy's lemonade wasn't sitting well with her. Suddenly, her stomach revolted in a completely unexpected manner. A burning path of bile rose up in her throat. “Jake, let go.”

Lilah tugged from his arms and ran for the bathroom. She dropped to her knees, bowed over the porcelain, and expelled the contents of her stomach. She moaned.

“Are you okay?”

“Go away.” She moaned again. No one should be seen in this position. It was humiliating. It was demoralizing. Lilah couldn’t remember the last time she’d gotten sick. Normally, she had a cast-iron stomach.

“Honey. Let me get you a glass of water.” The tenderness in Jake’s voice made her want to cry.

“I’m fine. Just go away.”

“What happened?”

“I don’t know. Just all of the sudden I felt sick. I can’t remember the last time.” She trailed off.

She did remember the last time she’d had an experience like this. Oh my gosh.

“Maybe you ate something bad.”

“I don’t think so.” Lilah moaned again. It couldn’t be.

“Maybe your conversation with Tom upset you.”

Lilah leaned against the bowl of the toilet. “It did,” she murmured.

“Lilah, I’m so sorry.” Tom peered over Jake’s shoulder.

She dropped her head to the seat. “Can’t a girl throw up in peace?”

“You’re sure you’re okay?” Jake asked worriedly.

No. she wasn’t okay. “I’ll be fine. Just leave me alone for a minute.”

Jake and Tom backed out of the tiny powder room. With a surreal calm, she could hear Tom telling Jake goodbye. She could hear Jake pacing. As if everything were happening underwater in slow motion, Lilah swiped a damp washcloth over her face and rinsed her mouth with mouthwash. She straightened her shoulders and stepped out of the bathroom.

God, he hated it when people were sick. Jake rushed over to her side.

“Sit. Sit.” He led her over to the little floral loveseat in the corner. “Do you want a glass of water, lemonade, soda?”

Jake paced back and forth around the small room.

“Stop. You’re making me dizzy.” Lilah clutched her stomach and leaned over. “Oh my gosh.”

“Do you need to go to the doctor?”

“I’m fine.” She raised a trembling hand to her mouth. “For now.”

Jake knelt down beside her and stroked her hair. He really didn’t want to talk about this, but Lilah was upset. He had to try. “The conversation with Tom was tough, huh?”

“Enlightening,” she said flatly.

“You okay?” Please God, let her say yes. And no tears. Although spewing her guts up wasn’t much better, he’d take that over tears any day.

“No. I’m not okay. I think I’m pregnant,” she blurted out.

Jake laughed.

Lilah didn’t.

“You’re serious?” His voice rose. “But I thought you said you and Tom never--”

“We didn’t.” Lilah jumped up off the sofa.

“Then who?”

“You!”

“What?” She must be overreacting, having some sort of mental blip over this whole thing with Tom. “You can't possibly be pregnant.”

“Condoms are only sixty-seven percent effective when used without contraceptive jelly or foam,” she shouted, then started to pace.

Jake could feel his temper rising. She was serious. “And how would Miss Priss, I haven’t had sex in six years, know that?”

“I counsel young teens.” She waved away his question. “I know all the statistics on birth control. I can recite them in my sleep.”

“You sure weren’t reciting them two nights ago.”

“Not again.” She slapped her hand against her forehead. “What am I Miss Fertile? Oh my gosh.”

“Can you take a pregnancy test?”

“Not for another week or so.” She blushed.

Another week. She wasn’t pregnant. She just had some fear left over from this whole ordeal. “Then it isn’t possible to know this soon.” At least that’s what he thought. “Is it?”

“I know.”

“We just need to wait until your period is due.” Jake had this all figured out. He’d seen enough pregnancy commercials to know this. He relaxed. “So when would that be?”

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t know when your period is due?” He could feel his voice rising again. Calm down. He needed to calm down. This was not a disaster.

“I have an irregular cycle. Besides, I haven’t had to worry about being pregnant or not.” She flushed. “Remember?”

“Do you want me to call Peggy?” Another woman is what Lilah needed now. Not him. He didn’t want to be a part of this.

“And how is she going to help?”

“She can, I don’t know, calm you down.”

“I don’t need to be calmed down.” Lilah ground out.

“Lilah. You can’t possibly know if you’re pregnant this early. Right? We’ll just wait a week or so and know for sure.”

“I know.”

She’d said that before. It was getting old. “How do you know?”

“Because this is exactly what happened the last time.”

“The last time?” Jake left the question open ended waiting for her to finish.

“The last time I got pregnant.”

Jake dropped down onto the sofa. “You were pregnant,” he said, more as a statement of shock than a question. Lilah had been pregnant before.

“Yeah. About two days after I, you know, I started having violent bursts of nausea.”

He couldn’t seem to wrap his mind around the fact that Lilah had been pregnant before. Focus on now. “Look we can assume that you’ll get sick tomorrow morning. Then we’ll know for sure.”

“Get real, Jake. They just call it morning sickness to jerk women around. It can strike anytime, anywhere.”

Jake’s lips felt numb. His whole body had sort of moved into a twilight zone state of being. “When, ah, were you pregnant?”

“Six years ago. Which was, consequently, the last time I had sex.”

You got pregnant the last time you had sex?
He wanted to ask, but the abject misery on her face, kept him silent. Tears shimmered in her eyes. Christ. Not tears.

“Lilah, honey. Don’t cry.”

She swiped at the moisture on her face. “I’m not crying. I never cry. It’s pointless.”

He didn’t want to bring up the baby, but he couldn’t help it. Had she? No. Lilah wouldn’t do that. Jake’s stomach twisted. He wouldn’t want her to this time either. Christ. What if she really was pregnant? He cleared his throat. “What happened?”

“I lost her.” A little sob escaped, but she muffled it quickly.

Her. She had known she was having a girl. Jake pulled her into his arms and stroked the silky softness of her hair. “I’m sorry.”

A baby. Children. Something he knew he never wanted. He guessed now wasn’t the time to bring that up. Obviously she had wanted her baby.

Lilah pulled herself together, and tugged out of his arms. He tried to ignore the feeling of emptiness.

“The best thing in my life came out of that experience, so I can’t dwell on the sorrow.”

“What’s the best thing in your life?”

“My work,” she answered simply.

Lilah stiffened. Jake realized that her predicament had just hit her.

Her work.

“What kind of role model am I going to be, pregnant and divorced?”

Jake’s stomach twisted again. He wasn’t sure which word hurt more. Pregnant or divorced. Christ. What a mess.

“We’ll work it out.” He swallowed. “Let’s not jump to conclusions. Wait and see what happens.”

Lilah sat stiff and silent.

“There’s no use panicking until we know for sure that you are pregnant.”

She just looked at him.

She knew.

Jake broke out into a sweat. Damn. She really did think she was pregnant.

“It will all work out.” Jake patted her hand knowing she didn’t believe him any more than he believed himself.

Lilah ran for the bathroom.

Her stomach held on until the bowl was in sight. The toast and milk she’d had for breakfast came back up with a vengeance. She sank down onto the floor and rested her head on the seat. As she peered into the porcelain bowl, she muttered, “Mrs. Conroy didn’t do a very good job of cleaning this.”

Jake hovered in the doorway to the small room. “Uh, can I get you anything? Want some soda?”

What she wanted was to be left in peace. “No. Thanks.” Go away, she commanded silently.

Jake disappeared for a minute. Then he was back. He knelt beside her, stroked a gentle hand down her back, then handed her an ice cold Sprite.

Lilah gulped down the fizzy liquid, and the wet coolness soothed her abused throat. Tears pricked her eyes. The last time, she hadn’t had anyone there to stroke her hair or bring her soda. She’d spent a major amount of time crouched on the floor of the dormitory communal bathroom, thinking she had a particularly virulent strain of flu.

“What do you need?”

She needed to start making lists of what she had to do. Find a place to live. Talk to her boss. Figure out how she would take care of a baby and work all alone. But Jake had been right. Even though in her heart, she knew she was pregnant, she should wait until the test came back positive.

“Something to help take my mind off of this,” she muttered.

Jake sighed and pulled her to her feet. “You want to help me find some stuff?”

“What kind of stuff?”

“My mother sent me a list of items from the house she wants shipped.” Jake pulled a worn piece of paper from his jeans pocket.

Lilah frowned. His mother who he wasn’t close to. “Why’d she ask you to do it?”

Jake shrugged. “She didn’t want to come back here.”

“How come?”

“They hated each other.”

“Why did your dad leave her the house then?”

Jake toyed with the list. “Outside guess. I’d say he did it just to annoy her.”

Lilah absorbed his words.

“Of course, she found a way around that. She just asked me to deal with it.”

Lilah grabbed the list. Only it wasn’t just a list, there was a short letter attached. Short and impersonal.

“When was the last time you saw your mother?” Lilah fairly trembled with outrage.

Jake shrugged. “When I came back for Christmas or Thanksgiving.”

“Fourteen years ago and she sends you a letter about stuff from this house?”

“Yeah.”

Jake looked tired. She’d bet he hadn’t slept any better than she had last night. She'd had too many what ifs and emotions roiling around in her head.